AN: I'm baaaaaaaack!!!! Muahahahahahahahahaha you can't escape my evil wrath. Just to let you know these stories can be used as torture items for any said person who thinks they are sane. Take my mother for instance. While she was baking cookies I decided it was the perfect time for her to take a role in encouraging me in my wonderful works of art coughtrashcoughcough. Those cookies were whipped through the oven in record time!!! I hope you enjoy my stories. Also I'd like to thank those who reviewed. I thought about putting up your names, buuuuuuuuuuuut I'm way too lazy. I'm sure you know who you are. If not, you have serious mental problems and need to see a psychiatrist IMEADIATELY!!!! But THANKYOU to all those who reviewed.

WARNING: this author will not take responsibility for any harm that occurs to the reader while reading this trash. Side effects from reading this story can be life altering and include an obsessive need for burning books, stabbing your eyes out, baking TONS of ginger snaps, and even in some cases suicide to escape a world with such a crazy author. I'm warning you TURN BACK NOW!!!!! It's not too late!!!! Save yourself!!!!!

Disclaimer: okay this is really dumb. Who will believe I own any of Tolkein. If I did own any of his books I wouldn't be typing on this site, and I would defiantly have more than the $30 I posses now (I've gone up in the world!!!). Any ways I don't like the books, I can't write ridiculous lyrics like that don't even make sense, and if I wrote it, Frodo would probably die.0 If you got nothing out of that I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS IN LOTR!!! I also do not own little red riding hood.

The Not so Little Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Eowyn. Actually she was about twenty, so I guess she wasn't a little girl, but if I were to say Once upon a time there lived an adult who still live with her family because her uncle was rich and she was too lazy to go out and get a job or get married it wouldn't sound like a very fairytalish story beginning. Anyways Eowyn still bummed off her uncle Théoden, who didn't care because he was a rich king, and was still a little spacy after being possessed by one of his mother's famous rotten, burnt, stale, and moldy hamburgers with eyes. His mother was especially proud of her burgers because no one could figure out how anyone could make something taste SO BAD!! She also prided herself in making clothes that were about twenty years out of style, and for having an afro.

Anyways one day Eowyn was skipping around on a pile of horse turds, (This WAS Rohan after all) in her beautiful lime green cloak. Eowyn loved her cloak and ran around everywhere in it. It was because of her lime green cloak that Eowyn was called Little Red Riding Hood.

Anyways Eowyn was skipping around a pile of horse turds when she heard her uncle call her in.

"Eowyn!" he cried "Get off that pile of turds and get inside…I need to …uh… talk to you!"

Eowyn, being the obedient person she was picked up two handfuls of dung and was about to run inside when her uncle called to her and said…

"Eowyn put those turds down!" he cried "I want to speak to you, not get dung thrown at my head."

Still being the obedient person she was, except for all those times where she disguised herself as a boy and attacked a few people for random reasons, learned how to ride, shoot, spit, burp, fart on command, curse around other kings, blew up the guest house those very rare times (cough seventy six cough) and sell her cousins war horse on E-bay after he went crazy and attacked a warg with a pillow. Yep she was real obedient. So she grudgingly put down the handfuls of turds and ran inside.

"Eowyn," said Théoden "I need you to do something I probably should have made you do three days ago. Your Grandmother is sick, and is unable to feed herself. I need you to go through the forest (which is just REALLY tall grass) to feed her."

"wouldn't she be dead if she hasn't eaten in THREE DAYS!!!" asked Eomer who for some reason was still at home even if he was SUPPOSE to be banished.

"Fine" said Théoden "feed her only if she's still alive. If not just don't even bother. Just drag her home so we can feed her to our 'secret weapons'"

Now this is really off topic, but so you don't get mad at me Rohan's secret weapon is not an actual weapon but an animal. Their secret weapon is nine twenty foot tall man eating horses. These horses were fed a regular diet of dead things and…well…more dead things, but this is extremely off topic because there are no man eating horses in this story, or at least I don't think there are. Back to the story.

Anyways after Théoden told Eowyn of the misfortunes that had befallen her grandmother of late, Eowyn grabbed a loaf of bread, some wild strawberries, some eggs, a sprig of mint, some ale, and some horse jerky ( this is Rohan after all) and skipped off to the area of really tall grass that every one mistook for a forest.

Any hoot at the edge of the "forest" a warg smelt the horse jerky and ale the girl was carrying, and decided that he wanted the food Eowyn had for himself, so he, in what he thought was a rather sly and cunning way, but was just really retarded, walked out into the girls path ( Actually Eowyn, as we have already accomplished was a woman, not a girl, but what woman in her right mind would let herself be caught by ANYTHING skipping through a "forest" singing the Barney theme song out loud, so we'll just say she's a girl) and said

"Little girl, would you let me try the wonderful food in you basket?" asked the warg

"No." said Eowyn "this food is for my grandmother who is most likely dead." And after saying this Eowyn snubbed the wolf and continued skipping to her grandmother's house, to find her grandmother was still alive, Eowyn stuffed the food in the woman's mouth and skipped home. Now this pattern continued for a few days before the wolf got an idea. So while Eowyn was skipping to her grandmother's house the wolf mobbed her, killed Eowyn, and ate the food the girl had brought, before stumbling into the woods drunk because of the ale it had consumed

A few days later a search party was sent out to find Eowyn. They did find her and brought her and her now dead grandmother's bodies back to the castle and fed them to the "secret weapon"

The End

Moral: never refuse a stranger's demands for food if they have real sharp claws, long fangs, and horrendous breath that smells of rotten deer carcasses.

Okay another story complete. Anyways lets make this reviewing thing into a FUN game.

One point for every person who reviews. Two points for those who put the Barney theme song into their review. Three points if they come up with creative words to go along with the theme. four points if it kills Barney at least three time. five points if you have the courage to tell me who the review is from. I think that seems pretty simple. The one with the most points wins DA DA DA DAAAAAaaa NOTHING!!! Yeah!!!if you think this game is extremely childish and you will take no part of it then please review anyways. I also want to thank those have already reviewed my story. THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!