AN: Okay peeps, sorry I have taken sooo long to update. I've been super busy. First I went home for the holidays. To my grandmother's place. I wasn't even NEAR a computer long enough to write. My mom and Aunt hogged the computer all the time. Why? Both their little babies are stationed in Iraq, and the best way to speak to them is IM. Phone bills get too high. I'm not even allowed to talk to them for fear of contaminating them. Their MY family too!!! I also got a hedge hog too!!! Yes those things with quills. If anyone tells you that the quills don't hurt DO NOT BELIEVE THEM that is so a lie. It's like little needles. My dog won't go near her anymore. But she is so cute and so sweet, what with her adorable daemonic eyes, her lovely hog snout, and her sharp delicate quills. My parents have adopted her as their grandchild. Fitting. I think they like her more than me. Even though she has this nasty habit of pooping whenever she's scared. Like today. I scared her earlier by yelling at my sister, so she took a dump while I was going downstairs. I didn't notice it at all. Neither did my sister. That is until she stepped in it. That just got us in another argument as to who should clean up the poop that was now ground into our lovely carpet. Ah well. Any ways my little baby hedgie is named Estelle. It means star in Latin. I know that estel is hope in Sindarin and is also Aragorn's nickname, but I swear that is coincidental. I don't think she even believes in hope. She looks more like a star any ways. This is probably useless information you don't need, but I can't help it. Stelly is just soooooooo cute!! On with the story!!☺☺
WARNING: this story is not for those who think that any or all the Lord of the Ring's characters are gods. If you have shrines to worship said characters you need to give yourself a reality check. They are just movie characters. You will not be pulled into ME and vice versa. If you still think it's possible for that to happen then you need to immediately from your computer and do the chicken dance. Remember to take a picture of it and e-mail it to me.
Disclaimer: again I do not own LotR. Those rights are preserved by Tolkein and remain his. It is only my job to make fun of it. Yet is still don't own it. I don't even want it. All I want is a really tall horse. I only read The Return of the King for Shadowfax. The movie did him no justice. Besides Tolkein knows squat about horses. They're not white, they're light grey. Off topic again. Sorry. Enjoy. Almost forgot, I also do not own Hansel and Gretel or The Little Mermaid. Ha I said it.
Pippin n Merry
Once upon a time there were 2 ordinary hobbits named Pippin and Merry. Now for some odd reason that can not be explained Merry chose to live with Pippin. And for some other reason Pippin's family didn't care. In fact Merry had lived with the Tooks long enough to call them family.
Anyways one day the 2 hobbits returned home late one day after looting the local pub the Green Dragon to find their mother, well actually Pippin's mother but Merry for no apparent reason what so ever called her his mother too, lying dead with her eye's glazed over and a knife in her throat and the initials S.H.I.T carved on her stomach. When the two saw this they immediately ran over to the poor woman and began shaking her violently. Somehow managed to free it and fell to the floor. This noise startled Pippin into speaking.
"I think she's sleeping" Pippin whispered to Merry, if you can consider shouting at the top of your lungs whispering.
"Fool of a Took!" Merry whispered quietly back if you consider a fog horn quiet. "Cant you tell! She's dead!"
This statement caused Pippin to immediately stop shaking the dead woman and look at the floor. As he looked down he saw a knife sticking out of the floor
"Look Merry," said Pippin picking up the knife "its dad's knife. He must have left it here before going to work." Now this might have been a decent assumption if the knife hadn't been sticking out of the now dead woman's neck and if it wasn't dripping with blood, but since both of these were true this statement was not a very accurate observation.
Anyways, it was at this exact moment that the boys father Sebastian Huracio Ignatius Took walked in the house and said…
"Bring the body boys" said Sebastian in the same exact whisper voice the boys had previously been using "some riders from Rohan are buying dead things for reasons that are not pertaining to a 'secret weapon' that they do not have"
The boys dragged their dead mother's body a long and handed her off to the riders. In return they received a bag of horse manure and a keg of ale. (This is the Rohirrim we're talking about.)
That night after the hobbits finished their meal of stolen mushrooms and ale (curtesy of farmer Maggot) Father Took made an announcement
" I have an announcement ." stated Papa Took "I have decided that my mourning is finished. I have also decided to remarry in oooh… 10 minutes to miss Lobelia Sacksville-Baggins.
Skipping ahead to the wedding. Now everyone knows what happens at weddings. The bride walks down the isle, the groom and bride say their vows they kiss blah blah blah yada yada so on and so forth. The only thing different about this wedding however was everyone was COMPLETELY drunk, the groom was dressed in a hot pink and neon orange suit, and there was no official person to make the wedding legal. I am not going into the details of that wedding but basically during the event there was a ton of dancing, brawling, love confessions, and a lot of other non-legal weddings.
So the next morning Pippin and Merry woke up with the humongous hangovers and began to trash the house looking for a couple aspirin. Lobelia Took was awaken by the noise and found the whole house trashed so she ran the boys to the edge of town.
Now like every other guy on the face of this earth these to sucked with directions, but unlike every other guy these two weren't ashamed of it.In fact they bragged about it. So it is to no surprise that they dropped painted rocks all the way and easily found their way home again. Now this pattern went on for many months, until one day they finally found their bottle of aspirin. Right after they found it however they were chased out of town again, but instead of dropping colored rocks like usual they dropped aspirin.
Now unfortunately it was exactly at this time that thousands of hobbits began to wake up with horrible hangovers. When these hobits saw the aspirin on the ground there was an all out dash for the precious medicine, so it is to no surprise that the two were unable to find their way home.
Now while the hobbits were meandering around the woods looking for the way home their presence was found out by another. After Smaug the dragon had been run out of the Lonely Mountain by the dwarves he decided to move into the highly flammable woods near the shire. Believe me it wasn't one of his best ideas. Now unfortunately for the hobbits, Smaug still held a bit of a grudge towards hobbits after Bilbo decided to destroy his lovely home and steal his treasure, so the dragon devoured the hobbits before burning down the whole Shire. Unfortunately for Smaug he got heartburn because of his efforts and fell into the fire and killed all the hobbits that were trying to escape.
The End
Moral: Never try and burn a whole town down without parental supervision.
AN: The game is still on. So far only one person has participated. The game is still going Review NOW!!! If this petty game scares you then just say you don't want to play. I'll be keeping score right after the story.
So far…
Lady Tolwen: 4 points