Chapter 4

Well well. Look at that sudden influx of reviews (yours doesn't count Liz). Y'all shouldn't encourage me you know. I'll only do it again. -evil grin- OK, I give in. Here's another chapter. Thanks to the valience in reviewing of HouseCat, Klashfor, Siyavash, paige fan and Chromo26. You should all learn from their brilliant examples (says the review hungry author).

They had finally split up, despite Cameron's not unfounded misgivings. Frankly, trying to cover the entire hospital in a House-search without splitting up was a bad idea. And just continuing on as normal like sitting ducks, or ducklings, was even stupider.

They'd agreed to page one another if they found him, or meet up at the cafeteria for lunch if they couldn't.

And so began the search of all the obvious places that House used to avoid clinic duty. And then all the less obvious places. And then the just plain obscure places.

Chase and Foreman were both looking slightly defeated as they met up at a free table in the cafeteria, carrying their trays. To make matters worse, word had gotten out that their prank had backfired on them, and they were drawing more than a few covertly amused glances. Not to mention the fact that Foreman was wearing canvas scrub shoes instead of his normal runners.

Their own personal miseries were banished, however, when Cameron showed up.

'Don't. Say. A. Word,' she warned them through gritted teeth. Foreman was biting hard on his lower lip, and Chase was staring at his coffee, shoulders shaking. Regally ignoring them, she sat.

'It's… blue's your colour,' sniggered Chase, unable to help himself. Cameron punched him on the shoulder.

'Ow! Aggressive much?'

'I can be much more aggressive if you want,' she said sweetly. There was something terrifying about the combination of her look and tone. Chase swallowed, quickly returning his gaze to his coffee. Taking this as a submission, Cameron started to pick at her food, spine stiff. Foreman looked her up and down, amusement warring with curiosity.

'How'd…?'

'Which part of 'I will castrate you if you don't shut up' don't you understand?'

'Right. So this is you not being pissed off then?' Commented Chase, becoming amused again despite himself.

'We have to find him and make him pay.' She stated with blank menace, not answering the question. Foreman grinned, white teeth flashing. 'Finally, you're starting to see my point of view.'

'Amen.'

'We need to set another trap. There's no way we're gong to find him just by searching.'

'I've got it,' said Chase, eyes lighting up. Foreman raised his eyebrows sardonically.

'Will this be more fruitful than the original plan that ended up with an enraged House loose in the hospital on April Fools?'

Chase ignored him, laying out his new plan. 'His TV. Or iPod, or something. We nick it, and threaten to destroy unless he comes out of hiding. Then we lock him up again, and make sure he's got no lock picks or anything on him.'

'Hard ball. I like it,' confirmed Foreman grudgingly, grinning in anticipation.

'With a straight jacket,' growled Cameron. 'And a gag. And a sign pinned to him that reads 'bastard.' We can possibly strip him naked and make him run through the hospital first. Oh, and smash his TV into little bits anyway.'

'Remind me never to get on your bad side.'

Cameron gave him a withering stare; ruined slightly by how cute she looked with wet hair, and in baby-blue scrubs. It looked like she'd either been dunked in water, or something worse that had required a shower.

'Right then. Let's get to work.'

'Um… how do we get the message to him?'

'No idea.'

Foreman sighed, taking a bite of his sandwich. His fantasies of April Fools day were not being fulfilled as imagined.

oo00OO00oo

Wilson looked up from his reading as the three members of House's team filed into his office. 'What's up?'

'I assume you know by now that he's escaped,' stated Foreman glumly.

'Has he? Uh oh. Smells like trouble… Cameron, why are you in scrubs?'

He looked confused when he got no answer other than a scowl.

'Do you have any idea where he might be hiding? Or, failing that, how we might get a message to him?'

'Uh… not that I can think of right now… why?'

'Cameron's thirsting for revenge,' snickered Chase, although his humour subsided as he noticed a yoyo resting innocuously on the corner of Wilson's desk. Wilson noticed him noticing, and sighed.

'What's going on?' Asked Foreman suspiciously. Wilson carefully put his pen down and stood, not answering for a moment. Walking around his desk and past the three of them, he glanced out into the hallway before closing his office door.

'I really am sorry guys. He blackmailed me with some pretty serious stuff.' He regarded them with puppy dog eyes that begged them to understand as he stood in front of the door, blocking escape.

'Wilson!' Cameron was dismayed at the betrayal. Foreman looked resigned, and slightly appreciative of the masterful way House had played it.

'So what now?' Asked Chase cautiously.

'He said I just had to keep you in here for a bit. So now we wait.'

Foreman groaned, briefly looking at the ceiling. Who knew what havoc House could be wreaking whilst they were being held captive by Wilson.

'Has he been hiding in here the whole time we were looking for him?' Asked Cameron.

'Not exactly,' evaded Wilson.

'Well obviously,' Foreman snapped at Cameron. 'He would have had to venture out to glue my shoes to the floor.'

Wilson looked down at Foreman's canvas-clad feet, eyebrows rising.

'You could have at least got a warning out to us Wilson,' Chase appealed.

'Sorry, couldn't risk it.'

'What exactly is he holding over your head?' Asked Cameron suspiciously. Wilson turned slightly pink. 'Nothing you guys are ever going to hear about.'

Three sets of eyebrows went up. It figured Wilson would have some dirty little secret that only House would know about.

Wilson's pager beeped. He checked it, and glanced nervously at the team.

'What?' Asked Chase, suspicious, nervous…

'Uh…' Wilson was turning pinker. Cameron shifted anxiously a bit further away from Wilson.

'You guys know… well… how House finds out about stuff right?'

'Yeah…?'

'And he's been at this hospital a while…'

'Yeah, we know that Wilson. Get to the point.'

Wilson chewed on his lower lip for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand before letting in drop and looking at them hopelessly. 'I'm not the only one he's got dirt on for blackmail.'

'Oh shit,' commented Chase, feeling a prickling at the back of his neck and turning around to look at the other door out of Wilson's office, which led out on to the balcony he shared with House. There was now a sign on it, saying 'follow the white rabbit.'

'What the…?' started Foreman.

'Alice in Wonderland?' Cameron asked the world at large.

'I suggest you go through the door,' Wilson said helpfully. Chase turned to glare at him, on edge.

'Right. Brilliant idea. And if we don't?'

'Please do,' replied Wilson simply, and there was something in his voice. Cameron glanced from the door to him, eyes narrowing. 'Are you about to pull out a water pistol?' She asked suspiciously.

'No. He said I would be too soft-hearted to use it,' Wilson confessed. 'Walk through the door please.'

'Uh uh. No way. We're not that stupid.'

'OK. Guess I'll have to let you go then.' He stepped away from the corridor door, moving back to his desk and innocently returning to work. Three pairs of eyes watched him suspiciously.

'Aw, come on. That's not fair!' whined Chase. Now both doors were equally dangerous. Wilson didn't reply, finishing reading one document and starting on the next one with a pen back in his hand.

'We could split each way,' reasoned Foreman.

'Or we could just stay here.'

'What will that achieve? We have to get him back.'

Wilson was smiling listening to their dilemma. House had indeed made it worthwhile to go along with his plan. Playing with the heads of ducklingswas as fun as it looked.

'Wilson?'

'Hmm?'

'We're kidnapping you.'

'We are?'

'Shut up. We are.' Cameron turned back to the oncologist, speaking firmly with eyes narrowed in a way that meant business. 'You're coming with us. As a hostage.'

'OK, but can I remind you that it wouldn't really bother House if I fell prey to all of his pranks as well?'

'Yeah, we'll see. That's what you get for turning traitor. Up. Open that door.'

Amused at her curt tone, Wilson put his pen back down again and moved to the other door, the one with the sign on it, and twisted the handle, opening it. A perfectly normal balcony greeted the eyes of the diagnostics team, a couple of twittering birds turning to look at them curiously. Cameron looked at Chase and Foreman, and they shrugged at her, essentially giving her the lead.

'We know the way we've just been isn't booby trapped, so we'll go that way,' she reasoned, gesturing for Wilson to go first. He swung the door to the balcony shut, and moved to do as she motioned when Chase swore softly, having felt another back-of-the-neck prickle.

'How did he do that?' muttered the Australian. The sign on the door to the balcony now read 'Don't be stupid.' Wilson turned back to see what Chase was looking at, but didn't look that impressed. He looked to Cameron for instructions, and after a nervous moment of jumpy indecision, she indicated that they were still going back out the way they had come. Wilson opened the door.

Cautiously, the three ducklings made their way down the corridor, keeping a bemused Wilson in front of them. They aimed for the diagnostics office, sticking to their original plan of taking House's portable TV hostage. They couldn't help the feeling that the people in the halls were silently laughing at them, but this had gone beyond mere dignity. This was revenge.

House waited until the door to Wilson's office was well and truly closed before taking the lampshade off his head, an evil smirk playing about his lips.

End Chapter 4. TBC (I think there's a goat in the next chapter. As well as the line that made the summary.)