Chapter 34

The next morning I decided to reacquaint myself with flight before Fiyero could wake and try to pull me from the broom. I had a feeling that it was what he'd do if he saw me; I knew he loved me and was only trying to protect me, but sometimes I felt like he didn't believe I could take care of myself anymore. To be absolutely truthful, I wasn't even sure if I could still take care of myself, but I wasn't about to tell him that. Even still, I didn't need to have my every move scrutinized like some reckless child who was not to be trusted. It infuriated me when he put on his "mothering" act, or so I called it, and tried to forbid me from doing as I saw fit.

Making sure Fiyero was out cold, not that I really had to as he was snoring like a foghorn, I took the broom from where it was propped against the wall and padded as quietly as I could to the back of our cave/room. I concentrated on sending a small pulse of magic down my arm and beckoned to a few of the globes of light to follow me. They had dimmed for the night, but as I walked through a short corridor leading away from our room they brightened in response to the pitch blackness of the new cave.

When I walked in I sent another pulse of magic through my arm down to my fingers, gesturing for the light-globes to increase in brightness a bit. Instead, they flared into blinding brilliance and I threw my arm up to shield my eyes; too much magic. I groaned softly; that was probably enough light to illuminate the rest of the cavern system, let alone to wake Fiyero. I hoped he was sleeping deeply enough for the light to not register in his mind. Waiting a moment or two for my eyes to adjust, I concentrated on bringing the brightness down a couple of notches and glanced around at the rest of the room, which was blissfully empty aside from a little shape hovering in the doorway; Chistery.

"What are you doing here? Go back inside and sleep some more." I said quietly, pointing toward the entryway, making it quite clear I wanted him to leave.

"Nuh-uh. I'm staying."

"No, you're not." I said, and dropped the broom, plucking him from the air by his tail and tucking him under my arm to carry him back inside. I deposited the little menace on the lump of blankets that served as the bed, accidentally dropping the monkey on Fiyero, who was buried completely under the covers. It was hard to tell he was there, and the minute I heard his voice I cringed; there went my practice time, fluttering out the window.

"What the - get off me, you little winged nuisance." Fiyero said, not bothering to get up or even open his eyes. He swung out his hand to swat my monkey away and I snatched my pet out of the path of Fiyero's hand. He scurried onto my shoulder, blowing a raspberry at Fiyero and folding his arms in annoyance.

I put Chistery on top of my pillow and began to make my way back as quietly as I could to the cave I'd just left, but I heard an angry squeal and looked back; Fiyero had rolled over onto Chistery.

"Will you leave that poor beast alone?" I cried, scooping up the monkey again as he flapped angrily toward me, his fur all bedraggled, chattering incomprehensibly and shooting the man evil looks. I smoothed down his ruffled fur and scratched between his wings; the little thing assumed a smug triumphant expression as he fixed his gaze on Fiyero, who scowled in return.

"It's not my fault." Fiyero grumbled, sitting up and running a hand through his hair, already disheveled from a restless sleep.

"Go back to bed, I'll keep Chistery with me." I sighed; I didn't need my lover and my monkey to start waging a war the minute I wasn't standing there to supervise them. Fiyero obeyed, pulling the covers back over his head, and I went back the way I'd come, mentally heaving a sigh of relief. Now I'd be assured at least another half hour to re-learn how to fly if my small bit of luck held out, and if Chistery decided to cooperate.

"I hope you're happy now, you sorry excuse for a monkey. You can stay, but the minute you do something to vex me in any way, I'm banishing you to the other room with Fiyero. Understand?" Chistery nodded and scampered over to sit against the wall and watch me. I shot a glare in his direction as I bent with some difficulty to pick up the broom from where I'd dropped it; my stomach was getting in the way.

::And I've still got six more months of this to live through. Joy.::

I shook my head, irritated, and swung a leg over the broom, settling into a familiar position before kicking off. The broom chose that moment to shudder in an annoying way and I glared at it. "Oh, stop it, don't start that again, you fool thing. I'm thirty-eight and far beyond being embarrassed by that at this point in life." I snapped, and the broom decided not to cross me anymore, if it had the power to decide at all, being the seemingly-inanimate object that it was.

"That's better." I kicked off, careful not to push too hard lest I shoot up and slam myself against the ceiling. I hovered about a foot or so below the ceiling for a moment or two before doing a few circuits of the room. There was nothing that compared to the freedom one felt while flying. It was empowering, which was a sensation I hadn't experienced in what seemed like forever, a feeling I desperately needed to undergo more often. A thrill rushed through me; it'd been so long since I'd felt like this, and I was prepared to relish it while it lasted. Every worry melted away for a few blissful short moments as I increased my speed and my hair breezed back from my face; I lived for moments like this. A genuine smile spread across my face for the first time in a very long while.

Chistery, who'd been watching from the floor, unfurled his wings and flapped up to my eye level; I stopped mid-flight to avoid accidentally hitting him."You can fly again!" he cried gleefully, circling around me in excitement. His voice echoed off the walls, painfully loud, bringing me sharply back down to reality.

"Chistery, no, keep it down -" I murmured, trying to get him to shut up. If Fiyero came in I'd never hear the end of it. Sure enough, he did, and I prepared myself for the impending argument.

"Elphaba, what in the name of Oz d'you think -"

I brought myself back down to the ground and cut him off as I removed myself from the broom. "Good, you're awake and the broom flies as well as it did before I burnt it. Now it's your turn to fly the thing."

"Oh, no, not now -"

"Yes, now. You told me yesterday that you'd let me teach you to fly, and teach you I will before I change my mind." I said all this as quickly as possible, not letting Fiyero get a word in edgewise lest the argument turn to why I was flying the thing in the first place.

"Go ahead and change your mind. I'm not going to fly that thing! I'm useless at magic, Elphie, you know that..."

"But so am I, and I can fly it well enough. Now get on." I said, holding the broom out to him. He backed away, shaking his head.

"You can't make me, Elphaba."

"I can and I will."

"No you can't -"

"Just get on the damn broomstick and stop fighting with me!" I shouted, my voice reverberating off the stone. He'd set me off, and I was rapidly losing patience. My mood had been on a ride full of dizzying highs and groundbreaking lows over the past few weeks, and this was one of those lows. It would have to run it's course before the anger would bleed away. Fiyero refused to submit himself to my command, and it incensed me further, not helping the better my mood.

"Give it up, Elphaba, you might as well be talking to the wall."

"If you don't do this now, when the time comes I'm going to fly it outside myself." I snapped.

"Are you touched in the head? I'm not going to watch you go and let that thing throw you off a hundred feet up in the air!" he shot back, his voice increasing in volume enough to leave a little bit of an echo trailing after his words..

"What do you think I am, a toddler? I've flown this thing numerous times before and I know what I'm doing, dammit! Do you trust me or not?"

"I used to, Elphaba, but now I'm not so sure! I've watched you try to commit suicide before and it's made me suspicious, because from my vantage point it sure seems probable that you'd try it again! A fall from the broomstick is a simple enough facade to mask the motives behind it!"

"Do you think I'd be stupid enough to do something like that again, Fiyero? Do you really think I'd be willing to end two lives, when one of which hasn't even really begun to live? I wanted to die before to stop myself from destroying lives! Can you not understand that, or are you coming into the habit of discrediting me the way so many others have?" I retaliated, the edge in my voice sharp enough to cut through the stone of the walls.

Fiyero shot me a look, his eyes smoldering, before walking stiffly away from me, back towards the room we lived in. As he retreated and silence filled the empty space my rage melted away along with the sound, my mood once again changing as easily as summer weather. I called after him, all heat and anger gone from my voice, their places filled by hollowness.

"Do you really have such little faith in me, Fiyero, or is it somehow my fault that you've been driven to believe I'd try suicide again? If it is my fault, what've I been doing to make you think like that?"

He sighed and turned back around. "Elphie, it's just that, to me, you never seem to look at what might be lost if something goes wrong. I don't understand the workings of magic and I haven't lived through half as much as you have, so it might be all in my head, but the way I've been looking at it, if I don't fear for you, who will? You don't seem to ever fear for yourself."

"I am afraid; I just do a damn good job of hiding it." I muttered.

"Oh, really?"

"Why do you think I'm trying to fly this thing again? In case you haven't noticed, we need to get out of here, out of Oz entirely. I'm afraid that if I don't at least try to escape I'll be a relatively easy target for the Gale Force. Sitting here scared isn't going to help, and it'll be just as if we've surrendered without a fight, as if we've broken ourselves and gotten up to turn ourselves in. If we're ferreted out and captured again there's no way they'll let me or the baby live for fear of me causing more damage or the child being born another green abomination. Fiyero, I've never been more afraid. Would I be doing this if I didn't have to?"

"I - I don't know."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing - forget I said it. Teach me, if you must." he replied, relenting. At least he was beginning to see eye-to-eye with me, or so it seemed. The first step to getting out of here would be for him to realize that this broom was predominantly our only means of escape, and that was all I cared about.

I let his remark slide, not willing to press him further and make things worse. Not knowing what he meant was going to gnaw at me until I could find out, but I could always bring the subject up sometime when things between us weren't as tense, lest I further endanger the fragile state of peace we'd achieved. I progressed emotionlessly to show him what to do, where to place his hands on the handle, how to gauge the mount of force to use when kicking off, and various other little specifics to take my mind off the row we'd just engaged in. On his first hour or so of attempts he either rose about a foot off the ground and then fell, or didn't manage to take off at all but fell anyway.

"Do you want to take a break for now?" I asked after an hour or two as I tried to suppress a laugh, reaching out to help Fiyero up after he'd been dumped gracelessly to the ground for the umpteenth time.

"I'm sure that both my rear end and my dignity would thank me for it, but no, not yet. We've only got so much time to do this and get out of here, and taking advantage of what we do have is more important than a bruised backside; the faster I get the hang of it the better." he replied, grabbing my hand and getting to his feet, doggedly swinging his leg over the broom once more.

::At least he's trying.:: I thought as I watched him, ::It's better than having him fight with me over why we shouldn't fly it, or why I shouldn't, anyway.::



He wasn't all that bad for a beginner; a little shaky, but not bad. After he'd been trying for maybe two or three hours he finally managed to kick off with just the right amount of force and make it the twenty feet up to a foot or so just below the ceiling, hovering there until I explained to him how to descend. He'd taken to flight a lot quicker than I had when I'd first started flying the thing quite a while ago, and I was more than a little envious of his abilities. When he touched back down his face was half a shade paler than usual, but he was wearing a triumphant smile, proud of himself.

"You did good!" Chistery cried, flitting up to sit on his shoulder.

"The monkey's right; when I first started it took me a week before I managed to get off the ground at all. You've picked it up so quickly; well done." I said, taking his hands and squeezing them. I kissed his cheek and then mounted up myself.

"Elphie..."

"I know what I'm doing, don't look so worried."

"If you say so." he said with no prominent emotion, and watched me kick off, disapproval showing on his face. I leaned forward a bit over the handle, increasing in speed just enough to go from a hover to leisurely touring around the circumference of the room. Chistery, who seemed to enjoy flying with me, took to the air and coasted alongside the broom.

"You make it look so easy." Fiyero said, following me with his eyes.

"It is rather easy once you get the hang of it, and judging by the way you've been going it looks as if it won't be long before you're flying circles around me, like Chistery seems to enjoy doing." I said, stopping to hover again, watching the monkey fly in a spiral around me.

"Chis, you're making me dizzy!" I said, averting my gaze from the monkey. It was that moment that the baby chose to kick and I flinched, losing balance for a second before pulling back to a hover and gripping the broom tighter with one hand, bringing the other arm up and wrapping it around my stomach.

"Elphaba? What happened? I saw the broom shudder -" Fiyero called, worried.

"Nothing, I'm fine. It was the baby."

"See what I meant when I said I didn't want you flying that thing now? What's going to happen the next time -"

"It's not going to happen again; calm yourself." I said as Chistery flapped out in front of me and perched on the broom handle, cocking his head to the side.

"You look pale." he said, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Is that so?"

"Uh huh."

"I'm going to land in a minute to set Fiyero's mind at rest; you'd better get off the broom." I sighed to the monkey.

"He worries a lot."

"I know. Please get off before I land and you fall."

"Okay." Chistery flitted upward again, and suspended himself just below the ceiling, maybe three feet above my head.

Once I'd brought the broom back down, Fiyero took it from me and propped it against the wall, taking my face in his hand.

"I think Chistery was right when he said you didn't look so good. Maybe you should take it easy for a little while, or at least until your, "

I knew he really meant 'Stay off the broom before you get yourself killed', but I ignored that and smiled a little at the uneasy look on his face; he was always so concerned about not saying anything in regards to my complexion for fear of aggravating what had always been a touchy subject with me. He flushed a bit and smiled sheepishly; he'd been getting harder and harder for me to stay mad at lately. I gave him a quick squeeze and pulled away, snatching up the broom from the wall.

"Are you up to giving it another shot, or are you going to call it a day?" I called over my shoulder.

"I'll try once more."

I handed him the broom and leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms. He mounted up and kicked off again with a force that matched that of his last successful try. Stopping in his ascent just short of the ceiling, he looked down, awaiting my instructions.

"Try to bring yourself down till you've reached the halfway mark, about ten feet down from where you are. You know how to descend." I waited for him to do as I'd said, watching carefully to help him catch any mistakes in form that might possibly have ended up in his being thrown from the broom, then continued.

"I'm going to tell you how to actually fly it now, instead of just hanging suspended in the air. Are you ready?" He nodded, his face set with nervous determination. "All you have to do is lean slightly over the handle to go forward. The farther you lean, the faster the broom will go, so be careful not to take it too far lest you crash headlong into the wall. To stop, bring your back upright into the normal position you'd assume while you're sitting up on the ground. Let me see you fly to the other side of the room."

He leaned forward ever so slightly, and the broom began to inch it's way toward the opposite wall. "Tilt just a little farther; at the rate you're going, it'll take you an hour just to advance two feet." Fiyero made to do as I'd instructed, but in his being dually as nervous as he was careful, his sweaty hands slipped on the handle and he fell forward, causing the broom to lurch forward at a speed that wasn't terribly fast, but enough for him to lose his balance and have to scrabble to get a good grip on the handle again, gripping the broom precariously with only his knees. My heart skipped and I cried for him not to panic, just to get his hands back on the handle, trying to retain my composure enough not to panic myself. Chistery covered his eyes and shivered, afraid to look. He forced himself to peek and scampered out of the room, afraid.

Regaining his handhold, Fiyero sat bolt upright, his spine ramrod straight, and came to an abrupt halt maybe two yards from the other side of the room. The entire scenario was over in about five seconds, but that didn't make it any less frightening. A wave of relief washed over me, and I ran a hand through my hair, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. The color had drained from Fiyero's face, now a few striking shades lighter than his normally deep complexion, the diamonds peppering his skin suddenly much more pronounced on their lighter background. Once again I fed him the instructions for getting back to the ground regardless of the fact that he already knew how to descend, and when his feet were firmly back on solid stone he dropped the broom. I pulled him into a tight hug and waited for my heartbeat to return to normal. I felt his heart against my cheek, beating as rapidly as that of a frightened mouse. A sense of calm descended over us again as we both remembered to breathe and our heart rates slowed. Once everything normalized I looked up at his face and assumed a mock-angry expression.

"Don't you ever do that to me again! I'm thirty-eight and far too old to be scared like that!" I scolded, my hands gripping his shoulders, holding him out at arms length. He gave a halfhearted laugh before giving me a last tight squeeze. I squeezed him back, the shock of the scare wearing off and feelings of pride in him welled up to replace them; if he hadn't slipped he'd have done it, he'd have flown the thing for real. He'd been picking the skills up so fast, and he'd managed to catch himself before he could fall. It had been quite impressive, in a frightening sort of way.

"You did extremely well considering you've only been at this for less than a day, and you managed not to fall and break your neck after only a few hours at it. You're so much of a natural it's unnatural. Just please, try not to get so nervous your palms sweat; if we can avoid another scene like that we'll be better off for it."

"I think I just aged five years." he said breathlessly, his eyes sparkling. I paused to get a better look at him.

"What?" I asked, noticing the odd look in his eyes.

"Can I try that again sometime today?"

"After all that, you still want to try again?" I asked, both amazed and amused. "I'd have thought you'd never want to get back on that thing again."

"Given the circumstances, I don't have a choice but to get back in the saddle, so to speak, but, I don't know, I found it sort of...exciting, I guess. I know it doesn't make sense, but, while you're up there, you get a sense of..." he paused, searching for the right words.

"I think 'freedom' might be the word you're looking for." I said quietly. Fiyero searched my face intently, clearly waiting for me to go on.

"Do you understand now, why I was so ready to get back up there and fly? I could never feel free unless I was in the air, watching the godsforsaken landscape race out from under me, with no company but the night-darkened sky and the air that separated me from the ground. Now that I've got no choice but to play the hunted and run, it's helped to be motivated by something other than fear, and that freedom you get while in flight is more than enough incentive for me. Flight is my temporary escape. It doesn't last for long, but, living as I have for such lengths, it's highly probable I'll never get more than that little taste of it anyway, so I might as well take what I can get while I can still get it." I sighed and bent with some difficulty to retrieve my broom from the floor. Fiyero stilled me with a hand on my shoulder and picked it up.

"Let me."

"Look at me now," I murmured as he snatched the broom from the ground and handed it to me, "more limited than ever. I can't even move like I used to." Yet another dip in my humor washed over me. I ran a hand over the broom's handle, fingering a spiral in the wood.

"I suppose saying 'you've only got about six more months of this' isn't going to be much of a consolation, huh?" I gave a lukewarm smile. His attempt at levity failed, but I appreciated that he made the effort to lift my spirits.

"You tried, love." I said and patted his shoulder in pseudo condolence, trying a hand at the mood-lifting myself. He laughed and I couldn't help but do so as well. Taking my hand and pulling me out of the bare stone room, he tossed the broom aside and wrapped his arms around me from behind. I started to push him away, moving to retrieve the thing from the floor. "What did you do that for? Break that thing and we're screwed..."

"It looks alright to me." Fiyero replied, tightening his embrace and kissing the side of my neck.

"Not now, Fiyero, please -"

"You look like you could use a little pick-me-up, and that is what you're getting."

"Oh, please..."

"Really, Elphie, can't you tell I'm trying to make up for what I said to you this morning?"

"No."

"Because...?"

"Because you think I'd be willing to try my hand at suicide again. You wouldn't have said something like that unless you meant it. I know you well enough to put two and two together like that."

"It was a stupid thing to say, I know, and I know that you'd never try that again, not with so much at stake. I'm just worried about you, Fabala, and even if that broom was the safest way to travel in all of Oz I'd still worry about you. But I am sorry. For all of it. Sufficient apology?"

"I suppose." It still wasn't enough to put my mind at rest, but if I said anything else he'd retaliate and I'd be liable to fly off the handle like I did a short few hours ago. And that was the last thing I needed.

"Good." And he picked up where he'd left off, kissing my neck again.

"Yero, love, stop. Please."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I can place, but...I don't know. Can I be left alone for a little while?"

"Sure, if you want." he said, letting go of me and kissing my cheek before retreating to go rummage for something among his things. I made my way in the opposite direction, toward the entrance to the cave where the horses were housed. Taye, who was fully occupied by the three hay bundles I'd magicked in last night, looked up from his lunch at my entrance. Once he'd realized there was no imminent threat entering with me, he lowered his muzzle again to re-absorb himself in his food. Juliette, on the other hand, trotted over and started nosing the pockets on my skirt, searching for a treat.

"Nothing there for you now, my friend." I said, reaching up to rub behind her ears. She whickered quietly as my hand moved from her ears down her neck and back up again to her chin. Being around the animals soothed my nerves some, but after a while my mind fell to thinking of Boq; after all, these horses were his, or had been his.

"I wish you could tell me what became of him." I sighed, "The man would never have given you two up to the Gale Force for nothing." As much as presence of the two creatures was a solace in itself, it was even more so an omen, leading me to wonder about what could've befallen Boq in the days after Fiyero and I had left the city. I couldn't let my mind dwell on it for long, because the baby began kicking and soon the pain was more distracting than the worry.

::Six more months of this, Elphaba. And it's going to get worse before it gets better.::
This voice in my head, it wasn't mine, it wasn't Yackle, and as far as I could remember by way of people's voices, it wasn't Sarima's either...

A/N: Thanks to all who've stuck with me through this whole thing up to now. If it weren't for the lot of you this fic would never have gotten this far. I owe you guys! Much love,

-Lindsay- aka Nancy