Chapter title: Shattered
Chapter summary: When a tragedy hits close to home, Casey finds solace in Olivia.
Publish date: Oct. 21, 2005
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anyone.
Note: Thank you for the reviews! Hope I won't let you down. :)

She got home later than usual – lots of paperwork had to be filled out and she had brilliantly left it to the last minute. It was close to nine and she just wanted to take a hot shower and collapse into bed. The red light on her answering machine was blinking the number eleven. Eleven messages? Wow, I feel special. She thought to herself as she settled down at her kitchen table with a pad of paper and pencil, ready to take down the information. The first six were hang-ups. The seventh was from Elliot – something about a surprise birthday dinner for Munch, and the remaining four were hang-ups as well. Casey briefly thought of a possible stalker – she had enough enemies in her line of work to consider it a possibility – but quickly pushed the idea from her mind. Wrong number who was convinced it was the right one, that was all. She wearily made her way to the bathroom and showered and felt herself relax from an exhausting day. It would just start up again tomorrow; such was this never ending cycle called her job. She put on her softest, warmest pajamas and went back into her kitchen to make some hot tea before going to bed. She had just turned on the stove when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

It was the call that everyone dreads. The one that only happens to people on TV and in the movies, one that happens to other people, but never to yourself. The words recited to you like they were being read off a sheet of paper, the "I'm sorry" said without feeling because the voice on the other end was so numb to it from saying it so many times. Another life, another call, another check mark in the box next to one of many names on a laundry list of people to notify. Her throat closed up, her heart constricted; it was as if her whole body was shutting down. She felt her legs start to give out from under her and she managed to grip the kitchen counter before she fell. The phone clattered to the ground and Casey slid down the cabinets to the floor before snatching the phone back up. The doctor continued on without even knowing the effect his words were having on her on the other end of the line. When he was done, no sound came from her throat, no tears fell from her eyes. Finally she was able to speak, and she was surprised to hear how calm she sounded.

"Thank you for calling doctor. I'll start making funeral arrangements tomorrow." She hung up and ran her hands through her hair, trying to let the news sink in. Slowly she stood and put the phone back in its cradle. After a moment's hesitation she carefully turned the picture of her and her parents face down on the table.

She wanted to hit something, punch a hole in the wall, scream until she was hoarse. Instead, she picked the phone back up and hurled it across the room. She heard it fall apart as it hit the floor and instantly she felt stupid for throwing it. She stood helplessly in the middle of her kitchen, looking around for some kind of answer, not knowing what to do. Suddenly, she felt confined. The walls of her apartment were closing in on her, suffocating and squeezing her. She had to get out. She hastily pulled on her tennis shoes, put on her coat, grabbed gloves, hat, and scarf, and shoved her keys and phone into her pocket. When she got outside she was hit with the chill of the night air that went right through her clothes and to the bone, but she didn't care. She just had to get away. She pulled on her gloves and hat and swung her scarf around her neck and began to walk. She walked as fast as she could, half-hoping that if she walked fast enough, she could leave her problems behind in her apartment. She didn't know or care where she was going; she just let her feet go and whenever she felt like turning, she'd turn. She kept her eyes down to the ground, concentrating on her feet and reciting famous cases under her breath, trying to think of anything but the news that had just been handed to her. She didn't realize the people giving her a wide berth as she passed, figuring her for some crazy lady on a mission, muttering incoherently to herself. She didn't realize her lips were already chapped from the cold. She didn't even realize there was a light drizzle until she came to an abrupt stop at a light.

"Hey, lady! Whatsa matter?" a night vendor asked.

Casey felt her cheeks and was surprised to find them wet. "Nothing, I'm fine. Thank you for asking though."

"Here, you look like you could use this," he said, offering her a cup of hot chocolate. Before Casey could refuse, he added, "It's on the house."

Casey took it from him gratefully and continued on her unknown path. After an hour of wandering around New York, Casey found herself in front of a semi-familiar apartment building. She went to the list of names posted by the intercom and didn't have to search for long before she realized she was at Olivia's apartment. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to bother Olivia at this hour but she certainly didn't want to go back to her empty apartment that would seem so much emptier now. And she didn't want to keep walking around New York at night in February. Noticing there were several lights on in the complex, she took her chances that Olivia was up, or at least awake, and pressed the buzzer.

"Yeah?" Olivia's voice came on over the intercom.

"Olivia?" Casey asked, relieved that Olivia didn't sound tired or irritated.

"Casey?"

"Yeah. Hey listen, I'm sorry to bother you so late," Casey began.

"No problem, I'll buzz you up. Apartment 4D."

The door unlocked and Casey went inside, relishing the warmth after being outside in the biting cold for so long. She went up the stairs and found Olivia's apartment and rang the doorbell. She immediately regretted it – she didn't know what she was doing, or what she was going to say. She didn't know if she could voice what had happened. But before she could turn and leave, Olivia opened the door. Then she saw she had a way out. Olivia was wearing a nice black dress, her hair and make-up done.

"Oh, you're about to go out. Sorry to bother you," Casey said in a rush as she turned to leave.

"Casey, it's after midnight. I just got home about thirty minutes ago. Come on in." She opened the door and Casey came in, standing awkwardly in the doorway and hugging herself. "My god, you look terrible! And you're soaking wet, no wonder you're trembling. Come with me." Olivia took her arm and led her into the bathroom. She handed her a towel and some spare pajamas. "Here. Change into these and hang your clothes in the shower. I'll make some tea to warm you up." She closed the door to the bathroom and quickly changed out of her dress into her own pajamas, then went into the kitchen.

Casey stood in the middle of the bathroom, her toes digging into the soft carpet, the towel wrapped tightly around her. She stared at herself in the mirror, trying to see if she looked different. Finally, she had to tear her eyes away from the penetrating, judging gaze of her reflection. She got dressed in Olivia's blue and green pajama pants and a long sleeved t-shirt from the musical Rent. She went into the living room and sat on the couch, and a few seconds later Olivia brought out some tea. She noticed the ADA was still shivering slightly, so she took the blanket off the easy chair and draped it around Casey's shoulders. Casey gratefully pulled it tightly around her and accepted the cup of tea, holding it up to her face, letting the vapor warm her cheeks. As she sipped it, she tried not to notice Olivia's intense stare.

"So, what made you take a midnight stroll tonight in your pajamas?" Olivia asked, keeping the mood light.

"I had to get out of the apartment. I've been inside almost all day…" she trailed off. There was no getting around this conversation. She set her mug down on the coffee table and hugged her knees. She could feel herself starting to lose it, so she rested her head on top of her knees for a few moments. She had already fallen apart in front of the detective once, and she refused to let it happen again.

"Casey?" Olivia asked, concerned. Casey could hear the worry in her voice and the tiny clang when she set her mug on the table. When she lifted her head, Olivia was facing her, giving her her full attention. Casey let go of her knees and sat cross-legged, pulling a pillow into her lap. She opened her mouth to speak, but her throat closed up and she was at a loss for what to say. How do you just spring this type of news onto someone you barely know? Casey longed for her past friendships to be different, maybe if they had been, confiding in someone would be so much easier for her. She had spent most of her life keeping her problems inside that she wasn't sure what to do. She was so used to being the one who provided help that she wasn't sure how to ask for it. She didn't know where to begin. Olivia seemed to know how hard this was for her and moved closer, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Take your time, whenever you're ready. We have all night," she said gently.

Tears escaped down her cheeks, fat tears carrying years of sorrow. She picked at the sleeves of the shirt before finally whispering, "They're gone."

Next chapter will be out soon, I promise!