Author's Notes: As I hope you have gleaned from the title, this is one of my less serious fics. Me and some buddies were talking about what the Losties themselves may be theorizing, and I wrote this - half in my sleep - starring my two fav Losties. :-D Be kind, it's not that funny - or that serious either.I'm not the comedianne in the group. :-P More of a blase conversation.

Characters: Ana-Lucia, Jack Sheppard (Not Shipping)

A Doctor, A Cop, A Fire and a Theory

By Osiris-Ra

Jack was sitting in front of a fire, staring at the leaping flames. The only light in the ink darkness of nighttime on the Island. Sometimes, he had the distinct impression he used to do this before, maybe in that other life Desmond grinned at him about. Another life would be nice, he thought. As long as he didn't come back as some freaky animal he didn't know existed.

"My advice?" Ana was suddenly standing nearby, watching him. "Don't think too hard. Makes everything worse."

Jack grinned. "What can get worse?"

"And that's what I'm saying. Don't push it." She sat down across from him at the campfire. "So, what were you thinking about?"

Jack fiddled with the key he had hung around his neck.

"...if a test is what it is...would you say you have passed or failed?"

Ana thought for a moment.

"Well. I guess I'd say...if I was dead, I've probably passed."

Jack let out an incredulous laugh. "So you've failed by still being alive?"

"Yeah. Bummer."

"Bummer? Come on, Ana, there's gotta be more to it than that."

"That's how I feel." She pulled her knees up to her chest and looked at Jack with a matter-of-fact expression.

"What's your story?" Jack queried. Ana blinked slowly.

"What story?"

"I'm assuming with such a bleak outlook on a positive ruling of your fate, something pretty crappy must've happened to you back home."

Ana stared for a moment, then looked down.

"Nothing happened. I've always been a pessimist."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"You don't seem like you were born any kind of pessimist. You seem... half and half."

"And what are you?"

"Me? I'm a hypocrite."

Ana laughed. "Ok. 'Nuff said."

"'Nuff said."

There was a lull in conversation.

"Considering the kind of assholes people can be in this life, "Jack added, "it seems the more befitting punishment would be eternal life."

"How so?"

"What's worse? Living with your sins? Forever being haunted by them...or being put out of your misery? If being put out of your misery is the choice of the day, it's most likely that the former would be the better punishment."

Ana raised a brow, nodding slightly.

"That's a good way to put it, I guess." Then she grinned. "So, you think we're in some kind of purgatory?"

"Would you rather just die?"

"Than die and be in purgatory? Pfft, I don't really care. Either way, the man upstairs is doing the judging. That's all it's for, right? You die, He judges you, you die and wind up in Purgatory, He's judging you. People think they're giving the final say by killing someone who's' done something bad. Naw. I don't think we're in any kind of purgatory though."

"What, then?"

"I think...it's the ultimate series finale of Punk'd."

"Punk'd?"

"You watch MTV?"

"No."

"Forget it then."

"I assume it involves...punking people?"

"Maybe you're an America's Funniest Home Videos type."

"Yeah, I think so."

"This is the million dollar video, baby."

"Ah." Jack rolled his eyes slightly. "So, the worlds playing a colossal joke on you then?"

"Doesn't it feel like it?"

"Sometimes, I guess."

"Especially when I look back on my life, I think, 'damn! Didn't see this one coming. Good one, ha ha.'"

"Someone would have to be pretty sick to come up with a joke like this, though."

"Pretty sick."

Jack crossed his legs.

"You ever had a Déjà vu?"

"Sure."

"I'm going to run away with your joke theory, ok? Ready?"

"Hit me."

"What if...we already know each other...we just don't know we do?"

Ana blinked. "Well, we do sort of. I met you in the airport –"

"Yeah, no, I mean, before that."

"Before that we lived a millions miles away from each other – "

"Commute."

"What?"

"Maybe the whole plane thing was a commute. For all of us. I saw this Sci Fi show once about these people who lived on the planet with an amnesia that had lasted for such and such a couple of years, they were an advanced race, and they re-learned all the stuff that they had forgotten, that had been left by the elders of their people when they were alive – all the elders had disappeared...around the time of the mass amnesia. You follow?"

"They were the elders?" Ana deduced in a bored manner.

"Right! So, I mean...just as plausible as your Punk'd theory."

Ana sniggered. "Please – so what are we? Twisted scientists who've forgotten our own experiment? Ha – that is funny."

Jack made a 'there-you-have-it" face. Ana shook her head. "No, noo, come on, Jack, that's wild. That's out there."

"Purgatory is out there, you don't question belief in it."

"Come on Jack, I wasn't being serious – not much anyway. I've forgotten how we got on this topic anyway."

"I asked you a question, now I'm asking you another – do you think it's possible that this is all not only staged, but that the students of the Dharma Initiative are still here?"

Ana gazed at Jack for awhile. "Jack. Get some sleep."

She patted him on the back and rose to go.

"Come on, it's a simple yes, no, maybe question!"

"Your eyes are red, Jack!"

"Yes? No? Maybe? Hell no? Hey, maybe I'm not just that kind of Doctor! Hey, maybe you're also a doctor! Doctor Cortez! Ever think of that?"

"Doctor Cortez prescribes reduced caffeine intake and more rest." Ana said over her shoulder.

Jack chuckled to himself. Putting aside the humor, it did give him something to think about for the next 24 hours.