Thank You For Freeing Me, a gundam wing/ac fanfic

1Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters

Contains: 3+4

Quatre

It was difficult to look him in the face after what I had done to him. Tears swelled in my eyes, and I was ashamed.

Here I am, Quatre Raberba Winner, crying my soul out in front of the only person I fell in love with in this war. Here I am, standing behind the circus tent crying in front of someone who doesn't even remember me. I deserve this.

Its my fault that I couldn't control the Zero system, it is my fault a colony is now gone and it is my fault my lover, Trowa, has no idea who I am. There is no way I could ever forgive myself for this. I deserve this.

It hurts to watch Trowa's expression, the look in his eyes tell me that he is trying to remember. Please don't Trowa, it would do you no good. I had no right hurting you, and I am sorry for coming back. This pain is too much, I deserve this.

I was almost to the point of screaming out my lungs when Catherine showed up.

She ordered Trowa to leave, and he did so without saying a word. I almost began to protest, but then I decided it was better just to let him go. He was better off without me anyway.

As I walked away from the circus tent I could have sworn that Trowa was watching me leave, I could feel his eyes on me.

That thought burned in my mind throughout the rest of the day, causing my eyes to glaze over with tears. I could not sleep that night, for my mind was far too troubled. I deserve this.

Oh why did I have to go to him? His life would be so much better without me, oh Trowa, im so sorry.

Some time later aboard Peacmillion

Trowa

He needs to learn to forgive himself. I hate to see him this way. What happened to the Quatre I fell in love with? The boy who I could always count on having a smile on his face?

My memory has returned to me, and now I understand what I felt when he confronted me at the circus. He was a large part in who I am now and on top of all of that...I love him.

It hurts to watch him be so unhappy, every day that passes is worse than the one before. His eyes have formed dark circles because of the nightmares that keep him up at night. The positive energy he once seemed to radiate is now gone. It's such a waste, he doesn't deserve this.

I wish I could do something to help him, but how can you help someone who constantly avoids you? Every time I enter a room, he leaves, every time I go to stare at him, he turns and looks away. It shouldn't be this way, it's not his fault.

This is truly painful for me, I cant even remember the last time I've seen him smile, the last time I've heard him laugh. And now, he won't even make eye contact with me. I can understand his pain, but I just want to let him know one thing, he doesn't deserve this.

Quatre

Time has passed but I still get nightmares that keep me up at night. This lack of sleep is taking a toll on my body, taking a toll on my mind. It's my own fault however, I am the reason for my own nightmares. I deserve this.

If only I were stronger, things wouldn't be this way.

Trowa has rejoined us and his memory has recently returned. I spend most of my time avoiding him, im too ashamed to face him, especially now that he remembers what I have done. He must be ashamed of me too. I can't even bring myself to make eye contact with him, too see a look of disappointment would be too much for me to handle. I suppose this is what I get for being such a weak pilot, a machine controlled me, took advantage of me, that shows just how strong I am.

I try not to let the other pilots in on what I am feeling, I don't need to bring them down with me. But sometimes, I get the feeling that Trowa can see right through me. Something tells me he knows the shame I feel, the shame I feel when im around him. I deserve this.

Trowa

I cannot allow Quatre to continue in his self loathing. I need to find a way to show him how precious he is to me. He needs to know that what happened in the past is not his fault.

I needed to find a way to talk to him.

I decided to confront him at night, because due to his nightmares, he was the only pilot who had his own bunk on Peacmillion.

I was sharing a room with Duo, and the sound of his loud snores indicated that he was fast asleep. Without hesitation I left the room I shared with the 02 pilot and headed towards Quatre's bunk.

When I entered his quarters I was not surprised to find him having another nightmare. I stood there and watched him for a moment as he thrashed about in his bed. I kept a vigil, and then he began to shout out in his sleep:

"Tell the others for me, tell them to stay away from me, otherwise I'll end up killing them. Im telling you not to get any closer!"

As I suspected, he was reliving his experience with Wing Zero through his dreams. It was hard to see him like this, why was God punishing such a beautiful angel?

Quatre was shaking violently in his sleep, without thinking, I crawled into his bed and wrapped my arms around him. My chin rested on the top of his head and I began to whisper.

"It's alright little one, I am here for you. What terrible things that have happened in the past will not measure up to the great things you will do in the future, so stop blaming yourself. Do not feel sorrow anymore, because someone as beautiful as you do not deserve to feel any pain. I love you greatly little one, and you should not avoid me anymore because for now on, when you see my eyes, you will no longer feel shame, but the love I feel for you. I love you."

He stopped shaking and seemed to be enjoying a peaceful sleep. I kissed him on his cheek and spent the rest of the night holding him.

Quatre

I have been so tired for so long, I can't even remember what sleeping without a nightmare was like. Sometimes going to sleep isn't worth all the dreams that have been constantly haunting me. But this is the third day I have stayed up and I know I can't fight the nightmare's off much longer.

That night I reluctantly pulled the covers over my body and rested my head against my pillow.

I knew that it wouldn't take long for me to fall asleep, I also knew that it wouldn't take long for the nightmare's to come. I closed my eyes and just let myself go.

Im back in the Wing Zero's cockpit, I can feel it already controlling me...telling me things. No, please not again, not again.

Like a broken record, my mind replays that scene over and over, I think im in control at this point, but that's when they show up.

The Mercurius and the Vayeate.

In my heart somewhere deep inside me I know that the pilots to these two mobile suits are my friends, but the Wing Zero tells me that they are my enemy. Somewhere along the line though, I lose who I am and the Zero system takes full control. I have to warn them, I have to warn the others. I have to warn Trowa.

"Tell the others for me, tell them to stay away from me, otherwise I'll end up killing them. Im telling you not to get any closer!"

It didn't help, it never does. It always turns out the same.

I destroyed the Vayeate under the influence of Wing Zero, the pilot, Trowa, is lost. Im in a state of panic and Heero, pilot of the Mercurius, will not let me go after him. This...Can't...Be...Happening...

Im shuddering violently, tears are running down my cheeks...Please Heero, go find him! Bring him back to me! Trowa!

That's the moment my world came crashing down, I felt hopeless and all alone. That's when it happened.

Suddenly, I wasn't in the Wing Zero's cockpit any more, but in a beautiful field of flowers with the wind blowing through my hair. Someone's arms have wrapped themselves around me, and even though I do not know who they belong to, I have this overwhelming sense of security. The feeling of warmth and comfort seems to be oddly familiar, like I have been in those arms before. The stranger rested his head on top of mine and whispered to me in a soft voice:

Hearing these words gave me a great sense of relief, it felt as if a great weight was lifted from me, and I was happy. I was free.

I turned around to the familiar stranger and found myself looking into the loving eyes of Trowa. He smiled and leaned in to give me the softest kiss.

That morning I awoke to find Trowa asleep, holding me in his arms. Remembering the dream, I turn to face him and give him and slowly kiss on his beautiful lips and whispered "Thank you for freeing me."

End