A.N Silent Hanyou has been updated! Sorry, I like that story better but I'll muddle through with this one. :sigh:
Always There
Ch.4
They had done what he had asked. With such a detached feeling and endless fervor to keep busy that it was like all emotions had been drained from them.
At least that's what Kagome felt.
She sighed as she trudged up to the old battered well.
She was going to go tell her family today.
It wasn't going to go well, that was certain. Poor Souta, she swallowed against the lump forever formed in her throat for the past week and kept walking.
Visions of Inuyasha danced into her head like a blessed curse as she neared the portal that brought her to him all those months ago.
His moon white hair blowing against his peaceful face as she walked up to the seemingly asleep boy. Vines and roots wrapping around him like a snake's vise grip, as if the tree was saying 'No, don't take him away'.
His golden amber eyes flaming in a heated argument swiftly smothered in dirt as she sat him.
His melancholy face as he stared up into the sky, thinking about the love lost between his dead priestess, Kikyou.
But he said he loves…loved me. Kagome gave the thing closest to a smile and sat onto the lip of the well. She hadn't really smiled ever since…that day, she hadn't laughed or hardly even talked. She wasn't sleeping or eating well, and she knew that she must look like hell.
"But who cares, dammit. I don't." Inuyasha would be so surprised to see me cussing like this…but...I can't help it…he rubbed off on me more than I knew…Kagome sighed and looked up into the sky.
Inuyasha's body was in the village right now. Kaede and several villagers were readying his body for cremation, just like he had wanted.
She should be helping, it would be the last time she would ever see him. And she really had tried, but as she neared the cold shredded body of her lost soul mate lying on his back in silent wonder. It began to get harder to breathe and her vision wavered, her stomach flopped uneasily and all of a sudden earth greeted her.
Kaede said after she regained consciousness, that perhaps it would be better if she busied herself with something else. That's why she decided to go visit her family, even though it made her heart clench tightly.
Looking down into the dark, unyielding depths that would send her to her time, her mind wandered to the new attitudes of her once happy companions.
Shippo was getting quite a temper, snapping at everyone about everything. But she had found him sobbing by himself in the quiet of the night, wailing about how he wanted his papa. She wished she could comfort him…but she didn't know how.
Sango was the opposite. She always tried to have a smile on her face or a cheery remark. But it never reached her eyes, in her eyes she was weeping and in horrible grief. She had lost another family member and it was eating at her.
Miroku, it was surprising how deeply the monk had taken to Inuyasha's dying request, there had been no echoing slaps or womanly curses for a long time. But he had become quite depressed. There were no more smiles on the usually warm handsome face. His violet eyes had grown cold and hard. Kagome had seen him eyeing his cursed hand a lot more lately, but he didn't wander into a sulky mood for long before aiding anyone with anything no matter what it was.
They had all grown exceedingly busy during the past slowly folding days, keeping their minds on meaningless tasks to keep from wandering into painful memories.
But Kagome couldn't keep her mind from wandering, sometimes her imaginings became so real that she was shocked to come back to reality and find that Inuyasha was dead and it all wasn't true. She was going mad, but the realization didn't worry her. She would rather be in a dream with the man she loved then make it through another long day without him, working on his funeral.
Maybe I should just get rid of the pain. I mean, people like me kill themselves all the time.
"Don't wallow too much in your pain, move on, and enjoy life as much as you can…"
His whispered words, laced with pain and a strange wisdom, echoed in her ears. Almost like he was there with her, but he's not she reminded her self, he was dead.
"You were wrong, Inuyasha, my love. I can never get rid of the pain or move on…."
"…try to be happy…"
"…or be happy, but I will live. I will keep going. I just hope I don't live long." Bowing her head, she jumped into the welcoming darkness and weightlessness.
They decided the God tree was the most perfect spot to bury him. Underneath the looming figure, its leaves blowing musically in the wind, his special place…it was perfect.
His body had been burned and was now residing in some tacky vase, that wasn't perfect, that their proud, arrogant leader was inside a jar seemed stupid and wrong. But nothing could be done, that was what he had wanted.
They walked mechanically, presents in hold to the darkness of his forest, the one named after him, the one that held him prisoner for 50 years. And now he was going to reside there for an eternity more, how ironic.
Staring up into the bare braches of the God tree, Kagome noted how depressed it looked. The tree was grieving too, with its ashy wood and drooping limbs…but it would be soon reunited with its hanyou, forever keeping it company…its baby was home.
Baby, Kagome's churning mind flashed to the visit to her family. That was what her momma had wailed when she had heard about Inuyasha's death.
"Baby, my baby is dead!"
Kagome had watched with a bland eye as her mother burst into tears, she hadn't cried like that since her father's death. It was slightly flattering in a bitter way to know that her momma had loved the hanyou so much, just like he was her own son.
Inuyasha would have liked that, he would have liked a mother, a family.
You see, my love, people do love you, besides just me. People accepted you as a part of their family, and we all miss you. I miss you.
The vulgar jar was buried under the weathered soil beneath the tree's overhanging arms, the full moon glowing down onto the deep, respectable grave. It was done, he was dead and buried.
Under the full moon, glowing as brilliantly as his long hair, another perfect element, Inuyasha would probably damn her if they buried him under the new moon.
She had caught him several times looking up at the full moon actually, captured by its brilliance. She remembered how she had asked him why he liked looking at it. And she remembered his soft response, never once moving his gaze up at the hanging sphere.
"Because it never changes. I mean, it does change shape but it never leaves. It always comes back, no matter what. I like that."
A vulnerable moment, so rare and wonderful when it happened, those words and his surreal peaceful face was forever placed in her heart.
I hope you always look up at the moon, Inuyasha, I hope there's one up in heaven.
Kagome came back to reality reluctantly as their personal offerings and presents were placed onto his grave one by one.
Shippo had given a beautifully drawn picture of everyone, Inuyasha in the middle in his usual crossed leg pose. All of his companions and friends, his family, all around him hugging him lovingly; all were smiling, all were happy under a bright yellow and orange sun.
Heaven.
Sango had given a perfectly woven sword string, to be able to tie his Tetsusaiga better to his waist. He would never be able to use it, his precious sword was at the moment clutched protectively against Kagome's chest, but it was the thought that counted.
He would have loved it.
Miroku had laid a regal red robe, warm, thick and dazzling; the perfect thing for winter or after a harsh battle that he could never use as well.
It was his favorite color, and he would argue that he wouldn't get cold but Kagome knew that he would have used it.
He would have loved it as well.
Kaede, looking more worn and old the past week, placed sweet smelling herbs and spices. The air now singing with the smell it gave the grave a welcoming air, it was much more welcoming then the smell of death and carnage.
With such a sensitive nose, it would have been bliss for their hanyou.
Kagome's mind trailed to that one human night after he had gotten poisoned and was close to knocking on death's door. And the way he had whispered gruffly on how she smelled nice…things were different now, he died surprisingly not on his weak stage and death's door had opened and ushered him in.
It was her turn now. She took in a deep breath and kneeled downonto the dirt.
"Hello, my love, I hope you're happy up in heaven. We're trying our best to do as youwanted but we miss you terribly. You've gotten such nice and wonderful things from everyone, now mine seems a little stupid. But I got you your second love in life, hell maybe your first," Kagome sat down several containers of ramen among the flowers.
"You always made me make you those but that's okay, they are pretty good. I love you, Inuyasha, never forget that. Oh, and everyone in my time; Momma, Souta, Grandpa, they all miss and love you too. Souta said that he always thought of you as his big brother and…and is hero. Momma thinks of you as her son, and she loves you dearly. Grandpa is being stubborn but I know he loves you too."
It was hard getting the words pass that painful lump but she went on determinedly. "I…I took off your rosary by the way, Inuyasha. I figured you wouldn't want to fall flat first up in heaven every time I say sit." She fingered the smooth pearls and fangs of the necklace lying comfortably around her neck. "I want you back…so bad, but I'll wait till I just come to you. I can't wait for that day. Everyone can't either, but we'll make sure Naraku dies and ends up burning in hell…before we do. You were…are my best friend and my only love, I'll never leave you or forget you. Oh, Inuyasha…"
It had been so long it seemed she thought she was stone dry, but tears actually welled up in her cobalt eyes and trailed down her cheeks.
Her whimpers were joined by Shippo's, Sango's, and Kaede's own tears. Like always Miroku didn't break down, he hadn't once, with a stone etched face he stepped forward.
"Let us pray." He whispered gently.
A pounding head ache and his whole body felt stiff and cold. Where the hell was he? His thoughts were sluggish and it took a while for them to pierce through the fog shrouding his mind.
Death, heaven, hell, his mom and dad, new body …ugh, so tired…why did his head hurt so badly?
His yearned to fall back into darkness…sleep sounded so good…Kagome…
Inuyasha's eyes popped open, Kagome! He whimpered as his eyes stung, why were they so sensitive? He blinked a couple times and was finally able to look around at his surroundings.
He was stunned by the brilliant colors and shadows, everything was so sharp and clear, even though he knew it was the middle of the night. What the hell?
He tried to roll onto his arms and legs but his limbs felt like…what was that stuff in Kagome's time? Oh, that's right…jello.
Rolling onto his stomach he stretched his arms out in front of him…but they weren't arms……oh, shit they were paws!
A burst of shocked adrenaline had him on all fours and he spun in a circle to see himself. Mangy white fur, a snout with a black nose, paws with clear white claws, and shit even a tail!
He was a damn dog! A damn puppy!
He sniffed irritated. This had to be momma's idea…He looked up at the sky, briefly distracted by how bright it looked and shook his head. She's probably laughing her head off…and what about my dad…
He gave a puppy sigh and rubbed his nose with his paw, wow, he was actually growing used to this very quickly. At least I didn't become a cat or…a girl or something…
He shook his whole body from head to hiney and looked around, sniffing the air.
Oh, he could get used to that. His sense of smell…was brilliant!
He trotted around putting his nose onto every leaf and tree, so clear and wonderful! He could definitely learn to like this body.
And he still had the same ears, he could feel them swiveling and twitching, feeling just like on his old body. The only difference was that his hearing was even more acute. The hum of crickets, the breathing of sleeping birds and…
"Hello, my love, I hope you're happy…"
Kagome! He made a happy doggy yip and began sprinting to where her voice was coming from. Kagome, Kagome, Kagome, Kagome, I can't WAIT to see you!
He skidded to a stop when he came upon them all, the smell of depression and sadness so thick that he had the urge to sneeze. He hid himself behind some bush and watched them intently.
They all looked like hell. They seemed withered and old, like they would just want to curl up and sleep forever.
Especially Kagome, with a twinge of his heart, her hair was greasy and hadn't looked like it had been brushed for days. Her face was pale and almost hollow with sunken eyes which were now glassy and seemed like she was looking at something far away. She was incredibly skinny and her fingers were trembling slightly. Oh, Kagome…
"I want you back…so bad…"
Kagome, I'm here now I won't leave you. He wanted to go over and hug her, but he couldn't in this body and he wouldn't be able to talk to her either. He growled annoyed. I guess I'll have to find another way to ease all their pain.
Inuyasha glanced at everyone behind her and was distracted by the cold harshness in Miroku's eyes. Staring with an almost bored look but he had an air of…chaos around him.
Go ease that human's pain…he needs someone…he needs you. Whoa, where did that come from? Inuyasha cocked his head to the side, it was his voice but it sounded like it was whispered. Like his conscious or…no he had heard that voice before…not quite like that because he was half human but…….now, that he was a dog, his instincts were louder and more profound. The need to go lick Miroku's face and make him smile like he used to was overwhelming…actually he wanted to do it with everyone.
Sango seemed shrouded in grief and Shippo seemed so angry and Kaede looked like she aged 50 more years. His pack was so miserable…he had to do something…
Inuyasha was about to walk out of the bushes when Miroku suddenly stepped forward.
"Let us pray." Inuyasha's ears twitched by the gentle but constricted tone of his voice. It sounded like he was trying to push something away. What happened to the happy, go-lucky pervert I used to know? What happened to my pack?
With sad amber eyes he watched as they all bowed their heads and Miroku mumbled some beautiful verses. Inuyasha looked as his grave and felt his throat tighten but he knew he probably couldn't cry.
They had buried him under the God tree, under the full moon, and they had given him gifts. Now, they were praying and crying.
They all missed him…they all loved him. He had always thought that when he died no one would care…he was wrong.
He was about to walk out again, having the urge to be with them, when a creak and a snap echoed in his puppy ears.
Someone was coming.
He ducked onto his stomach and watched through the bushes' leaves.
Who could it be? If they were there to attack his pack then they would be in big trouble.
The branches rustled and his pack turned, Kaede stepped forward with a sad smile.
"Why…why are you all here?"
Inuyasha was stunned beyond thought when people walked out of the foliage, carrying lanterns and gifts.
His nose was stuffed with scents…from the village…from the west…demons and humans. Why are they here? Whoare they?
Inuyasha's mouth hung open when Jinegi, that sweet old hanyou Kagome and he had once met, lumbered out. "We're here for Inuyasha's funeral, to pay our respects. He was a good man and a great friend."
Kouga also stepped out. What the hell? "Yeah, we're here to say good bye to the mutt." The wolf demon smirked but there was a small flicker of sadness in his diamond blue eyes.
Ayame, that white wolf that pined for Kouga, wrapped an arm around his waist. Kouga looked down at her and smiled. Hopefully, he's given upon Kagome. Finally!
Dozens of humans also made themselves known, some he recognized from the village and others he had never met in his life. All were carrying those beautiful paper lanterns and offerings of food and cloth.
They had all come…to his funeral.
A small puppy whimper came out of Inuyasha and he could feel his ears droop. He was so…touched…even that stupid mangy wolf had come. He never knew that all these people would even care…about his death.
But…where's Sessho? Inuyasha sighed; of course his brother wouldn't come. He was probably whooping for joy, he and Naraku.
He pushed those thoughts away; he didn't care if his own kin wasn't there or not. Everyone else was. The puppy sighed as he watched everyone bowed their heads and Miroku began to recite a prayer.
Everyone else was.
It was perfect.
Kagome wiped her eyes until no sign of moisture was present and she stared at all the many gifts lying on her love's grave. He would have been happy. He would have been so happy to know that everyone had come. Even his rival, Kagome smiled an extremely small smile.
She thought about the day Kouga had come to her, sweaty and panting from probably days of running. He had just found out about Inuyasha's death and he couldn't believe it.
It took a while to finally make the poor wolf boy to understand that Inuyasha was dead. It took Kouga on seeing his body with his own diamond eyes to comprehend the news. Kagome could never forget the shock and dismay on his face when he poked Inuyasha's decapitated arm.
"Naraku…killed him?" He whispered gruffly, his head bowed over Inuyasha's unmoving body.
"Yes, he died saving us." She stood in the doorway of Kaede's hut and twisted the hem of her shirt in her hands.
"He died like a noble pack leader, "Kouga turned with distraught and glassy eyes. "You should be very proud of him. Not a lot of demons…or humans are that brave. His name will forever be remembered. I'll make sure of that." With that said he began to walk past her before suddenly stopping and looking at her, "You loved him very much didn't you?"
Kagome choked back the rock in her throat, "Yes, very much…and he said he loved me too."
Kouga smiled, "You two would have made wonderful mates, I'm happy for you. I'm going to be there by the way…"
"Be where?"
The wolf stared straight ahead and walked on, "To his funeral of course. I may have fought with him and said I hated him…but I damn well respected him as a…fellow demon….he may not want me there…but I'm going."
Kagome watched as he went to the path heading for the forest. "I think…Inuyasha wouldn't mind having you there….thank you…Kouga."
Ayame has been there for him…and Sango to Miroku…I'm all alone…Kagome took a deep breath and looked up at the night sky. Velvety soft and sprinkled with stars, it was beautiful here in this time. I don't think I'll want to leave…I'll put the jewel together…and we'll destroy Naraku…and I'll stay here…
Kagome had once thought on just wishing on the jewel to having Inuyasha come back once it was whole and pure…but she knew that wouldn't work. Inuyasha wouldn't have liked that and the jewel only created torment and chaos…it would have done something wrong.
It could…make him like Kikyou…Kikyou; the priestess hadn't come to the funeral. Kagome figured either she was happy Inuyasha was dead or was too grief stricken to come. Or maybe she didn't feel welcome…maybe she feels guilty or angry or…ah, hell who cares…
She touched a soft petal of many a flowers adorning Inuyasha's grave. It smelled heavenly and soft and Kagome's ears were still ringing with the soft funeral music played in mourning for the hanyou.
It was perfect…and it was over.
He was gone…and life would go on.
"Inuyasha…I need you. I miss you and want you here with me…Inuyasha I don't feel safe anymore…I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I'm going insane…" Kagome lay amid the presents and rubbed the soil with trembling fingers. Her love was underneath this dirt, underneath the mud and the grime.
She was alone, everyone had left a long time ago, and the night was growing cold and was ticking away to morning. She didn't feel tired.
"Please come back to me…I need you….I love you…I want you back!" She pounded the ground with her fist and curled up into a little ball. "Come back, come back, come back…I need you…Inuyasha….I miss your ears…your eyes…and your hair…I miss arguing with you and watching you sleep…I want to hold you…and kiss you……Inuyasha…."
Her eyes stung and her throat was tightening so bad she wondered when she would taste the metallic wine of her blood.
She was dying…this is what it felt to die. Her body and her mind were withering away…her heart and her soul was in so much pain…she had to be dying.
"I want to die…I want to be with you…." She stood up on her knees and lifted her arms to the air, welcoming a lightning strike or a tree to crush her. "Kill me…God dammit! KILL ME! I WANT TO DIE!"
She flung her head back and her tears mixed with the dirt on her cheeks, "Please…I don't want to live anymore…it's only been a week…and I can't take the pain…and the loneliness…kill me…give me salvation…and make it go away…kill me…" Kagome sobbed and buried her head in her arms. "Kill me…I want to die…"
Inuyasha wanted to cry, his heart was hurting so bad that he knew the only way to ease it would be to cry. But dogs can't do that…that was one disadvantage. Kagome…he whimpered and walked slowly over to her shaking form. I want to hold you…I want to kiss you…I want to make all your pain go away…but you have to be patient…I have to be patient……my body will then be finished and I promise you that I'll never let you go…I'll kiss you and hug you and rock you to sleep every night……I'll make all this pain evaporate into thin air…just please wait for me…
He kneeled beside her and crawled on his belly, making his way to her arms he whimpered again and nuzzled it with his nose. I'll make it go away…
Kagome jumped when she heard the soft pleading sound and she reared up looking around frantically. She felt something cold and wet snuggle against her hand and she looked down.
Two amber eyes looked back. Her heart stopped, they were the same eyes that she dreamed about, that she missed so dearly.
But it wasn't him…it was just some puppy. He was covered with dirt but you couldn't miss the shiny white fur coat that covered him, it gleamed just like the long locks she missed as well. His paws her small and soft but adorned with sharp looking claws and he had a cute little tail that wagged a bit as she smiled softly. She looked into his eyes and was amazed by the intelligences that shone in them, there was also a look of relief as if he was happy that she wasn't crying any more and pleading for her death.
Two ears, standing upright instead of drooping, twitched adorably atop his head. Just like Inuyasha's…they look just like his…and his eyes…and his hair…it's a puppy version of my love…
Her eyes welled up with tears again and the puppy jumped up in alarm, frantically licking her face. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry…please don't cry…
Kagome wrapped her arms around the little puppy and placed her on his lap, he looked up at her with concerned amber orbs. She rubbed his head affectionately and he gave a doggy grin, leaning into her palm. "Hello, little fella, why are you here." She gazed at the grave behind him, "Coming…to pay your respects as well…" The puppy nosed her chin upward, as if saying 'perk up, it'll be okay'.
She smiled down at him and then hugged him fiercely to her chest, "We buried him today, "she croaked into his fur, "we burned him till nothing of him was left and we placed him in some stupid God damn jar. Naraku, that damn bastard, killed my love and now I have to live the rest of my life without him. I never got to kiss him, or marry him, or have children with him."
Inuyasha was sure he was blushing. Maybe fur was a good thing. He snuggled into her and gave little whines, licking her neck and face.
"I lost him…I couldn't save him…it's not fair. Inuyasha should have lived…we need him the most!"
I'm right here Kagome, I'm going to come back...please stop crying…
Kagome trembled and her breathing was choked and quick, Inuyasha didn't know what to do. Just be there for her, let her talk, let her give you her troubles, take away the pain by being there for her…Inuyasha nodded and thanked the stars for instincts and let Kagome hug him tightly, not trying to get away or to make her stop. She had to let it out. He had to be there for her, to take her troubles away.
And pretty soon, Kagome did slow down in her sobbing and now was just stroking his fur and wiping her eyes. That a girl…all better? He licked her chin, she tasted like dirt, salt, and a warm mix of vanilla and cinnamon.
Kagome chuckled lightly and rubbed his ears, "I'm sorry boy. I thought it was all over. I thought I was dry to the bone but it seems I still have some tears left in me. Thanks for being there for me, though, I probably freaked you out didn't I?" Inuyasha nodded and she gave another soft smile. "You look a lot like him, you know. The same ears, hair color…and eyes…I love your eyes the most." She sighed and stroked his snout, "So, what's your name boy? Where are you from? Do you have a home?"
Inuyasha shook his head and snuggled closer to her, God, he missed her so much. "You sure are smart…I guess I'll keep you then. Would you like that? Staying with me?"
Duh! Inuyasha barked happily and covered her with doggy kisses. "Okay, okay! I get it!" She batted him away and Inuyasha's heart glowed by her little smile. Not like before but it was a start. "Now, what to call you…hmmm."
Well, he does look a lot like…my love. And he is a dog…
"How about Yasha? Do you like that?" She was rewarded by another puppy kiss. "Okay then, let's take you home. You seem cold and hungry." She stood up and cradled him to her chest like a precious baby.
Inuyasha sighed happily and made himself comfortable, soaking in her warmth and her heavenly scent. It'll all go well in the end, Kagome…I'll be back soon…in the mean time I have a lot of work on my hands…I mean paws…
His instincts were bugging him non stop to make his pack happy. He had to get his old friends back; he couldn't stand seeing them so sad and miserable. It was pissing him off to no end.
But first things first, he wanted to take a little cat nap. Ha, a joke. Inuyasha closed his eyes and welcomed the coming sleep, finally heading home.
A.N I didn't know how to end it and I know that's stupid but whatever. I hope you guys like it, I know it's an old story line, him as a dog. I actually like the idea of him becoming a wolf and part of Kouga's pack, but this was in my head for a long time so I went with it. Please review and if you guys are depressed (I was crying non stop on this chapter) then read my other story the SILENT HANYOU, that one's cute and heart warming. From what I've been told. Till next time!