Chapter 36
"A week. We'll be left with a week." Fiyero said, "Do you think that'll be enough time to get to the City?"
"More than enough. We should be able to get there from here in two or three days." I answered, "If it once took me about a week to get from Kiamo Ko to Colwen Grounds in Munchkinland, it can't take as long to get to the City, seeing as we don't have to go all the way across Oz to reach it."
"Good."
"I'm just afraid we'll need more than a few days to get to Boq. We haven't been in the city in months; we don't know what kind of security Oz's new leader will have around the palace or even in the streets. I hate not knowing; it leaves too much up for guesswork." I wrapped an arm around my stomach as the baby kicked and I winced, biting my lip against the inward pain.
"Everything alright?"
"Yes, Fiyero; I'm still not used to being kicked from the inside." I said dryly, wishing the baby would still itself.
"May I?" he asked.
"Be my guest." He took my hand and twirled me around like a dancer before pulling me to him so my back was against his chest, and he rested his hands on my swelling belly, which seemed larger than it should be for someone only a little more than four months pregnant. I heard Fiyero laugh softly in my ear as he felt the baby move against his hand and I couldn't help but smile a little while trying not to flinch at the same time. The force of the baby's kicks seemed far too strong for a child still in the womb.
"Does it really hurt you that much when it kicks?"
"Only when it takes me by surprise, like before."
"And that happens...?"
"Often. I'm not used to this, Fiyero, and I never will be. Would you really want to get used to a sensation that feels like there's something writhing inside you, trying to fight it's way out through your stomach?"
"I suppose not."
I felt something tug at the hem of my skirt and looked down to see Chistery looking timidly up at me, like a scared little schoolboy afraid to approach his teacher. "What do you want, Chistery?" It would be awhile before I forgave the monkey for destroying the broom, but I wasn't going to lash out like I did before. My mood had mellowed out a little since then, yet I wasn't any less resentful toward Chistery than I was when I saw him sitting among the wreckage of my broomstick.
"Can I feel the baby move?" he asked. Before I could say I word, Fiyero picked the monkey up and put one of his hands on my stomach. I winced again as the child moved and Chistery quickly drew his hand away, surprised and a bit afraid. Fiyero put him back on the floor and he started to creep away, trying to distance himself from me and the wrath he knew I'd soon inflict, but I called him back.
"Oh, no, Chis, I'm not through with you yet." Chistery froze, slowly looking back over his shoulder. I muttered a simple spell under my breath, watching its effects as it was being cast. Threads of sparkling ice wound themselves around the monkey's wings until they looked completely covered with the stuff, the magic lending them a silver-white sheen.
"What's happening?" Chistery asked in alarm, "It's scaring me!"
"There's nothing to be afraid of. Try to flex your wings; I want to see if that worked." I answered, my voice neither withholding nor giving any sympathy to the monkey. He did as he was told, trying to stretch his wings out, but they remained folded tight to his sides, impossible to move.
"But now my wings are numb and I can't fly!" Chistery pouted.
"That was the idea." I said, smiling with satisfaction at the effects of my handiwork. "You will not be flying in any sense of the word until the day we leave these caverns. Aren't you proud your revenge worked so well?" I smirked at his injured expression and turned back to Fiyero.
"Did you really have to do that to the poor thing?" he asked.
"Yes. I've spoiled that monkey since day one and it's about time I came to my senses. I've taught him so much, but the one thing he hasn't seemed to learn is that the concept of punishment does not exclude him. You forgive too easily."
"Well, aren't you the strict one. I hope -"
"No, Fiyero, I won't act like this toward our baby, because I don't intend to deliver a clone of Chistery." I cut him off. "I know you too well."
For the rest of the month Chistery sulked around, wishing he could be airborne again. I spent most of my time training myself to ignore the pain that came with the baby's kicking. It wasn't going terribly well. The farther along I was in pregnancy, the more the inward movements hurt.
A few days before Yackle was due back with my broomstick, Glinda decided to drop back in on my thoughts.
::You again, Glinda?:: I asked, trying to keep the sarcasm level to a minimum.
::Yes, it's me again. Who else did you think it could be?::
::Judging by the number of people who've been communicating with me in much the same way, it's becoming hard to tell who's who. But you, my friend, you're voice is pretty hard to mistake for someone else's::
::Ha, ha. Anyway, will you let me tell you what I came here to?::
::Go ahead.::
::You're going to have twins.:: The words came out in a rush of breath, like she didn't want to tell me but if she didn't it would eat her from the inside.
::Wh-what?:: My mind seemed to have gone numb. ::That can't be -::
::Believe it, Elphaba.::
::I don't know what to say.:: This could fall either of two ways: if all went well in the City and we managed to get both Boq's family and ourselves out unscathed, another baby wouldn't be a problem for me. But, if somehow we managed to botch this, I wasn't even sure I'd be able to protect myself, let alone one unborn child. Two of them...Then there were the visions I'd Seen in the glass sphere. If those fulfilled themselves, I was afraid none of us would escape this alive. My fear tripled itself.
::Elphie? Do you want me to tell Fiyero for you?:: Her voice was gentle; she knew what position I was placed in and sympathized with me, I guessed.
::Please, would you? I...I can't. I can't trust my voice not to break. I'm so scared, Glinda, if this whole ordeal blows up in our faces, if I'm caught again, if...:: I couldn't begin to force myself to think in coherent sentences. Everything had been rushing at me so fast, and I had no chance to come to terms with it. It was either get the broom back from Yackle and leave for the City, or sit in this cave like the condemned waiting to be put to death. At least if we got to the City there was a chance of staying alive, even if it was a very slim one. But the risk was far too great.
::Everything always seems to fall on you, doesn't it? You never did have an easy time of anything. And I, I never did do much to help you out over the years, did I? Elphie, you don't have to go to the City; you can get yourselves out of Oz and not have to risk getting caught -:: Glinda was quiet, remorseful, and her voice seemed to shake. She was grabbing at straws, hoping to get me to forget what I knew I had to do. ::I don't want you to end up like me.::
::No, I'm not going to let Boq and his family die just because I'm afraid. I've stood by too many times when the lives of those I knew were at stake. If I ever want to be able to reconcile with myself I can't do that anymore. Risks or no, I have to go through with this. If I can't ask for the forgiveness of those I didn't help when the chance arose, I have to try to forgive myself for what I've done, or else live with the guilt the rest of my life. I have a hard time living with myself as it is, but if I let another life slip by...I'm on my own, Glinda, I have to come to terms with and accept myself; neither you nor anyone else can do that for me.::
::Elphie?::
::Mmmn?::
::Protect yourself. Please keep yourself safe.::
I was tempted to say 'famous last words', but held back. ::I'll do my best, my friend.::
::I'll go tell Fiyero.:: She withdrew, slipping away like shadows when a cloud passes the sun. I let my back rest against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to slow the oncoming rush of thought and emotion. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Elphaba, it's...true?" Fiyero's strained voice tore me back to reality. I nodded, not opening my eyes.
"I don't know what to make of this. I'd wished for so long to one day be able to have children with you, but I never wanted that wish to come true the way it has; it was supposed to bring happiness, not fear and pain." He choked on the words and I made myself look over at him; he was kneeling amid the wreckage of our bed, the disheveled blankets strewn everywhere; Chistery's doing. The monkey was still being difficult about my restricting him from flight.
Fiyero's eyes were bright and he looked beaten, defeated. I went over to him and he pulled me close so that his lips rested against my swollen belly, kissing it gently. Tears ran down his face, leaving darker spots on the fabric of my dress. He made no sound. I carefully knelt before him and slipped my arms around his neck, stroking his hair and dropping a kiss on his forehead. He let his hands rest on my hips and gasped in a breath before pressing his face to my shoulder.
"Shhh. Calm down, it's alright. Shhh." I murmured, still running a hand through his hair. The other was pressed against his back, holding him as close as I could with my stomach in the way, offering him comfort. Chistery inched toward us, wondering what was happening. When he got close enough he could see the tear stains on Fiyero's face and he wedged himself between us, not knowing what was wrong but extending consolation all the same, all resentful feelings toward me forgotten for the moment.
When the tears stemmed themselves Fiyero pulled away, babbling an apology for the outburst of emotion, but I put a finger to his lips to hush him. "There's nothing we can do to change the hand we've been dealt, so we might as well work with it or at least around it. I just have to watch my back a little more carefully, to say the least." He nodded, fastening his arms tight around my body, giving me a squeeze in an embrace we were both disinclined to break. Chistery sat beside us, watching the exchange of feeling. After a while he got bored with the lack of action and tugged on my shirt hem.
"What's going on?" he asked, impatient for details. I have him the bare minimum of an explanation but he didn't press for more; instead he gave Fiyero's wrist a hug and then climbed into his lap. "You'll be okay, right?" he asked me.
"I hope so, little one." I replied truthfully.
"You mean you don't know?"
"No," I sighed, "I wish I did."
The day Yackle was due back with my broom was also the day the Tiger chose to drop back in on us. He materialized out of the shadows in the back of the cave, padding over to me and touching his nose to my palm in greeting.
"Everything going smoothly?" he asked, nosing my stomach.
"In terms of pregnancy, so far, yes. In terms of everything else, things have never gone smoothly for me, so what's to say they'll be different this time? I'm hoping for a miracle, but something tells me I've just begun to step into the deeper water, so to speak. Things will more than likely get far worse before they get better if past experiences are any indication of what might come to be this time around." I paced agitatedly, twisting my fingers together and untwisting them again, occasionally pressing a hand to my stomach as one or both of the babies kicked. Twins explained why the pain of their movements sometimes became hard to endure.
"Stand still; you're making me dizzy." said Fiyero from where his back was braced against the wall. His arms were folded and he was watching me from across the room, his eyes following me as I moved. I rolled my eyes and rested a hand on the Tiger's back, trailing my fingers from where his neck merged with his spine to where the orange and black fur smoothly changed to shimmering draconic scales.
"You're afraid, aren't you?" the beast asked, regarding me with an even stare.
"Terrified." I said, my voice holding no emotion. I was steeling myself against the impending storm, hoping to stave off the worst of the anxiety until after we were already in the City.
"Rightfully, you should be. Facing an undertaking such as this without fear would increase its danger tenfold. But don't fear to the point where it begins to cloud your judgement; it may help you save your own neck for the time being, but could have dire repercussions farther on. Tread carefully, but don't spend too much time deliberating over every step. Time is a precious commodity in times such as this."
I looked away from the Tiger, anxious for Yackle to return with my broom. Time was something of mine she was taking far too much of today. As if on cue, I heard the telltale clunk of her walking stick on the stone and she emerged from the mouth of the cave, a scowl on her face as she thrust the broom into my hands.
"There, it's good as new. If you let that little fiend of a pet of yours get at it again, Old Yackle won't be coming back to fix it for you anymore!" she groused, muttering obscenities under her breath as she turned to leave.
"Thank you." I said, "I..."
"Save your breath, dearie. You're going to need it." she replied, chuckling darkly, and knocked her stick against Chistery, who happened to be sleeping curled up in the doorway. The monkey screeched angrily and moved as if to take off and harass her from the air, but his frozen, useless wings remained folded tight to his sides. Yackle did nothing but laugh, her cackling echoing off the stone as she vanished. Chistery trudged over to me with an injured look on his face as if he'd just suffered the greatest injustice of his life. The Tiger looked down his nose at the monkey and laughed, shaking his head.
"Pull yourself together, you useless thing. Don't cause more trouble than you're worth." he told Chistery.
"He already has, but I'm keeping him anyway for some reason I can't yet comprehend." I answered, folding my arms and shooting Chistery a look.
"Am I allowed to fly again yet?" the monkey asked, trying to test the effectiveness of his oppressed puppy-dog look.
"You can fly when we leave. I'll lift my spell then." Chistery sulked, but didn't cross me. He'd toed the line enough times to know that by now.
"We're traveling light; take only what you have to." I told Fiyero. "I'm going to take care of the horses first."
Taye and Juliette met me at the door, waiting to be petted and pampered, but I ran a hand quickly over each of their noses and brushed past them, mumbling a multiplication spell. It wasn't too hard, but I lost focus when Juliette nudged my back with her nose.
"Not now, girl, I've got work to do." I said, but she stood there in front of me, refusing to move. When I turned my back to her to begin the spell over she nosed my back again, a little harder this time.
"I'll scratch your ears for two minutes. That's it. Then you have to let me finish what I came in here to do. Alright?" She stood there expectantly, waiting to be petted. I scratched behind her ears, timing myself, and broke away after exactly two minutes. Then Taye shouldered past Juliette, wanting me to do the same for him.
"I'm spoiling you worse than I did Chistery." I sighed, "What's become of me?" When Taye's time was up I gently pushed him back away from me. He snorted and tossed his head, but trotted away to watch me work. This time I was able to complete the spell; the two animals watched from the side as their food and water increased before their eyes. Juliette turned away, afraid, but Taye watched intently, prancing from hoof to hoof.
"That's not for now, you great greedy thing. I made sure you won't be eating more than you should for each day." I hugged them around their necks and gave each a last pat before I left. "I expect the two of you to be good while I'm gone. There's a good chance you won't be seeing me again. Taye, if Boq comes here for the two of you, be good for him. Don't bite." I said softly, kissing each velvet nose, and returned to Fiyero, leaving the two horses staring after me, wondering what I meant when I said they wouldn't be seeing me again.
"Ready?" Fiyero asked as I re-entered our room.
"Just about." I took a small bag from his hand and filled it with some food, the green glass sphere, and two bottles of oil, one full and the other half empty. I looked among my things for the bottle with the medicine for Fiyero's arm, just in case. It wasn't there.
"Do you have that blue bottle, the one Boq gave us for your arm?"
"Yes. You told me what was in those visions of yours and if Lurline forbid they come true I'm going to need it."
"Good." I finished, and picked up my last necessity, tying it around my waist and making sure it was hidden beneath my blouse and skirts.
"You're taking the scarf?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"For one, it's for my own silly sentimental reasons, but for another, I lost you once; I'm not losing you again. It's my focus if something happens and I need to get to you. Make sure I don't need to use it."
Chistery tugged on the hem of my skirt. "Are we going now? Can I fly yet?"
"Alright, Chistery, I'll lift the spell. On one condition."
"What?"
"You stay here."
"No! I can't stay here!"
"Chistery, you can't go with us this time. It's dangerous enough as it is -"
"Elphaba, let the monkey come. How much trouble can he possibly cause?" I glared daggers at Fiyero, but he refused to shut up. "Chistery, you get to come, but you can't make too much noise, enact revenge of any sort if for some reason you get mad at either myself or Elphaba, or pull airborne stunts that might make up plummet to our deaths."
"Fiyero, you can't use too many big words in the same sentence with Chistery. He may be able to speak in sentences but keep in mind he's not an Animal by blood."
"I get it!" Chistery said indignantly, scowling at my lack of faith in what I'd taught him.
"Fine. But if I catch you doing any of those things Fiyero mentioned, I will have your wings mounted on the wall."
"What does that mean?"
"You'll never fly again." The monkey gulped and stared up at me, his eyes huge; he couldn't believe I'd do such a thing. I'd never forgive myself if I ever did, but I needed to say something to get the importance of his behavior through his skull and make it stick.
"Was that really necessary?" Fiyero muttered in my ear.
"You forgive too easily." I stated flatly; he'd heard it enough times, but I was going to say it anyway.
"If you keep that up, people will do nothing but fear you more than they already do. You could do with a few more allies, Elphaba, try not to scare them away."
"For Oz's sake, this is Chistery we're talking about. I'm not going to give people enough of a chance to glimpse me, let alone befriend me." He dropped the subject as I'd begun to become difficult. Anxiety made me tense. The Tiger, who'd been observing from the side, came over and nosed my back.
"You're seizing up. Try to keep yourself calm. Things will go more smoothly if you try to stay collected." I nodded and tried to swallow around the tight knot in my throat. The Tiger rubbed his head against my palm and I scratched absentmindedly behind his ears. Fiyero placed his hands on my shoulders and kneaded his expert fingers into them, loosening the taut muscles and forcing me to relax to some degree. I leaned into his touch, searching for some shred of reassurance that things would pass with at least a semblance of ease, but his movements were abbreviated and his mind was clearly elsewhere.
I pulled away and went to reach for my bag, but Chistery poked my ankle to get my attention and handed it up to me. "Now will you un-freeze me?"
"Stand still. If you squirm the spell might affect the wrong part of your body and that's the last thing you need." I said. Chistery stood still as I muttered the spell to lift the enchantment on his wings. The silver sheen bled away from them and dripped like liquid to seep into the stone of the floor. Chistery flexed his wings to make sure they were up and operational, then started to flap them with a vengeance. He squealed happily as he hovered near my eye level and then flew in a spiral around Fiyero, laughing the entire time.
"Save your energy, Chistery, we're leaving now." he said, and picked up the broom. "You ready, Fabala?"
"Not particularly, but it's now or never." I said.
"Protect yourselves. I can't show my face in the Emerald City; I'll be killed as soon as looked at. I'm hoping nothing happens where you would need my help." the Tiger said, "Good luck." Fiyero nodded toward the Animal to acknowledge his address, and I reached out to run a hand through his fur one last time. "I'll stay long enough to see you off." Together Fiyero and myself, Chistery and the Tiger made our way through the winding tunnels and corridors to the very mouth of the cavern system. I was blinded for a moment or two in the light of the sunset, the most brilliant thing I'd seen in almost six months. I reveled in the sight for a short while, marveling at the wonderful expanse of color and the breeze on my face. The fresh air felt wonderful, a welcome change from the stale stuff we'd been breathing in the caverns.
All too soon the feelings of awe at being outside again wore off and reality penetrated through the false serenity. I settled myself behind Fiyero on the broom, and held my breath as we took to the air, pressing my eyes shut, afraid of flight for the first time in my life. The fear was overwhelming, not of flight itself, but where and what it was taking me into. I felt as if it was bringing me into bondage instead of giving me the sense of freedom that normally came with being airborne. Those visions of captivity in the Palace replayed themselves in my mind, only in a gruesome, sharper focus.