Chapter 22

Seishi slept for three days, and when she did wake, she was reclusive and quiet, not leaving her room even though the healers said she was well enough too. She made simple one word replies when the healers or servants asked her questions, and when anyone else came to speak to her, she laid there with her back to them, not speaking.

Seishi was ashamed and sickened in herself at what happened… even if she hadn't done any of it on purpose… and in a sense she was being controlled… but she remembered everything… everything she did… every villager's face that she had slaughtered… her fight with her brother where she could have killed him… the cruel, unforgivable things she said to Rin… She had become the kind of monster she hated more then anything…

If she had been processed like Alexander had, she could have blamed it on the spirit controlling her, but if she was being control in this, it had been remotely. She remembered how much thrill and pleasure she felt after the slaughter… it sickened her now… but she could not push away how it had felt at the time… the fact that it was a part of her… that was always with her… scared her and ashamed her to no end.

Even if others would forgive her, she couldn't forgive herself, so how could she accept anyone else's forgiveness? Part of her wished Sesshoumaru or Alex had just ended it and killed her…

Alexander opened Seishi's door without even bothering to knock. His sister had confined herself to her room for far too long in his opinion. "Seishi how long are you going to stay cooped up in her feeling sorry for yourself?"

Seishi rolled over and put her back to the door as soon as she heard it open. She didn't bother answering him, just stared at the closed window of the far wall.

Alexander sighed and walked over to Seishi's bed and abruptly ripped the covers off in one sweep, "Get your butt out of bed."

Seishi curled up some as the blankets were ripped away, "…" She made no move to get up or look at him.

Alexander put his hands on his hips, "Oh are you just going to lie there and be rude to the guest who finally worked up enough courage to come and see you?" he said gesturing to the person standing in Seishi's doorway.

Seishi glanced back, and groaned inwardly… the person she feared seeing the most stood there… She gave Alexander a look that could kill as she forced herself to sit up… but she couldn't bring herself to look her visitor in the eye.

Rin ran forward and embrace Seishi without any hesitation. She then looked up at Seishi her eyes brimming with tears, "Seishi-sama, are you all better now?"

Seishi looked down at Rin… the girl was so loving and forgiving… damn Alex… Seishi couldn't turn her back to Rin as she had to Alex and Sesshoumaru. She had hurt the girl enough. Seishi's vision blurred as she slipped her arms around Rin and hugged her to her. "I'm sorry Rin… I never meant to hurt you…" Inwardly Seishi frowned… that wasn't complete true… the part of her that had been in control at the time had meant to be hurtful… She was such a horrible person and she didn't deserve Rin's forgiveness.

Rin hugged back and nodded. She had never doubted Seishi. She had lived with demons for very long and she understood what could happen to some of them if their demonic natures were released.

Seishi nuzzled her face into Rin's masses of messy black hair, she could feel tears leaving her eyes, but she didn't really want people seeing that. Alexander moved on and stood outside in the hallway while the two had their moment. Whether Seishi liked it or not, staying locked up in her room was not the way to atone for what she had done.

Seishi held Rin for a time, until she stopped crying at least, then she let the girl go so she could move and do as she pleased. She talked softly with Rin for a time, but then said she was tired and Rin left her to rest…

The next day Seishi left her room… taking a bath and getting dressed… she found Rin and engrossed herself in Rin's lessons. But she obviously wasn't over what happened… She was still very quiet… didn't give her usually smart mouth comments, and often seemed elsewhere in her mind. The only smiles she gave were small ones for Rin… it was like her spirit was broken.

Sesshoumaru opened the door to the room where Rin and Seishi had their lessons. "Rin that is enough lessons for day. Go play outside. Seishi, you stay here." Rin could hear the seriousness in Sesshoumaru's voice. She quickly stood up bowed to Seishi and scampered outside.

"…" Seishi remained seated… she hadn't really seen much of Sesshoumaru since she woke up, and she really didn't know what to say to him so had been avoiding him in a way. She wasn't sure how she felt about him dismissing Rin and telling her to stay. At one time she might have protested his ordering her around, now she just remained silent.

Sesshoumaru closed the door behind Rin. Then he turned to Seishi. He had grown sick and tired for her moping around her quarters, coming out only to give Rin her lessons, eat, and bathe. He had decided to put a stop to it. "Get ready to leave and bring Kitoiga."

Seishi stared at Sesshoumaru… not sure how to respond to his order. Someone had gathered the two broken pieces of Kitoiga while she had still been asleep and left them for her, but she had not touched the sword since it had been broken, leaving it in the corner of her room. "… where are we going?"

Sesshoumaru turned his back and looked at Seishi over his shoulder, "To get it repaired."

"... maybe it would be best to leave as it is..." Seishi said softly as she looked off to the side.

"Lazing around my palace will not solve your problems. How long do you plan to sit there and whine like a pup?" Sesshoumaru commented in his cold emotionless way.

Seishi looked up at Sesshoumaru, "… do you wish for me to leave?…" part of her had dreaded such a thing… She had been nothing but trouble for Sesshoumaru and he was bound to get tired of it.

Sesshoumaru looked back at Seishi, "If I wanted you out, I would have removed you a long time ago."

"…" Seishi dropped her gaze, and then slowly climbed to her feet. She said nothing more as she moved to change into something a little more travel worthy and to get Kitoiga.

It was a very quiet trip as they rode Ah-Un out to their destination. It suited Sesshoumaru fine though as he really didn't have any words of comfort for Seishi. He had certainly killed far more humans in his life then she had in rampage and he felt she didn't have to angst over it like she was doing. They rode over some mountains and long plains until they finally came to the hot rocky lava fields. Sesshoumaru brought Ah-Un down next to a giant skeleton stuck in the rock.

Seishi was drawn out of any thoughts she might have been brooding over during the trip by the realization they had landed. She looked up and around at the barren landscape and felt the heat from the lava fields… If she had been in a better mood she might have said something along the lines of, 'charming', though it would have been sarcastic of course. But instead she just looked at Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru slid off Ah-Un and started walking towards the open mouth of the large skeleton, "We're here." he said meaning for Seishi to follow him inside.

"…" Seishi slid from Ah-Un's back, a sheathed Kitoiga wrapped up in some clothe in her hands. She had asked a servant to bundle it for her… partly to keep the hilt and broken blade together, and partly because she didn't want to have to look at it. She moved after Sesshoumaru, wondering just what they were going to find here.

Sesshoumaru moved inside the skeleton and addressed the gangly old man who sat in the back pounding away at his latest creation with his hammer. "Totosai..."

The sword smith Totosai cringed and looked over his shoulder at Sesshoumaru, "Sesshoumaru... why are you here? Come to harass me about forging you a new sword again?"

Seishi had stopped a few paces behind Sesshoumaru, peering around him at the strange man before them. Totosai… wasn't that the name of the man who Myoga said forged InuYasha and Sesshoumaru's heirloom swords?

Sesshoumaru smirked, "Old man, it would be in your best interests to speak to me with more respect if you wish to see another sunrise."

Totosai scrambled onto his feet and circled back around his forge and pointed a finger at Sesshoumaru, "What do you want from me! Can't you leave an old man in peace? I told you before I have no intention of forging you a new sword! When will you learn to take no for an answer?"

The frown returned to Sesshoumaru's face and he remembered the reason he had come here, "I have not come here today seeking a new sword from you, rather I was hoping you would repair a broken one." He stepped to the side to reveal Seishi.

Seishi shifted her stance, so her weight moved to one foot… she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say or do… So Sesshoumaru had brought her here to see if this Totosai would repair her blade.

Totosai blinked and even smiled a bit when Sesshoumaru stepped to the side to reveal the pretty young dog demoness. "We'll why didn't you say so! What can I do for you missy?" He said walking up to Seishi.

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow twitched at bit. In his opinion Totosai was being far too familiar with Seishi.

Seishi looked at Totosai, then glanced and Sesshoumaru, and then sighed since he probably wasn't going to let her go home until this was done, "This blade is not one of yours… it's not even Japanese though I gave it a Japanese name." Reluctantly she unwrapped the clothe from Kitoiga and then knelled down, drawing the hilt out and laying it down, then letting the rest of the blade slide free of the sheath and laying it in place next to it's hilt.

She thought best to give the smith as much information on the blade as she knew, "The Kitoiga has been my swords since I came of age, and it was foraged by a master smith in my home of England from a fang of my father, Demon Lord Richard Ironfang of the English Isles. It… was broken recently in a battle with Sesshoumaru, against the Tenseiga," glanced over at Sesshoumaru, before looking back at Totosai, "It's primary power was the absorption of attacking energies, retaining and converting them, then using them to power it's own attacks."

She stood back up, "I don't know if you can fix it or not, but if you are truly the master smith I have been told you are, who foraged the blades Tenseiga and Tessaiga, then I suppose you are the only one who could do it, if it can be done."

Totosai looked very closely at the blade picking up each part and examining it carefully, "Broke under Tenseiga you say? Simply amazing..."

She watched the smith looking over the blade… part of her hoped it couldn't be fixed, so it could never be used to harm again… but then another part felt like it was an old friend she missed having by her side.

Finally Totosai stood up straight and looked severely at Seishi, "Young lady, you've been doing some terrible things with this blade haven't you?"

Seishi dropped her gaze, unable to answer. She wouldn't make excuses, even if there had been an evil influence involved.

Totosai sat back against the wall and took out his pipe, "tell me, what would you do with this blade if it were reforged?"

Seishi turned her silvery blue eyes to Totosai, "I'm not sure… Before I rarely drew it, only taking it up when I was against an opponent who was armed as well… but a recent incident has stained it and myself with more blood then I can stand… I don't know how many more I would have harmed if Sesshoumaru hadn't stopped me and saved me from myself by breaking it and releasing the dark energies that were festering within…" she sighed, "Kitoiga has been by my side for so long it's almost like I betrayed a dear and trusted friend with all that happened. I feel like I am farther betraying it by leaving it in that state… but at the same time I don't feel I deserve to have it back."

Totosai took a puff of his pipe and leaned back trying to find a comfortable position, "I see and if the time came when you had to get more blood upon this sword, would you?"

Seishi looked at Totosai, "Before the incident, I have never drawn my sword unless it was in defense of myself or another. I only fought to protect others, or myself and only killed if I was left with no other choice. Even without Kitoiga by my side, that wont change… though after what happened, I am not sure if I really have the heart to fight anymore."

Totosai closed his eyes and thought for a minute, "Young lady, as you are now I cannot reforge this sword for you. In your current state of mind if it were to come back into your hands I have no doubt tragedy would strike again."

Seishi dropped her gaze, but nodded, not arguing. Then when Sesshoumaru spoke up to argue in her place, she shook her head and gave him a look, "You can not force him to do something he thinks is ill-advised."

Looking back at Totosai, Seishi spoke again, "I understand and respect your wisdom on this matter. I'm sorry we wasted your time." She knelled back down and started to slide the broken blade back into its sheath.

Totosai gulped at Sesshoumaru, but regained some of his composure, "Young lady, you need to go see Sakaju."

Seishi looked up at Totosai, "Sakaju?"

Totosai nodded, "Sakaju is a sage who lives on the summit of Mt. Borehime. Go see him and he will tell you what you need to do."

Seishi looked at the sword smith, then slowly nodded... She wasn't sure how this person was supposed to help, but it wasn't like she had anything better to do.

Totosai looked over at Sesshoumaru, "You must go alone and travel on foot missy. You may not receive aid from anyone on this journey."

Sesshoumaru gave Totosai a look that "over my dead body" but the sword smith stood firm, "You and I have other things to discuss Sesshoumaru."

Seishi frowned some at this, "Where… is Mt. Borehime?"

Totosai stared at Seishi for a moment then scratched his chin, "where? That's a good question..."

Seishi sweatdropped, "That isn't very helpful. I've only been in Japan about a year, I need better directions then just the name of the mountain."

Totosai thought hard, "well I've never been there myself, but I believe is in the southeast. It is the only mountain in that region where it snows year around upon the summit."

Seishi took this information, and then handed the sheathed and wrapped Kitoiga to Sesshoumaru, "Well… I don't know what I'm going to find or if I'll find it, but I guess I should at least try. If I have to go alone, I have to go alone. Make sure Alex doesn't try to find me and don't let Rin worry?"

Seishi supposed she should have gone back to the palace first and got some things, but her brother would have been hard to shake and Rin would be hard to get away from. So this was best.

Sesshoumaru was inclined to forbid Seishi to go, but he had brought her here in the first place, so he supposed he would have to allow this. He accepted Kitoiga from Seishi and nodded, letting silence speak for itself.

Seishi turned back to Totosai and gave him a little respectful bow, then turned and walked out of his home and workshop, pausing to whisper something to Ah-Un, before continuing on and then disappearing from sight as her path took her out of their view.

To Be Continued…