Chapter 21
I continued to feign sleep for the time being, unsure of what to do just yet. I didn't want to just leap up and start shouting, which I felt that at this point I was quite apt to do. I was furious, but at the same time afraid. I was never the best of friends or even on the best of terms with Boq; the two of us had never really been able to see eye-to-eye. What would he do now that he knew I was still alive and did I really want to know?
"Sweet Oz!" Boq whispered, drawing sharply backward as if I was poisoning the air he breathed with my presence; he stumbled over his own feet but managed to catch himself before he fell.
"How the hell – Fiyero, you've got some explaining to do." he sputtered out, in a voice that sounded like it was colored by rage and also by something like fear.
"You're not kidding." I interjected coldly, sitting up and fixing Boq with a hard, burning glare. My eyes slowly traveled to rest their gaze on Fiyero, losing none of their fire in the process.
"You," I said tersely, turning again and training my eyes on Boq, who was standing a little ways away in a position that looked like he was trying to appear confident, but it came across as something more like a cower, "Sit." I gestured toward the small table and chairs at the center of the room. He obeyed tentatively, thoroughly shaken.
"You," I turned back to address Fiyero, "Explain."
He sank onto the edge of the bed, massaging his temples with one hand. "I've been in contact with Boq for a good ten years or more now. He's been getting me supplies and whatever I've been living off of since then so I didn't have to leave here and risk getting caught again. Normally I would've met him outside, but he never told me he was coming tonight. I heard him knock on the door but before could get there he let himself in. He saw you, in bed and asleep with the covers over your head, and-" Boq looked as if he was about to interrupt with some remark I didn't want to hear.
"I heard most everything from there on." I cut in, shooting Boq a look that said, ::You've made too many mistakes for one night. Keep your mouth shut and tread carefully with me.::
"Elphie, I'm –" Fiyero tried to continue.
"Don't waste your breath on apologies." I said, dismissing Fiyero and addressing Boq again. "It'd be best for me right now if you left, lest something puts me over the edge, but there are a few thing I have to set straight with you before you do. I'll leave you alone for as long as I manage to keep my life if you don't breathe a word of my existence to anyone. If you do you're not only handing me a death sentence, you're probably handing Fiyero his as well. I know you're not too keen on seeing me again but you barging in here and poking your nose into my business isn't exactly my cup of tea, either."
"I'm not much worried about you, Elphaba, I'm more concerned about Fiyero. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one who slashed his arm open." he said, his voice icy.
I was taken aback at first, yet still recovered fast enough to shoot at him sardonically, "Your tongue's loosened considerably since last we met. Would you mind terribly if I tie it back up, or better yet, cut it out entirely?"
Fiyero stepped between Boq and me, his words level and calm. "Both of you, be civil! Boq, it really would be best if you left right about now, but before you go you have to promise me you won't utter so much as one syllable concerning Elphaba to anyone. Have I made myself clear?"
"Crystal," he spat, "but if it's not too bold of me to say so, what's the difference if she lives or dies? She's a Wi-"
"That is most definitely too bold." Fiyero growled, his tone turned dangerous. "Elphaba is not a witch, never was, probably never will be. If you won't keep tonight's events within this room for her sake, do it for mine. I love her more than life itself; you of all people should know that."
I heard Boq mutter something that sounded like "Then you must not value your life that highly if you're willing to throw it away over her."
"I call you a friend, Boq, and you know I can't do much for myself right now. It'll help me a great deal if the two of you would just agree to put up with each other, if nothing else." Fiyero went on.
"I won't give either of you away. You have my word." Boq said.
"I'll keep my mouth shut if he holds to his end of this." I replied.
"Good." Fiyero finished, closing the discussion.
"I'll see what I can do about the medicine for your arm and I'll be back with whatever I can get to you as soon as possible." Boq strode across the room and left without so much as glancing at me, and closing the door behind him.
As soon as Boq was out of sight and earshot, I took Fiyero's hand and bade him sit down at the table.
"Since we're both awake and it doesn't look as if I'll be sleeping anytime soon, I might as well say this now." I fell into the chair opposite him. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've avoided the scene that ensued if I'd been informed ahead of time."
"I didn't because I was trying to avoid a scenario like that which came to pass tonight, and also I wasn't willing to risk having either of us go out to do things ourselves. It would've been far too easy to slip up somewhere and get caught. Lurline knows what would've happened then."
"I understand completely, and I agree that it's a lot less dangerous to rely on Boq to get us what we need, but it would've been easier on both of us if you'd just told me about him. To say the least, I wouldn't have lashed out like I did." I paused, searching his blank face for any sign of emotion, then continued, finding nothing in his unreadable expression. "I don't keep things from you anymore; to tell the truth, I no longer feel capable of keeping anything from you. I need you to be open with me just as much as you need me to be open with you, maybe more."
"Here, get some sleep. If you're ever going to heal you're going to have to stop moving as much as you've been." I took his hand, lacing my fingers through his. I led him back to the bed and urged him to sleep. Once he laid back he fell asleep within a quarter of an hour, but I was still far too incensed with Boq to even hope to rest. His words kept reeling through my head:
"You must not value your life that highly if you're willing to throw it away over her."
"What's the difference if she lives or dies?"
When he'd said that those comments they'd smarted worse than a slap to the face. Now that they've had time to sink in they stung far worse than salt in an open wound; an open wound that still bled, even though I hadn't even realized existed until now.
"What's the difference if she lives or dies?"
Unfortunately I didn't find it hard to believe the fact that Boq thought that way about me, but I refused to think about it or let his comments ferment and distort themselves until I became a monster in my own eyes again.
In the morning I felt Fiyero's heartbeat beneath my cheek; I'd no idea how I came to be in such a position, resting on his chest, but I delayed getting up for as long as possible, just being comforted by the steady rhythm of his heart. I sighed, nuzzling my cheek against his chest.
"Elphie? Are you up?"
"Mmmn hmmmn. You feel okay?"
"Better than I did last night."
"Good."
"What about you?"
I sat up and tried to avoid his question; what little intimacy there had been evaporated. "What do you mean?"
"Please don't take any of what Boq said last night to heart. He couldn't have meant it."
"He's made it quite clear that he doesn't give a damn if I die. Since I've tried my hand at death already and failed I'm more inclined to keep myself alive just to spite him." I said lightly, hiding the fading sting the words invoked.
Fiyero laughed. "That sounds like you."
"I know." I swung my legs over the side of the bed and busied myself finding something for Chistery to eat. The monkey flew up to my shoulder, peering through my loose curtain of raven hair to watch me work.
"I don't want this," he said, and pointed to the grapes on the other side of the tiny countertop, "I want those."
"Alright," I said hesitantly, and let Chistery have at the grapes, intrigued. I hoped he would continue speaking like this. I felt that maybe, just maybe everything I'd tried to teach him was possibly beginning to come through…
"Grapes are good. They're better than tower food."
"I can't believe he's talking like this." I said to Fiyero, elated over the prospect of what was happening. I'd give it a little longer, though, before I'd draw any conclusions from it. I needed him to continually talk in coherent sentences before I could even dream of going places with any theories I might have kept through the years.
"Smart little thing isn't he?" Fiyero replied.
"He's my smart little thing." I said, smiling at Chistery, picking him up and scratching between his wings.
"I mean, he's actually started using sentences."
"If he keeps this up…" I trailed off, hugging the creature. "Do you think you can keep this up?" I asked the monkey, and he nodded enthusiastically. I laughed as his proud expression; he looked so sure of himself and animated it was both endearing and funny.
A few days later Boq returned, with relatively good news.
"Here's the oil I promised you, and I managed to find a medicine for that arm or yours, Fiyero. It should have the wound completely closed up within two weeks or so. I don't know what's in it, but I've been guaranteed it'll work."
"Where did you get it?" Fiyero asked, taking the flask eagerly, examining the frosty blue glass with a hungry expression on his face.
"From this disturbing old woman; her name was something with a Y…"
"Yackle?" I asked quietly, both relieved and unnerved at the same time. The uneasiness twisting my stomach was easily explainable, but the relief I couldn't for the life of me place.
"…Yes…" Boq replied hesitantly, "How did you-?"
"Let's just say I've had my share of run-ins with the mad old bat and let the matter rest there."
"I'm sure as Oz not going to press the subject. To tell the truth, I don't even think I want to know. There was just something about her that wasn't…right? You know?"
"Do I ever." I sighed, picking up one of the three green glass bottles of oil. I did not trust green bottles of anything, not after one such bottle and its contents damned me with an emerald complexion and in turn damned my mother with me. "I trust that these didn't come from her?"
"No, those I got from a shop somewhere in the square." he reassured hurriedly, balking at the intensity in my face.
"Thank Oz." I relaxed a little. "I don't trust that woman, but right now I'm willing to try anything to get Fiyero to heal, even if it means relying on the word of someone like Yackle." I finished, closing the discussion.
I continued to feign sleep for the time being, unsure of what to do just yet. I didn't want to just leap up and start shouting, which I felt that at this point I was quite apt to do. I was furious, but at the same time afraid. I was never the best of friends or even on the best of terms with Boq; the two of us had never really been able to see eye-to-eye. What would he do now that he knew I was still alive and did I really want to know?
"Sweet Oz!" Boq whispered, drawing sharply backward as if I was poisoning the air he breathed with my presence; he stumbled over his own feet but managed to catch himself before he fell.
"How the hell – Fiyero, you've got some explaining to do." he sputtered out, in a voice that sounded like it was colored by rage and also by something like fear.
"You're not kidding." I interjected coldly, sitting up and fixing Boq with a hard, burning glare. My eyes slowly traveled to rest their gaze on Fiyero, losing none of their fire in the process.
"You," I said tersely, turning again and training my eyes on Boq, who was standing a little ways away in a position that looked like he was trying to appear confident, but it came across as something more like a cower, "Sit." I gestured toward the small table and chairs at the center of the room. He obeyed tentatively, thoroughly shaken.
"You," I turned back to address Fiyero, "Explain."
He sank onto the edge of the bed, massaging his temples with one hand. "I've been in contact with Boq for a good ten years or more now. He's been getting me supplies and whatever I've been living off of since then so I didn't have to leave here and risk getting caught again. Normally I would've met him outside, but he never told me he was coming tonight. I heard him knock on the door but before could get there he let himself in. He saw you, in bed and asleep with the covers over your head, and-" Boq looked as if he was about to interrupt with some remark I didn't want to hear.
"I heard most everything from there on." I cut in, shooting Boq a look that said, ::You've made too many mistakes for one night. Keep your mouth shut and tread carefully with me.::
"Elphie, I'm –" Fiyero tried to continue.
"Don't waste your breath on apologies." I said, dismissing Fiyero and addressing Boq again. "It'd be best for me right now if you left, lest something puts me over the edge, but there are a few thing I have to set straight with you before you do. I'll leave you alone for as long as I manage to keep my life if you don't breathe a word of my existence to anyone. If you do you're not only handing me a death sentence, you're probably handing Fiyero his as well. I know you're not too keen on seeing me again but you barging in here and poking your nose into my business isn't exactly my cup of tea, either."
"I'm not much worried about you, Elphaba, I'm more concerned about Fiyero. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one who slashed his arm open." he said, his voice icy.
I was taken aback at first, yet still recovered fast enough to shoot at him sardonically, "Your tongue's loosened considerably since last we met. Would you mind terribly if I tie it back up, or better yet, cut it out entirely?"
Fiyero stepped between Boq and me, his words level and calm. "Both of you, be civil! Boq, it really would be best if you left right about now, but before you go you have to promise me you won't utter so much as one syllable concerning Elphaba to anyone. Have I made myself clear?"
"Crystal," he spat, "but if it's not too bold of me to say so, what's the difference if she lives or dies? She's a Wi-"
"That is most definitely too bold." Fiyero growled, his tone turned dangerous. "Elphaba is not a witch, never was, probably never will be. If you won't keep tonight's events within this room for her sake, do it for mine. I love her more than life itself; you of all people should know that."
I heard Boq mutter something that sounded like "Then you must not value your life that highly if you're willing to throw it away over her."
"I call you a friend, Boq, and you know I can't do much for myself right now. It'll help me a great deal if the two of you would just agree to put up with each other, if nothing else." Fiyero went on.
"I won't give either of you away. You have my word." Boq said.
"I'll keep my mouth shut if he holds to his end of this." I replied.
"Good." Fiyero finished, closing the discussion.
"I'll see what I can do about the medicine for your arm and I'll be back with whatever I can get to you as soon as possible." Boq strode across the room and left without so much as glancing at me, and closing the door behind him.
As soon as Boq was out of sight and earshot, I took Fiyero's hand and bade him sit down at the table.
"Since we're both awake and it doesn't look as if I'll be sleeping anytime soon, I might as well say this now." I fell into the chair opposite him. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've avoided the scene that ensued if I'd been informed ahead of time."
"I didn't because I was trying to avoid a scenario like that which came to pass tonight, and also I wasn't willing to risk having either of us go out to do things ourselves. It would've been far too easy to slip up somewhere and get caught. Lurline knows what would've happened then."
"I understand completely, and I agree that it's a lot less dangerous to rely on Boq to get us what we need, but it would've been easier on both of us if you'd just told me about him. To say the least, I wouldn't have lashed out like I did." I paused, searching his blank face for any sign of emotion, then continued, finding nothing in his unreadable expression. "I don't keep things from you anymore; to tell the truth, I no longer feel capable of keeping anything from you. I need you to be open with me just as much as you need me to be open with you, maybe more."
"Here, get some sleep. If you're ever going to heal you're going to have to stop moving as much as you've been." I took his hand, lacing my fingers through his. I led him back to the bed and urged him to sleep. Once he laid back he fell asleep within a quarter of an hour, but I was still far too incensed with Boq to even hope to rest. His words kept reeling through my head:
"You must not value your life that highly if you're willing to throw it away over her."
"What's the difference if she lives or dies?"
When he'd said that those comments they'd smarted worse than a slap to the face. Now that they've had time to sink in they stung far worse than salt in an open wound; an open wound that still bled, even though I hadn't even realized existed until now.
"What's the difference if she lives or dies?"
Unfortunately I didn't find it hard to believe the fact that Boq thought that way about me, but I refused to think about it or let his comments ferment and distort themselves until I became a monster in my own eyes again.
In the morning I felt Fiyero's heartbeat beneath my cheek; I'd no idea how I came to be in such a position, resting on his chest, but I delayed getting up for as long as possible, just being comforted by the steady rhythm of his heart. I sighed, nuzzling my cheek against his chest.
"Elphie? Are you up?"
"Mmmn hmmmn. You feel okay?"
"Better than I did last night."
"Good."
"What about you?"
I sat up and tried to avoid his question; what little intimacy there had been evaporated. "What do you mean?"
"Please don't take any of what Boq said last night to heart. He couldn't have meant it."
"He's made it quite clear that he doesn't give a damn if I die. Since I've tried my hand at death already and failed I'm more inclined to keep myself alive just to spite him." I said lightly, hiding the fading sting the words invoked.
Fiyero laughed. "That sounds like you."
"I know." I swung my legs over the side of the bed and busied myself finding something for Chistery to eat. The monkey flew up to my shoulder, peering through my loose curtain of raven hair to watch me work.
"I don't want this," he said, and pointed to the grapes on the other side of the tiny countertop, "I want those."
"Alright," I said hesitantly, and let Chistery have at the grapes, intrigued. I hoped he would continue speaking like this. I felt that maybe, just maybe everything I'd tried to teach him was possibly beginning to come through…
"Grapes are good. They're better than tower food."
"I can't believe he's talking like this." I said to Fiyero, elated over the prospect of what was happening. I'd give it a little longer, though, before I'd draw any conclusions from it. I needed him to continually talk in coherent sentences before I could even dream of going places with any theories I might have kept through the years.
"Smart little thing isn't he?" Fiyero replied.
"He's my smart little thing." I said, smiling at Chistery, picking him up and scratching between his wings.
"I mean, he's actually started using sentences."
"If he keeps this up…" I trailed off, hugging the creature. "Do you think you can keep this up?" I asked the monkey, and he nodded enthusiastically. I laughed as his proud expression; he looked so sure of himself and animated it was both endearing and funny.
A few days later Boq returned, with relatively good news.
"Here's the oil I promised you, and I managed to find a medicine for that arm or yours, Fiyero. It should have the wound completely closed up within two weeks or so. I don't know what's in it, but I've been guaranteed it'll work."
"Where did you get it?" Fiyero asked, taking the flask eagerly, examining the frosty blue glass with a hungry expression on his face.
"From this disturbing old woman; her name was something with a Y…"
"Yackle?" I asked quietly, both relieved and unnerved at the same time. The uneasiness twisting my stomach was easily explainable, but the relief I couldn't for the life of me place.
"…Yes…" Boq replied hesitantly, "How did you-?"
"Let's just say I've had my share of run-ins with the mad old bat and let the matter rest there."
"I'm sure as Oz not going to press the subject. To tell the truth, I don't even think I want to know. There was just something about her that wasn't…right? You know?"
"Do I ever." I sighed, picking up one of the three green glass bottles of oil. I did not trust green bottles of anything, not after one such bottle and its contents damned me with an emerald complexion and in turn damned my mother with me. "I trust that these didn't come from her?"
"No, those I got from a shop somewhere in the square." he reassured hurriedly, balking at the intensity in my face.
"Thank Oz." I relaxed a little. "I don't trust that woman, but right now I'm willing to try anything to get Fiyero to heal, even if it means relying on the word of someone like Yackle." I finished, closing the discussion.