I suppose I should say that Luke's sister did a fine job planning the funeral, although I wouldn't recommend her to any of my friends. Richard and I met Rory and Marty at their house, where we were somehow coerced into walking to this church. God knows I would do anything for that child. What am I thinking? She's not a child anymore. She's going to be a mother soon.

"I should go help Mom," Rory said to us when we walked in the door of the church. I watched her walk away, her normally smiling face, pale and drawn. Although she and Lorelai both know how I felt about Luke, I can see she knows that I am sorry they have to go through this.

"Follow me," Marty says to us. We follow him down the aisle and he seats us in the third row from the front. "Rory said you should sit here." I nod and Richard moves to sit down. But, I can't take my eyes off my daughter.

Lorelai is standing in the front of the room, pale and sickly. Yet she still looks lovely, almost like Jackie Kennedy, in her 60s style black dress and black pillbox hat. Rory has walked over to her and is helping Will and Katie into their seats, but Lorelai's not paying attention. I can almost hear April saying something to Lorelai, but she doesn't seem to hear. It doesn't seem to be real to her. Although, I'm not surprised.

Watching her, makes me reflect on a young death, so long ago. When Lorelai was little, she used to beg for a sibling to play with. I think a few times she commented that a mausoleum is no fun alone, never quite appreciating all we gave her. But I never could respond. How could I tell her how much we went through just to have her?

Almost five years before I had Lorelai, I bore a son. Yet, Richard and I were not quite thrilled with the sudden prospect of becoming parents because we had been married less than a year. But we moved on, knowing we were planning on having children anyways. The pregnancy was hard for me and Richard had to borrow money from his mother to afford time off of work. They were trying times for both of us. But the day our son was born was still one of the happiest days of my life.

Our son, James Conrad Gilmore, was weak from birth. For days after I was released from the hospital, we continued to almost live our lives at the hospital watching our little Jimmy take each breath. But each breath was labored. The doctor said that even though he was only a week premature, Jimmy's lungs were still undeveloped. The doctor also said he believed that it was possible if Jimmy were to survive that he would be severely handicapped, mentally and physically. When he said this, I broke down and just about collapsed right there. Richard couldn't even attempt to help, so torn to pieces he was.

The morning Jimmy died, I went to the hospital chapel for a few minutes. I was never deeply religious, but my mother raised me with the idea that religion was the only thing that would be there in my most trying moments. I just sat there at the front of the chapel apologizing. I felt that I had caused this because I didn't want to be pregnant in the first place. But since meeting my son, I didn't want this to be real. I couldn't lose him. I loved him from the moment he was born. After praying for a little while, I decided to make a promise to God. I said that I would let go of Jimmy. I said that I would be content if I was given another chance I would have the child gladly and loved it from its conception. I promised that if I was just given one more chance I could be the parent I should have been from the start.

"Emily, they're starting," Richard reminds me, breaking me away from my memories. I look back at Lorelai, sitting listlessly in the front row and sigh. I didn't go through with my promise. She deserved so much more from me. She deserved my love no matter what. She gave that much to Rory.

As the preacher begins to speak, I glance around and realize how loved Luke was by the town. There are many Stars Hallow members that I recognize: Ms. Patty, Lorelai's neighbors Babette and Morey, Gypsy who came to my bachelorette party, Kirk and his girlfriend Lulu. Sookie is sitting behind Lorelai with her husband and children and that strange man from the inn, Michel. Rory's friend Lane is in our row with her boyfriend and mother. Rory's friend Paris has also come with her boyfriend, Doyle. I notice Rory's ex-boyfriend, Dean, in the back with his wife, son and sister. I also happen to notice Christopher, Rory's father, in the back row with his daughter, Geni or Gigi or Giga or something else equally insipid. Rory sits in the front with Marty on one side and Lorelai on the other. Next to Lorelai are Will and Katie and then Luke's daughter, April. I believe that's April's mother behind her. Luke's sister and her husband are also in the front as well as Jess, his nephew and Rory's ex-boyfriend. There are also many others that I've never seen before or I faintly recognize but can't put a name to. The place is filled. And I wonder for a moment, are they here because they miss Luke or because my daughter and granddaughter are in pain?

I'm a little surprised when it's announced that Rory is the one that will give the eulogy. I mean, I completely understand that Will and Katie are too young and that Rory's known him longer than April, but it still seems odd to me. Obviously, it doesn't seem odd to anyone else.

"Luke Danes was more than a stepfather to me," Rory begins. She's fingering the pearls that lay around her neck. "When I met Luke, I knew he was going to be an amazing person in my life. Although at that time, I thought that he was going to be the first to refuse to give me coffee at the age of ten. But as years went by, Luke became the closest thing I had to father. He was there for me when I had chicken pox and when I got my first A- in 6th grade. He helped me figure out how many blueberries I could actually fit in a pancake and how to fry an egg on the sidewalk, or at least attempt the latter. I'm not sure who was happier than Luke the day I got into Yale or the day I graduated from Chilton. He told me felt like had been through the whole thing with me and it was true."

"It was while I was at Yale that Luke and my mother fell in love and got married. But the wedding was just a confirmation of how things already were, we were a family. My mom, my dad and I." Rory pauses, a little choked up. I wonder for a moment if I should turn around and see if Christopher has walked out, but that might be a little obvious. She takes a deep breath. "On my twenty-first birthday, my dad gave me these pearls. They had belonged to his mother who had died when he was little. He – he…" Tears begin to run down Rory's cheeks and I begin to wonder if this was a good idea having Rory give the eulogy. "He told me at the wedding that he gave them to me to let me know he considered me his daughter. When I told him to give them to April, he reminded me that I was his eldest daughter and I had first dibs. He told me he loved me. My dad gave me away at my wedding and I think he actually cried more than my mom."

"Luke's life wasn't all about me though. Just look around you and you can see how much he was loved. How many lives he touched and how many people he cared about. My dad pretended to be gruff and grumpy but he was an old softy inside. He loved people, despite what he said. And most of all he loved his kids and my mother. My mother, Lorelai, was Luke's world. He told me once that he would have been nothing without her." Rory becomes choked up again. I can see that she's watching Lorelai, who is crying. Sookie has walked up and now sits next to Lorelai, holding her and letting her cry. "He loved you, Mom. He always will."

Rory walks down the stairs and over to Lorelai, who stands and they hug, both crying. The preacher tells us that Luke will buried in an hour at the cemetery next to his parents and the Danes's will be welcoming friends and family at the house tonight.

"That was something," Richard says to me afterwards, but I can only nod. How I wish I could hold my daughter like I see Lorelai and Rory doing. How I wish things had been different.

"Did you notice Christopher?" I ask my husband. Richard nods. He stands and walks to the back to talk to Christopher.

As I look back up at the front, I notice Lorelai walking away from the group and up the stairs to the bell tower. What is she doing? She wouldn't do anything crazy, would she? I mean I know my daughter and she doesn't always do sane things, but she wouldn't do anything drastic? There's still Rory and Katie and Will. Oh Lord.

Noticing that no one is going after Lorelai, I hurry over to the stairwell. As I walk up the stairs I can hear Lorelai's voice getting clearer and clearer. I can hear her making bargains similar to my promises of years ago.

"I'll let Rory go to D.C. I'll become the daughter my mother always wanted. I'll do anything. I'll even convince them to make these damn churchbells ring again. Just one more time. Just once more. Just let me tell him I love him once more," I hear her sob. I take a deep breath. Lorelai needs me, I think. I'm about to go up into the tower when I rethink that. She doesn't need me, it's not me she wants. I take a deep breath, longing to be the one that Lorelai reaches her arms out to. Instead I go back down the stairs to tell Rory that her mother needs her. I go back to being the mother that Lorelai will never look to for comfort. I go back to being Emily Gilmore, who prizes her pride over her family. I go back to being someone I never wanted to be and I promised a long time ago I wouldn't become. And I silently apologize for things gone wrong.

---

A/N: Keep the reviews coming! And for those who asked about another story with Luke being alive check out my oneshot "Its In His Kiss".