Karen: Alright, so we've defeated the Giant Crab, or Dick Head. Let's spread the artifacts. I call the Earth Pendant!
Sarah: Well, I'm taking the Moogle Pocket.
Aaron: No, I'm taking the Moogle Pocket!
Sarah: Yeah, right. I called it first!
Aaron: You wanna fight for it?
Sarah: Sure! Fight Cloud Hah, told you I'd win.
Aaron: I lost, to a bitch!
Sarah: What do you mean? It's easy to defeat an onion!
Aaron: I'M NOT AN ONION! But I call the Giant's Glove.
Depre: You've got enough Strength. I'm taking it!
Rutker: I'll take the Cat's Bell.
Daemon: And I'll take the Hood thingy.
Karen: Wow, you don't even know what a Black Hood is.
Aaron: So what do I get?
Karen: You get the iron. Have fun!
Daemon: I know how to have fu-
Whack. Never gets old
Karen: Daemon, next time, I'm going to kill you.
Daemon: Hey, I thought you were dead, Dick!
Dick Head appears…again
Dick: No, I never die. Just defeated. Starts killing Daemon
Daemon: NO! I've been violated!
Dick: OK, that just sounds wrong. Take him back. Whack
Karen: No, you can keep him. Whack
Dick: I'm not gay. And with my name, it sounds worse than it already does. Whack
Depre: Well, you two would make a nice couple. You guys have fun. Whisper Let's go before he comes back. Whack
Daemon: Are we done playing Tennis? And don't leave me with Dick Head!
Karen: Let's go.
Daemon: Don't leave me here!
Sarah: Nobody likes you!
Daemon: …I like me.
Girls: Nobody cares!
Aaron: Come on, let's get to the Warthog.
Karen: Why the hell are you calling it a Warthog?
Aaron: Cause it sounds cooler.
Sarah: Well, if you ask me, it looks more like a-
Depre: Let's not have a Red vs Blue scene.
Karen: Why? We've already done like, 3 of them.
Depre: Please, just not now.
On the road
Rutker: So where to next?
Daemon's in a coma
Daemon: I'm never going to eat crab again. Ever.
Karen: Yeah, nobody cares. The next place we're going is The Mushroom Forest. But we have to pass the Miasma Stream first. What element do we need this year?
Aaron: According to the guidebook, we need Water this year. And we're going to have an event now.
Event
Aaron: See?
Karen: Yeah, we know.
Sol Racht: Hey, fellow Caravanners. Might you be Arcagie's Caravan?
Sarah: Yeah, what's it to you?
Sol Racht: Well, I thought I'd give you advice about your adventures. Don't go on any of them.
Depre: And that's helpful advice? We thought of that before, but Roland is such a jackass.
Sol Racht: That old son of a bitch is still alive? Wow. I thought he'd be dead by now.
Aaron: Dude, we're in a video game. Nothing ever dies in video games. 'Cept in major events.
Sarah: Like in FFVII?
Aaron: Yeah.
Karen: Can we just get back to the point? Whacks them both
Sarah: Ow, that hurts.
Karen: Not caring. Anyways, any other helpful advice?
Sol Racht: Well, I heard rumors about the Black Knight. He's been spotted attacking nothing.
Karen: This guy needs a therapist. Or more.
Sol Racht: It's said he's trying to attack some kind of light.
Karen: Yeah, he definitely needs a psychotherapist. Well thanks.
New Memory Added
Karen: Well, that was a waste of time.
Depre: Also, they'll appear every other time. Life sucks.
Sarah: You suck!
Depre: Die, bitch.
Karen: Shut up, you twits.
Depre: Oh, you girls want to take this outside?
Sarah: Bring it on, sucker.
Karen: You twits are dead.
Daemon: Catfight! I want to join!
Girls: You join, and you'll be dead!
Daemon: OK, ok, not joining.
Rutker: You really shouldn't get them pissed even more. A girl's slap is stronger than a boy's punch. It's a proven fact.
Aaron: How would you know?
Rutker: …Experience.
Daemon: Well a girl's paddle is stronger than a girl's slap.
Karen: Let's get it on!
Fight Cloud
Daemon: Who do you think is going to win?
Rutker: I don't know. It's pretty even.
Sword flies out
Rutker: Dodges Then again, Karen has no hesitation to kill.
Paddle flies out
Aaron: Dodges Yeah, but Depre's anger gives her an edge.
Daemon: She has an anger side?
Rutker: Yeah, she's got split personalities.
Another paddle flies out
Daemon: Ow! I've nothing to say.
Rutker: The guy has no brains.
Daemon: Hey!
Fight Cloud ends
Karen: Hah, told you I'd win.
Depre: Yeah? How about again, bitch?
Karen: Yeah right. Let's just go.
Sarah: I'm missing my spleen. And my liver. And my lungs. And my kidneys. And my dignity.
Karen and Depre: Does anyone care?
Rutker: Let's continue with our adventure.
Goblin appears
Daemon: Hey, it's a goblin! It looks nice.
Goblin charges after Daemon. Knocks him down
Daemon: Goblin repeatedly attacks him. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Karen: He's right! It is a nice fella. It's killing Daemon for us!
Daemon: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. I could use some help here! Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Sarah: Hold on. We need to check our inventory. So what do we got?
Karen: Just some scrolls. Enough for all of us. Somebody can take this extra Novice Weapon. I already have my Warrior's Weapon. Anyways, we've got some irons, about 2,000 gil total, bronze, alloy, bronze shard, some food. And some more crap.
Sarah: Well, let's split the food. Based on our favorites.
Depre: All right, I get the Striped Apples.
Aaron: Then I get the Meats.
Rutker: I'll take the Star Carrots.
Karen: I'll take 6 of the 10 Fishes.
Sarah: What? Then I only get 4 of the 10.
Karen: Well then. Get in line for the next fishes. But no cutting. I'm in front of you.
Sarah: You know I hate you, right?
Karen: Yeah, so?
Aaron: Well let's go.
Rutker: I feel like we're forgetting something.
Daemon: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Karen: Leave him. He's better off there. Let's just go.
Goblin charges after Karen
Karen: Hit Well, he's not very smart. Let's go.
Daemon: Can somebody call a pacifist or a medic?
Doc: I can ease your pains…while you die.
Karen: Get out of here, you son a bitch! You're not even made from Square!
Doc: I was only trying to help!
O'Malley: I shall feast upon your brains and have you taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull! Which tastes disgusting!
Karen: Girls?
Depre: Let's.
Fight Cloud
O'Malley: I shall have my revenge!
Karen: Just get out of here!
Doc: You didn't have to be so mean!
Karen: So this is the Miasma Stream.
Rutker: Doesn't seem that scary.
Aaron: Well, it does have a creepy feeling to it. And also…
Sarah: Let's go.
Daemon carries chalice without Aaron following them
Aaron: And it's atmospheric-Hey! Don't leave me out here! Chokes Guys! Guys! Wait for me!
Aaron dies
Sarah: Shouldn't we go back for him?
Karen: Ah, he'll come back next level.
Event
Karen: Great. Another Event. What is it now?
Bal Dat: Hay, can you possibly help us? Our caravan is broken.
Karen: Sure. Sarah, you help them while I go attend some other matters.
Karen goes to the Striped Bandits Caravan
Karen: Wow, these guys are crappy thieves. All they've stolen are Striped Apples and…Ugh, I don't want to know what that is. Pile of moldy crap
Meh Gaj: Hey, who's there?
Karen: Holy crap. It can talk. Better get outta here.
Sarah: There, should be fine.
Bal Dat: Thank you.
Karen: Yeah, but you might want to do something about the pile of moldy crap in the back.
New Memory Added
Karen: Those guys were the worst thieves. All they had were Striped Apples.
Depre: Did you take any?
Karen: Yeah, bout 100 or something.
Sarah: Wow, they're obsessed.
Bal Dat: What do you mean you didn't get anything? And they stole all of our Striped Apples?
Meh Gaj: Now, now. No need to get all angry and whatnot.
Bal Dat: Oh, I passed angry awhile ago!
Aaron: So, we're finally at The Mushroom Forest.
Karen: Yeah.
Depre: It's so beautiful.
Karen: Hey Aaron. Let me see your Fire Magic for a second. Fire
Sarah: Must you destroy everything beautiful and majestic?
Karen: …Yes.