AN: sorry I haven't written in so long. My computer crashed (again) and I also got that stupid virus that comes through AIM. I think I still have it on my computer some where. Hmmm….well anyways don't really have to worry about that now. I'm stealing time on someone else's computer to type this up. Well I tried doing one with Arwen portrayed as a slut. I'm not sure I really succeeded, but oh well. Here it is

Warning: elves will die in this. And a pollywog thing. If you are in love with elves, are an elf or your best friend is an elf DO NOT READ! Unless you can make fun of, or hate elves in general and somehow manage to succeed at one of the reasons above. If you can love and hate elves at the same time I want you to get some therapy right now, or take a long walk off a short pier

Disclaimer: these things are getting really REALLY annoying. Look I do not own tolkien nor do I want to. I don't have a lot of money so really don't sue me!

The Story Based Off of a English Story Based Off of Rumplestiltskein

Once upon a time there was a woman named Celebrian who had a daughter named Arwen. Now the two of them lived quite comfortably. Every day however Arwen would leave and refuse to come home until after 1: 00 am. Also every day hundreds of love letters would be sent to the house each day. At first Celebrian thought nothing of it, because the letters mad good fire wood, and her daughter was very beautiful with ten pounds of make up on her face, skirts that reached two inches above the hips, and shirts that barely covered anything and were see through. After a while though, Celebrian started getting a bit concerned for her daughter's welfare. So one day Celebrian decided to follow her daughter around for a while to see what the kid did. Well Celebrian dressed all in black with dark lines under her eyes, chased Arwen all around Rivendale as the girl made her rounds. in the total of one hour of following her daughter she saw the girl kiss twenty dudes. Now these kisses weren't the innocent kisses that friends some times give each other on the cheek, oh no these were right on the lips none of them shorter than one minute.

Anyways after watching her daughter chase after so many guys without inviting even ONE! home for dinner gasp Celebrian runs home heart broken and begins to eat chocolate. After running through thirty-five pounds of the stuff Celebrian decides she must take action against her daughters actions so just like every half-brained sissy elf she prances outside and begins to sing.

"My daughter kissed twenty idiots today, twenty idiots my daughter kissed today."

It was also at this exact moment King Aragorn appears out of no where and rides up on his oh-so-white-it's-scary horse and hears the poor elf singing her heart out and asks Celebrian what she's singing.

"What are you singing?" asks Aragorn in his annoying way of repeating what the author just said.

Celebrian, ashamed about being caught singing such things about her daughter like that decides to switch the song around a bit.

"My daughter spun twenty skeins of yarn today, twenty skeins of yarn my daughter spun today.'' Celebrian sang.

Aragorn, when hearing this decided that since he didn't have a wife , he could use one with such talents.

" I have decided ," said Aragorn yet again repeating what the author just said " I don't have a wife and could use one with such talents. For fifty-one weeks of the year your daughter will be able to eat whatever she wants and be given designer clothes and tons of makeup and such but for one week she has to spin 140 skeins of yarn."

Celebrian willingly agreed to this hoping that Arwen would stop chasing boys if she was attached, and so Aragorn and Arwen were wed.

Anyways for the next fifty-one weeks, as promised Arwen was spoiled rotten, and a Celebrian predicted Arwen err… SAW fewer boys, but all too soon Arwen was shoved into a room with tons of wool and told she had to spin it into yarn.

Now Arwen when hearing this began to cry, for she had never even SEEN a spinning wheel before. She cried so long and hard she disturbed a pollywog at a near by pond. The pollywog, at hearing her cries decided that he had to help the poor elleth.

" Poor child preciousssssss yessss very poor child. We could ssspinssss the threadssss for her yesss we couldsssss."

"You could help me?" asks Arwen.

"yesssss" replied the toady thing "we couldsssss, for the price of your hair."

" NO WAY!" cried Arwen " I'd rather DIE than give up my gorgeous hair!"

" we couldsss give her a challengesss precious" the swamp thingy said not willing to budge on his proposition " We couldssss givesssss her three daysssss to givesss ussss our name or we getssss her hair. Yesss we could do that."

"Done!" cried Arwen and shook on it.

Well the frog in denial spun the up all the thread and returned it to the bored girl. Anyways after that he came back every day and asked her for his name and for two days she didn't get it. Well on the third day of this her husband came down to see how his wife was faring, and found the Umbridge look a like questioning HIS girl and asked the creature

" hey isn't your name Gollum?"

well it was also at this exact moment Sauron decided he'd had enough of these fooleries and blew the place up. Celebrian was so upset by the news she decided to sail west with a bunch of Goth elves who hated their lives. Unfortunately they were only a few hundred yards out when a hurricane randomly struck and killed them all.

The End

Moral: never marry your daughter off and pay 140 skeins of thread. Do it for 50.

AN: okay there yah are! Please review! If you don't I'll get the really big spiders and Scary Trees with Eyes© to chase you down and make you! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!