Disclaimer: We own it all! (Monica smacks Leii) We do not! (Leii smacks Monica back) They don't need to know that! (Monica smacks Leii once more) Well, either we say we don't own it, or we get sued. (Leii contemplates for a second) You think she'd really sue us? (Monica glares) Let's not take the chance. (Leii pouts) But it'd be a fun experiment! (Monica now stares pointedly) Just say that we don't own anything but the title, plot, Snuggles, and Fido. (Leii sighs) I guess, according to Monica, the genius who helped me with my English homework only a couple of hours ago, we do not own anything but the title, plot, Snuggles, and Fido.
Operation KFFA
Chapter 5- I Resent That
The Weasley household, thanks to Mrs. Weasley returning, had returned to its... normal routine.
Everyone, thank goodness, was in bed, sound asleep. Even Snuggles had calmed down.
Hermione and Fred were the only ones still awake, other than Ron.
Hermione was attempting to plan Operation KFFA, while Fred was just a plain insomniac. Ron, on the other hand, was just doing... whatever he was doing (no one dared to ask).
Pacing the floor of the bedroom, Hermione was deep in thought. Well, as deep in thought as one could be at three in the morning.
This was her thought process: Fred had kissed her. Not once, but twice! But why? The only thing she could think was that she had some master plan for getting back at her for kneeing him. Why else would he kiss her? She needed something big. Something huge. And she needed help. But who? There was Ginny, who was sleeping in the same room as Hermione that night (it was actually Percy's old room, but whatever), because there was currently a large hole in Ginny's floor.
But Hermione felt bad about involving Ginny.
There was always...
No, that would be rather unfair to Fred... but it would be so funny... and Fred DID deserve it...
Hermione quietly opened the door and tip-toed to the twins' room. Without knocking, she opened the door, trying to keep it from making noise.
She was in. The only problem was, not both twins were asleep in their beds.
There was only one in the entire room.
Hermione prayed that it was George and poked him on the shoulder. "Wake up!" she said in his ear.
"But I don't want to want up mummy! I don't want to go to school! I want to go to Hogwarts mummy! Hogwarts!"
Hermione giggled; George must be reliving his pre-Hogwarts days.
Her laughter seemed to bring him to the present, and he opened his eyes. "What d'ya want, 'Mione?" he asked groggily.
"I have a plan," she told him. "And I need your help."
That got his attention. Hewas a prankster, and plans always got his full attention.
"Plan? What kind of Plan?"
"A plan for revenge," she explained, grinning evilly. "On your dear, sweet twin brother."
He crossed his arms. "No way. Nuh-uh. Not doing it," he announced. "We are a team. I'm not getting revenge on him."
Hermione knew this was going to happen and pulled out her wand. "You know how Malfoy, the stupid attention whore, turned Harry into Harrietta?" she asked. Not waiting for an answer, she continued, "Well, I think that you'll be a lovely Georgia."
"Yes, but I know how to change myself BACK!" George proclaimed like a child.
Hermione thought about this. "Did Fred tell you what I did to him earlier?"
"Besides making out with him?" George shuddered. "I don't want to know."
Hermione glared at him. "We did not make out. Would you like to stick my knee into one of your appendages?"
"Not particularly, no," George answered.
"Well then, join me and we can get Fred once and for all," Hermione said, sounding like every evil character in Muggle books and television.
George gulped. "See, I would like to, I really would but..." He grinned at something Hermione couldn't see.
"But his valiant twin won't let him," a voice said from behind them.
Hermione turned to glare.
"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione," Fred said, shaking his head from side to side overdramatically. "Trying to get my own twin brother to help you take out revenge on me?"
"And I would have gotten him to help me too, if it weren't for your meddling," Hermione said ruefully. "Why can't George be the insomniac instead of you?"
Fred waved his hand, not giving a thought to her question.
"What kind of revenge were you planning on planning? Because you forget, I am Fred, and he is George."
"Yes, I forgot who you were, I'm so forgetful," said Hermione sarcastically.
Fred shook his head dismissively. "You forget we are the Weasley twins. The Princes of Pranks."
"Well, you're brother was just about to commit treason against your kingdom," she said.
"I was not!" insisted George. "I was just going to... erm... think about it...?"
Fred put a hand to his head in mock distress. "Treason! How? Poison in my goblet? A dagger to my throat? A stake through my heart? A-"
"We get the picture Prince Fredrick," Hermione said in a bored tone.
He pretended to pout now.
"If you don't mind, Princes of Pranks," Hermione said, "I must be going. I need to find someone else who is willing to help me with my plan of revenge..."
Fred rolled his eyes. "Some people never learn..."
"Yeah," George agreed.
"Don't even get me started on you," Fred said. "You were going to help the enemy!"
"It isn't my fault!" George proclaimed. "She was threatening to... not allow me to have children!"
"Oh, you too, huh?" Fred said, dismissing his earlier annoyance at his twin.
"She threatened to make me into Georgia!"
Fred rolled his eyes. "It's not like you couldn't change yourself back!"
"I told her that, but it's just the glint she had in her eyes," George admitted. "You picked yourself out one insane woman, Fred."
Fred rolled his eyes. "Go to bed," he said, shoving an extra pillow in his twin's face.
George mumbled, but lay down on his bed, falling asleep quickly. Fred, however, was still his insomniac self and wasn't even attempting to get to sleep. Instead, he had to go make sure that Hermione wasn't going to do anything rash.
He heard a voice coming down that hall that signaled it was too late.
"And how exactly is this plan supposed to work?" he heard his brother Ron asking.
"It just will, Ronald," Hermione said. "Now be quiet and don't tell anyone what I told you... what were you doing with Ginny's make-up bag anyway?"
Fred couldn't contain himself. He howled with laughter. Ron... and Ginny's make-up bag...!
His laughter, however, caught the attention of not only Ron and Hermione, but the entire household, which had been awoken by Fred's laughter.
Harry came bursting into the room, wand at the ready, only in his boxers, the rest of the household not far behind him.
"Where is he?" he screamed.
Fred rolled his eyes. "Voldemort is dead, Harry," he said softly. "Why don't you go down to the kitchen, and heat yourself up some leftover potatoes?"
Harry looked around the room one more time. Once he was sure Voldemort wasn't going to jump out at him, he lowered his wand. "There's none left," he said ruefully.
"What? There were pounds of it left after dinner."
"Well, you see, there are about five hours between the time I went to bed and the time we ate dinner... I got hungry..."
"And you ate them ALL!" Ginny asked from behind him, causing him to jump around with his wand raised.
He lowered it once he decided that Ginny not an imposter. "Yes," he answered.
Ginny rolled her eyes.
There was suddenly a very loud rumble. Everyone looked around, and saw the very large dog they had seen earlier bounding straight towards them. Or rather, straight towards Fred.
Fred's eyes widened and he attempted to push his way out of the room, only to be stopped by someone, or rather something grabbing the back of his shirt.
"NO!" he screamed as the pink dog tackled him to the floor.
"Down Fido!" Mr. Weasley shouted.
"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE!"
It was Mrs. Weasley who shouted.
"Fido? FIDO!" Fred screamed from underneath the large dog. "That's what you name nice and small dogs, not MONSTERS!"
"This coming from the one who named his overgrown hamster SNUGGLES," commented Hermione as she watched the dog start to groom Fred's mass of hair.
Everyone snorted at this comment. Except Mrs. Weasley.
"Will someone explain to me why we are all awake at THREE THIRTY IN THE MORNING!"
"Because Hermione is a raving lunatic who decided to interrupt life in our peaceful kingdom by trying to get me against my own twin!" George explained, talking rather fast. "And Harry, well, Harry's just INSANE."
"I resent that," said Harry.
"And you were ASLEEP George. How would you know what happened?"
"Well, I wasn't asleep a few minutes ago, was I?"
"Well the whole house wasn't awake a few minutes ago, was it?"
"Well whose fault was it then?"
"Well it wasn't my fault," Hermione said quickly.
"Yes it was!"
"No it wasn't!"
"WAS!
"WASN"T!"
"WAS!"
"WAS!"
"WASN"T!"
Hermione smirked. "Told you."
Before George could comment back, Fred started screaming again. "Does ANYONE notice or care that there is a large, pink dog grooming my hair as it pins me to the ground?"
"No," everyone but Mrs. Weasley said in unison.
Mrs. Weasley just stared at everyone. "I'm going to bed," she said tiredly. She could only hope she was experiencing a very real feeling dream.
"I think I am too." Mr. Weasley said.
Everyone, including Fido, watched in disbelief as the two elders left the chaos and went back to bed.
"I think I'm starting to agree with you, Ginny," Hermione said. "The world is going mad. Of course, your boyfriend is the perfect example..."
"I resent that," Harry said again.
"Oh, go eat some potatoes," said Hermione.
"I already TOLD you. There aren't any left."
"Well then, go MAKE some or something!" said Hermione impatiently. She definitely was not in the mood to deal with the insane Harry Potter at this time of night.
"I would, but there aren't any potatoes left in the entire house!"
"Wait a second... did you just say that Ginny is Harry's 'girlfriend'?" Ron asked suddenly.
"I think Harry and I will go and... plant some potato seeds or something..."said Ginny quickly, dragging Harry to the kitchen.
"Wait, Ron didn't know? I thought Ron knew?" George asked.
"No one asked you George."
"Well, fine then," George said, and stomped up the stairs.
Hermione and Ron followed after him, both too tired to try and do anything.
And that just left Fred and Fido on the floor.
"What about meeeeeeeeee?" Fred whined. No one came to his aid.
"Well this just officially sucks," Fred said to no one in particular.
Fred realized that things were about to get worse. The dog on top of him was snoring.
"Bloody hell," Fred yelled. "This thing is sound asleep!"
And Fred realized there was no way in hell he would be able to move the roughly 300 pound dog.
"GEORGE, IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS UP HERE RIGHT NOW I SWEAR I WILL CHANGE YOU TO GEORGIA!" Fred shouted as loudly as he could. "PERMANENTLY!"
But no one could here him. Oh god, the dog was slobbering.
Suddenly, he heard someone coming.
"Oh god no!" he said once he saw Hermione, who was grinning madly.
"So, Fred, how's life below a dog? Comfortable?"
"This is YOUR fault!" Fred yelled.
"Well, I had help."
"Wait, THIS is what you and Ron were talking about? This is just cruel and unusual!"
"No, my dear Fredrick, this is just phase one. Unless," she added darkly, "you are willing to finally give me some information."
"NEVER!" Fred said. "I plead the fifth!"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Nice try," she said. "First of all, we aren't in the U.S., and secondly, I think that you'd rather not stay beneath that dog forever. Imagine, the rest of your life, with a large, pink dog named Fido on top of you. Funny, yet not pleasant."
Fred weighed his options-- literally. The dog was three hundred pounds...
He sighed. "What do you want to know?"
"You still haven't explained to me why you are so glad Blaise broke up with me."
"You sure? Cause I swear that I gave you a full explanation..."
Hermione rolled her eyes once more.
"I'm serious, didn't I already tell you why?"
"No, you have been avoiding the subject!" she told him. "I. WANT. AN. ANSWER."
"Because. He. Smelled. Funny," said Fred. But he was starting to regret his decision. He was having trouble breathing.
Hermione, realizing she wouldn't be getting an answer, moved onto the next question. "Why'd you kiss me? Twice?"
"Because you smell good," he answered, immediately regretting opening his mouth once more as he started to blush.
Hermione glared at him. "Why are you dancing around the subject? What are you afraid of? Hurting my feelings? I can handle whatever you got Fredrick Weasley."
"That's my story, and I'm sticking to it," he said to her. For the third time, he regretted speaking.
"Fine." Hermione said defiantly. She gave him one last look, and began to walk up the stairs.
"WAIT!"
Hermione stopped and turned back around slowly.
"You're never going to get an actually explanation if you just leave me here to die beneath this three-hundred pound dog," said Fred. "Plus, I think you'd have much more fun beating me yourself."
Hermione paused. "Nah."
She turned back up the stairs.
So Fred did the only thing he could think to do...
"HARRY! VOLDEMORT IS ATTACKING ME IN THE FORM OF A THREE HUNDRED POUND PINK POODLE!"
As expected, and to Hermione's dismay, Harry came running into the room, wand at the ready.
"Little Voldie's gone from snakes to pink poodles?" Harry said, apparently to himself. "Someone's gone insane!"
Quickly, he tackled the sleeping dog off of Fred, who stood up and started to brush--
"BLOODY HELL!"
"I TOLD YOU VOLDEMORT WAS BACK AGAIN!" screamed Harry as he tackled the growling dog once more off of Fred.
"THAT IS NOT VOLDEMORT!" Hermione told him. "IT'S A DOG!"
"No, it's Voldemort disguised as a dog, Hermione," Harry insisted.
Hermione smirked. "Harry, I that there are some potatoes in the cupoboard downstairs, you really should go check..."
Harry seemed to think about it for a second. "Okay," he said brightly.
Fred ran up the stairs before the dog could chase after him.
Hermione handed Fido a dog treat and rolled her eyes. "Good dog," she said.
"RON! PHASE TWO IS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW!" she screamed suddenly.
Ron came into the room from... wherever he had been.
"Phase two?" he asked unsurely. "Are you sure?"
She grinned. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Ronald."
"Ummmm... if you say so." He said, shrugging his shoulders. "Just don't tell Fred I was in on this... he'll kill me."
"Well then, maybe you should cough up the money for the funeral, cause he's figured it out."
"What!"
"Just go back to... wherever you were, and I'll deal with this phase myself," Hermione said impatiently.
"Well fine then." Ron said.
"Fine," Hermione said.
Hermione stomped up the stairs. Phase two was completely screwed, she was going to have to come up with something as she went up the stairs.
What could Fred possibly fear?
She knew just the thing. Taking out her wand, she transfigured herself and said another helpful little charm...
"FREDRICK WEASLEY GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" she screamed, sounding exactly like Molly.
Fred came down the stairs, looking rather frightened.
"M-mum?"
"What did you do to poor Hermione! She's sitting in her room sobbing her eyes out. AT FOUR IN THE MORNING!"
"What!" he asked incredulously.
"She's crying! What did you do to her?" Hermione, as Mrs. Weasley, continued.
"I don't know... nothing..." he answered timidly.
"Obviously not nothing, she's mumbling and sobbing so hard! You are in a truck load of trouble, young man!"
"But- but-" Fred looked like a fish, opening and closing his mouth. "Why is she crying?" He sat down at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. "Thats not what I wanted. Not at all."
Hermione saw he was distressed, and softened her voice. "What happened Fred?"
Fred was about to speak, when, from out of the cupboard door, Harry emerged.
"AHA!" he said, holding up a large potato as if it were a trophy. "There are potatoes left!"
Harry then saw that "Mrs. Weasley" was in the room, so he tried to hide the potatoes behind his back.
"It's okay, Harry," Hermione said, "You go about your business and make something to eat."
"Well, I was actually planning on hiding them under my bed. Who eats potatoes at four in the morning?" said Harry.
Hermione sighed. "Give me the potatoes Harry."
"WHAT!" he asked, holding the potatoes to his chest tightly. "No!"
She was surprised, Harry usual listened to Mrs. Weasley. "What did you say?"
"I said 'no.' Theses are my potatoes! AND YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM!"
"Wow, okay, go to bed Harry, and you can keep the potatoes."
Harry shrugged. "Okay."
And that is how Fred and Hermione/Mrs. Weasley were once again left alone.
"What happened Fred? You and Hermione used to get along well. And now all you do is fight and attempt revenge on one and other." Hermione then realized that she was still Mrs. Weasley, so she added, "And destroy my house."
"I don't want to talk to you about this mum, you wouldn't understand," Fred said.
"Well, who WOULD understand then? You must talk to SOMEONE." Hermione knew quite well that at this point the entire Weasley family was slightly afraid of her, so she could either have Fred actually tell someone else, and then tell her, OR just make herself look like that person.
"That's the problem, mum," Fred said, his voice raising slightly. "NO ONE undestands. Everyone thinks Ron and Hermione, Ron and Hermione. I hate to break it to you, but I believe my dear brother Ron doesn't even LIKE girls! I'm tired of being told to BACK OFF because Hermione and Ron are "MEANT TO BE"! Has anyone even ASKED Hermione whether or not she likes Ron? NOOOOO!"
"Well, Hermione knows that she doesn't have to conform to what other people expect of her. And you're being silly. Of COURSE Ron likes girls. He's had a girlfriend for months. Some girl named Hannah."
Hermione frowned.
"But that still doesn't explain why you have been acting so oddly."
"Yes it DOES! That's the problem! Everyone wants a DIRECT and TO THE POINT answer, but I can't GIVE a direct answer," Fred explained further.
"So are you saying--"
But at that moment, Hermione heard people walking around upstairs. Hermione faked a yawn, and said, "Oh, I need to do something upstairs." She rushed up the stairs praying it would not be Mrs. Weasley who was awake.
As she walked up the stairs however, it was not Mrs. Weasley that was awake. It was Harry and Ginny.
On Ginny's bed.They both jumped up immediately, and ran downstairs, where Fred had disappeared from, and now was replaced with Bill.
"Bill? What are you doing here? Especially at," Ginny checked the clock. "4:30 a.m.?"
"What are YOU doing awake?" he asked. Suddenly, he held up his hand. "Nevermind," he said, "I don't want a reason to kill you. Harry."
Harry just stared at Bill with his mouth opening and closing. He finally worked up his nerve and said, "You wouldn't really kill me, would you Bill?"
He raised an eyebrow. "It matters... what were you doing?"
"I'll just be shutting up now," Harry said.
"Exactly," said Bill. He started looking around the room for something. "Have you seen any potatoes around the house? I have a real craving for some..."
"NO! MY POTATOES!" Harry yelled.
Bill stopped moving. "What are you talking about?"
Harry was almost foaming. "DON'T. TOUCH. MY. POTATOES."
"What is going on?" Bill asked.
"Well, see, Harry has been turned into a girl several times this week, and it has made him go slightly insane. Especially if you mention--"
"Does this have anything to do with Voldemort?"
"That," Ginny finished lamely.
"VOLDEMORT!" Harry screamed, pulling his wand out and looking around madly. "Where!"
"I see." Bill said, raising his eyebrows, to no one in particular. Then to Ginny, he said, "You realize your boyfriend is bloody mad, don't you?"
"Wait, you knew that we were dating? And you aren't mad?" Ginny said, as Harry began running around the kitchen, searching the pantries for "Voldemort."
"Yeah, I knew. Its right about time too."
Ginny's jaw dropped. "You're serious? So if I tell you the reason we are up is that we were making out you wouldn't flip?"
"Is that the reason you're up?"
"Yes..."
"Well then, I'd have to say it's a pity that Harry will soon become the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Die," Bill said, before pulling his wand out.
"Well, what about you! Where have you been all day! You were here yesterday, and all day you were gone! Where you off making out with Fleur!" Ginny yelled.
"That's none of your business!" Bill said angrily.
"Harry isn't right in the head--"
"I resent that," Harry said from inside the cupboard.
Author's Note: Sadly, it is Leii once more writing the author's note. However, I CAN assure you that Monica IS still alive.She's just busy watching her latest obession on Lifetime. I thought this was the opportune time to post a new chapter, because I had nothing else to do and this has been sitting here for too long, waiting to be posted.
And I know I promised not to write another note (actually, Monica just reminded me), but I just HAD to. Again, she is a little busy watching a movie (a very GOOD movie I might add) and I don't want her to bother with this note.
As expected, this note is extremely boring and straight to the point. Again, sorry. I'll try to never write another note. But I won't be promising anything this time around. :)
Love,
Monica & Leii. (But Leii wrote the note, remember that.)