Before April called this afternoon, I could already feel that something was wrong. My alarm hadn't gone off. I only sold one pair of earrings. But more than that there was a nagging feeling in my bones that something was wrong.

I was just getting home from a shortened day, hoping that TJ was not there because I needed some time to myself, when she called. "Luke is dead." Her words ring in my head, almost an hour after she called.

I hear the door slam as TJ walks in the house. He looks up from the mail he's sifting through and notices me on the couch. No one knows it, but my husband is amazing. He knows instantly that something is wrong. He drops the mail and comes over to the couch and holds me. I don't even have to say anything.

Wrapped in TJ's arms I feel safe and secure. Lorelai will never have this again, at least, not with my brother. "I have to go over there," I say. TJ lets go of me, taking my hand in his.

"Where? What happened Babe?"

"Luke – he was – he's dead," I tell him, the words hitting me like a brick. My big brother, the one who had always looked after me, is gone.

"So you're going over to Lorelai's?" TJ asks, reminding me of my plans. I nod.

We hear the door slam. Who on earth could that be? Glancing at TJ, I notice he seems clueless as well. "Hello?" I call.

"Mom?" Jess answers walking in the room.

"Jess!" I jump up and throw my arms around him. "I'm so glad you came." I hug him tight. My son never comes home so it's always good to see him, even under these circumstances. I hold him a little longer than usual and, surprisingly, he let me. "Did Rory call you?" Years ago, I know Rory would have called him in a heartbeat but he had it out with Marty last time he was home, but still he is Luke's nephew.

"Naw, April," he replies. Jess actually looks sad. I wonder for a moment if this is about Luke or Rory. I reach out and stroke his cheek.

"Aw, Sweetie, she'll get over it eventually." He nods. Oh Jess, he keeps it all inside. I'm not sure that she will get over it but I can pretend. "But you still came."

"He was my uncle," he reasons.

"Of course he was and he loved you. Last time you left, Luke told me how proud he was of you." Jess nods again. I pull him in for another hug. Luke was right, I think to myself. My boy is going to be a good man. I just know it. "I'm going over there now. I have to see Lorelai. Are you coming with me?"

"Yeah, sure." I glance over at TJ who nods. Jess puts his bag in the corner and we all troop out to Luke's house, grabbing a pie out of the refrigerator on my way out the door. Watching Jess shove his hands in his pockets on the way, he reminds me of Luke for a moment.

When our dad died, I was out with some friends smoking pot behind the high school. Luke was always closer to our dad, close in the way that he wanted to be just like him, although it seemed to me that our dad never let anyone in really. Dad had never approved of anything I did, after Mom died, he stopped trying. Luke was the only one who paid any attention to me after Mom died, he was the only one who could get me to stay home and finish school.

The day Dad died, Luke came to get me. He knew exactly where to find me, he always did. Luke told me that Dad had died and pulled me away from my friends. He said I could be whomever I wanted to be tomorrow, but today I had to be the daughter my dad needed me to be. I agreed with Luke, because I always did and we left for home.

All I can think about now is that long walk home. Home, it seemed, was miles and miles away from the school. I can still picture Luke walking, long hair, gruff expression, hands shoved in his pockets, staring at the ground the whole way. Despite his demeanor, I knew that Luke was hurting inside. I wrapped my arm around him. I knew I was going with Luke more as a comfort to him than to grieve for my father. As I look over at Jess now, I can see the same blank look on his face, that same gruff demeanor. As I wrap my arm around his, pulling him so that he's walking next to me, he gives in. Although this time I'm not going just to comfort him, I'm going to grieve. And I think that Jess is grieving too.

When we arrive at the house, TJ knocks at the door and an older woman opens it, an older man right behind her. For a moment, I wonder if everything is all right. "Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore?" I ask. It has to be. I can see he's got Lorelai's eyes and Rory's and Will's and Katie's. I know I met them at the wedding, but it's been awhile.

"Yes?" the woman responds. Man, she is exactly as Lorelai describes her. How on earth the two are related, I'll never know.

"I'm Elizabeth Danes, Luke's sister."

"Of course, come in." She glances over at Jess. "Mr. Mariano." I remember Jess saying he met them when he was dating Rory.

"Oh and this is my husband, TJ." TJ sticks out his hand to shake hers but Mrs. Gilmore just nods and moves back so he can walk inside. Oh boy, this is going to be interesting.

"I'm here to see Lorelai," I tell her as she leads us into the living room. I hand Mrs. Gilmore the pie, which she looks at like it just crawled out of a hole.

"Aunt Liz!" April exclaims. She runs over and hugs me. This girl is amazing. I can't believe she's Luke's. She's so beautiful and smart. Luke is so proud – sorry – was so proud of her.

"She's upstairs in William's room. I think she was trying to get him to sleep," Mrs. Gilmore tells me. William. I heard the poor boy was there when Luke died. No wonder he can't sleep. I notice Katie in the kitchen with Rory and Marty. Rory waves to us but stops when she notices Jess. I wave back. I would love to go hug Katie, but I know I need to see Lorelai first.

"Stay here and be nice," I tell the boys. They need the warning. Both of them nod. As I go upstairs, I realize they didn't really need the warning with the Gilmores around.

Standing in the doorway of Will's room, I stare at Lorelai and Will for a moment. Actually I can't even see Will from where I'm standing. Lorelai is laying on the bed, back to the door and an arm around the person next to her. They both look so peaceful that I almost don't want to bother them, but if I know Lorelai, she's not actually asleep.

I tap lightly on the doorframe. Just the light noise causes Lorelai to glance over her shoulder at me. She looks back at her son for a second and then slowly gets herself up from the bed, slowly enough that she won't wake him, as I can now see he's fallen asleep. Lorelai motions for me to follow her into her bedroom.

"It took me hours to get him to sleep," she tells me shaking her head. "Rory's friend, Paris, is going to find me a good child psychologist to help, but I think if I work at convincing him it wasn't his fault, he'll work through it faster." I nod.

"Yeah he will." We stand there for a moment before I pull Lorelai to me and hug her. She barely relaxes in my arms, hanging on tight. "It wasn't your fault either," I remind her. She leans back away from me, wiping her eyes, although there weren't any tears.

"Thanks." She doesn't really look like she believes me. "You ever see the movie, Up Close and Personal?" Strange question. Lorelai's the closest thing I've ever had to a sister, so I'm still getting used to our sisterly talks. This is not to say that I don't love these talks, it makes me feel closer to her.

"Yeah, maybe. Is that the one with Robert Redford?"

"Yeah and Michelle Pfeiffer." I nod. "I always wondered how Tally Atwater could get up at the end and make that talk so soon after her husband's death. I always thought she would be so overcome with grief that she'd break down. But she didn't." Lorelai sighs, rubbing her forehead.

"You don't have to hold it all in." Tally held it all in, I remember. She knew she had to give that speech and she didn't want to seem frail by letting go in public. To Lorelai, letting go in public includes everyone, even her children.

"I have to get through tomorrow. If I don't, then Katie and Will never will," she admits.

When Mom died, Dad tried to hold it all together for Luke and I, but I knew he was hurting. Mom was his life until the moment she died. I remember when I walked into Dad's store and he had finally broken down. He was there all alone, Luke was still at school. I was 10 years old and I had never seen my dad cry until then. But that's what made Mom's death real to me. That's when I knew she was really gone.

I'm not sure how to explain this to Lorelai. She'll have to figure it out on her own. Maybe it won't be the same because Katie and Will aren't me. Or because they're younger. But one day, Lorelai's going to have to stop denying her feelings and stop denying that Luke's gone, and stop trying to hold on. I think until then, she'll never be able to move on.

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A/N: Keep reviewing! I know this is getting depressing, but I can't stop in the middle of a story. I can tell you there will be 14 chapters in total.