I remember that feeling i felt when i ran through you. Just knowing that moment, i could never touch you or feel you again. I was devastated. Your spirits just floating about, you disappearing and walking through me. When i told you i loved you, i meant it. Sometimes i wonder, was it even worth it? At that moment, i wanted to jump off with you, i wanted to grasp your hand and smile as we drifted away together. I knew it wasn't possible. Im planning to go to the Farplane. I want to see for myself if your really dead. Also, im afraid to go to the Farplane. I don't want to know the truth and yet i do. The day you disappeared, i can still feel your arms around me. I remember how i didnt feel your warmth because u didnt have any. I longed to feel your warm moist breath against my ear as u stood so close, but i didnt. You were not human, you were just like a ghost. After that night, i wept for you, but you never came. You only appear in my dreams, tell me... is that the only place to where i can see you? My dreams...?
"Lulu... Do you think... this is a good idea?" I stood up and looked at my reflection in the mirror again. There was a quality i loved about myself. My right eye was green and my left eye was blue. I smiled to myself, but it was a fake. I shifted my weight to the side and brushed my hair away from my face and looked at Lulu. She looked the same as always, her gothic belted dress and her animal fur trailing the top of her outfit. Her braids hung low against her back and her chop sticks stuck out more in a little bun utop her head. She looked at me and closed her eyes, shaking her head.
"This is what you want, Yuna." She spoke and walked to the couch, sitting down and picking up a cup of hot brewed tea. She poured the tea into another cup and slid it across the table for me. "Dont doubt yourself, you told me earlier today that you knew he was waiting. Do not doubt that. Believing is better than not believing." Lulu lifted her cup and sipped the steaming herbal water. "We will leave at noon. Hurry and pack what you need." She stood up, leaving the cup on the table and walking towards me.
"Will Rikku travel with us?" I asked Lulu as she inspected my outfit she had given me just awhile ago. I spread out the skirt more and looked at her.
"She is a guardian, wherever you go we must follow." She looked in the mirror from behind me and smiled. "Yuna... you will see him again, i assure you." Her smile faded and she walked back to the couch, lifting her cup. I knew what she meant by that. If you aren't in Zanarkand... you will definately be in the Farplane. I looked down to the cottage floor and bit my bottom lip. My heart suddenly ached for you. My hand come to my breast and cluched into a fist. Lulu's words hurt me again, even though she had no intention to.
"I.. Im going to... find Wakka." I whispered and walked out of the cottage without having Lulu's consent. I didnt want to hear anymore, i didnt want to think about you dead because... your aren't dead... right? I ran towards the temple, my skirt flailing behind me. Why does it hurt so much? I stopped at the entrance and gasp for breath. My eyes watered from exhaustion and i looked up at the building. My memories... are here... the moment i first met you, i met you in here. I took a step inside of the temple and looked around. I can still remember that day so vividly. I walked up the middle steps and stopped in front of the Summoner's entrance. My hand rose and carressed the metal of the door. Tidus... I was exhausted from praying and i had just earned my first Aeon, Valefor. I walked out of the room and fell down the stairs, to be caught by Kimari. That moment i layed eyes on you, you were a complete stranger to me and yet i felt a connection. Later, I had asked for you to be a gaurdian and you gladly accepted. You told me you were from Zanarkand, a thousand years from the past. I believed you, I never doubted you one bit. I wanted to cry as i remembered those memories. I dont want you to be just that, i want you to be more... not just a memory.
"Yunie!" A familair voice trailed the Temple. I recongnized its energetic tone, Rikku had arrived. "Oh, Yunie! I heard about you traveling! Its not another pilgramage is it?" Rikku ran up the stairs and stood behind me. "Yunie?" I turned around as a single tear fell from my eye. "Oh, yunie..." Rikku wrapped her arms around me, i was just feeling horrid that moment. All those precious memories coming back at me all at once, i was terrified that they could possibly never be real... that ill have to forget everything and even.. forget about you. I shook my head and wiped my eyes.
"Rikku... you just caught me at an odd moment." I chuckled and hugged her back. "Your coming with me, right?" I asked her, pulling apart and looked at her oddly revealing outfit. She wore a yellow bra and short shorts. Rikku smiled at me and grabbed my hand.
"Of course im coming with you, Im still a gaurdian ya no." she giggled and pulled me along, out of the temple. I turned my head behind me and looked one last time at that same door. This will probebly be the last time i see it in a long time. My lips curved into a smile and begun to laugh, Rikku along with me. At the entrance stood Kimari, Lulu and Wakka. We were ready for our journey. There were only two people missing, and that was Auron and you.
"Lulu... Wakka.. everyone..." I wanted to cry again, but knew that it was weak. In side, im still a summoner... i need to be strong. I took a deep breath and smiled again. I know what Auron would say, 'we wait until Yuna is ready.' I cherish those days, back in the pilgramage. "Im ready." i annouce and let go of Rikku's hand. Lulu looked at Wakka and then Kimari took a step closer to me.
"Yuna ready... we leave." He said and started to walk ahead, out of the village of Besaid. Lulu glanced at me and smiled with her deep plum colored lips. My dream didnt lie, there was a connection between Wakka and Lulu. Rikku jumped up and down and skipped ahead of me humming to herself as her blonde hair bounced behind her in a ponytail.
"C'mon Yunie! Everyone's gonna leave you!" She called back behind her. My heart still felt odd, as if it was ripped in half and was badly sewn back together. I turned around and gazed at Besaid. People were walking by, a few even waving at me. Do i really mean that much to everyone? I gave everyone happiness, but i had to sacrifice my happiness for them. I had to give up my own hope, in hope of Spira having an eternal calm. But... is there such a thing as an eternal calm? Suddenly, i feel so alone. No one from Spira can feel my pain, the loss of losing you. They dont know half of it all. Because their happy, they seem to forget about the people around them, they forget about the people still in pain. Everyone expects so much from me, because i am a summoner, i am the one bringing the Eternal Calm. I am the one who defeated sin, but.. i didnt do it alone. You helped me to, it was you that gave me courage and it was you that had let me live. The temple is the only thing i see right now, i feel so connected to it and yet i dont. I take a deep breath and turn around, facing my destiny. The others were up ahead and i had to catch up. Goodbye Besaid, until my arrival, people of besaid... I ask you, do not forget about me.