The Last Stand
By Ultima66
Prologue
What had happened exactly? Everything now went so slow. A breeze picked up, but it still seemed so boring. Nothing went by that really caught any more attention, and lacking attention to the boring outside world, everything seemed completely dull.
Wandering through memories, some would call it, I suppose. I was traveling the paths I had taken before, what may have been days, maybe months, maybe even years ago. I did not know, for all of life was monotonous to me. I had to look closely, looking on the outside to find what I lost inside myself. I saw all that I had dome, those that I had left behind where no one would find them, and those that I had left where I knew someone would come. I felt the world slipping by so slowly that I felt had I even done anything different, nothing would have changed.
And yet I wandered through my old life in a sort of daze. It seemed very eerie, and everything was imprinted into my mind way too tightly, like I felt that everything should have been unfamiliar to me and yet should have been completely embedded in my brain at the same time. When I thought that I knew everything I needed to know so long ago, I realized that all I knew was blind impulse. I didn't really know anything. I wondered to myself, did Dhaos understand that much? I knew that before, I carried with me Dhaos' spirit, and I should have been inclined to do what he felt, meaning I would have felt what he did. That would mean that Dhaos himself only understood blind rage. There was, however, another side too. Maybe I only felt Dhaos' revenge, because when he was released, he carried his mind still with him, leaving me only rage. I was unsure, but I knew even less whether or not it was of any significance. I didn't know if my past meant anything at all to Martel any more, and I had no clue if it even ever did mean anything to her.
But I understood my life right now, or at least what I needed to. Even if nothing else made any sense at all, I knew I was here for a reason: a goal. I had to do what Martel wanted, and above all else, keep Yggdrasil safe from outside harm. So thinking about it that way also puts it as another blind following. Had I really changed, or was I still just the same as before, following a new will? I didn't think I was under control any more, though, because I knew Martel was the protector of the world, and should be treated as I treated her. Even so, the thought of doing exactly as she said to do seemed all to mechanical for my comfort.
I stood near where Cless and Mint were buried. Looking around, inside my head I now saw the horrifying blood on the ground where the two had once given their lives. I chilled me to the bone to envision this, and I fell into more confusion.
Everywhere I looked... All I saw was blood and death. Why? Who could answer this? Why did I kill so many? I don't think I wanted to kill, and given the choice now, I definitely wouldn't, but I knew my past actions would plague me and could do nothing. I suppose there was a reason I killed so many, and I suppose it could be put down on paper in very simple terms, technical terms that explained a lot of things, but I didn't any more sense. In my mind, the world, the land, the sky, the oceans, everything, they were just there. They carried no more meaning. Perhaps what I'm saying is indescribable, but perhaps it is. There was just... no spark. There was no connection that registered my mind as being familiar with anything, yet they didn't seem distant either: of course I was familiar with everything around me. I simply felt like a machine, completely mechanical and not actually realizing anything. A machine could answer a lot, but what did anything mean to a machine? Nothing. And I felt that way. It seemed as if I knew all the answers, but I didn't understand them. They were all just by rote. How could I say I was under Dhaos' will? I could not even begin to comprehend Dhaos himself. Everything was just a worthless phrase buried and stuck in the corners of my mind.
But then, I knew I had to feel something. I really did feel something inside me that gave me a place as alive. I felt that I was completely close to Martel, and to me, that small feeling that I was essentially related to Martel gave me all the confidence I really needed. I may not have known much about anything else, but above all I knew one thing. One important thing I kept in my mind, and that was all that I needed to keep to me: I was Akar.