AN: I got this idea from…uh…I don't know, but I really hope you like it. If you don't like the fact that Tolkein's masterpiece is being trashed, DO NOT READ THIS!!! Also if you feel that Haldir is your one true love and the greatest thing on earth since sliced bread, again DO NOT READ, unless you can make fun of him. Then go right ahead.

Disclaimer: Again I DO NOT OWN TOLKEIN!!! Nor do I own the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I'm only making fun of them.

The March Warden Who Cried Wolf

Once upon a time there lived an elf named Haldir who loved himself and his life. He thought he was the greatest thing on Middle Earth since sliced bread. The only thing he hated in his life was guard duty, but since he was March Warden he was stuck every other week defending his woods.

Now Haldir didn't hate guard duty because of the fighting. Why? Because there was no fighting. Every other week he was stuck at his post defending a single stick for days on end.

Now stick guarding can be great fun. In fact, stick guarding used to be Haldir's favorite pass time as a child. But after guarding a single stick for centuries, it can become a little boring, especially if there is nothing to defend the stick against. So one day Haldir decided to stir up a bit of mischief. So he came up with a silly little plot to get a little action down at the guard posts.

When the sun had finally passed its peak, Haldir put his evil plot into action.

"WARG!" cried Haldir "Warg in that bush!"

Instantly fifty elves appeared out of no where and shot at the bush. When all the arrows had been fired at that bush, an elf walked hesitantly towards the bush and pulled out a squirrel that was practically mutilated by arrows. When all the elves saw this they all turned toward Haldir and simultaneously raised an eyebrow. Haldir Just shrugged in reply and said

"It looked a lot bigger before." At this all the elves rolled their eyes at Haldir AT THE SAME TIME!!! And disappeared into the woods, leaving Haldir to his lunch of squirrel sandwiches

The next day, just like the day before, right after the sun passed its peak Haldir cried warg and fifty elves shot at the bush. This time however it wasn't a squirrel they dragged out of the bushes, but Gandalf the Grey, who for some reason or another just so happened to be passing through the woods and had to take a whizz. After they dragged the wizard out them left him because no one really liked the old man anyways.

The next day Haldir, for the first time EVER, was smiling on guard duty. Part of the reason he was so happy was he finally got some action on guard duty, but his happiness was mostly due to the fact he was smoking the pipe weed he had earlier acquired from Gandalf's dead body. Now while he was smoking the weed a REAL warg approached him, growling. Now Haldir heard the warg approaching and looked up to see it in front of him, but instead of the ferocious beast with long claws, sharp teeth, and moldy fur, he saw a cute little pink puppy. Unfortunately for Haldir the warg was huge and hungry, and while Haldir was gushing at it the warg ate our favorite March Warden and destroyed the rest of Loth Lorien.

The End

Moral: Never smoke a wizard's pipe weed while on guard duty. Save it for formal dinners.