A/N: Jeez a new record, It took how long for me to update...ugh don't ask...I got really busy, and my life sucks, thanks for waiting though...I just ain't as up to beat with this story as I was with the last one I did.

Koga POV (do I really have to write this)

Disclaimer: I don't own any Inuyasha characters, just read the damn thing.

Chapter 6

Waking up I felt like a ton of rocks were thrown at me. Thinking and dreaming about my past really does hurt-physically and mentally-I shifted a bit only to realize that Ayame was still there and had not moved a muscle since I went to sleep. How long was I out? I had the slightest clue because she was still in the same position when I fell out. I shifted my arm a bit to loosen her grasp without waking her-success.

I sat quickly and stood to get ready to exit the den when it all hit me. My vision blurred terribly and I was groping for a wall. "Sucks when I get up to fast and my blood runs abnormally." I knew the problem, it happened all the time when I wake up too quickly-I get dizzy. So when my vision cleared I made my way out the cave. It was raining, that was my first observation. Second was that everyone was huddled into a little circle and seem to have something on their minds. I sprang down from the mouth of the den and right behind them, and from there I forced my way into their huddle.

"So anything ya wanna include me in?" I asked rhetorically. Several of them stared at me dramatically.

"This isn't good so just spit it out." I said. One of the wolf demons stepped up. He was Etsuo. He was a little older than me and had the broadest shoulders out of the surviving clan so far.

"Koga, I've known you for a very long time, we played since we were children." He says. Yeah right, he was the biggest jerk to me, if that was playing I wanted to know what the hell was bullying.

"So...What does that mean?" I asked.

"Well you see Koga, you're the leader of this pack now, and the heir to the throne in the future was your brother, since he was killed you had to take the role as our leader."

"Yea, I know."

"Our pack is in war with the white wolves from the north."

"I wasn't born yesterday."

"Very funny Koga, listen, since all this had happened so fast, the pack and I decided that you weren't ready to take on the role of a leader, let alone lead a couple of our men." He says. What nerve. I felt shot, and my already boiled blood was getting higher to the point of evaporation.

"Bull shit, what the hell does that mean! Are you saying you don't want me leader, I haven't been leader for more than a few days, and you're already trying to get rid of me!" I was fuming. I thought in the back of my mind that I probably woken Ayame from her sleep.

"Koga let's not be rational." Etsuo tells me, but it was too late for that, my family all died from this war, and now they're going to get rid of their own blood.

"The rightful heir to the throne is Katsunori's son." Etsuo says.

"But the kid isn't even a year yet!" I was getting rational but I wasn't caring one bit.

"It doesn't matter; we feel that we will have a temporary leader until Katsunori's son grows to a young man." He says. I look at Mamoru. He was sleeping as usual. He had no idea what was going on.

"Koga it's for the best." Etsuo said. I looked at Akane with angry eyes, but it softens when I just looked at her. She was sad, I felt for her, she lost her husband-my brother- and they already want to announce Mamoru as the leader, and he isn't even a year yet. She felt as if she probably was going to loose everything.

I turned around. "Do as you wish, I don't even care for this tribe anyways." I began walking away with my eyes closed. I heard a couple of gasps when I said that. Even I myself gasped in my mind when I said that. I felt like I loss all my dignity saying such a cruel thing, these were my wolves, but these wolves were abandoning me. So what was I suppose to do.

I stopped half way to the den. "I leave if that's what you want." Then turned around and head back up to where Ayame was sleeping.

"Koga no..." I heard Ginta and Hakkaku say in unison. I didn't bother to turn and reply. I felt crushed. My heart was down to my stomach, being devoured by the acids inside. My blood abandoning me felt just as bad as dying. I felt betrayed even though I spoke words of a betrayer. The storm gave its mightiest crash, just adding to the sadness in my heart. It had to rain today did it.

When I got inside I shook some water off my fur. I opened my eyes and Ayame was standing there waiting for me.

"Are you really gonna leave? These are your people." She says with so much compassion. Her eyes were watering, and her voice was waving. She even stuck her hands out to show her feelings towards my betrayal.

"They aren't my people, according to them I'm not a 'leader'" I said. She quivered and held her body tightly.

"These are your people; they're just a little confused about you and me." She says. Then she paused. She even made me wonder what she was thinking. She had the blankest, and yet most confusing, fearful, sad face I have every seen.

"What's wrong Ayame?" I asked not quite sure I wanted to hear the answer.

"Its-cause...Its cause of me. We are in the middle of a war against each other and yet I still follow you. It's wrong, and that's-that's why..." She didn't finish, I didn't think she wanted to. I didn't even think she wanted to accept what she was saying.

"Ayame, I'm not gonna leave you, not now, not after everything I've sacrificed." I said running up to her. I grabbed her body and pulled her into a strong embrace. Soaking her, I cared not. I wanted Ayame, she was the closet person to me now and her leaving-it would be total devastation.

"Ayame, I love you, with everything I have, and I don't even have much." Ayame just held herself, she didn't bother to embrace me, but I wasn't worrying about that. Then all of a sudden she pushed off of me and stumbled back crying. Her tears were just as wet as her body, making her cheeks a rose color, and her eyes squint. Tears engulfed her eyes as she ran out of the den into the storm. I followed her until I reached the mouth. She pushed herself through the crowed of demons and continued running away. After she left, all attention was to me. I just stood there in the mouth of the den staring at the direction she went. Now I really felt betrayed.

My heart felt as low to the point where the only place it was able to go was up, but I wasn't planning and bringing it up for a while. I felt my knees give up on my and my weight just pull me to the ground. Feeling the hard wet stone on my shin made me feel as if I was just back in the mountains. How cold it was up there made me feel cold right now. I shivered and damned Ayame, damned my pack, and damned my brother. I felt as if the world was giving up on me and the all mighty Japan was ready to throw me out into the Sea of Japan. I really needed a nice peace of cooked decent meat. That's what my mother used to give me when I was feeling down.

I cried hard, so hard where my tears just gave up falling, but still I wailed with dry eyes, and a spear in my heart. My father again called me a girl, then he said how I was a worthless son, and I wouldn't be fit to be a leader. My mother found me, crying inside a rotten tree.

"Sweetie, I love you, and I always will love you, your father doesn't mean what he says. He loves you too." She said to me. I didn't believe her, so I just wailed louder. She picked me up and let me wail on her shoulder.

"I'll make you some delicious boar." She says. She walks around with me wailing until she can pick up a scent. Then she hushes me and puts me down. She attacks the boar with stealth and walks back to me with the boar slumped over her shoulder. I would smile, and laugh, and clap. She would cook the boar to perfection, giving me the best part, white meat.

We danced and laughed all night and I would forget all about what my father said about me as his son.

And for some reason I felt like a child again. I felt as if I needed to be cradled. I felt as if I even needed to be breast fed, and at that point I got jealous, my heard came up all right, with envy. I envied the person I don't even think I would ever get jealous. I envied Mamoru. He was a child, and I was an adult. I had to deal with life, and he can sleep in his mother's arms all day weaning on her, and I couldn't even see my mother, and finally I damned her. I damned my mother for not being her for me. I need her so much and she's not here. What type of mother does that to their child? I damned my mother more than my father, brother, and even Ayame.

I felt like crying. I felt like tearing my skin off my face and arms, I felt like jumping into a volcano and just frying to death. I didn't feel worthy of even living. I just damned the people I cared about, betrayed my tribe, and became jealous of Mamoru. Who get jealous of a baby is beyond me but I was feeling the jealousy. My tribe was 'impeaching' me and I had no say so. I already opened my door to leave.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and quickly began to be defensive.

"Cool it Koga." It was Hakkaku, "Are you really going to leave?"

"Yea."

"B-But we need you, you're our leader-" I cut him off

"No I'm not...I'm not the leader, I'll never be good enough, my father told me that I was weak, and this is it...This is me. I'm a lunatic; I betrayed you and I even did something I don't want to even say. I'm horrible, maybe Mamoru would be a better leader. I wasn't even leader for three days and already I'm beginning taken care of. That's how you know I suck; I'm a woman, just like my father said. I'm weak, I'm inferior even to the miniature demons in this land, I let the white wolves get the best of me, I couldn't even get revenge for my brother...I-I" I found myself crying. I was crying, like a woman. Like what my father predicted me to be, and now since my mother wasn't here, I had to face it. Facing my defeat was harder than facing my enemies.

I had to admit to myself that I was wrong and that I was the one in need of help, notthe tribe, not the white wolves, not my mother, father, or brother...Me. I needed to just take it all in...All the years of womaness I gave off, I had to accept it...All the hours my father spent cursing my childish behaviors, all of the minutes of my mother trying to make me happy on her own time, and all of the seconds Ayame spent healing me to perfect health. I had to take it all in, and admit defeat, and that was the hardest thing I have ever done.

So finally there was the sixth chapter, I hoped you enjoyed it...I had to think hard and dig deep inside me to write that since I was so in a writers block.

Bye-bye