Disclaimed: CSI:NY belongs to CBS

AN: I realise this could be a bit confusing, so therfor I ask you tosend me your thoughts on it andif I findthat too many of you found in confusing I shall try to re-write it a bit clearer.It is reallygood (from my un-objectivepoint ofview). Just to clear it up, I did drop hints, it is Mac andStella.

Finding a Way
by: La Suede

Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure

-- Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)

All her life had been spent trying to remember the small details about her life before the orphan. All her free time had been spent searching for any person who might know anything about her past. And in the end, the only thing she had found was that she had forgot how to live, how to be happy and how to love. She was no old woman yet, and there was certainly a good fifty years left of her life, but in order to say that she had lived a life she needed to let go. She now understood the line she had read many years ago. So, she let go.

Even when the sun is shining
You don't see the silver lining

-- Someone said goodbye (Enya)

I've always tried to make you see that even when you're hurting there will always come a better day. I don't think you ever really believed me, all those nights when we sat up and I tried to comfort you, you nodded in agreement just to light my heart. Even in your heartbroken state you put my need before your own, like you always have. But I think, no actually more hope, that at some point I reach trough your defences. And now, four years later I see that I was right.

If I never loved
I never would have cried

-- I am a Rock (Simon & Garfunkel)

He feels like a sad loner. People that passes him on the street takes one look in his face and then averted there eyes. He was a broken man, and no-one wanted to have anything to do with him. No-on but her. She was always there for him, like when he lost his wife, she sung a silent song for him, telling him it will be alright. Yet here he was in his lone flat crying his eyes red wishing she was her to love him.

First, when there's nothing
But a slow glowing dream

-- Flash dance (Irene Cara)

And slowly I learned to love you, just like I had loved her. Deep, unconditional and completely devoted. At first I had thought nothing about it, I was a man consumed by grieve, I should not love. But then when you refused to give up on me, when you could see the man I used to be deep inside my pain I also saw you. A woman, beautiful and kind, who had always been my friend even before this ordeal. And I knew even though I would always reserve a part of my heart for her, the first love of my life, the biggest part would now belong to you, the second love of my life.

Che hai acceso chiudi dentro me
La luce che hai incontrato per strada

-- Time to say Goodbye

And now, when you rest beside her I can see that you have found the peace of mind you deserved all your life. The peace you both deserved. It pains me to see my beloved parents to be lowered into the ground but I am happy that you my dear father are finally with the women you loved the most in life. I remember once, when I was still a kid, that you said she brought light and into your darkening days and dreams. Now I understand. I raise to my feet and walk way, it's time to say goodbye.

(Italian translation: Into me you've poured the light, the light that you found by the side of the road.)

So, was it confusing. I switch pov's from time to time, hopfully you've got it but still: About Stella, told by Stella, about Mac, told by Mac, told by other.