Disclaimer: Not my characters - they belong to Universal and cohorts.

". . . love was a debt, best left unincurred." Mary Doria Russell, Children of God

Shavon

Here he was at a bar on Cloud Nine - drinking alone. A long time ago someone had told him you were never supposed to do that - drink alone. Seemed he didn't care much any more. Military regs - can't "fraternize" with anyone on Galactica, not anyone with whom he felt comfortable with anyway - at least not for what he wanted. Actually, he probably wasn't very good company lately. Just as well. He took a sip of ambrosia and stared in the mirror behind the bar. Was that really him among all those glass bottles? When . . . how .. . did this happen? Sometimes he felt he was on automatic. "Just give me an order and point me in the right direction." Sounds like a Cylon - now that's a thought.

Someone sat on the stool next to him. "Hi."

He took another drink and turned his head. She was a nice-looking blonde. What was it about blondes?

"Hi yourself," he said.

"Would you like to buy me one of those?"

"Sure." Why not? He signaled the bartender. She wasn't Kara. She wasn't Giane. And she wasn't . . . no, that was way too long ago, and cut the deepest if he let himself think about it.

"You mind my asking why an officer from the Galactica is drinking here by himself? I only ask because they usually come in groups."

"Maybe I prefer it this way . . . so I could meet someone like you."

She faced him and brought her left leg up over her right, exposing a shapely thigh. "How fortunate I am, then." She took a drink and looked at him over the top of her glass. Her eyes were blue-gray and direct. "Why don't we go somewhere more . . . private?" She slid off the bar stool and took his hand.

It was easy to follow her. He wanted, no, needed, some kind of human contact. It had been so long. Shit, since before the holocaust. So what if he had to pay for it. Actually, this was better. No attachment, no problems, no questions. He wouldn't have to worry about anyone getting hurt, including himself. He was just too tired.

0000000000

After, in her room, he lay with his eyes closed. Her head was on his left arm. It had been better than he expected. She knew her job, and he had been able to give, as well as take. He thanked the gods he was still human and not a Cylon, after all. He smiled a little. He'd forgotten how good it felt just to touch someone, to be touched in return - nicely. Not to be socked in the nose by Starbuck. At that thought he smiled again. He felt some affection for this lady - for what she had given him. Not just for the sex, but for all the rest too. At least the pretense of affection. It had felt real. Damn, he didn't even know her name.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Shavon." She moved up onto her right elbow and put two fingers lightly on his lips to keep him from speaking. "I could play at guessing yours, but I know it already, Captain Lee Adama. I saw you on newsnet once."

He reached up and fingered a strand of hair back from her face. "You've been very sweet, Shavon. I'd like to see you again."

"I'd like that too. I really would. Most of my customers are not so considerate or so . . . delicious." She grinned and began nibbling just below his left ear. From there she slowly worked her way down to the hollow above his collarbone. He sucked in a breath and brought his right leg up and over her, grasping her close as his hand moved down her back.

"Mommeee."

Lee froze.

It was the voice of a child coming from the other side of a closed door.

Shavon raised her head. "It's okay Paya. I'll be right there." She withdrew from Lee, slid off the bed and pulled on a lavender silk robe from a nearby chair. She glanced at Lee as she walked around the bed, tying the robe. I'll be right back."

Lee pulled the sheet up to his waist. A child? Gods, and she was right in the next room! He quickly turned and pulled his clothes from the floor. It was only a moment before he was dressed and walking around the end of the bed to the newly open doorway.

A small lamp was lit on the far side of the darkened space. Shavon was on her knees next to a small bed beneath a lamp, holding a glass of water from which a little girl drank. She was blonde like her mother. When she saw Lee standing in the doorway, her eyes grew large and she pulled back from the glass. Shavon turned, saw him, and drew her child close.

"It's all right Paya. This is a friend of Mommy's. He won't hurt you. His name is Lee. Can you say hello?"

Lee took a step into the room, crouched down on his heels and smiled. "Hello Paya."

The child looked at him, put her thumb in her mouth and said nothing. He saw the fear and distrust in her eyes.

"It's all right Paya. Maybe next time we can say hello. I'll wait outside while you talk to your Mommy."

He returned to the bedroom and sat at a small table. She was such a beautiful little girl. If he had stayed with Giane, he would have had one her age by now. He put his elbows on the table and lower his head into his hands. Yeah, and they would be dead on Caprica. And what about the children in the Fleet? He'd seen them on Cloud Nine with their parents or relatives or whoever they had left. They looked scared and distrustful . . . every one. So different than the kids he knew when he was growing up. His friends . . . especially Nik . . . so intense, afraid of nothing, ready for anything. But these kids. What had they been through? What was going to happen to them?

"Lee?"

Shavon was standing there, looking down at him, concerned. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Paya. My . . . friends . . . don't usually stay very long. She's usually asleep, but she hasn't been feeling well lately."

He reached for her hand. "Don't apologize. I was just caught off guard. I was thinking about all the children in the Fleet. About how hard it must be for them. How hard it must be for you."

He stood up. He reached out to her, and she came into his arms.

"I should have known you'd understand,j" she said. Then she stood back and crossed her arms in front of her chest, as though protecting herself.

He looked at her a moment, then reached into his pants pocket. "How much do I owe you?"

"Fifty cubits. I can also take certain goods if it comes to that."

"No. Cubits is fine. I have a some time in about seven days."

"I'd like that. Just let me know when."

0000000000

He was in the copilot's seat on the raptor. They'd be back on Galactica soon. Shavon. Paya. He looked out the window and tried to imagine the stars without any ships there, nothing but empty space. They were always one step away from that. One missed jump, one mistake. So many he had cared for, loved - gone. Their world had been reinvented, and now they were going to have to reinvent themselves to live in it. Would it be worth it? He closed his eyes. If he could just turn his mind off. But there was only one way to do that.