Inspired by me, written by me, not owned by me, read by you! Yay?

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Mystery Cream

The best, most insane one-shot ever!

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"Hey, Albert." Jet said, holding a small tub of some sort of cream out to the older man. "Want to try some? Joe said that it had some sort of weird effect, but I haven't seen it yet…"

Albert arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure that Joe didn't just mix strawberry jam in there like last time so you'd break out? Though I must admit, that was pretty funny."

"No, he didn't! If he did, I'd be twitching like mad by this time!" Jet defended himself, then held the cream out once more. "Come on."

Albert took some on his fingers and rubbed it in. Nothing was extraordinarily special, and this time, you couldn't feel clumps of fruit and see great globs of red in it. It was just pure, unbroken pale blue. Jet smiled gleefully.

"I TOLD you!" Jet proclaimed, striking a pose. "Now that you've done that, would you like to go out with me to get something to eat?"

"I'm coming too." Joe said quickly. "Did you put some of the cream on? It'll help once we get out there."

"Yeah, we did. Did you put any strange substance in there?" Albert asked, sliding his coat on.

"Nope. That was brand new." Joe answered, opening the door. The other two men followed out, wondering what Joe meant by 'it would help'.

There were no UFOs flying around, nor were there killer rays of sunlight. Suddenly, a girl ran up to them. She looked about sixteen with long, perfect golden hair and stunning blue eyes. As soon as she tried to touch Jet, she was flung by some unseen force into a nearby wall.

"What the hell?" Jet half asked, half exclaimed. "Joe?"

"It's a special kind of cream. You remember that place where people write strange stories about us?" Joe began his explanation. "Well, some of the authors that write there create these vile creatures called Mary Sues. Basically they try to get in our pants, since we're supposedly the 'HOTTEST BISHIES EVA!111'"

Another girl came dashing up to them, but this one had the most silky raven hair and amazing apple-green eyes. She was crying and attempted to grab Albert and angst into his chest, but sadly…

WHAM! She was thrown into a waiting dumpster.

"So where does the cream come in again?" Albert asked, looking at the two girls who could be nothing other than Mary Sues.

"It's pretty hard to find, but it repels Mary Sues. Quite useful." Joe said.

And that day alone, seventy random drop-dead gorgeous teenage girls were thrown into a dumpster, crashed into walls, run over by cars, flung into space, and other various methods of getting rid of something.

Thus is the story of the Anti-Mary Sue Cream. ORDER YOURS TODAY! Only ten bucks a tub, and with this limited-time ad, you can buy one and get three free! Help to protect innocent writers!

And because I need the cash, damn you.

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