CHAPTER FIVE
We're taking baby steps toward our destination. We have to be careful, but i cant help but wonder, why must we go so slow. Will you still be waiting for me in Zanarkand or... is this whole trip just a fraud. Are you really there, or have you really disappeared taking my love with you? We've only just left earlier today, so why am i being tortured with such horrible thoughts. I can just see it, us arriving at Zanarkand to nothing. Lulu was inside the boat already because i told her i still wanted some time alone to think. To think about you.
I take in a deep breath of nightly air and walk towards the deck. I want to see it all, the ocean, the cool night breeze and the dark starlit sky. I approach the deck and walk to the very edge. We first talked right here, in this spot. It was right after i was speaking with Kimari. Why is it, that so many things remind me of you? Its as if your spirit is all around me, but i don't want to think of it that way. Your spirit... surrounding me, it hurts to much to even think about it. If... you really are at the Farplane, then my journey is over. I say this because, if i see you there it means you are dead. It would be a waste of time to continue to Zanarkand. I don't even know if I'll have the courage to step onto the Farplane.
The wind blows against my skin, the tiny hairs stand up from the sudden coolness. I close my eyes and let my hair and my skirt flutter within the gust. I like it... its so comforting. I could never ask for more. When i open my eyes, i see the rippling waters ahead and nothing further than that. This night was truly a beautiful one. If only i could be standing here with you.
"You're gone... aren't you." I spoke as my eyes begun to water. I lift my hands up to my chest in fists. Once again, my skin tingles remembering that last moment when you disappeared. The wind picks up and throws my skirt around fiercely around me, revealing more of my pale moonlight skin. The truth is what I'm scared of. I do not want to accept that your gone, but a part of me tells me its not true. That your still here, wondering the earth... possibly looking for me. I shake my head and hold back my tears. I will not cry, i am not weak. I no that i will get to see you again. Even if i only see your spirit, even if your not here, no matter... because i will get to see you, whether you are alive or not. I do not want to think this way, but it is the truth. I will see you in the Farplane if you do not exist anymore, but the voice that i long for, i will not hear it.
"Yunie...?" Rikku slowly walked behind me and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Its time to go inside, everyone is going to sleep." She spoke quietly and i looked back at her. She looked different because her hair was down and wet. Each dark blonde hair stuck closely against her slightly tanned skin. I smiled at her and wrapped my arms around her tiny body. "Yunie..." she was confused, i could tell... but right now i needed somebody to hold. I needed to feel the warmth of another body.
"Ok." I whispered and let her go. Rikku watched me closely and gave me a hug in return. I held her back and squeezed her back. I wanted to know whether this was a dream or not, i wanted to know if i existed. "I... Just let me stay like this for a moment." I asked her and dug my head in her shoulder.
"Of course, Yuna." It was unusual for Rikku to call me by my real name because I've grown quite ammune to her calling me 'Yunie' instead of 'Yuna' even when everyone else calls me by that. I held her close and sighed, if only you were here... if only. "I'm sorry..." Rikku looked at me, I could see the dark black swirls deep in her eyes, it was an Al Bhed trait.
"Don't be, I'll be alright." I tell her and let my arms drop to my sides. "Thank you." I nod and take a step from her, heading toward the boat cabin. I look back and Rikku is looking off into the distance. I wonder if she has ever lost a love or even been in love. I look ahead and reach out my hand to the doorknob and open the door. Its dark and everybody is in their own separate rooms, sleeping.
Closing the door behind me, i take my own room and sit down unto what looks like a bed. The room was small because it was a boat, but it was comfortable. I lean back on the cushions and stare up at the ceiling. There is a window next to me and i can easily stare off into the distance, I turn my head and look out. Wondering spirits floated by, they looked like little rainbow orbs floating around. Where ever you go in Spira, you will see these certain 'orbs' everywhere.They care called Pyreflies. At first, as a summoner, it was my duty to rid of these old spirits, but you could never get rid of every single one. The duty is not mine anymore, nor any others. Death was amongst us all, it was a way of life and every second throughout spira, somebody is dying.
I turn my body to the side and look at the opposite direction than i was before. It felt so lonely, just knowing you are not here. This journey is like a new Pilgramage, but without you. My first pilgramage was with you and Auron, but now it just feels so empty. I finally close my eyes and drift off into a slumber, one that will take me away to a world with no worries, a world with no death.
"Yunie! Yunie!" Rikku bursts into my room and hopped up and down, letting her blonde hair bounce behind her in the usual pony tail. "Yunie, come look! Its Kilika! We're almost there!" She giggled and walked to me, shaking by body. I look at her and sit up on the bed, lifting my hand and rubbing my drowsy eyes.
"What..?" I half mumble to her. My gaze turns toward the window that was next to me, its already bright out. Morning.
"C'mon, see for yourself!" Rikku grabs my arm and pulls me out of the bed. I stumble from drowsiness and spread my skirt out. "We're gonna arrive to Kilika soon!" She jumps with joy, her hand still grasping mine.
Once outside, i can see it. Far off into the distance, there is a village atop of the water. Huts and palm trees, people and ladders; this was the village called Kilika. In a few hours, we would successfully have taken one step closer towards you. I watch in amazement as we get closer, inch by inch. Rikku was as hyper as ever with her teenage body, jumping and skipping all around the deck. I smiled and leaned against the railing upon the deck and looked off into the distance. We were getting close to the village. Lulu and Wakka were together again, talking and joking around. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but i could tell that Lulu was having a great time. Perhaps this journey would bring the two closer together. Lulu glanced at me with a smile before looking back at Wakka. I immediately smiled back before looking away in embarrassment. I hadn't known i was looking at them for so long. Close to my side, Kimari was standing by himself, ing his stance, watchin the ocean.
"Hey, Kimari!" i ran up to him, bending my body a little almost in a bow and looked up at him with a grin. "Are you excited?" i asked him leaning on the railing.
"If Yuna excited, then Kimari excited." He spoke through his lion-like mouth and looked away from me. "Kilika close." He said watching the place through his yellow eyes.
"It is, Kimari... Kilika is very close... You know, lets make this trip exciting and fun." I watched him with enthusiasm and took a step closer to his side. "No, it's already is fun." I closed my eyes and wrapped my arm around his large animal furred one. He looked down at me and then back at the upcoming village. "Do you think He's waiting for me?" I asked him even though i didn't want to know that answer. I had to know what Kimari, my eldest and yet reliable gaurdian, really thought.
"That is something you think about." He said plainly even though i expected this kind of response. Perhaps that was why i even asked him. Any tother person would have told me whether he was or not, evenhough they didn't know.
"Thank you, Kimari." I let my hand off his arm and let it hang over the railing. "Well it looks like we'll be arriving really soon, we should get ready." I suggested and walked away from Kimari, back to the very front of the boat to look out at the village. I wonder if we'll be staying the whole night here... I thought to myself and turned around to see my fellow gaurdians. They were all laughing and joking around except for me. Maybe i am being ridiculous traveling just because i saw you in a dream. I was right, you know, im slowly loosing hope within the upcoming day. I wonder... is it really such a good idea to do all this? Am i acting like a spoiled child, whining until she gets her way, traveling all the way from Besaid to Zanarkand. We're practically traveling all the way through Spira because of me. Tell me though... would it have been better if we had just stay in Besaid?