Ah, second chapter! And just to clarify, Bryan knows that Rei's married. It's Mariah who doesn't know anything about the whole thing...
"You were out till late last night..."
"I know. Martin wouldn't let me leave..." Rei groaned, keeping his eyes firmly shut.
"Come on, get up. You'll be late for work." Rei groaned again in protest and opened his eyes, feeling them burn from the sudden burst of sunlight. It had been about three in the morning when he'd finally gotten back from Bryan's, and getting up at eight left him with precious few hours sleep. And he loved sleep. He -needed- it. Much more than other people. Eight hours was skimping at best.
He dragged himself out of bed and slouched along to the bathroom, where he proceeded to get toothpaste all over the place. The toothpaste, however, woke him up some, so that by the time he got back to the bedroom he could finally appreciate the fact that there was a new picture hanging on the blue wall that had most definitely not been there the night before. "New picture?"
"Yeah. I thought we needed a bit of...I don't know, just a bit more decoration, you know? What do you think?"
Rei squinted at the picture of a lemon on a tablecloth as he buttoned up his shirt. "It's...nice."
"And that shirt hasn't been washed yet. Get the blue one from the front of the wardrobe." Rei obeyed and after a quick breakfast of toast and jam left for work.
He was just reading through some particularly finicky documents when the phone on his desk rang. He snatched it up gratefully. "Department three, Rei Kon speaking."
"I guessed."
"Oh...Bryan..."
"Listen...tomorrow's Saturday, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Want to come out for something to eat? Evening meal?" Rei sighed.
"I think Mariah has something planned..." He sighed again. "I'm so sorry, Bryan..."
"Hey, I understand."
"But it isn't -fair-...not to you, anyway..."
"Look, it's okay. I'll just get on with some work. I'm a writer, I can make my working hours up as I go along." Rei rubbed his forehead with a nervous hand.
"Bryan...I'm sorry..."
"Hey, you don't need to apologise to me. I know what it's like for you." Rei looked over to the office door, where his boss was just coming in, and sighed for the second time.
"Look, I'm going to have to go..."
"Right. Don't let your boss-man eat you, okay? Love you."
"Love you too."
Much later that night, still under the pretence of seeing 'Martin', Rei was curled up on the sofa with Bryan, eyes closed. "Tired?" The Russian asked lightly.
"Very."
"Well, we -were- up pretty late last night..." Rei smiled at the fond memory and snuggled closer to his lover.
"We were indeed. And then one of us had to get up at eight for work. And that someone wasn't you."
"Take a nap then. I'll wake you up at say...eleven? Then you can at least be home before midnight."
"Make it ten. I have to talk to Mariah about Jin starting at secondary school..." Bryan sighed and kissed his nose absently.
"I don't think I could stand having to look after children. I don't think I'd be very good at it for a start...and then there's the baby tantrums, the teenage screeching...I'd go insane. In fact, it probably explains why you're so mad."
"I'm not mad, you're mad." Rei mumbled.
"Well, I did get sectioned at one point..."
"Really?"
"Mm-hm. You know me, I was a problem child. I read up about schizophrenia and displayed the appropriate symptoms for long enough to cause a massive amount of trouble." Bryan paused. "Yeah, that was about the time I thought arson was a really good idea as well."
"Arson? I knew you were a bit wild, but arson?" Bryan sighed and closed his eyes as well.
"I was in care. In and out of foster homes. Most of them were terrible. I was off the rails. I set things on fire, I beat people up, I did all kinds of things. Did drugs, drank too much. And it took three years of therapy to get me over it all. You might think sometimes I'm untalkative, or I'm not really being emotional, or showing the wrong emotion, but...well, you should have seen me back then. I was nothing but hate. I -did- nothing but hate."
"Wow..." Rei said softly, opening his eyes and looking up at Bryan carefully. They'd been together for quite a while now, and Bryan hadn't even so much as hinted at anything that serious... "I find it hard to talk about it. I've been thinking about how to tell you for a while, but...well." Rei yawned, nodding.
"I'm glad you got over the hating thing before you met me..." And with that said, he drifted off to sleep. Bryan smiled at him.
"Me too."
"Rei? Come on, Rei, wake up..."
"Nnnh?" Rei opened his eyes and tried to sit up. However, it seemed that something was holding him down...something... "Bryan?"
"I'm sorry, Rei, but I fell asleep as well...I woke up about one o clock and I just thought...well. You know. It wasn't like I could wake you up and make you drive home at that kind of time, and I didn't see why we shouldn't be comfortable..."
Rei felt a shiver of contentedness pass through him. He was in bed. Waking up beside Bryan. Bryan's strong arm clamped over his waist. Bryan's bare, muscled chest. And even if the pillows were completely flat and he had a crick in his neck...he was with -Bryan-! He reached up a hand and twirled a strand of the Russian's hair in his fingers, smiling. "I've...woken up next to Mariah for twelve years..." He shifted, shaking his head. "Why the hell didn't we do this before?"
"I don't know."
"I've dreamed about waking up beside you in the morning..." Rei whispered. "Every morning I wake up and it's her in my bed beside me and I lie there and all I want is -you-...I want to wake up in your bed...I want...I want..."
"You want your family to be happy, Rei. You want your kids to have their father around. I know you do, and I love you for it." Rei heaved a sigh and sat up, rubbing his eyes.
"I suppose...I don't -have- to go back to Mariah...not for a while..."
"No." Rei flopped back down again, burying his face in Bryan's chest and sighing.
"Sometimes I wonder if it's okay to keep lying to her like I do. Because I do love her. But more like you would love a sister. And I love my children. Even if I -do- think I'm too young for them to be so old..."
"But isn't that why you started lying to them in the first place? Because you didn't want them to get hurt?" Bryan asked quietly. "We've been together, what? Six months? Longer? And you've had men before that-"
"But they never meant to me what you mean. I -love- you, Bryan."
"I love you too. I'm just trying to say that maybe in this case, lying to them is a good thing, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess." Bryan nodded, taking hold of Rei's braid and tickling his neck with it. The Chinese giggled, dragging Bryan into a kiss. The Russian smiled, kissing him back. "Hm, a morning person are we?"
"I don't know..." Rei replied quietly, eyes glittering. "Why don't we find out together?"
"Rei? God, Rei, where have you been?" Rei found himself pounced on as he opened the door. "I was so worried...you didn't answer your phone, you didn't call...what happened?"
"Martin started crying, and I...I couldn't leave him alone...I'm sorry. I fell asleep, we both did..." Mariah looked up at him suspiciously.
"Rei...tell me honestly...were you -seeing- someone?"
"What?" Rei felt his heart stop. Did she know-? Could she know-?
"Is that where you've been these last few weeks? Are you seeing another woman? We never have sex any more-"
"Whoa...no...stop. Mariah, I'm not seeing another woman." Rei said honestly, feeling as if he'd gotten off on a mere technicality. "I'm not. I swear. And...I..." What was he supposed to say now? 'I wouldn't sleep with any woman it's not just you'? "Work's hard...I'm always tired...I'm sorry..."
Mariah buried her face in his neck, her hair, as usual, tickling his nose. "I didn't realise it was bothering you so much...but I..." He hesitated. "I..." Before he could make up any more pathetic excuses Mariah shoved him up against the door and kissed him. His skin crawled at the feel of her tongue against his. It was wrong. All wrong. He didn't want this...he didn't want it at all...
"I love you, Rei."
"Mariah...I..." Rei swallowed, feeling trapped and scared. She looked up at him, suspicious again.
"Don't you want this?"
"I...I do...it's just I..." Rei felt thoughts and excuses fly around his head. "I'm having...problems with..." Problems with WHAT? He screamed at himself. "...It. You know."
"No, I don't know." It? It?
"With...um..." Rei felt himself make a gesture at his nether regions, blushing crimson. What on -Earth- was he saying?
"Getting it up?" He felt himself go redder in the face, and not for the reason Mariah supposed he was. "Rei...why didn't you say something?"
"Because..." And again, with the lies. More lies and more lies, all the time. "It's...it's embarrassing. Look, I...I just don't want to talk about it. I'm going out."
"Rei-"
"I'll be back later." And without looking at Mariah he walked out of the house and got into his car.
"Bryan?" Rei stepped into Bryan's flat, slightly nervous. He hadn't used the key Bryan had given him before. "Are you in?"
"Rei?" Bryan's upper half appeared from behind the study door, followed by the rest of him. "Hey. I thought you were out all day with Mariah?"
"Bryan..."
"Something happened." He started to walk forwards and Rei met him halfway, flinging his arms around him and burying his face in the Russian's shoulder. "Has she...found out?"
"No...but almost...and I had to lie to her again Bryan..." The tall Russian heaved a sigh, pulling back to look at Rei with concern. "I had to make something up on the spot about why we aren't having sex any more..." Rei nuzzled up to him again, sniffing.
"What did you tell her?"
"It doesn't matter. It was stupid."
"Fair enough. You want some coffee?"
"No...I feel sick..." Rei sniffed again, then sobbed. Bryan held his lover against his chest and let Rei cry into his shoulder, stroking his back slowly. "I can't do this much more, Bryan...I hate lying to her. I lie to her, and Niu, and Jin...I'm a horrible excuse for a person!"
"Don't be stupid. Come on. I know what you need."
"What?"
"A long, hot bath." And, without allowing the Chinese to protest, Bryan dragged Rei into the bathroom and slammed the taps on. "And then perhaps a massage when you're done. A nice, long one. I did a course once, you know."
"Did you?"
"Mm-hm. All the oils and everything. I could make you relax so much I could roll you up into a ball..."
"I could use that..." Rei smiled wanly. "I'm sorry for coming and disturbing you...but I couldn't stay or I'd have to keep on lying...now she thinks I'm impotent at least maybe she'll leave me alone..."
"Impotent? You?" Bryan smirked. "I'm really, -really- glad that's a lie..." He smiled, turning off the taps and testing the water with a hand. "And seriously, how many times do I have to tell you? I don't mind you coming over. Come any time you like. I'm usually here, and if I'm not I soon will be. And I -always- want to see you, Rei." With a short laugh, Bryan picked something out of one of the cupboards and threw it in the bath, where it proceeded to fizz. "Now get in, have a soak, and if you want me to help you wash your hair then shout for me."
Rei reached for the first button of his shirt, then stopped. "Bryan?" The Russian turned in the doorway, and Rei grabbed hold of him, kissing him fiercely. Bryan reciprocated, arms firm around Rei's back. And Rei felt right again. This was how it was supposed to be. Not Mariah's chest, but Bryan's chest. Not Mariah's lips, but Bryan's lips. Not Mariah. Not Mariah at all. Bryan was right. Bryan made him feel right.
"I love you..." He whispered, letting go.
"I know. And I love you too."
"Rei? Rei, please, come home. I'm worried about you." Rei listened to the first of three messages Mariah had left on his mobile. And he felt terrible again.
"It's me again, Rei...please, just call. Call, or send me a text, send Niu a text, anything...just as long as I know you're okay..." Even worse...
"Rei? Please...please...phone me...I know you're embarrassed but...please, Rei...just phone..."
Rei sat and stared at the phone for a couple of minutes before starting to formulate some kind of reply to all that. 'Hi Niu.' He began. Better to text Niu than have to think of Mariah on the other end of the line worrying over him... 'Please tell your mum I'm fine, but I'm not coming home tonight. I'm staying with a friend. Tell her I'm sorry I've worried her. Love Dad.'
About a minute after that his phone starting ringing. Bryan appeared from his study. "Is that yours or mine ringing?"
"Mine."
"Oh. You going to answer it?"
"...No." Bryan looked thoughtful for a second.
"She'll be worried, you know."
"I sent Niu a text."
"Right." The phone continued to ring, then a missed call message and a voicemail alert popped up.
"Rei? Niu just told me about your text... And I know you have your phone on so I know...you're just not answering my calls. Rei, please...if you have a problem we need to talk about it...go to a doctor together or something...so I know you feel bad right now but...I'll see you in the morning, right?"
Rei let the phone drop from his hand onto the sofa cushion and closed his eyes, slumping back against the sofa. "What can I -do-, Bryan?"
"Honestly? I don't know. I know you don't want them to know you're gay and all...and I myself think maybe that's a good idea...but if it's getting to this stage...where you have to lie this much and run away from her...maybe it's time to tell her. Or even...maybe break up with her and say it's over something else-? No, that's still lying... Look, it's your choice. Whatever you do though, you're welcome here. Any time. For as long as you want." Bryan leaned down over the back of the sofa and kissed Rei's cheek, squeezing his shoulder with a comforting hand. "You want something to drink?"
"No. No thank you."
As Bryan went into the kitchen, a wave of shame crashed over Rei. What was he -thinking-, worrying his family like that? And using Niu as a go-between... He picked up his phone again. Message, text, to Niu. 'I'm sorry. All my love, Dad.'
Seconds later his phone started to go crazy. Niu, Jin and Mariah phoning him all at once. Voicemails popping up like rats. Texts as well. "Rei? Rei? Oh my God, Rei, pick up the phone! Please!" Mariah on the voicemail. A text from Niu 'Dnt kill urself!' What-?
And then he thought about it. That text he'd sent Niu. It must have sounded like-
The phone started ringing again, and Bryan came out of the kitchen looking puzzled and concerned. "They think I'm going to kill myself..."
"What?"
"They...they think I'm suicidal!"
"And have you replied?"
"...No."
"You might want to." Flustered, Rei pressed 'accept call'.
"Hello?"
"Dad! Dad!" Niu's voice, worried and scared. "Mum won't tell us what's wrong but please...just come home!" A muffled voice from the other end of the line, and then-
"REI! Oh my God, Rei..."
"Mariah...I..."
"Rei..."
"Are you crying?"
"Of course I'm crying! Jesus CHRIST, Rei, what's going on? What the hell was that text about? Are you okay?"
"I...I'm fine..." Rei felt instantly like a heap of slime. A maggot. A worm. Dirt to be trodden underfoot.
"Don't ever, EVER scare me like that again, Rei...and you can stay out tonight and be on your own and you can think about it but tomorrow you're coming home and we're going to -talk- about your...problem, okay?"
"Right..." Rei could hear his voice come out weak and pathetic. "I'm sorry, Mariah..." And he meant it. But she didn't know what he meant.
"Rei, it isn't your fault. It's fine, it's okay. You can get all kinds of treatment for things like that..."
"I-I know..."
"I'll see you tomorrow, honey. And I love you." Rei felt his lip quiver.
"I...I love you too..." And the line went dead.
It took about a second for the tears to hit, and when they did they left Rei a weak, sobbing mess, slumped against Bryan as the Russian comforted him.
Next Chapter: Bryan reveals his past to Rei, Rei does some more lying, and Mariah tries to help.
As ever, R&R please .