Warning

This story is not suitable for readers under the age of seventeen. It contains sexual content, including some non-consensual, and may offend some readers. If this subject is offensive to you, please do not read this story.

Chapter 5 - The Kiss

As Hermione stepped inside Snape's office, she realized that she had no idea what she was going to say. All the words she had gone over in her mind throughout the day seemed unsuitable and out of place. But then, what was said seemed to matter less than the fact that they were in the same room. She closed the door behind her without a word, and leaned back against it, not looking at him.

"Hermione!" Snape stood, but made no move to approach her. From the tone of his voice, it seemed that she was the last person he had expected to see. She hesitated. What should she call him? She'd been over and over this, but still wasn't sure.

"Professor Snape," she said, eventually. Formal. Distant. Keep the barriers up - for now. She didn't look to see his reaction, but she thought she detected the slightest of flinches.

The silence between them was tense and both were uneasy. Hermione tried to think of something - anything - to say to break it, but her mind was blank. Eventually, Snape spoke.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry about last night. What I did was - - - unforgivable." Still Hermione said nothing. Snape slumped into his chair, resting his head in his hands on the desk. "I've been expecting Dumbledore to come down here and tell me to pack my bags."

Hermione looked up at him for a moment, then back at the floor. "I haven't told anyone," she said softly.

"Because you couldn't stand to think about it?"

"No," replied Hermione quietly, in surprise. "I don't know why."

They lapsed into silence again. She could hear Snape's uneven breathing, and got the impression that he was using his elbows on the desk to steady himself and try to hide the fact that he was shaking slightly.

Hermione suddenly felt the need to ask a question that had been on her mind since the previous night. "Severus," she asked quietly. He caught his breath at the name. "Does it always - - - hurt?"

His face went white. God. She was so innocent. He must have hurt her so badly! He sat back in his chair, closing his eyes and swallowing slowly. "No. That was because it was the first time," he paused, "and because I was so rough."

For the first time, their eyes met and held. Those dark eyes, pleading with her to understand, mirrored the pain in his voice. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear. What I must have put you through - - - " his voice trailed off.

She took a deep breath. He assumed that she hated him for what he'd done to her, and accepted that, knowing that she had every right to despise him. But something in his eyes - there was clearly pain in his soul that went far beyond what had happened last night. Knowing what he could do to her and how he could make her feel - knowing that she had had only a glimpse of the passion hidden behind the cold mask that he showed to the world - she had to let him know that what she was feeling wasn't the loathing that he seemed to feel for himself.

"I liked it, when you kissed me," she said simply. His sudden reaction startled her. He stood, knocking his chair backwards, and for a moment, she pressed nervously back against the door, where she still leaned, thinking he was coming towards her. That was what she wanted, but not in the same forceful and compelling way that had frightened her last night. She wasn't ready for that. But instead of approaching, he turned away, standing by a large high-backed armchair on the other side of the desk, and seeming to lean on it for support.

Softly, she asked, "Why did you kiss me?"

His back stiffened, and he turned to her, one hand still resting on the back of the armchair, as he gazed at her. For a moment, his eyes seemed cold, but the façade crumpled almost immediately and they softened. His words were slow and hesitant, as though he was having difficulty expressing himself. "I thought that you were beautiful and intelligent, and your company was calming and so peaceful. But I never even thought about kissing you until you were suddenly so close. I didn't plan it - or even think about what I was doing - I just reached out to you." He closed his eyes and once more turned away. Shoulders hunched and head hung, his breathing was deep as though trying to calm himself.

Hermione finally pushed herself away from the door and walked silently round the desk. "Severus?" She whispered his name, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. Silently, he turned to her, and as her hand reached up to touch his cheek, he pulled her gently into his arms.