Seeking Solace in the Stars

This unfathomable feeling of a heart being rendered unconscious by the pain of harboring a lost love. Is there not an unreal dimension out there where only happiness pervades people's lives?

I seem to have lost all awareness of time with just the fleeting thought of her.

In his quiet room, Hanazawa Rui pondered bitterly as he lie prostrate on his spacious bed. Hugging the soft pillow to himself, he tried to recollect the hopes of the past. Those few years had been a perfect dream until a misunderstanding had shattered the fantasy.

What had he done to deserve this cruel twist of fate? Had the world decided that he had experienced all the pleasures of life? Ah, he thought, there was an impregnable wall between him and happiness now.

Lately, he had isolated himself from the others during the day, hoping to regain his composure. But every night was a recurring nightmare when he stayed awake reminiscing. Tsukushi's sweet, angelic face haunted him so much yet Rui felt a frisson every time he envisioned Tsukushi in a delicate pink dress with fragrant flowers adorning her hair. He could smell her unique scent of jasmine, he could sense the warmth of her body nearby, he could almost reach out and grasp her hand tenderly, but reality always tore him away from the enticing reveries.

What was it with his thoughts revolving so closely around Tsukushi? Rui couldn't chase the sentiments away. His mind was filled with images of a smiling Tsukushi, an outraged but cute Tsukushi, a dejected Tsukushi; Rui was going insane coveting her.

Suddenly another thought flew into his mind; why hadn't he cherished the moments he had spent with Tsukushi before? She had felt an attraction toward him and had trusted him entirely, and what did he do? He had pushed her away at times because he had been hopelessly infatuated with Shizuka. Even now, Rui could not understand the meaning behind what he had felt for Shizuka.

Merciless clouds of misery swooped down on Rui. After all, he should be satisfied with the chance he had been given with Tsukushi. Pangs of remorse sprang up inside, inciting feelings of true sorrow. His bluish gray eyes brimmed with tears. Every fallen crystal teardrop conveyed yet another shade of a broken heart. Rui had been anguished many times before, but this time he was on the verge of collapsing.

Rui's room was situated on the eastern side of the Hanazawa estate. A nightstand was placed next to an upholstered bed with creamy white bedspreads. Held down by a bouquet of faded roses, pages of scribbled writing fluttered on the nightstand as the gentle wind stirred the contents of the room.

The large bay window, behind a comfortable white lounge, revealed a pleasant view of the dusky Tokyo sky. A balmy breeze blew in from the open window, carrying with it the perfume of just blooming summer roses. The placid night had approached stealthily while Rui had been immersed in his contemplation.

For the first time in quite a while, Rui walked over to the window wearily and drew aside the light curtains. He almost gasped with wonder at the breathtaking sight that met his tired eyes. A shower of stars shimmered in the dark night sky, much like little fireflies glimmering in the dim twilight. Beams of moonlight shone into the room, casting a tranquil aura to the room. His tall figure was silhouetted on the cold marble floor.

He tried to remember the last time he had set eyes on the picturesque scene outside of his window, lying in wait for him to behold. It had been eons ago when Rui had taken a midnight promenade with Tsukushi, enjoying the calm of the night. They had stopped down on the warm sand by the beach and had danced together to the beat of their fiery hearts. Now that Rui had become completely ignorant of the simple beauty of nature, only moments of endless longing lodged themselves in the deep recesses of his mind.

As Rui gazed at the mesmerizing stars, he noticed a particular star farther apart from the others blinking at him. It was 'the queen of the night', outshining all the others with its striking singularity. He wished he could capture some of the star's brilliant glow to admire.

He thought about how he felt about Tsukushi. What was it about the impetuous Tsukushi that had roused his affection? She, simply a girl from a lower-class family, had stood out in the crowd of wealthy, flamboyant girls at Eitoku with her indomitable determination.

Did he really love her or was it just a blazing passion? He had always believed love to be a grander, deeper, all-consuming and more profound emotion; something inexplicably wonderful and absolutely unforgettable. His heart could never be impervious to the mounting, insufferable confusion. Hand in hand, desperation and desolation embraced Rui whenever he attempted to escape his perplexing plight.

The sole consolation Rui could always seek was from the pleasing tones of his precious, careworn violin. At his most disconsolate moments, he had played a bittersweet melody to express the needs of his hurting human soul. Once more, Rui fondly lifted the violin from its bed of rose petals and started off with another of his melancholy yet touching tunes.

The mellow tones of the violin drowned out all his grief, and a soothing sensation came over Rui. A haven of music engulfed his mind, heart and soul as he succumbed to the enchanting melody. Realizing that he had subconsciously begun to play what he had been engrossed in when Tsukushi had walked up to him at Eitoku, Rui recalled his first encounter with her…