A/N: 3/25/04 Yeah! I got reviews! Kris, Ahara, please note, pointedly ignores explosions in the distance this is not the place for ex-lover's quarrels. Go to Furc or a public bulletin board. Don't review unless it has something to do with the fic.

A/N 05/17/04 Gomen na Sai! I haven't had a chance to update lately. Kodai was a typo. It should be Kohai. It's a suffix used with someone who is your underclassman or your inferior within an organization, which is the sense in which Cheriko uses it. Thanks to every one who has reviewed, and don't give up on me! This is the last week of school so I should be able to update more soon! Though The Curse of ADHD is dragging me to FL… If you like FFX or just characters stuck in horrid but amusing situations, read her stuff! She too, hasn't been updating much cause her laptop died, but once I go over there and reinstall word she'll update more.

Cheri, Chibi, Usagi, and me.

When I came to, I was lying in the street, which was inexplicably dry, and an Asian girl with blonde hair pulled up like Sailor Moon's was leaning over me. Well, blonde's not really the right word for that color. It's honest-to-god yellow. When she saw my eyes were open, she turned to the purple-haired girl standing next to her and started babbling in Japanese. "Weird ears." I thought fuzzily. The purple-haired one's ears were big plastic, roughly triangular things, Pink on the top and white on the bottom. "Where have I seen ears like that before?" I thought to myself. Anime. Chobits.

"Persocom? I said out loud. The purple-haired one nodded, and knelt down next to me. She squeezed my ear and took the cable and hooked it up to her ear. Suddenly Japanese characters started rushing past my eyes. After a couple seconds, they stopped, and the purple-haired one disconnected the cable and started talking to the other girl.

"He's an American model with no registered user, and an unusually powerful CPU. I installed the Japanese language software."

Suddenly I realized they'd been speaking in Japanese, and I'd understood it! Then the meaning of their words hit me. "I'm a Persocom?"

"Yes dear, you are. Poor thing, half your circuits must have been scrambled by the lightning. I'm Cheriko." The Persocom said to me, "This is Usagi. She'll be your new user."

Usagi said, "Register new user. Usagi. Password Moon Prism Power Make UP."

"User registered." I found myself saying. "Why the hell did I say that!"

"Um, it's the default response to registering a user. What kind of Persocom are you, anyway?" Usagi asked. Then she glomped me and said, "Yea! My very own male Persocom! Now I have someone to dress up as Tuxedo Kamen-sama!"

I froze. "Tuxedo…Kamen? From Sailor Moon?"

"The one and only!" Usagi replied. "And if you're more coordinated then Cheriko, I'll even let you put my hair in dodangos for me."

If I hadn't been sitting on the street already, I would have fallen to my knees. As it was, I just looked up at the sky and screamed. "Why? Why? WHY!"

I love anime, and I try to keep an open mind, but there are two things I cannot stand, (A/N Ashe's viewpoints are not those of the author. He's based on a friend who really has these viewpoints. 'Sides, they make things more… interesting) Yaoi, and Sailor Moon. That show is evil! My little sister once made me watch the S movie, and I nearly clawed my eyes out! Why did the first person to find me have to be a Sailor Moon fangirl? Why?

People were beginning to stare at this point. Cheriko turned and said, "Please don't mind him. He was struck by lightning, and his circuits seem a bit scrambled." They seemed to accept this explanation, and went on. Cheriko yanked him to his feet with more strength then he would have expected from her thin frame, and smiled. "Follow me please, Ashe-kohai."

"Kohai! What am I, an errant younger student?"

"Well actually, in the service of Usagi-jo you are exactly that. Please come along. You are making a scene." She dragged me along behind her to an apartment building nearby. We went up the elevator to the fifth floor, and then I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly which apartment was my new owner's. A banner hung on the door of apartment 540 with Sailor Moon on one side and Sailor Mercury on the other. In the middle it read "Rumiko Usagi" in kanji. I moaned again.

As soon as she opened the door the overpowering scent of roses nearly bowled me over, and nary a flower in sight. Instead, Sailor Moon posters and wall scrolls covered every square inch (or should I say centimeter? For some reason I still think in the standard system, though I haven't had a chance to use it for anything in two years) of wall space, except for one little corner dedicated to the rest of the anime in the world, and the ceiling, even. There was a big collectables cabinet filled with Sailor Moon stuff, including a heart-shaped bottle labeled "Moon Revenge-Perfume of the Sailor Senshi" which appeared to be the source of the stench filling the room. I shuddered. It was… disturbing to say the least. There were a couple posters and one figurine that made me want to claw the eyes (excuse me visual receptors) out of my head, encompassing the two things I hate most in one image. They must have been made and sold by fans, 'cause I doubt Naoko Takeuchi would have approved. And I was expected to live here? "It burns!" I gasped, collapsing onto the thick pink-with-crescent-moons-patterned carpet. The last thing I saw before blacking out was a small black cat walking on me.

"Meow?"