Summary: YAHF. With D&D goodness.
Co-author: Malaskor
Crossover: Dungeons and Dragons
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Malaskor probably owns beer and schnapps, I dunno.
Feedback: More, please!
Pre-fic Comments:
Malaskor helped a lot with the character builds, and so he gets co-auth credits :)
This won't go to many parts.
Xander yawned as he woke up. Despite the cheap construction of his home, his room was quite warm.
This wasn't due to his parent's loving care, but due to the fact that he had a small room and kept a lot of stuff in his room. Old volumes of Andy Capp should he want to read them again one night, a desk with an untidy row of video tapes (should he want to re-watch his favourite shows), and his prized Hawaiian shirts. Well, his once-and-future-prized dirty shirts and his currently-prized clean shirts.
What was the time?
A bleary stare in the general direction of his alarm clock revealed that it was about six in the morning.
Bloody lovely, as a certain starched Brit he knew would put it. Well... maybe not soooo starched. G-man did have his uses.
Xander closed his eyes and resolutely tried to go back to sleep.
No good. Once he was up, he was up.
Resigning himself to the inevitable, Xander threw back his eiderdown and threw his legs off the side of the bed, reaching for his deodourant and comb. Now reasonably presentable (if still in his pajamas), he got up, reaching for one of his still clean shirts (his mum liked to do the washing once a month, in order to do one big batch of washing rather than a heap of little ones. Ironing was an annual event saved up for special occasions.)
While the spirit was willing, the flesh was still asleep. He failed to pick up the shirt, and it went wildly careening down the pile of books and paper it was sitting on.
"Bad little shirt," Xander chastised it. "No more shirt-land rollercoaster for you. In penance, you must be worn by me."
He imagined the shirt protesting "No!" in a squeaky, Mickey Mouse-esque voice.
Donning it, he idly looked at what it had revealed. He kept finding all kinds of old stuff that he'd almost forgotten about in his room.
His breathing hitched, as his hands shook a little.
Jesse's old character sheets.
He could still remember. It had just been after Jesse's official funeral (how the authorities had known, he had no idea), and Jesse's mum had come around to see him. She'd given him Jesse's roleplaying stuff. Xander's sourcebook collection had gone up by a factor of ten, but he'd still have given it all away to get Jesse back.
Him, Wills, Jesse, and Jonathan had played Dungeons and Dragons all the time when Jesse was alive. Now and again, some of the other school geeks would join them for a game or three. Xander had liked playing bruting strongman fighters, while Jesse liked cool characters. Willow had been the Dungeonmaster more often than not, as she loved planning out complex adventures, but when she did play, she almost always played a female elven wizard.
Xander, hands shaking slightly, flicked through the sheets which had been cheaply photocopied by Wills at her mum's work. Jesse had played mainly male characters, but every now and again would play a female (invariably described as slim, tanned, and so on.)
"Hey, I remember this game," Xander muttered, looking at a sheet. "Last year..."
"Alexander! Breakfast," his mum called out.
"Coming," Xander replied loudly, stuffing the sheets into his schoolbag.
"Hey, Wills," Xander called out, spotting his friend on the steps to the school. "Guess what I found this morning?"
"Hi Xander," Willow smiled back. "A clean shirt?"
"Difficult to do, but that wasn't all," Xander said. He pulled out the sheaf, handing it to Willow. "Jesse's old character sheets."
Willow was silent as she paged through the photocopies. "It's been awhile since we played a game."
"I know," Xander agreed. "It doesn't seem right to, without him."
"Hey guys," Buffy called out to them. "What's up?"
"Xander found Jesse's old Dungeons and Dragons characters," Willow explained.
"Jesse?"
"He got killed right after you came here," Xander said.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry to bring up bad memories," Buffy apologised. "I didn't know you guys played those things."
"It's been a while, but yeah," Xander shrugged. "Willow ran them. She is pure evil, too."
"I am not," Willow protested, as the three entered the high school.
"I seem to recall my poor level three fighter being mobbed by orcs," Xander frowned. "Was that retaliation for the chips?"
"Maybe," Willow hedged. "And there was the pepsi. And the Dew. And the--"
"Okay," Xander interrupted in a rush. "Buffy doesn't need to hear all that... haha!"
"Now I know I want to hear it," Buffy smirked.
Willow slid another set of character sheets to the top of the sheaf. "Oh! This guy would be useful."
"Who," Xander asked, looking at the character's profile. "Oh, the Druid guy."
"And for those of us who were out on the town on Saturday nights...," Buffy trailed off.
"Well, Druids can do this really useful spell called Wall of Thorns, and if he was here on the Hellmouth he could use it to stake vampires, or a fire thing to burn them, or... say, do you think that 'Light' could be modified to kill vamps so that you wouldn't have to use higher level spells?"
"Uh... I dunno," Xander said, retreating to familiar territory. "I don't think I ever read what you had to do to change spells. That's why I like fighter characters -- simple to play."
"What's up with the short, the grumpy and the underpaid today," Buffy asked as they entered a corridor to find Snyder scurrying around, haranguing passers-by.
"Snyder must be in charge of the volunteer safety program for Halloween this year," Willow conjectured.
"Note his interesting take on the volunteer concept," Xander said.
"What's the deal," Buffy asked, dropping the D&D thing for stuff she actually understood.
"Oh, a bunch of little kids need people to take them trick-or-treating," Xander explained. "Sign up and get your own pack of sugar-hyped little runts for the night."
"Yikes. I'll stick to vampires," Buffy said. "Kids are above and beyond my calling."
She groaned mentally as a hand was placed on her shoulder, and she turned to face the owner of said hand.
Joy. Snyder.
"Miss Summers," Snyder said, an unholy smile growing on his moosh. "Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for."
"Principal Snyder," Buffy said in mock surprise.
"Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples, one pathetic cry for help after another," the Principal said, leading her over to the signing up table. "Well, not this year, missy."
Hopelessly entangled in bonds of friendship, Xander and Willow trailed behind her.
"Gosh, I'd love to sign up," Buffy glibly lied, "but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight."
"The program starts at four, the children have to be back at six," Snyder said, holding up the clipboard and pen for signing up.
Reluctantly, Buffy picked up the pen and wrote her name down. Xander grinned at Willow, who looked concerned.
Snyder held out two pens in their direction.
"I can't believe this. We have to get dressed up and the whole deal," Xander asked incredulously.
"Snyder said costumes were mandatory," Willow confirmed.
"Great. I was gonna stay in and veg," Buffy groused. "The one night a year things are supposed to be quiet for me."
"Halloween quiet," Xander asked, confused. "Oh, I figured it'd be a big old vamp scare-apalooza."
"Not according to Giles," Buffy sighed as they entered the lounge, her and Willow sitting on the sofa. "He swears that tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead. (the girls sit) They stay in."
"Those wacky vampires," Xander joked. "That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing!"
Xander popped some coinage in the Pepsi machine. It was reluctant, but with some percussive maintenance cough it relinquished a can of Mountain Dew.
"Harris," one of the football players, Larry, called out.
"Hey, Lar," Xander returned easily. "You're lookin' Cro-Mag as usual. What can I do you for?"
"You and Buffy, you're just friends, right," Larry asked, uncertain for a split second.
"I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss," Xander hedged. He had feelings for her, after all.
"So, she, she's not your girlfriend," Larry asked, wanting to be sure.
"Well, as much as I would like otherwise, at the moment... alas, no."
"Do you think she'd go out with me," Larry asked.
"I don't think so, Tim," Xander shrugged.
"I heard she was fast," Larry continued, oblivious.
"I hope you mean like the wind," Xander said quietly.
"Yeah, you know what I mean," the football player leered.
"That's my friend that you're talkin' about," Xander protested.
"Oh, yeah? Well, what're you gonna do about it," Larry protested.
"What goes around comes around," Xander shrugged. He pointed behind Larry. "Hey, isn't that Cordelia in a bikini top?"
"Where," Larry asked, head turned.
By the time he had looked back to ask Xander where Cordelia was, the geek had vanished.
"How was your date last night," Willow asked Buffy, as Xander approached them with drink in hand.
"Misfire," Buffy sighed. "I was late due to unscheduled slayage. Showed up looking trashed."
"Was he mad," Willow asked, worried.
"Actually he was pretty unmad. Which probably had something to do with the fact that Cordelia was drooling in his cappuccino," Buffy said, pulling a face.
"Don'cha hate that," Xander asked. "Man, I guess he just ain't a one-woman vampire."
"Xander," Willow said.
"Sorry," Xander said, completely unrepentant.
"So, any plans for costumes," Buffy asked.
"Any plans that will fit within two dollars," Xander frowned, throwing his bag on the coffee table as he fell onto the sofa.
"Oh, Xander," Willow sighed, as she picked up Jesse's sheets which had fallen out of Xander's bag. "I'll help pay."
"Me too," Buffy offered.
"I can't take your money," Xander demurred.
"Sure you can," Buffy said firmly.
"But... okay," Xander said.
"Maybe we could go as some of Jesse's characters," Willow offered.
"Sure! I could go as that druid guy, and you could go as... uh..."
Willow flicked through. "There are... two female characters. One human female chaotic evil assassin, and one Xeph female lawful neutral Monk Soulknife."
"Zep-what," Buffy asked, confused.
"Think short tanned Asian martial arts master, shaven head, with a long pigtail," Xander offered.
"We could do that," Buffy nodded. "Unless Willow wants to go as the assassin."
"Yuck," Willow shuddered. "Not that character! Ew!"
"Am I... missing something," Buffy asked.
Xander pulled a face. "You really don't want to know."
"I don't think we'll need anything too bad for your costume, Xander," Willow said. "Just some stuff to costume the Drift from the character /also/ being a Geomancer, robes, some Druidy stuff, and you're set."
"Hold on," Buffy interrupted, hands forming a T. "Time out. What's a geotracker, and what's drifting?"
"Geo/mancer," Willow said. "Someone who can cast all kinds of spells -- Druidic, Wizardry, Bardic, Clerical, you name it."
"Okay," Buffy said doubtfully. "Uber-mage. And what's the drift thingy?"
"That's the price for being able to do all that super mojo," Xander interrupted. "As the geomancer gains in skill, he becomes closer to the land and it's creatures, you know, like getting cat claws on his hands or whatever."
"Weird," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Seriously weird."
"What about you," Xander asked. He waggled his eyebrows. "Is spandex in the cards?"
Buffy thwapped him with her English notes. "No!"
"You could go as a noble woman from Angel's time," Willow said, eyes shining in 'Twue Wuv' mode. "That would be so sweet!"
"Nah, noblewomen back then just did stitching and beermaking," Xander said, shaking his head. "Trust me, Angel would hate that."
"You're joking," Buffy said. "He'll love it."
Willow's practical side forced her to agree. "He's right, Buffy."
"You're sure?"
"Yep."
"Darn!"
"Hey!"
"Okay, what if you go as... Xena," Xander offered.
The girls looked at each other.
"C'mon, leather... any guy'd love that," Xander cajoled.
"Sold!"
Part Two
Summary: YAHF. With D&D goodness.
Co-author: Malaskor
Crossover: Dungeons and Dragons
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Malaskor probably owns a metric ton of D&D books, I dunno.
Feedback: More, please!
Pre-fic Comments:
Malaskor helped a lot with the character builds, and so he gets co-auth credits :)
This won't go to many parts.
"Just tryin' to have a little fun, folks!" - Dean Martin
Xander flicked through the racks of clothing.
"Are you sure--," he began.
"Yes, we're sure," Buffy said. "Don't worry about it!"
"If you're sure," Xander shrugged. He picked out a green robe with embroidery. "Okay, here's the Druid's Vestment, here be armour, ooo, staff..."
"Xander, I found stuff for your Drift," Willow called out, arms full.
"Cool," Xander said as Willow laid some of her haul on him. "Let's see... cat tail, el paint, talons, and toe claws. I just have to hit up Giles for the weaponry, and I'm set."
"Okay," Buffy said, holding up a leather shirt and short miniskirt. "I had like zero problems finding my costume."
"Wills," Xander asked.
"Let's see... ring, gauntlets, bracers, holy kukri... I think I've got the lot," Willow said. "Everything else I can get from home."
"Now to settle our little Slayer," Xander said. "Let's see... Xena, Xena, who's got the Xena?"
A quarter hour later, the three regrouped in the middle of the shop.
"Bust," Xander asked.
"Bust," Willow nodded.
"Bust," Buffy groaned. "I need a costume, stat. What was that other female character from those sheets?"
Willow flicked through the loose photocopies until she came to the pertinent page. "Uh... female Drow assassin, and I really, really don't think you'd like her."
"Meh," said Buffy, waving a hand in dismissal. "I'm dressing like her, not turning into her."
"Well, if you're sure," Xander said. "Let me see that, Wills... rings, silk vests, studded armour, dagger, necklace, pair of earrings, various poisons, short sword... I think that's it. Oh, and some peroxide and black facepaint."
"What's with the chemicals," Buffy asked, annoyed. "But silk and jewellery... oooh la la!"
"She is a drow," Willow pointed out. "They're elves with white hair and black skin."
"Okay. Xander, you get the non-jewellery, I'll get the pretties, and Willow, you can get the chemical goodness."
"What about the sharp pretties," asked Xander.
"We can get those off Giles," Willow pointed out.
As Xander finished getting a set of female studded armour, an English voice spoke up behind him.
"Might I ask what you and your friends are dressing up as? It has been rather... interesting," the man said. "Most people are vexingly boring when costuming."
"Don't sneak up on people like that in this town," Xander said. "But... yeah. We decided to dress up as some Dungeons and Dragons characters that used to belong to a friend of mine who passed away."
"My word," the Englishman said. "Most creative. What kind of characters?"
"Well, I'm a Druid Sorcerer Geomancer, Wills is a Soulknife, and Buffy is going as an assassin," Xander said. "Hey, are you the shopkeeper dude?"
"Yes, quite," the man said. "Ethan Rayne, at your service."
"Whew, you came just in the nick of time to ring this stuff up," Xander beamed.
"Hey, G-man," Xander said as he and his two female companions entered the Library. "Can we score a couple daggers off you?"
"Might I ask what for," Giles asked.
"Well... Snyder snuck up on us in the hallway and beat us into helping with kiddy escort duty," Xander admitted. "So we kinda need 'em for our costumes.
"I see," Giles nodded. "Do you have the remainder of your costumes?"
"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "We got a really great deal at that new shop, Ethans!"
"We got the hundredth customer special discount," Willow added. "And the opening day five percent off discount!"
"Well, it does sound like the three of you did quite well out of the deal," Giles said. "Here are two daggers... I would like to get them back in the same condition I lent them out in."
"Can do," Xander said, taking the two sheathed weapons. "Okay, see you later!"
"Who are you going as," Giles called out.
"It's a surprise," Xander said, leaving through the doors.
Mrs Summers blinked as Xander turned up on her doorstep.
"Xander... how... unique," she said.
"Thanks," Xander said. He had hide armour on with the vestments on top of those.He held a staff in his hand, and also had a bag of stuff. "I still have to put on half my costume. I kinda need some help... yes, the Xanman is fallible, happens to everyone."
Joyce laughed. "I almost wish I was out there too, tonight."
"Just between you and me, going by mental age, I should probably be escorted around as well... but that might get messy, being in two places at once."
"Well, what do you need help with," Joyce asked.
"I just need someone to paint leopard spots on me, then put on the rest of the costume," Xander said, pulling some tins of facepaint and a brush out of the bag. "Say... maybe Buff and Wills could pause and help. I second that if they're halfdressed at the--er, scratch that."
"Sit down," Joyce commanded. "I'm good at painting -- I run an art gallery, don't I?"
"Well... okay," Xander said, sitting on the kitchen stool Joyce indicated. As she dipped the brush in the yellow paint and began painting, Xander manfully resisted the urge to blink. "That tickles!"
"Hold still," Mrs Summers commanded. "What's the rest of your costume?"
"Er, talons, claws, and a cat tail," Xander said. "I'm going as a geomancer druid."
"A what," Joyce asked, finishing with yellow on Xander's face. She moved to his hands.
"Um, a druid that can do other kinds of magic as well," Xander said. "It's from Dungeons and Dragons, Mrs S."
"I see," Joyce said. "I won't paint the palms of your hands, since the paint will wear off as you handle things. I didn't know that you were into D&D, although you seem the type."
"Seem the type," Xander asked jokingly. "I'll take that as a compliment. All done with yellow, now?"
"We're onto cream," Joyce said. She got up and got a glass of water, cleaning the paintbrush in it.
"Er, why creamy colour," Xander asked.
"If you look closely at a leopard," Joyce said, pointing with the brush at a painting on the wall, "you'll notice that their underside is a creamy colour, not yellow."
"Oh," Xander said intelligently. He stopped talking as she began painting his bare neck.
"Buffy and Willow shouldn't be long now," Joyce said. "I think Willow was helping Buffy get ready before she did her own costume."
She cleaned the brush again, closing the yellow and cream paint tins and opening the black paint. "Now, for the spots. Whiskers?"
"No, no whiskers," Xander said.
"Okay, now hold still," Joyce commanded.
"Lookin' sharp, Xan," Buffy called out, wandering down the stairs. "Mum, I need you to do me, next."
Joyce paused, turning to look at Buffy. "BUFFY! Did you bleach your hair?"
"It's part of the costume," Buffy protested.
"It better be, young lady," Joyce said. "Okay, Xander, that's the face spots, now for the hands."
"Coolness," Xander said. "And no measles jokes, Wills."
"Would I do that," Willow asked. She was in a simple robe, with bracers and gauntlets on, and also rings. A couple of exotic weapons were tucked through her belt, and she had some kind of head covering on that made it look like she was bald with a long pigtail.
"And... done," Joyce said, cleaning the paintbrush again. Xander got up from the stool, blowing on his hands to dry the paint quicker. "Buffy? What do you need?"
"She needs to have grey, blue-ish black skin," Willow spoke up.
"I... see," Joyce said, accepting some more tins from Buffy and mixing together some blue and black paint, with a smidgen of white. "Hold still now, Buffy. Why do you all have weapons?"
"They're part of the costumes, and so fake that we'd have to pay other people to steal them," Xander said quickly, restraining himself from saying 'Honest!' right after. "Right... shoes and socks..."
"You're not going barefoot, are you," Joyce said disapprovingly.
"Need to put the claws on," Xander said, pulling his shoes and socks off. "Uh... forgot the feet... someone pass me the yellow and the black paint?"
Willow sighed, passing him said chemicals and a spare paintbrush. "You'd--"
"Forget my head," he completed, feet twitching as he painted them a pale yellow.
"This--tickles," Buffy said, face twitching as Joyce made with the dark, dark blue paint.
"There, yellow done," Xander said from where he was sitting on the lino. He cleaned the brush, then opened the black paint. "Spots, ahoy!"
Soon, all three were ready.
Xander had finished his painting, so it appeared that his skin was covered by leopard fur, with lion claws on his feet, talons on his hands, and a cat's tail trailing from his vestments. Holding a tall staff with a clawed hand clutching an orb at the end, he had on hide armour with vestments as well. A dagger sheathed at his belt finished his costume.
Apart from the ears, Buffy seemed a Drow elf, right down to the height. A silk vest peeked out from beneath her studded leather armour, a cloak covered her, and several rings adorned her fingers. Numerous other items covered her, from rope to a necklace to some bottles filled with coloured water and a dagger. Dark earrings completed her costume.
Willow had the simplest costume, and had on robes, bracers and gauntlets, and her two weapons. Beneath the gauntlets were rings, and that was it for her.
"Hold on," Joyce said. "I need to take a photo!"
"Muuuum," Buffy whined.
A flash momentarily blinded the short painted Slayer as Joyce ignored her, taking a photo of all three anyway.
"I can't see now," Buffy continued to whine.
"I can," Xander offered.
"Me too," Willow observed.
"God save me," Snyder said, not bothering to lower his voice and saying it to their faces. "Dungeons and Dragons geeks. When I thought you could sink no lower, Harris, I never dreamt of this."
Xander's eyes flashed angrily, but he restrained himself from braining Snyder with his Staff of the Magi.
"Summers, your group is here," Snyder said. "Don't talk to them -- I don't need your thoughts infecting them like a disease. Rosenberg, here is your collection of kids. Harris, here are the children unfortunate enough to have you as an escort."
"Your principal as bad as ours," Xander asked the three groups of youngsters.
All of the kids nodded sadly.
"Okay! Who's ready to get enough chocolate to choke a horse," Willow asked enthusiastically, long braid dancing behind her. "Let's go!"
With that she left, her group trailing behind her like ducklings.
"Who are you supposed to be," a kid asked Buffy.
"A Dark Elven assassin," Xander explained. "I'm a Druid Geomancer."
"What," another little boy asked.
"She kills people, I do nature and sorcery type magic," Xander simplified.
"Ohhhhh," the kids said. They all gazed at Buffy. "Cool!"
Xander's eye twitched momentarily. "Who wants some tips? Okay, on sleazing extra candy. Tears nearly always work, and get you double baggers. 'You missed me' is risky, though -- only worth it for chocolate. Ready?"
The two groups nodded.
"Okay, let's go! Wills, your group go left from here, and we'll go right."