Chapter Ten
Nick strained against his ropes for what was probably the one hundredth time. If he was expecting them to loosen magically, he was sorely disappointed. His eyes had already scanned the room in search for something by which Donna could cut her ropes and then possibly free him, but he had found nothing. Besides, Donna was not engaging in any of his attempts to speak to her. She seemed to have resigned herself to the inevitable and was now waiting miserably for it to come.
He hated to see her in this condition. He wanted to offer her some hope even if he didn't have much to spare. Once again, Nick made an effort to speak to the young girl.
"Hey Donna, listen to me. We're going to get out of this situation alive. I promise. The guys at the lab are going to find us and these people are going to be stopped. Don't give up yet." he told her, trying to inject some confidence into his voice.
Donna raised her brown head and stared at him in disbelief. "How can you say that? We're gonna die."
"No we're not." Nick told her firmly. "Look, the people I work with are excellent at what they do. They'll put the pieces together and figure out where we are. Trust me. I know they will."
Donna still refused to be comforted. "You couldn't find Nathan a month ago and you couldn't prove that Levi was involved at all. What makes you think it'll be different this time?"
Nick hesitated briefly, uncertain of what to say. Finally, he opted for honesty. "You're right. I don't have solid proof that they'll find us, but my gut tells me that they will. They won't rest until they do."
Donna rested her head against the wall, looking completely miserable. "What if I don't want to be found?"
"What do you mean by that?" Nick asked, craning his head to get a better look at her.
"I don't want to face them. They're going to hate me for what I've done." Donna said quietly.
Nick understood that the "they" Donna was referring to was not his coworkers, but her parents and he felt a stab of pity for the girl that overwhelmed any feelings of sorrow he was having for himself.
"They don't hate you, Donna. If anything, they're proud of you. You risked everything to try and save them and all those other people. And I know they're worried about you. They want to get you back safe and sound. That's why you have to stay hopeful." Nick tried to reassure her, but he couldn't tell if his words were having the desired effect on her. When you've been neglected for so long by those you love, it's hard to believe that they care at all.
"Am I interrupting?" Levi's voice filled the silence that had fallen on the room after Nick's last words.
The CSI turned his head to see Levi standing at the door. He had opened it without Nick hearing him do so. Nick couldn't tell whether he was hear to talk or gloat. Whatever Levi's intentions, Nick wasn't in the mood to play games.
Nick stiffened and adopted an air of defiance. He shook his head unconsciously as if to tell Levi that he wasn't going to win.
Levi strolled casually into the room, a wry smile playing across his face. He stopped by the table and leaned his body against it. Fixing Nick with an amused look, he said casually, "You know, you don't have to be tied to that chair."
Nick tried to look away in an attempt to ignore Levi, but he didn't have many options so he opted for staring at the floor. Of course, this did not prevent him from hearing what Levi had to say and the man knew this, which is why he kept speaking. "You could be downstairs with us, embarking on a new life rather than waiting for this one to end. Someone like you should be joining me, not trying to work against me. I can see what kind of man you are, Mr. Stokes. It's as plain as day. You're a good man, a moral man. You're someone who wants to help others because you care about them. Donna Redman is living proof of this. You're also someone who thinks the guilty should be punished for their crimes. You admitted this the other day in my office. I admire these things about you. They are good qualities to possess. They are things that we have in common."
Abandoning his position by the table, Levi walked over and knelt by Nick's side. He draped one arm around the back of the chair and rested the other at his side. He peered up at Nick and the CSI could not help but meet his gaze. Levi's face had lost its amused look and had grown soft. His eyes shown with such pity that Nick was starting to see how this man had convinced the others to be willing participants in kidnaping and eventual homicide. It was quite frightening actually to see the kind of persuasive power this man possessed.
When he spoke again, Levi had dropped the sound of his voice so that it was barely above a whisper but it still retained its intensity. "You and I are not that different. We want the same things. We want to help those who are suffering. We want to see justice served. Why fight me when we are on the same side?"
Though he had been intending to remain silent, Nick found that he could not do so any longer. He needed to speak. "You and I are not the same. I would never encourage people to take matters into their own hands. I would never encourage someone to become a murderer. I spend my days cleaning up after people like the ones you've created - people who think they have the right to take a life for whatever reason they deem appropriate. It is not the individual's responsibility to deal out judgement. That's why we have the legal system."
Levi didn't get angry. He stayed calm, his voice still remaining quiet. "Your system is flawed and you know it. How many times have the guilty gone free? There's not enough evidence or the victim's afraid to testify or they get off on a technicality. The system you work so hard to uphold lets you down and all that hard work you do is gone to waste. Surely a disappointment like that must start to eat away at your soul."
Though he knew that he was in no danger of being swayed by the man's speech, Nick had to admit that Levi's words resonated deep inside of him. It was tragic and deeply disappointing when the guilty went free. Those were the times when you wondered what was the use of trying to do the right thing. That's when his actions felt futile.
Levi nodded in understanding. "Yes, I can see that my words are true."
He continued to search Nick's face. "I can tell that you have undergone great suffering in your past. Your eyes betray your pain. Only a person who has fallen victim to some crime would have your passion for justice and your empathy for the victim. Yes, you know what it's like to suffer. That's yet another thing we have in common."
Nick looked away. He didn't want to discuss any aspect of his past with Levi. It was none of his business, but his words had awakened old feelings that were hard to shake.
"I have no doubt that you searched my home and more than likely, you discovered my trunk. You would have read about my past and my relationship with my father. If you could call it a relationship that is. My father was a cruel man. He never appreciated me. Never loved me. That's all I ever wanted from him, but the only thing he ever gave me was abuse. Pain where there should have been protection. Hatred where there should have been love." Levi would not take his eyes off Nick's face as he said this.
"But you took care of him, didn't you? He went missing and was never seen again." Nick matched Levi's low tone but added a harshness to his voice. He was hoping to shake the man's calm exterior and gain some sort of foothold against him.
The faintest trace of a smile crossed Levi's lips. "He was a bad, cruel man and he got what he deserved. Justice. Killing him allowed me to achieve the greatest sense of peace that I have ever felt. That's what I want to share with the people downstairs. I want them to find healing."
Nick smirked at his words. "Healing? Is that what you call it? I don't think killing your father brought you healing or peace or closure. I think the ghost of your father is still haunting you. I think he's always with you, plaguing your every thought. I think you're still battling him and I think that's why you manipulated Nathan Sanford into killing his father. It had nothing to do with Nathan. You're still punishing your father and trying to move past what he did to you and what you did to him. I think part of you is so disgusted by what you did to your father that you're trying to surround yourself with people just like you. I think that's why you convinced all these other people that they need to kill the people who have wronged them. You're trying to turn them into monsters just like you."
"You're in danger of outsmarting yourself, Mr. Stokes." Levi dropped his quiet tone and switched back to his characteristically mocking tone. Nick could tell that he had struck a nerve and it pleased him. His sense of triumph was short-lived.
"Such a passionate response. One made out of anger. You are easily provoked into speaking your thoughts. That can be very dangerous in your line of work. I can see why Mr. Grissom gets so annoyed with you." Levi smiled.
Nick looked away quickly, the sound of Grissom's name causing an unpleasant sensation to build up inside of him. This only served to encourage Levi. "Yes, I saw the way he looked at you a month ago in my office and I saw the way you almost visible recoiled under that harsh look. The tension between the two of you was coming off in waves. And I wondered if you had done something to anger him greatly or if this was just the way your relationship had always been. I could see how such a mature, intelligent, scientific man like Mr. Grissom would have a problem with someone like you. Your immaturity is obvious. You are quick to react and slow to think when it should be the other way around. You respond emotionally instead of intelligently. If that were not so, you would not be in your current predicament. However, something tells me that this is not the first time you've gotten yourself in trouble. Mr. Grissom is going to have to try and save you again. My, I bet that would get tiresome after a while."
Biting his lip, Nick's head sunk a bit lower. Once again, his words struck him to the core. Levi certainly had a gift for knowing exactly what to say to make him feel like nothing. The worst part was that Nick knew his words were true and Levi knew it as well. "I imagine that someone like you, someone who has a strong ability to connect emotionally with others, would find the coldness of Mr. Grissom difficult to bear. I bet you tried to win him over - to be close to him. It's blatantly obvious that you failed completely in that endeavor. Of course you would. He's a man of science. He is, in essence, the exact opposite of you and contrary to popular belief, opposites do not attract. I would venture to guess that every effort you made to please him was only met with further resistance. But did you learn from this? No. This kind of behavior would only make you try all the more."
Levi got to his feet and stood towering over Nick, his eyes filled with disgust. "Normally, I would find a situation like this tragic but in your case, I find it rather pathetic. So sit there in your chair, Mr. Stokes. Cling to your feeble hope for a dramatic rescue. But I ask you to consider this. What man would risk himself to save someone he cares nothing about? Mr. Grissom does not share your need to play the hero and he will not put himself in danger just for your sake. He's too smart for that."
With that, Levi strode out of the room feeling that he had accomplished a great goal. The man he left behind felt completely demoralized. Despair, the likes of which he had never known, threatened to overtake Nick and he no longer had the strength or the desire to fight it. There was nothing else left to which he could cling. Sinking lower in his chair, Nick gave in to the howling rage of despair inside of him.