"I need help don't I? I need.. to depend on myself. That's what's really wrong here..." Asuka talked sadly to herself, quietly trying to justify her own feelings. It had been a few hours since she had woken up next to Shinji on the couch. He had looked so peaceful, she had never seen him so tranquil. He almost seemed happy. She wanted to stay there next to him. It had been comfortable, but staying there would have just added to the embaressment she felt already. He was probably bragging to his friends right now, telling them twisted versions of what had gone on.

"Stupid" she turned and leaned against the wall from her cold seat on the lid of the toilet. It felt like everything was screaming at her, but she coudn't bring herself to listen. Not that long ago the situation would have sent her into a full on bitch fit. At the moment it felt like nothing could even provoke her to move. It didn't matter though. Everything seemed so blurred.

Tiny droplets of water had condensed from her recent shower. They ran down the off white utility fictures, leaving little paths as they joined together and streaked towards the floor. The air was still damp, hot with steam.

She rubbed her fingers against each other. They seemed to be washed, each one frictioning against the one it touched like it had been scrubbed with a strong soap. She didn't remember showering.

Asuka exhaled as far as she could, before sucking in a wet breath and finally standing. Even if she had showered, she felt like a bath. Maybe she really was losing it.

Shinji kicked his shoes off and placed them on the matt next to the door. His stomach made a small gurgling noise as he entered the apartment.

A snack sounded pretty decent. He headed to the kitchen and over to the cabinet, letting himself skid to a stop on his socks. Noodles seemed to be the easiest to make. The only thing required was hot water. It was probably the reason Misato had so many. He poured the water in from the sink and put the whole cup in the microwave for four minutes. It wasn't the right way to make them, but a little faster atleast.

The door was closed to the bathroom, he realized as he waited. Something about it gave him the chills. Asuka had stayed home from school. He hadn't seen her since he fell asleep the night before. She hadn't told him what was wrong; she had barely said anything at all.

He frowned, popping open the microwave door with the white push-in handle. "She's probably in there cursing me."

"Things are confusing..." the once proud pilot mumbled to no one in particular, letting herself sink beneath the warm water. It was calming; all of the noises outside were muffled and base sounds were amplified. She could hear herself shift against the bottom of the tub, the bones of her spine squeaking as she turned and pulled in her knees. Her thoughts drifted back to a dream she had been having.

There was someone tied in the rafters. The cloth was soft, like toilet paper, absorbing an odorless sweat. It looked like the top of a factory tower. Everything was made of shiny metal. Huge fans spun lazily in misplaced windows, squeaking with the occasional breeze. The sun shown through brightly, making the room humid but comfortable. Outside a small portion of trees could be seen, their leaves darkened by the light behind them. The color was indescribable. It was like seeing blue and yellow at the same time, with out the creation of green.

Asuka let her mind wonder in the peace until the burning lack of oxygen disturbed it too much to ignore. The air was bitter but relieving as she finally made herself sit up. She coughed shaking the ache from her lungs. Having to breathe was such a disappointment.

The water rippled and splashed violently in her sudden movement. She watched as the waves rocked back and forth, diminishing almost as quickly as they had been created. It made her feel kind of sad watching them die down so quickly.

The feeling of being cold crept down her neck, rising tiny white hairs in its path. She had a sudden urge to reach for something. There didn't seem to be anything around but the already used towel sitting on the lid of the toilet across from her. She snatched it up and clung to it like it was a stuffed bear.

Something sharp scratched her. A cerulean blue handle was sticking from a fold in the dull yellow of the terrycloth. It was her razor. It had been in the bottom of the tub from the shower and she had thrown it out of the way and forgotten.

Her fingers fiddled with the sea shell engraving above the blade, the towel floating away like a piss colored cloud in the clear water.

"If only I could have been a hermit crab." She threw it to the other end of the tub as she jumped up. It cracked as it hit the metal faucet. The blade had seperated and as it slid down the curve near the bath plug it reflected. Asuka looked at it, stepping over the side and onto the wet floor. It looked like the color from her dream.

She slipped, smashing her head into the sink.

I know, I know, it has been cliched, I'm trying to smooth the edges off an idea. It's weird, sorry.