Author's Note: It's very hard to write this author's note while trying to write chapter five with Monica, but I'll somehow manage.
This is Leii, by the way. I know, I've never written an author's note for this... This is definitely not as funny as Monica's, but whatever.
Sorry it took... a very long time. We were busy; high school is very stressful.
Anyway-- ow! Monica just told me I have to say something funny...
Harry's potatoes...
Hehehe... fuuuunnnnnyyyy...
This story is much more fun to write, because the stupid attention whore known as Draco Malfoy is not in it. A new, pink character is introduced in this chapter...
And, no, I have no idea why he is pink.
Also, I have no idea where ANY of this chapter came from... Niquil and insomniacs don't work. Not to mention the fact that the two author's of this story are clinically insane.
If anyone is wondering where Monica is and why I of all people am writing the note, it is because I insisted to write it this time.
It won't happen again, I promise. :)
Disclaimer- We, Monica and I, do not own Harry Potter or any songs that may appear within this chapter. Monica tells me that we own the new character... I don't want to own that large, pink-- Monica says to shut my mouth and stop ruining the story.
Operation KFFA
Chapter Four- Insanity, Harry Potter Style
Ginny looked at him like he was insane. "No one was accusing you of anything."
Harry coughed.
Ginny nudged him in the ribs.
Suddenly, Hermione's eyes got wide with realization. "No, no, no. Fred and I weren't doing anything like that. In fact, before we found you two, I was planning on knocking him into a coma." She was, by now, bright red. "Come on Fred," she said, pulling him out the door.
The second the door closed behind Hermione, they could hear a fit of laughter coming from the room.
"Look at what you did Frederick Weasley!" Hermione yelled.
"You've got Harry and Ginny convinced that we're..."
"That we're what?" Fred asked.
Hermione blushed. "Doing something we most definitely are not doing!"
"And what is it that we aren't doing?" Fred continued to push.
"You know exactly what!"
"Actually, I don't," said Fred. "Please enlighten me."
"They think we were... for lack of a better term... Making out!" Hermione screamed.
Fred saw that behind Hermione, George slowly was coming up the stairs. He knew Hermione could not see George, so he took the opportunity to embarrass Hermione.
"But it's the truth, isn't it? We were making out!"
George's eyes grew wide and he stopped mid-step.
"And what a hot make-out session it was, right Hermione?" continued Fred.
"What the hell are you talking about!" Hermione screeched.
"About our wonderful and mind blowing make-out session, silly."
"Oh, yes, of course," said Hermione sarcastically.
Behind her, George looked like he was about to faint from shock.
Fred was about to say something when Molly yelled from downstairs "Oh Sweet Merlin!" followed by a rather loud thud. Some would conquer that she fainted.
George rushed downstairs, to avoid being caught by Fred and Hermione.
He wished he hadn't. He was met by the largest dog he'd ever seen. He didn't move, hell, he could barely breath.
Now the Weasley household had an ACTUAL guard dog.
A pink guard dog...
After looking the dog over for a minute, he realized that it looked like an overgrown poodle mix... with its fur dyed pink...
"What the bloody hell!" George yelled.
George looked like he was about to throw up. "We can't have that thing in the same house as—"
He heard the rumbling of the stairs. Too late.
"Snuggles," he finished lamely, as the overgrown ham- erm, pixie tumbled down the stairs.
There was suddenly a loud roar of squeaky barks that erupted from the pink thing, and an unrecognizable sound came from Snuggles.
George quickly moved out of the way as Snuggles tackled the large dog.
"Snuggles, no!" Mr. Weasley cried.
By now, the sound had attracted most of the family— Harry and Ginny from the room, Hermione and Fred from the Hall, and Ron from... well, wherever Ron had been.
Ginny looked at the giant dog, then at her father, then at his mother on the floor. Finally, she looked at Fred and Hermione.
"The world has gone bloody mad!"
This came from Ginny of course, who everyone turned to look at as she made this exclamation.
Mr. Weasley took out his wand, and everyone of age followed suit.
But not before George shouted to Ginny, "The WORLD is going bloody mad! You included, missy!"
Ginny's eyes narrowed. "What exactly does that mean, George Weasley?
"You snogging Harry! And Hermione snogging Fred! And this crazy giant poodle, and-"
"Hermione WHAT!" Hermione yelled. "I did not snog Fred, you peabrain!"
"I just heard you and Fred talking about that hot make-out session you had!"
"WHAT!"
Everyone turned to look at the door leading to the kitchen. Ron was standing stalk-still in the doorframe.
His eyes landed on Fred. "I'm going to KILL you!"
Fred scrambled behind his father.
"Dad! Ron's gone mad!"
Hermione, meanwhile, looked like she was ready to murder Fred as well.
"THAT'S IT!" Mr. Weasley screamed, causing everyone to stop and look at him. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR IMMATURITY! GET OVER IT!"
"Whoa, Dad, calm down," said Ginny.
"No, I will not calm down. You two," he pointed at Hermione and Fred, "over there. You three," he pointed at Ron, Harry, and Ginny, "upstairs. And you," he pointed to George, "clean this up."
And he left his children and their friends to themselves, while he headed upstairs, with his wife levitating behind him.
Ron, Harry and Ginny followed behind the floating Mrs. Weasley.
Ron was mumbling incoherently, as usual.
Once they had gotten out of sight, Hermione turned to Fred.
"Well?" Hermione said expectantly.
"Well what?" Fred asked stupidly.
"I believe that someone here deserves an apology," she said.
Fred nodded, and then looked at George. "Sorry for the mess."
George shrugged. "Just promise me you won't discuss your heated make out sessions in public anymore."
"THERE WAS NO HEATED MAKE-OUT SESSION!" Hermione snapped.
George looked at Fred, then back at Hermione. "Well then... I don't want to know what is going on then..."
"Fred just likes to have his head up his ass."
"What does your make-out session have to do with Fred having his head up his ass? Unless..."
"GEORGE!" Hermione yelled.
"HERMIONE!" George yelled back.
"GEORGE!"
"HERMIONE!"
"GEORGE!"
"FRED!" Fred yelled, just for the sake of yelling.
Both Hermione and George turned to glare at him.
"Mind your own business!" they both yelled in unison.
"You're talking about me liking to have my head up my ass!" said Fred. "If that's not my business I don't know what is!"
Hermione and George seemed to have no answer to that.
"For once in your life Fred, just shut up!" said Hermione. "All you ever do is talk without thinking! Just SHUT UP!"
"I need to shut up? I need to shut up!" Fred asked incredulously.
"YOU BOTH NEED TO SHUT UP!"
"How about we all just take a vow of silence?" George suggested.
"How about no?" Hermione said. "Not 'till Fred explains at least half of the crazy things he's said tonight."
"And I was about to say that taking a vow of silence would take the fun out of life!" exclaimed Fred. "Now I realize it would help me live a much better life, a HERMIONE-FREE one."
Hermione groaned. "Stop lying Fred, and just admit your undying love for me!"
"Love YOU! I don't even LIKE you!"
"SHUT UP!"
"Shove off George!"
"Both of you shut up!"
"Shut up, Hermione!"
"Shove off, Fred!"
"Go read a book!"
"Go feed your overgrown hamster!"
"WATCH PIXIE!"
Fred and Hermione were so close together, and George was staring at the like they were insane, and even later Fred couldn't figure out what possessed him to do it.
He kissed her.
Soon though, he realized what he was doing, and he stopped the kiss as soon as it had started. He quickly Apparated out of the house.
Hermione couldn't take it anymore. The second she heard the pop that signaled he had Apparated, she let out a scream of frustration.
Her scream was so loud that George would swear that the house shook.
"That is my cue to leave." George said uneasily.
"GEORGE!"
"Yes?"
"Nothing, I just like yelling your name..."
"Oh you do, do you?"
"NOT LIKE THAT YOU LOSER!"
George smirked a smirk that even Draco Malfoy, the stupid Pureblooded attention whore, would be proud of.
"You know you love the way my name just rolls off of your tongue," he said provokingly.
"Yeah, while I'm KILLING YOU!" Hermione lunged at him.
"Hey, hey, hey! Don't touch the hair!"
"Now you sound even MORE like that prat!"
"Who? Fred?"
"No! The attention whore!"
"Who?"
"DRACO BLOODY MALFOY!"
"Do you scream that name often too?"
Hermione was sick of this, so she decided to deadpan, "Yeah, you know it."
George pretended to be shocked. "What will Fred say? You're just a world class slut, aren't you? Me, Malfoy... who else? Don't say Ron... I don't need to know THAT much about my younger brother."
Hermione just stared at him.
"Did you just call me a slut?"
George realized he had crossed the line. So he did what he does best. He tried to talk his way out of it.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Isn't it FRED you should be taking this out on?"
"Not when YOU are the twin which I have in my hands," said Hermione calmly. "I think I could have just as much fun PRETENDING you are Fred while I beat the mickey out of you."
George screamed bloody murder. "FRED! GET IN HERE! I"M BEING MURDERED BY YOUR GIRLFREIND!"
Bad move on George's part. For the bloody curdling scream was what triggered—
"WHERE IS HE!"
Harry had burst into the room, wand at the ready. His hair was wilder than usual, and they could hear Ginny coming down the stairs behind him.
"WHERE IS HE!" he screamed once more, looking madly around the room.
"HARRY! Voldemort is DEAD! You are a RAVING LUNATIC! GET HELP!" Hermione yelled at him.
That seemed to snap Harry out of whatever trance he had been put into by the scream, and a look of confusion crossed over his face.
"What is going on?" he asked. "I was upstairs with Ginny and... why am I here?" He looked up at Hermione, who still had George in her firm grasp. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! Are you going after the ENTIRE Weasley family or something? Did Malfoy have something to do with this... stupid little attention whore that he is I bet that he did something for ultimate revenge..."
"HARRY! GO AWAY! You. Need. Help." She said this last part very slowly.
"Well fine then!" Harry huffed, puffing his chest out. "If you don't need my help I'll just be—"
"HARRY! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!" screamed George, afraid he had suddenly become invisible. "CAN YOU NOT SEE HERMIONE TRYING TO KILL ME!"
"What? Murder? George?" Harry looked around your room, and looked as if he was about to do something about the situation. "Wait a—" That is, until Hermione gave him a rather nasty look. "Nevermind."
"I'll just be leaving," said Harry rushing up the stairs, ignoring George's calls.
"Now it's just you and me, George," Hermione said, a mad glint in her eyes. "You and me."
"I feel rather uncomfortable with this situation, and would like to leave until I am more comfortable with it."
"Well, that's just too—"
"Dinner's on the table!" Mrs. Weasley yelled.
"When did she get home?" George asked.
"Well, Monica thought it would be a good idea to start incorporating her in the story."
"Who?"
"Well, you see George, we are only fictional characters in a book, written by a British woman," Hermione said as matter of factly. "This, however, is only a fan fiction, written very late at night by two very insane people. If it were the real story, I doubt that I would even be talking to you."
"Well, now that that is settled, let's go eat dinner."
"Sounds good."
Meanwhile, Harry was going insane once more...
"Calm down, Harry," said Ginny as she watched her boyfriend pace the room.
"How can I relax? They are joking about VOLDEMORT! VOLD-E-MORT! You know what that means?"
"That Leii finds it funny to make you insane?"
"NO!" insisted Harry. "That they must be WORKING for him! We must VANQUISH the DARK LORD! ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
Ginny rolled her eyes; she had this conversation once a week. Sighing, she said, "Ok, Harry. Now, go to bed and we'll talk about this in the morning."
"No," said Harry, bringing his hands together in a maniacal way. "This must happen TONIGHT! Remember what Mad-Eye once said: CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
"Let us also remember that he was a raving lunatic that was trying to kill you..."
"Well, yes, but can't we go eat dinner? I mean before I have to go to bed?"
"Wow... being a girl on and off has really made you rather whiny."
"Shove off! I am COMPLETELY comfortable with my sexuality... oh, that nail polish is really pretty..."
Ginny rolled her eyes and pulled Harry down the stairs.
She realized when she got to the dinner table that no one was sitting down. Because no one wanted to sit next to anyone else.
What Hermione heard next shocked her.
Instead, everyone was standing around the kitchen, staring blankly around.
"Well, this is wonderful," Mrs. Weasley said, "I cook a meal for you, after coming back to finding the house in shambles, and you are going to be rude enough not to even ATTEMPT to eat it. Wonderful end to the day, don't you say?"
There was a sudden uproar of yelling from everyone.
Hermione was yelling at George, who was attempting to yell at Fred, who was attempting to yell at Harry, who was trying to find Ron, who wasn't in the room—
Speaking of annoying things, suddenly, a... garbage can burst through the kitchen door...
"Someone BETTER explain what is going on! STARTING with why there is a hole in my kitchen door! And a garbage can as well!"
Before anyone could give their completely stupid answers to Mrs. Weasley, muffins starting shooting from the top of the garbage can.
Not any muffins, however, possessed muffins.
As they chased the group all over the kitchen, new ones continued to shoot from it.
Over all of the chaos, however, Harry could be heard screaming "VOLDEMORT WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH ATTACKING ME WITH MUFFINS!"
No one had the energy to argue with Harry while running from the muffins. So they let him rush at the garbage can.
Only to have it throw its lid at his head.
"Oh, Voldie got smarter!" he said. "Well, I'll show you, you evil... Voldemort trash can you!"
"Has Harry been like this since the war ended?" Fred asked Bill.
"No, only today. It must be something about turning into a girl that makes you a little..."
"Insane?" George offered.
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Hermione yelled.
"I'm just saying," said George. "Every girl that I've ever met has been a little... eccentric if you will. Look at you for example, you are a mad woman. I wouldn't be surprised if you painted your face and started to tribal dances."
"Tribal dances? TRIBAL dances?" Hermione looked about ready to jump on George.
"HERMIONE! GEORGE! FRED!" Mrs. Weaseley shouted.
It was then that they noticed they were the only ones who hadn't been affected by Mrs. Weasley's wrath, and therefore they were the only ones standing up.
The muffins had been stopped apparently, and the garbage bin had been muzzled.
Hermione, Fred and George sat down in a row as Mrs. Weasley threw an evil look.
"You will pay for that," Hermione said under her breath as Mrs. Weasley handed Harry a bowl of potatoes.
"Oh yeah?" asked Fred. "Whatcha gonna do? A tribal dance in hopes of my death?"
Before Hermione could reply, Harry yelled, "Potatoes! My favorite!"
Everyone's head turned to Harry, who seemed to have become weirder and weirder as the day had progressed.
"What? I like potatoes."
"We know you do Harry. We know," Ginny said softly.
Suddenly, a loud crashing noise came from the floor above. Harry jumped to his feet immediately (making sure the potatoes remained safe though).
"VOLDEMORT!" he screamed loudly.
Everyone rolled their eyes as Harry put the bowl of potatoes down and ran out of the room.
"How long do you think it will take to realize that it's a ghoul?" Ginny asked.
"How long has Lord Voldemort been dead?" joked Fred.
"Umm... three... two..."
"It's alright!" Harry yelled from upstairs. "It's just the ghoul."
He came pounding back down the stairs. "Now I can get back to those wonderful potatoes..."
Ginny rolled her eyes, and continued to eat.
"So how was your day Hermione?"
"Don't even get me started."