Welcome to Odi wt Amo, the first chapter. My thanks to all my wonderfully supportive reviewers, you guys rock, roll and…uh, rock. Lol.

My special thanks to Emily, who reminded me where Odi et Amo actually came from. I totally forgot to insert the poem! (Which, by the way, doesn't belong to me, but to the famous Latin poet, Catullus.)

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Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; neither do I own the poem. Don't remind me.

Warning: Slash. D.U.H.

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Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why do I do it, perchance you might ask?
I don't know, but I feel it happening to me and I'm burning up.

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Sirius stumbled through the small park and managed to seat himself on a park bench. His mind was in turmoil, unable to adjust to the fact that he had made a huge mistake in thinking that Remus, his Remus, was the traitor.

He sat there, breath coming in short gasps, tears threatening to flood those blue-grey eyes. Why didn't he see it coming? He was so utterly blind…But Peter had never given anyone evidence to prove himself of betraying anyone… He'd never given anyone reason to distrust him…because Peter was so innocent, so…incapable.

But now he had shown his true colours. His capability to betray his best friends.

Sirius stood up. Pulling out his wand and the letter, he tapped the letter twice and said, "Fiat lux (1)," to find the writer of the letter. Namely, Peter Pettigrew.

A line of red light blossomed out of the tip of his wand, twisting away out of sight. A line of light that would lead him to the traitor. Only he could see the light, as the caster of the spell.

He would find Peter. Teach him not to mess with his best friends. Then he would go back to Remus. Apologise on his knees. If that didn't work…well, he'd come to that later.

Remus.

"I'm sorry, Moony."

Sirius Black strode purposefully following the light.

A lone tear ran down his cheek.

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Remus Lupin collapsed heavily on the bed. The day after a full moon was never good for him. Especially since…

No. He would not continue that line of thought. But, against his will, the memory of not but a few days ago resurfaced.

"Get out."

What had he done to deserve that blank stare and toneless voice? Why didn't Sirius love him anymore?

Remus shifted slightly and winced as pain seared through him. He bit down on his lip, hard, to stop himself from crying out. Too hard, he realised, as he tasted the salty iron taste of blood. He sighed, letting his head flop back down on the pillow, past caring about a few drops of blood. He had lost a lot yesterday.

The werewolf didn't understand why last night's full moon affected him so badly. Last night, for the first time in years, he was forced to lock himself in an abandoned barn house and bite himself. It was a thing he had not had to worry about since school.

Much as he tried to deny it, he couldn't. Much as he tried to forget, the memories were tattooed to his brain, unmovable. He missed Sirius. He just did.

All Remus wanted to do was remove the memories of the black-haired man, even if it meant scooping his brains out. He wanted to hate Sirius with all his heart and mind. The only trouble being that…he loved Sirius with all his heart and mind.

Remus growled in frustration, his werewolf side coming out for a split second.

There was a soft tapping from the window.

He opened his golden eyes tiredly, and saw a handsome barn owl staring back at him impatiently, a letter clamped in its beak. Too tired to get up and open the window by hand, Remus concentrated all his strength in lifting his wand that lay on his bedside table. Giving it a wave, the window sprang open and the owl soared in, dropping the letter onto Remus' chest and soaring back out again, its task complete.

Slowly, as every movement caused him pain, Remus opened the letter that was addressed to him, and unfolded the folded piece of parchment inside. Inside, in curly writing, was written:

Dear Remus,

You-Know-Who is gone! Harry Potter has somehow beaten him. However, James and Lily…both perished. Harry will be placed in the care of his relatives, Lily's sister and her husband. Please pass on the news to Sirius.

Yours truly,

Dumbledore.

Tears stung Remus' eyes. Tears that were fuelled by a mixture of emotions. Happiness, at the end of Voldemort's reign, and the end of the ever looming risk of death. Sadness, at the deaths of his two best friends, James and Lily. Disappointment, at the fact that Harry would not be staying with him as he was Harry's (other) godfather. And the ever depressing thought of Sirius.

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Everyone said the two were polar opposites, but in truth, they weren't. Sure, they weren't identical, but they had their similarities.

Where Remus loved a good book and maybe a bar of chocolate, Sirius would be discussing his next prank with James or just being loud and rambunctious. Where Remus was timid and shy, Sirius was outgoing and noisy. Remus was also a little smaller built than Sirius. Don't get me wrong, the two were the same height, but when they stood together, you would swear Sirius was just…bigger.

However, they both shared a passion for beauty, and pain. Both, as teenagers, had gone through the self-harm stage, and had successfully arisen from that problem together. Both would do anything for their friends, death included. And they both loved each other.

'Well, not so much now,' thought Remus bitterly. A few more tears leaked out of his amber eyes; he was just too tired to restrain them.

Suddenly, another owl swooped down through the now-open window, dropped a piece of folded over parchment on Remus, and swooped back out again.

Remus sighed, wondering how many more letters he would get again. Then he saw the paw print on the parchment. Sirius!

He sat up, without seeming to notice the pain that shot up his spine. Unfolded the slightly crumpled paper.

One word.

Sorry.

Remus stared at those five letters written in his lover's hand for a long time, as if expecting the rest of the letter to appear suddenly before his eyes. But nothing.

Sorry. That was all he could say? Sorry? That was a laugh. Practically unheard of. Break someone's heart and say sorry.

Drained, both physically and emotionally, Remus fell back on to the sheets, letter clenched in his hand. Sorry. Really.

Slowly, the werewolf drifted of into an uneasy sleep.

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Argh. You're all going to hate me for that. It's even shorter than my prologue! And again, it is a Saturday, and tomorrow is Sunday, which means tennis, and dance class. How physically draining. Lol.

Fiat lux – Latin for 'Let there be light.' Lol. Sorry for the butchering of Latin phrases, but I can't help it. I mean, come on, it sounds so cool! Heh. (Dodges things being thrown at her.) No offence to Latin lovers though.

And, ignore the plothole…I don't know where Sirius got the owl…use your imagination, say he magicked it up or something… "Accio owl," Lol.

Till my next, and hopefully longer, chapter.

anila