Warning: there'll be yaoi, although there will not be hentai acts. Sorry guys. However, it has hard images.

Warning: violence, lots and lots and lots of anguish.

Warning: pathetic English from a learner. I've only been studying English for a little more than a year and a half, so please be nice and tell me all my mistakes, so I can correct them. I take very seriously my learning, as you could guess for my rather high English level for such a short time of learning. And yes, I know a lot of phrases don't make sense at all, so, please, review the authoress and she will correct everything!

This is only the first part, is a song fic, so I don't own Inuyasha (I own, however, Sesshomaru, Kouga, Miroku and a couple more, I can dream, can't I?) or the song, which is "Rest in peace" I don't know whose song it is, a friend made me listen to it and I liked it, so I'm sorry for not being able to say more.

This is the continuation of the first chapter.

Leave me.

But I don't wanna play

But I keep acting in your play of torture, following you like a loyal and submitted slave. But I despise me so much, but I can't avoid it. I belong to you, tough I'm free. I'm yours, yours to torture, yours to make me suffer.

I don't wanna play. I want you to leave me.

I want to be free from you.

I want to be far from you.

'Cause being with you touches me

More than I can say

And I can't separate my eyes from your slender figure while you walk towards me. And I can't spare my eyes from your eyes when you look at me and study me.

And I can't separate my eyes from your lips when you move them, when you talk, when your velvet and smooth voice talks. In general, I don't listen to you. You think I don't want to hear you, but I am only protecting myself. The sound of your voice is so relaxing…

It soothes me, it calms me, you appease me. Appease the beast in me which wants to kill you, to stab you with thousands of daggers, to traverse you chest with a katana and cut into pieces your perfectly sculpted body.

But for you I'm only a toy, a being without own life, only a doll to break in the worst ways and then to throw it away, once you had tired of it, so it can sink in its own misery and the depths of depression.

And since I'm only dead to you

I'm saying stay away and

Let me rest in peace

That's, I'm dead to you, but you like to play with the dead. I remind you that you are one of them, a miko killed you 59 years ago.

And you know it.

But you don't care.

I want to be free of you, of your presence, of your power above me. I want to be free, but I want to be your slave and to suffer by your side, to suffer for you.

And I hate you for the confusion that plagues my mind, because I never know anything, because you keep me alerted and because you make me feel secure and safe, protected, to send me then to a sure death.

So let me rest in peace, go away from my thoughts, leave my mind. I want you to leave. Let me rest and bury my confusion. I want me to not suffer anymore for my family, for my sister, for my village, for myself. I want the love I felt for them vanish. Sincerely, I think that it is the only way I could ease the pain.

So let me rest in peace, go away, leave my mind. I gave everything I was to you, so let me die, let me reach my sleep.

Let me rest in peace.

Let me rest in peace

Let me get some sleep

I want to sleep far from you and your disturbing image. I want you to leave. Let me rest in peace. But I can't leave with you. You'll die with me.

Let me take my love and bury it

In a hole 6-foot deep

I can lay my body down

But I can't find my, sweet release

So let me rest in peace

I want to not feel anything. All I do is to repeat incessantly in my mind all my memories. My family, my father teaching me how to fight, to kill beings like you. But I didn't want to be a murderer. I disliked violence. However, my sister Sango, she comforted me. She was so strong. Strong, powerful, quick and deathly, beautiful, perfect, unreachable. I was a weak child, slow, imperfect, unworthy. Unworthy to be called an exterminator, I was a coward. But, at least, I was protected then. And you appeared, and destroyed all I knew, you made me erase all I minded, using my body as a weapon.

Sometimes I wonder how is that you choose me, a clumsy and weak eleven-year child, instead of one of the more skilled exterminators. I suppose that the fragile mind of a child is easier to manipulate. But you used me. I know it wasn't my fault; I was under your control, but… I also know that you weren't completely you then.

It seems impossible, but I'm disposed to swear it. It was not you… at least not entirely you. Some of the demos that you had absorbed had been slayed by my comrades, my own father, my own sister, my neighbours. I suppose they were looking for revenge. Sometimes, in order to train, exterminators kill innocent and harmless youkais.

It's cruel, but it's the way a teijiya is. Teijiyas, like demons, have certain rules that cannot be broken, and that I have violated so many, too many times.

An exterminator does not feel compassion, he only can act two ways: if the demos is not dangerous and can be trained, use it. If the demon can make its own decisions, or is to dangerous, kill it. An exterminator doesn't speak with demons. An exterminator does not live with them. An exterminator never works for them. An exterminator should never be cured by one. An exterminator never, never, never let a youkai manipulate him.

And the main rule: an exterminator never falls in a spiral of love-hate with a demon. And never, with a demon like you. If you were like Kouga, Inuyasha o Sesshomaru, I will have something to defend me, they have a heart. I doubt you have a heart. And if you have one, I swear one day I'll destroy it.

But you eliminate those demons from you years ago. You made yourself a bit weaker only for me. You said it isn't normal to try to kill and to try to save somebody simultaneously. It distracted you from your goals

Bastard, at least then I could blame on them your acts.

I hate you.

But I can't.

Then I don't remember anything, it was not me, it was only a body.

I was… far away.

Not here. Not in my body. I could see myself from outside. I could see my body do all those murders, but it was not me. A person feels and experiments though his body, his soul moulds to the body it has. Inuyasha won't have such a fiery soul if he had not had to fight all his life for survival, all those humiliations because of his half-breed body.

But I could only see myself sometimes.

Most of times I was reviving my past, each day of my childhood, all my memories, all the faces I used to love. The universe seen through the eyes of a child.

And the next day, I was with you. I could not remember my past. There was anything in my head. No memories, no feelings, only a void. A void, and a giant youkai in front of my eyes trying to eat me. It hit me, I fell unconscious. The last thing I saw were you killing that demon without even approaching it, only throwing him a dagger. It's probably the dagger was poisoned. I awakened in a comfortable bed in a huge and luminous room. You were here, staring with those red eyes. Blood red eyes. You took care of me, you rocked me when I cried, you were considerate and polite. You made me feel protected, I believed you were a hero. Because I didn't know your true mind. I only knew you had saved me from that youkai, and that you allowed me to live in your palace. And that you gave me commodities, education, respect, and you were kind, and you listened.

You are a great actor, and I hate you because I trusted you.

I loved you, I didn't recall anything or anybody, only you filled my life and that was enough. I did not need memories to taint my life with you. I was happy, you did not let anything damage me, you protected me from the demons who wanted to end the lineage of exterminators. Your voice soothed me, your presence gave me life. I loved and respected you.

I wanted to remain by your side forever. A teen of fourteen wishing to remain with his saviour all the time he was allowed to.

But then they attacked. And they killed me. The last thing I heard before dying for the second time was a light sob from you, or so I thought.

And then I was alive again, as if I only had fallen unconscious, and I had all my memories. And the pain and the guilt was unbearable, so I decided to end your life and mine too. The goal nobody achieved, I was going to achieve it. I would erase your venomous and poisonous presence of this world. But first I began to cry desperately. And, in a blurry image, I saw you. And, among all, I did the only thing I felt right at that moment: I ran to your arms and cried. Because you were always there to soothe and calm me. Because you comforted and understood me. Because a great part of me trusted you. Because a small part of still was that frightened teen that had no memories except from yours.

And you didn't reject me, you should have, you knew it was only the prelude, but no, you had to comfort me, to rock me and to make me feel better, and worse at the same time, because you made me feel better.

You know,

You got a willing slave

You just love to play the thought

That you might misbehave

Till you do,

I'm telling you

Stop visiting my grave

I cried until exhaustion. And you rocked me between your powerful arms and you let me do it, until I finally surrender to my tiredness and I fell asleep in your protective embrace, lulled by your silky voice, your whispers, your sighs, your breath, and the velvet sound of your heart beating in your chest, that rhythm that is unique and disconcerting.

And it frightens me that, almost today, I find your presence so… relaxing… calming…

It terrorizes me.

When I woke up, lying besides you, my head over your chest, my right arm over your heart, and I inhaled your essence, like a forest, with a light touch of sea. I had always wondered why you smell of sea… Like you were once part of it. Who knows. But it's relaxing, comforting, overwhelming and… scaring.

I extracted a poisoned dagger from my boots. In your sleep, in your dream, your fingers caressed my back's skin among the shreds of my silk clothes, clothes that you yourself chose and gave me. You are such a pervert. Hand-embroidered silks, the finest brocades and delicate obis wrapped me, only for your sight. Your slaves wear silk, showing to everyone your power and wealth.

I stabbed the dagger into your heart, my first willing murder, without your orders inside my mind, and then I rested my head in your chest, waiting to die, waiting for your arms to leave my back and then your claws ripping my throat and my heart simultaneously, with poison, with acid. I knew you were a merciless demon, I knew it, but you also were my saviour and I wanted to die with you.

With you.

But you didn't kill me, you simply stared at my blood covered hand, you red eyes were darkened to an almost garnet shade.

"You have poisoned me"

It was a statement, made with a soft and sweet voice, without hatred.

I closed my eyes and held your body tighter, your body, which was cooling quickly.

"I'm glad… that you are alive"

That phrase was a stab in my heart, which skipped a few beats. I felt a hand pulling off of my back and I relaxed my muscles, waiting to feel your claws tearing me, but I only felt a gentle caress in my cheek. Mind-torturing me, making me feel guilty for killing you, even when you were dying. And I began to feel bad, to regret, to hate myself for hating you.

For not asking your motives. I don't think you had explained them, either.

I opened my eyes in surprise and I focused your wonderfully red gaze, that which is hypnotic, and I saw your smile, your lips with a line of blood in them. Your smile surprised me greatly, it was that smile, that true smile we have talk before… and your eyes' expression was… unreadable…

Gorgeous, estrange, comforting… accusing. I left my head fall over your chest again and I fell asleep, beaten and defeated. You were truly happy that it was me the one that was killing you, you were so happy because you had corrupted me fully. Guilt is a powerful feeling. As it is regret. And you are an expert at using them; you know how to make me feel exactly the way you want me to feel. Manipulative, sickening bastard.

When I woke, you were caressing my hair, petting me gently. You still bled, but you were far more powerful than I supposed you to be.

"Good morning, Kohahu" you called me by my name, no 'human', 'you', 'exterminator', 'slave', 'imp'. Simply, my name sliding between your lips, staying in them a little long, escaping from your inviting mouth in a whisper.

I closed my eyes. I knew the truth then, and I know it now: I'll never escape from you. You'll never let me rest in peace.

Let me rest in peace

You didn't say anything. Days later, Kanna showed me my burial. It was simple, calm, silent. Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha, Kagome, Shippo, Kirara, Sesshomaru, Rin, Kouga. Ginta, Hakkaku, y Jaken too.

I wonder why the rest came. Only my sister knew me, the true Kohaku, not only a living golem. Probably, in a sign of respect to my sister. Sango seemed peaceful at least. They only buried my weapon from the exterminators' village. They supposed destroyed my body.

I knew that I wasn't able to go with them. Today I can't return to my family, tomorrow I won't be able either. I can't cloud their felicity. I can not stand the fact that they would despise me, they would reject me. I want to die at the thought.

My sister was my only family. The same family that you killed, the same family that today tells her newborn son about his dead uncle and how he fought to you.

If she knew the truth…

I should have left when you survived, I should have returned, I should have tried again to kill you, and the commit seppuku, making honourable, if not my life, at least my death.

But no.

I know I should go

But I follow you like a man possessed

I should have gone away, but I know I had to remain by your side. My sister was happy without me; I will only bring her problems and sadness. And I desire her so much happiness. But it wasn't the only reason. A part of me, I'm ashamed of it, desired to stay here, with you, with your gentle manners, your malicious smirk, your amazing and incredibly blood eyes, your protection. You. Always you at the end.

And that makes me hate and despise myself. I have deceived everyone. I'm a pathetic excuse for an exterminator, a pathetic excuse for a man.

But I can't avoid it. I look and there are you. Distant and nearby, impossible to touch you but impossible to avoid wanting it.

I hate you, bastard, murderer, demon.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I hate you.

But I can't hate you.

There's a traitor here beneath my breast

And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed

End of the second chapter. Thank for reading, and please give me your opinion. Constructive criticism, suggestions, comments are welcomed and encouraged. Flames are allowed, by the way.

Davinci