Fan poem for Sesshoumaru. What if he wanted to change? What if he regretted everything he's ever done? May be a bit out of character – it's a different side to him. Review please!
Regret
How I long to be free,
Free from this feeling that I must hate everything,
Loathe everything in sight,
Just to survive.
Why do people think they know me?
Because they don't,
Why is it that I feel so alone?
This silence is eating me inside out.
My company is foolish,
They're following a lie,
I'm not who they think I am,
I don't belong.
Inside, there's this goodness,
It hasn't been discovered,
Buried under all this disguise,
Hidden – like it should be.
I want to change, but it's too late,
No matter what I do – there's all this wrong,
How can I pay back the things I've done?
It would be a fool's errand.
Chasing away these emotions,
Bitterness and self-hatred,
After all the things I've been through,
Here I am – yelling at myself.
I have no friends, and my only brother hates me,
There is nothing about me,
Nothing at all,
That is right. Just a sea of wrong.
I wish that I could cry,
But I can't,
Not just because of what I am,
But who I have become.
To cry would be a sin,
To die here would be a mercy,
To hurry on my life,
I wish it would just end.
The thought of waiting around,
For centuries on end,
Erasing away my past as I go,
Forgetting things I should not forget.
I'm all alone,
In this cruel world,
No one knows the true me,
What left is there to do?
No amends could delete my evil,
Nothing I amount to will be good enough,
I've disobeyed my father,
And will be forever chained.
To abandon someone so young,
And insult him in every way,
Ignoring the blood that ties us,
And now I feel ashamed.
Only in hell can my sins be washed away,
Can fire engulf me and rid me of my shame,
I belong where evil lies,
So I shall sleep with the dead tonight.
This is where I belong,
Cold and motionless on a slab,
No breathing for the dead,
No living for the dead.
This empty shell,
Hiding my true self,
I am and always will be,
A monster.