Reviewers are getting M&Ms Cookies today! Nice and colourful too^^
Kleptomaniac Can Opener: I didn't have your reply in the last chapter was because I uploaded that chapter before your review came in. I guess it didn't show up that soon :P. But I'm glad you came back! And yes, it was Hikaru's choice to not play Go because of his guilt. Hikaru's mother is rather protective of him, and that's my doing too^^; You are sharp, quite true, Sai broke the promise to both of them, and that'll have significance later on…Sadly, I don't think I'll let them duel in this fic. But I'll be sure to do it if I ever have an impulse to write a sequel^^
JMJV: First to review chapter 2! Touya Koyo's OOC? Hmmm, I suppose so, but I guess that was the sort of thing he's likely to say. I have to admit, he hasn't ever saw Akira as a rival in the series, nor did he do much praising of Akira either…so, can't blame the guy for being a bit desperate, now can we? Yup, I tried to make it similar in some ways to the original series, looks like you are a very sharp reader^^
Shinigami Clara: Calm down Clara-chan! And by the holy name of Go I do NOT need a bomb shelter, since the only person who will throw bombs at me is you, and I'm liable to throw them back…Anyways, how is 'Miko's powers' going? I need more stuff to beta to keep my senses sharp^^
Regatto: Yup, they sure will confront each other two more times before this finishes^^ But…I'm being evil here, I'm actually not planning for them to play a game. You'll have to wait for a sequel, if there is one^^;
Shimizu Hitomi: I know, it sucks that in the original series Sai and Akira never got to meet except over a Goban. But then, if they did, what will become of poor Hikaru? Anyways, you found that line amusing? ^^ I thought it might just be what Akira usually thinks of people his age…
BTW, thanks for the explanation of what uke/seme is…*twitch* I'm not into yaoi so I really wouldn't know…^_^; But I always thought Hikaru was supposed to be the girly one for some reason.
allyyang: So everything, well, nearly everything is in the light now. But…I not deciding to have them play a game in this fic ^^;;;
jasper tears: Wow, you gave two reviews^^ Thanks! And thank you for the praise too, that's why I'm handing out cookies here^^ Wow, you find my fic realistic? Well, that was what I tried to do, but the big underlying fact that it's not so realistic is me making Sai win titles at the age of 15. That's not exactly humanly possible^^;;; Hikaru-kun and Akira-kun are in-character too? Wow, I was never good at characterisation so that's a big compliment, thanks^^ I'm happy you enjoyed this fic, and thanks for adding it to favs too^^
jia: Welcome back! Looks like everyone's happy for such a quick update. Once again…I don't think I'll be making them two play a game during the course of this fic. Because it will mainly be about getting Hikaru to play again, and when that is achieved, the story will end.
LadyJessy: It was a coffee break from the action. But the information provided will prove to be fundamental in the future and in the finale, so that can't be overlooked^^
urain: I need to sort out my priorities since homework is piling up and I'm still writing until 3 in the morning^^; But, yeah, otherwise, if readers are happy, I'm happy. You like the part about Sai/Meijin game? That was fun to write^^
Leng Leng: Yay! The more people like my fic, the happier I am^^ Okay, that sounded a bit narcissistic…humdeedum…
firedraygon97: One of the reasons I let the prologue end abruptly is because I don't want to go into detail of, ahem, how Sai looked like…I cried so hard when I was watching the original series at the part when he left…Yup, Sai is one of my favs too.
SakuyaChan: You're welcome, I like giving comments to people on improving their writing…although I myself have not yet perfected the art of writing. But I do try (yes I do!). You can improve by trying too. (Hey, that rhymes^^;)
laalaa: Thank you for your review^^ I will try to make this fic as good as it can be _.
Mysterious Anonymous Reviewer (yes, you^^): I updated! I hope I can update sooner next time nee…
Aaaaand, special thanks to Murinae-san for the general encouragement^^
Following in Your Footsteps
By Halcyon Clouds (A.K.A. Sal)
Intro: (Last time on Following: We learned Akira's side of the story…)
Er, sorry for the late update, I was distracted by the prospect of becoming a CG artist, or otherwise indulging myself in leisure…I think my writing's a bit rusted in this time, so please put up with it. Now, there are some serious emotional clashes in this chapter, earplugs are recommended ^_^;
Disclaimer: Mweh. If I own them why would I be here?
Chapter 3 -- The Open Wound
Hikaru awoke with a jolt.
He stared blankly at nothing in particular for a few seconds, it was as if he'd never been asleep in the first place. His room was illuminated with a soft glow from the silver beams of moonlight, peaceful in a way that seemed almost otherworldly. At times he had wished that this sort of peace could last forever, warm, without plunging into the cold waters of reality. Reality was chilling wind on bare skin.
Hikaru sat up, he didn't feel like falling asleep anymore, time at night seems to pass slower when you stay awake most of the time and do nothing. He'd had several past experiences with sleepless nights, not that he enjoys them. It provided some form of salvation, not having to be haunted involuntarily was something to be thankful towards. Night is different from darkness; there is light, and sounds, things to remind people of their conscious self.
Had I really meant what I said? Hikaru contemplated, breaking the silence of his mind. A part of him shivered in the guilt.
He wondered about his own behaviour. He had been buying Weekly Go for years now, cutting out Kifus and studying them. He still couldn't resist a glance at every sign of the game. It was like looking at expensive artefacts in a museum, so close to being able to touch, but not being allowed to touch, only admiring from a distance.
He didn't know what to make of the relationship of the game and himself. Somewhere inside of him felt the dire need to hold it close to him, but never too close. The meaning of Go, the very essence of the meaning it holds for Shindo Hikaru, along with the past that concerns it and him...he was unworthy of it all.
Why am I doing what I am doing?
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A certain Meijin observed his son through solemn eyes. Akira was doing a fantastic job of hiding whatever he has to hide, smiling as he chatted with Akiko at the breakfast table, no behaviour out of the ordinary, even Akiko herself did not notice in the slightest.
But the Meijin knows his son, perhaps the only person who could fully understand Touya Akira, he even wondered sometimes if he knew Akira better than the boy knows of himself. There was a change, definitely, small but for certain. Something was troubling his son, perhaps the same thing that lead the boy to divert attention off the Goban the other day; something he was trained to seldom, if not at all, bring about.
Akira couldn't shake the image off his mind. Like some irksome fly, it kept coming back, circumnavigating his train of thought while buzzing in an exceptionally irritating way. It was all he could do not to start batting at the bangs that dropped over his eyes. It was worth being thankful for the fact that he was not a talkative sort, rarely speaking unless when spoken to. People could hardly observe the difference between normal Akira and troubled Akira.
As much as he hated to admit it, he wanted to see that person again…to ask questions, to get answers, to know more…
Feeling his father's glance fall on him , the green-haired boy poked at his rice and had a bite. Akira prayed that his Meijin father would keep any questions he had to himself for the time being.
"The main Pro exams start next week, how are you doing preparing?" The Meijin calmly questioned.
Akira breathed a small sigh of relief. "I'm alright, otou-san, I can handle it by myself."
"Koyo, I think Akira-san is well prepared, you nor I need to worry about him." Akiko smiled and remarked.
"No, indeed." Touya Koyo closed his eyes and laid down the utensils.
The boy felt the odd stress in his father's voice, his fingers tightened uncomfortably around the chopsticks.
"I'm full. I'm going to go study some kifus in the next room." Akira excused himself as he go up and left, eager to have some private space.
Akiko looked after her son's disappearing figure.
"See?" She chuckled as she turned back to her husband, "He's very diligent. Akira knows what he must do."
"I hope so." Replied the Meijin.
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I wouldn't miss it for my life!
That was what he thought as he departed his house nearly an hour before the event started. Hikaru had been looking forward to it all week. Not only would there be Go pros to play a public, on-the-fly explanations game. They would be examining the kifus of the greatest Go prodigy ever to have lived, in memoriam of Sai, his brother.
No one would recognise me, and Touya Akira would be in a Pro exam game. I'll be long gone before he even finished his game. Hikaru grinned at his perfect plan. At first he was reluctant to appear in a place where the concentration of the people who knew his brother was one hundred out of one hundred percent, but the exhilarating prospect of knowing more about the Go his brother played outweighed his fear. With that in mind, he quickened his steps, almost to a point of sprinting when he arrived at the Go Institute.
The room was well lit and spacious, rows of chairs had already been set up in front of the stage, where two great metallic boards stood with a tray of black and white magnets at its side. There were a few people before him who were already seated in the hall, some teenagers who looked like they were Insei congregated and chatted amongst themselves in a corner. Hikaru stole a glance at them.
"…mou, I thought I was going to pass the prelims this year, my first game was against Touya Akira. It was equivalent to chucking that game away on purpose!" A girl complained of her misfortune.
"But see on the bright side, at least we get to watch the event while they have their games." Her companion reassured her.
"Yeah, I guess." She smiled, "I've always wanted to have a more complete idea of how Shindo Sai played. To think of it! He already had a title the age I was two years ago!"
Hikaru listened to their conversation. He felt proud to be Sai's brother, sometimes he really did. He may never fully understand what kind of place people from the Go world such as these Insei held for his brother in their heart. But he will never forget who Sai meant to him.
"…pity he died so young."
An icy knife drove through him somewhere from the darkness.
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Contrary to the people around him who were breathing deeply, had fists clenched, brows furrowed, and some even perspiring with anxiety, Touya Akira sat as cool as an ice cube amongst the others qualified for the main Pro exams. Waiting patiently for the supervisors to come in with the drawing box and charts. The long and heated Pro exams had finally commenced.
A boy with wild brown hair beside Akira squirmed uneasily in his seat and cracked his knuckles.
"Tche. Those idiots. Why can't they pick a better time than this?" He muttered angrily under his breath.
"What's wrong, Waya?" A younger boy with a plump face looked up and asked.
"Dammit, the Go event today! I want to watch it so badly! But those bakas scheduled it to clash with the first Pro exam!"
Oh yeah. Thought Akira. There's an event today, there was a note on the notice board.
"I heard they're examining Shindo Sai's kifus! Argh! I'm missing out big time!" The boy named Waya kept on grumbling.
The mention of the name snapped Akira right up.
"What? They're going to be studying Shindo Kisei's kifus?" Akira couldn't help but interrupt. The chubby boy nodded.
"Yeah. But you probably don't need to be studying more than you already know." The brown-haired boy remarked sarcastically.
Ignoring the boy named Waya, Akira asked. "When is this held until?"
"They'll be finished explaining the kifus by lunchtime, all that's left will be the game and refreshments." Waya's friend replied.
Akira stared at the clock, games normally start at ten am sharp, but since today there would be drawings and management to be getting through, the time would be shifted back an hour or so, which means by the time lunch comes at one, all he would see of the event was the dropping of curtains.
He was sure, something inside him tells him very certainly, that a person would be there. Wherever Shindo Sai might be mentioned, Shindo Hikaru will be there.
He had less than two hours to finish the game. Touya Akira was determined to do exactly so.
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Hikaru listened with full attention to the Pro talking about Sai's games, and enjoyed every minute, every bit of detail about it. Sai had a different style to all the other Pros whose kifus he had studied. There was always an underlying meaning to every step he took, even if the hand looked lacking in depth when first played. It was only when later on in the game did the opponents realise what a ultimately ingenious hand it was, did they realise never to judge the person sitting across from them too lightly, and did they realise that it was already too late to recover their lost territory.
Hikaru stepped out of the hall quietly after the kifu explanations. He had seen what he had come to see. It was half-past-twelve, the people taking the exam should be having their lunch break any minute now, he needs to escape quick, before Touya Akira sees him here.
He stuck his head around a corner of the lobby, there was no one in sight, looks like the examinees haven't finished the first half of their game yet. Twice checking that the coast was clear, Hikaru made a quick beeline for the main doors.
Then he heard footsteps behind him.
"Shindo Hikaru, I knew you'd be here." A familiar voice.
Oh SHIIIITTT!!
How the hell did he get out so early? And how the hell did he know that I'd come? The questions surrounded Hikaru's mind as he fled as fast as he can, with the Meijin's son in hot pursuit. Oh shit! I don't want to be facing him now!
He stole a sideward glance back, the Meijin's son was persistent. Even though Akira was considerably far behind, Hikaru was not sure if he can keep this chase going any longer.
If I just run, I'd be running away for the rest of my life. Hikaru thought. I'll just have to tell him to lay off me.
Akira went anaerobic almost the moment the chase started, years of sedentary Goban training wasn't doing much to improve his speed and stamina, plus the effort made to shout "SHINDOOO!" at regular intervals was running him fast out of oxygen. As the distance between them grew wider and wider, his lungs were failing him, and he was on the verge of giving up.
But, if I give up now, I might never see him again.
I might never get the answers I want.
I'll regret it for my life.
Akira clenched his teeth and picked up speed. The boy in front of him was slowing down from tire as well. He was closing in…when close enough, he reached out his hand and grabbed the other boy's arm, holding on just as tight as the time he dragged Hikaru to the Go salon. The green-haired boy stopped and panted heavily, his hand maintaining a firm grasp. The other boy seemed to have no will to run anymore, Shindo Hikaru simply stood there, not fighting back or straining to escape.
"Shindo…I thought you said you hated Go." Akira calmly initiated the conversation when both of them had gained their breath from the run.
"What's with that?" The other boy crossed his arms indignantly.
"Answer me! Why is it that what you say isn't what you do?" Akira demanded loudly.
"Why should I?" Hikaru snapped, "It's none of your business!"
"You are such an insult to the Go-playing population!"
"Now why the hell am I an insult if I don't play Go?"
"Because your brother was one of the best Go players of his time…or ever, for that matter! How can you say you hate the game he loved the most?" Akira yelled, now green in the face to match his hair and eyes.
"I'm not him! I'm not Sai! I go by my own ways!" Hikaru countered, just as fiercely.
"The ways of a hypocrite? You say you hate Go, but why were you at the Go Institute, huh?"
"I…I…"
"And why did you come to lecture me about Shindo Kisei's game on the train when you don't even like it?"
"I…that's got nothing to do with me being in there!"
"You say you hate Go, you refused to play against me, but you show up at a Go event, you even first met me over a kifu! Stop contradicting yourself! Why can't you just play Go for heaven's sake? What is there so humiliating to you about it? It's just crazy, what you're doing…"
"Fine! I'm crazy alright! I was crazy all along and will be crazy for the rest of my life!"
Akira took a breath to calm himself down, Hikaru was going red with anger.
"Look, I don't mean that you are crazy or anything. But if you can just tell me why is it that you are doing crazy things!?"
"Why is it that you have to know!?"
"…because I want you to play Go! I bet everyone wants you to play! You're Shindo Sai's brother!"
Akira thought he saw a fleeting look of pain in the other boy's eyes.
"I…I'm saying it once more, I will not play Go." Hikaru turned away and replied in a smaller voice.
"…you're a disgrace to your brother's legacy. If you don't like the game then that's fair enough, but from what I can see, you're obsessed by it in every way. I just don't understand, you don't have any reason to be ashamed of playing Go."
"No reason?" Hikaru repeated, his voice trembling, "NO REASON?! You have NO idea, absolutely NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST! What right do you have to say so?!"
Akira stumbled back a step at this sudden outburst.
"You know why he died?" Hikaru continued to shout, causing passer-bys to stare at them, "You know how he died? It was because of me! ME! If it weren't for me, he never would have been hit by that truck, if it weren't for me, he would still be alive, happily playing Go at this very moment! How can I touch that game!? You tell me, HOW CAN I?! OW!"
"So-sorry." Akira stared at Hikaru, not realising that he was squeezing the other boy's arm so hard that his own knuckles were turning white. "…He…you…what?"
"My brother died to save me from the truck, he died because of me, because I am an idiot, A BID DAMN IDIOT!" Hikaru wrenched his arm free to face the Meijin's son squarely. "If I only hadn't run, if I only hadn't been so freaking stupid he would still be alive! It was my fault he died, is that clear enough for you?!"
It was certainly clear enough. Everything made sense now, everything made such horrible sense.
Akira stood in total shock. No one had ever relayed that piece of information to him. He felt like he was suddenly plunged into confusion, while what he heard was as concise and easily understood as it can be. It was as if every scaffolding that was holding up what remained in his beliefs had all decided to shatter and crumple at that second. He couldn't bear to face the truth, couldn't bear to face this person anymore.
Akira turned slowly, his back on Hikaru, and walked away with not a backward glance or shortening in pace.
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A/N: Aw, I know I'm evil to leave a cliff-hanger there again! ごめんね! Can't help myself, really. Behold the sadistic authoress.
Anyways, now Akira doesn't know what to make of Hikaru, whether to hate him for being the cause of Sai's death, or to forgive him for what he'd done. I feel sorry for the boy, but I feel more sorry for Hikaru, seems like he'll just have to live with more pain until I update again…*sniff*
I think there'll be two or three more chapters until this finishes, I don't want to make it too long because then it'll just be droning. (oh wait, don't I do that in every chapter? Silly me.)
One more thing before I poke people for reviews, I draw anime computer graphics, if you have time please go check it out ne (I draw Hikago fanart too!! Does that ring a bell?). The url is halcyon-clouds dot deviantart dot com.
Anyways, if you would like to see this fic over and done with soon please review and remind me on what you need to know.
--
Sal (halcyon_clouds@hotmail.com)
P.S. On an extra note, I just suddenly realised that you can't force ties on equal games, regarding the A/N on the last chapter. Hear hear, this is coming from someone like me who actually plays the game, shows you just how daft I can be…