I sat on the foot of my bed, staring at the floor. I couldn't move, I was paralyzed by my love for Hiei. I began sobbing. I pulled my knees to my chest and pressed my forehead against them, closing my eyes. I trembled and bit my lip, tears streaming uninhibited down my face. I cried until I collapsed, exhausted, onto my bed, still fully clothed in my school uniform. My dreams were, of course, of Hiei.
I saw him in my mind as he was on the day I knew I loved him. The spiky- haired fire demon had just conquered another demon in battle. The demon lay at his feet, his wasted body broken. I was used to the violence, and the loss of life. I felt no remorse for the demon, only pride for mine. Across his face was a look of pure triumph. And he was smiling. I had rarely seen Hiei smile, but when he did, I was so captivated by how boyishly excited he looked. His eyes were wide and sparkling and his mouth was upturned. I then had known. I was in love and I could not deny it. Hiei let out a whoop and did a couple of flips. I'd never seen him so exuberant. I stood, watching him with a grin on my face. He began to flip to me but he lost his footing. I reached out and grabbed him, pulling him to me to steady him. His small frame pressed against mine took my breath away. I stared down at him and him up at me. Then he pulled away, straightening himself.
"I could have caught myself, fox."
I ran down streets I did not recognize. Finally I ended up in the park where Kurama and I used to practice fighting. I climbed up to a top branch and curled up, closing my eyes and visualizing Kurama in my mind. I needed him. I drifted in and out of sleep, focusing all of my concentration on those eyes, his smile. As the night wore on, I would lose myself in dreams of him, and awake with a smile. I forgot that he'd laughed at me, I forgot my fear and my pride. I thought only of Kurama. He was my best friend, if nothing else. I opened my eyes and frowned. The more I considered the possibility of his laughing at me, the less plausible it became. The sky was turning green with the promise of a rising sun. I jumped to the ground and, still frowning, began to head to Kurama's house. Inside, I was at war, which was becoming more and more frequent. I was so scared that, if I returned to him he would mock my helpless love for him. Then again, knowing Kurama it felt ridiculous to imagine that he could ever belittle me; he was always lifting me up.
I found myself in his front yard. The windows reflected the sky and seemed empty and brittle. I walked across the yard to the tree I'd claimed as my own and stood staring up at the glass that kept him from me, the glass that I knew was unlocked and open always waiting for my return.
I leapt up the tree to Kurama's window. Climbing inside, I landed on my feet and my eyes latched onto Kurama. His red hair was flowing around his face, and he slept silently. A beam of dawn shone in and kissed his skin. I walked to him and stood over him, staring at his beauty. He must have sensed me there, for he woke from a deep sleep and gaze met mine. I felt a lump form in my throat. He had been crying. He reached out to touch my cheek, as if unsure that it was truly I that stood before him. I closed my eyes and turned my face into his hand, kissing his palm.
"You came back." I trembled, fighting the urge to fall into his arms and beg him to never again let me leave.
"I can't seem to stay away," I whispered.
He stood, grabbing for a shirt. When he did so, his body was brushed against mine. He didn't notice, but I was breathless with longing.
"Kurama," I gasped, gripping his arm as he started to pass me. He turned his eyes to my pale face with risen eyebrows.
"Yes Hiei?" he asked, laying a hand on my shoulder. I could no longer restrain myself. I flung myself against him and buried my face in his chest. He seemed startled for a moment but then wrapped his arms around me.
"Hiei?" he questioned.
"Just hold me," I moaned quietly.
Just hold him? I wanted nothing more! My breaths shortened as he pressed even more closely against me. I made no move to kiss him, or further advance, for I was terrified that he would leave me again. Just then, I heard him whisper the words I'd longed to hear for so very long.
"I love you, Kurama." My body tensed and I moved my hands from his waist to his face and cupped his cheeks in my palms. He looked at me, his eyes full of fearful excitement. I smiled. I pressed my lips to his, and he arched up to greedily devour my mouth. My fingers ran up and down his sides and then gripped him tightly as I felt his lips part. I pressed my tongue to meet his. He shuddered and pulled away.
hr
I could only stare at Kurama. I had wanted that, more than anything. When I had told him I loved him, I'd meant it. But I couldn't stay and succumb to this passionate lust. I had to hear him return my words of love. He had made no move to speak to me words of love. I backed away nervously. I saw panic cloud his eyes.
"No! Hiei! Please don't leave me. Not now; how can you?" I stopped and scowled. I could not claim that it was only a kiss.we both knew that it meant more than that. But I couldn't appear weak.
"Goodnight fox," I muttered before disappearing through the window.