A.N Prepare for a little OOC so don't get mad at me in your reviews because I warned ya. Now enjoy ch 7, it's all about Sessho.

Always There

Ch 7

She knew there was something wrong.

She knew the very moment he walked into the cave with a deathly cold air. He was always quiet and cold but this time it seemed even more so. And though his eyes would be viewed as emotionless and stone hard, Rin could see the chaos within him.

Sesshomaru-sama was in pain.

He had neglected the food given to him and had only growled as Jakken asked him where he had been in his high nasally annoying voice. That had shut the toad up quite effectively. Giving no reason or even saying a single word really, the dog demon left the cave after just arriving and sat down next to the many trees surrounding their temporary home.

Rin stared worriedly as he looked up at the sky with a melancholy aura around him.

Jakken couldn't see it, but Rin was a pro at seeing the arctic demon's inner feelings and she knew that her precious Fluffy-sama was in incredible pain.

Standing up, ignoring Jakken's protests to leave him alone, walked out of the cave as well; shivering slightly from the chill and freezing dew numbing her feet, Rin headed towards her Sessho-sama.

The dog demon didn't even glance at her, he knew she was there as she sat down next to him but he was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't care to acknowledge her.

The monk's words were still ringing in his ears, again and again in his head.

"Inuyasha died by the wounds he received by saving us, by protecting his pack!"

"Do you respect him, Sesshomaru?"

"Do you respect that…hanyou?"

"You should have been there……you failed him…"

"He was proud to be called your brother."

"Inuyasha forgave you……still looked up to you…and loved you…"

"What do you think of your worthless half brother now?"

Proud to be called my brother…

"Yay, Nii-san's here!"

Still looked up to me…loved me…love…

"You're the best brother in the whole world. I love you, Nii-san."

I failed him……

"You're the best, Nii-san!"

Sesshomaru cocked his head a fraction to the side as old memories flashed in his head. Loving, happy memories that he had made himself forget so long ago.

It was before the hatred, it was before the curse of a chilling cold that still resided in him, it was when he was young, innocent, and impressionable. Where it didn't matter if he showed his anger or sadness, though he tried his best to conceal them; young Sesshomaru didn't want his father to know how the act of remarrying was hurting him.

His parents were supposedly superb mates and he had thought everything was wonderful. He had thought that really his momma only died from a sickness or wound, which was horribly painful in itself but it was actually the talk he heard muttered around the castle that had gotten the poor pup. He didn't understand what it meant to 'cheat' and he didn't know what they were talking about when they said the 'paramour' was angry on finding out his mother had a mate and had…sought revenge.

He did now. Sesshomaru gave a small unnoticeable sigh. His mother had had an affair and the lowly demon she was with had found out she was married and had murdered her to seek vengeance on being lead on. He had set out to kill the demon later on his life but had come to find the bitter news that the bastard was killed by some worthless demon exterminators. The feeling of betrayal and disbelief, anger and hatred had raged quietly in the dog demon for so long. It was one of the reasons he was who he was today.

It was one of the reasons the cold came to exist inside of him.

Little Sesshomaru was confused, hurt, angry, sad and there were dozens of other emotions that rallied the poor boy as only a few months later, his father announced he was already wedded. There was no hatred of humans inside of him at that time, only a bitter hatred of the new mommy about to be suddenly dropped onto him. He had loved his mother, lord knows he still does, and the quick change of mates by his father had stung him. He thought his father had loved his mother as well.

"Guess not," he muttered as he lounged in his secret hiding spot at the base of the many stairs hidden in the large castle. "He doesn't care about momma…and he doesn't care about me." The little boy sniffed and buried his face in the nest of his tiny crossed arms.

He had missed the welcome of the new Lady and had even missed dinner as well; his stomach growled in anger at that fact. But he did not budge and he wondered if he had fallen asleep as she came along and had found him.

She smelled of lilacs and jasmine plus that distasteful human smell as she looked down underneath the steps to see him huddled in a sad little ball. "Hello there little one, you must be Sesshomaru. Correct?"

He glared at her untrustingly and nodded. This was the woman his father had now married and mated. This was to be his new mother. His glare grew harder.

"May I join you? It seems really nice under here," she sat down before she had gotten an answer and he growled, backing away.

"Go away, I don't want you here!" His eyes briefly flashed red and he bared his fangs.

"Why not?" She seemed unperturbed by the boy's menace and looked at him curiously.

"Because you took my momma's place, I want my old momma, not you! His eyes blurred with tears and he contemplated on running out of there.

The woman's beautiful face grew sad, "I understand, this must be so hard and painful for you. I tried to tell your father to wait...," she ruffled her bangs in frustration and threw her hands up in to the air, "but your father can be such a…a baka, sometimes."

Sesshomaru's big amber eyes grew wide, "You…you called papa a name." Nobody, not even a demon, would even think on calling the king a name. But here was this human calling his father a baka.

"Well it's true don't you think?" She smiled and laughed, "He can be a real big baka sometimes! I swear." She succumbed to a brilliant burst of laughter.

Sesshomaru couldn't help the small grin that lit his face. He had to agree, his father had been real inconsiderate to how he felt to all these changes, your mother dying and being gossiped about and then another momma coming along. It was too much in such a short time…yeah, his father could be a big baka! He giggled despite himself.

"There you go; you see I'm not the only one who thinks so! Even his son does, oh your father is so full of himself!" She sighed and shook her head.

A trickle of fear and apprehension eased into Sesshomaru's insides, "You…You won't tell him will you? Papa…Papa will get really mad at me if he found out….he would be really mad at you too." He whispered the last part and he had drawn his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

"Don't fret, little one, I won't tell anyone. It'll be our little secret and besides even if he did find out, he should know that we both love him very much. Love can overcome anger easily."

Sesshomaru was instantly relieved and was…was beginning to like this lady. But she's your new momma now, she took your other momma's place, you shouldn't like her!

"You…you love my Papa?" He asked timidly.

"Of course I do, no matter what a big lug he can be…but I bet I don't love him as much as you, huh?" She questioned teasily, he shyly shook his head. "But…maybe I do? Hmmm, maybe I love him more…."

Sesshomaru had taken the bait, "Naha, I love him more!"

"No way, I do."

"No, I do."

"Well, I guess you're going to have to show me. You see I love your father this much," she put up her hands and moved them apart about a foot and a half. "Can you beat that?"

"Uh huh, easy, I love him thhhhiiiiisssss much," he stretched his arms out as wide as he could get them.

She chuckled and pouted jokingly, "Ahhh, you beat me. That's not fair."

He smiled and sat back down, "Of course I can. You're only a human. I'm a demon." He pointed to his chest proudly.

"Well big…tough," she poked his side and he squirmed with a giggle, "grown up demon boy. I may be human but I still bet I could beat you in other stuff."

"Oh, yeah, like what?"

"Like…beating you to the kitchen," She jumped up and started to jog down the hall.

"No way, I'm faster!" And he proved it too as he skimmed past her.

Sesshomaru blinked away the first memory of his new step mother. She had easily gotten him to eat dinner and had succeeded on becoming part of the family. He could never replace his mother with her, but he knew that he had once felt affections for the human woman. He had accepted her and life had slowly edged back to normal.

That is until she became pregnant.

Sesshomaru and his father paced anxiously in the master bedroom as screams of pain and…perhaps anger…were heard in the additional room where Izayaoi was being treated by the castle nurse.

"Papa, is she okay? She sounds hurt and," he sniffed and he gasped worriedly, "I smell blood, Papa! She is hurt!"

His father groaned and continued pacing, "I'm sure she's fine, Sessho. I mean, your momma bled too when you were born, it must be normal right? But….Izayaoi is human…and that smells like a lot of blood…" They both covered their sensitive ears as another scream echoed off the walls.

"AUGH, DAMMIT, I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS DEAR! I'LL MAKE YOU WISH THAT YOU…ARRRRHHHH!" Her threat was cut off and Sesshomaru could hear the happy exclamation of the nurse and the small cry of a baby.

Father and son looked at one another in shock and amazement.

A bubbling lady kitsune popped her head out of the connecting door, "Oh, your highness! Congratulations! It's a boy! It's a boy!"

His father broke into a smile and heaved Sesshomaru into the air and hugged him tightly, ruffling his hair. "Do you hear that, Sessho! It's a boy, it's a boy! You have a new baby brother!"

Sesshomaru smiled and laughed after the initial shock wore off, "I have a baby brother! I have a baby brother!"

They both laughed joyously as they ran into the room, not even listening to the protests of the nurses.

Izayaoi also paid no heed as she laid on the over sized mattress looking exhausted but glowing in happiness, holding a small bundle in her arms. "Hello you two," she whispered tiredly, Sesshomaru's father sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed her forehead.

"How are you feeling?"

She smirked, "How should I be feeling after going through something like that!" She cocked an eyebrow at him.

He frowned worriedly, "Oh, dear, I'm sorry, are you hurt, are you in pain! It's all my fault isn't it, I—"

He was cut off by a peck on the cheek, "I'm fine dear, and extremely happy also." She kissed him full on the mouth, Sesshomaru grimaced.

"Ewwww, not when I'm in the room, please! I'm only a pup!" He stuck out his tongue and covered his eyes, his parents giggled.

"Yes, but you're growing up fast and now you have a new responsibility, being an older brother," Izayaoi smiled and leaned on his father's shoulder.

"Res..spons…eewhat? That sounds hard," he didn't like that idea.

"It can be but the rewards make it all worthwhile. You see your new responsibility is to protect, and play with your new younger brother."

"You need to make sure he doesn't get into any trouble," his father added.

"And of course love him. He'll look up to you, Sessho, you'll be his special Nii-san."

"A brother's bond is very powerful, Sesshomaru. Treasure it," his father smiled and beckoned him to come to them, "Now come see your new little brother."

Sesshomaru felt big and powerful as he held his sleeping brother in his arms, strange little ears lightly twitching atop his white haired head. Inuyasha seemed so small and helpless, the dog demon felt a strange wave of protectiveness for his new younger brother. "Hello, little Yasha, I'm your Nii-san…" he said in a soft whisper.

Inuyasha's answer was a little smile and a sigh as he snuggled into Sesshomaru's chest.

"My new little brother…" I'll protect you…

Sesshomaru scowled. What was wrong with him? Why were these long lost memories suddenly surfacing? Why was he feeling these pathetic stupid human emotions as he relived one and another? Why couldn't he stop them? Why…why didn't he want to?

Oh, shit where is he? Where is he, where is he, where is he? "INUYASHA! Little Yasha where are you?" A slightly older Sesshomaru ran around the castle halls, panic starting to seize in. It all started as a simple game of hide and seek but who knew his three year old little brother was so good at it!

"Why did I teach him how to hide your scent? Why did I teach him where all the good hiding spots are," Sesshomaru groaned and ran faster, his father wouldn't be pleased to know his younger of the two sons was MISSING. "Okay, so if I was Inu, where would I…" A giggle reached his ears.

Sesshomaru smirked. At least he hadn't taught him yet how to keep quiet. The dog demon straightened and closed his eyes, sniffing delicately and straining his ears. A tiny heart beat and another muffled giggle sounded from the side of him. Aha!

He pounced behind a window curtain and grabbed the little boy hiding behind it. Little Inuyasha shrieked and laughed as they tumbled on the carpet.

"Ah, Nii-san, you found me! Yay! Can we do it again, please, please, please?" Inuyasha jumped up and down Sesshomaru's chest. His big amber eyes were bright with amusement and brotherly pride. "I want to hide again and see if Nii-san can find me! Nii-san is so good at this game!"

Sesshomaru chuckled and pushed to a sitting position, ruffling Inuyasha's already long snow white hair. The younger pup sat on his lap and stared up at him with a huge gapped smile. "Maybe later, Yasha. Its dinner time right now and then bed."

"Ahhhh," Inuyasha huffed and crossed his arms but he immediately brightened. "Okay, but can Nii-san read me a story tonight! Please!"

"Why not your mom?"

Inuyasha shook his head, "No, Nii-san does it better! I want Nii-san to do it." He gave his cute little puppy pout and it of course got the older brother.

"Okay, fine but only one."

Inuyasha's face glowed in happiness as he hugged Sesshomaru around the neck. "You're the best, Nii-San!"

He remembered that feeling. When little Inuyasha would say he was the best. What was that called? He hadn't felt it for so long. It was gentle and warm, totally the opposite of what he was now. He remembered the glowing pride in Inuyasha's huge golden eyes as he looked up at him. That had made him feel another warm feeling. Stupid human emotions…they're not important…

But no matter what he thought or how hard he tried. Sesshomaru couldn't make them go away and the memories wouldn't leave him alone.

Someone was having a lot of fun messing him up.

Sesshomaru jumped from his bed as a scream and crying roared in his ears. So full of pain and fear…Inuyasha! The dog demon ran from his room, ignoring the chill of the night and the gloomy darkness as he sprinted with all his might to his younger brother's room.

He bursted through the door to find a trembling hanyou pup sobbing in his step mother's arms, a cold stone plopped in his stomach. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

Inuyasha gasped and looked up, his little face glistening with sweat and his amber eyes rimmed red with salt. "N—Nii-san!" He leaped off his bed and ran to Sesshomaru, who knelt down on his knees and opened his arms. Inuyasha buried his face in Sesshomaru's night time clothes and succumbed to more tears.

The dog demon looked to Izayaoi for an explanation but she only shrugged her shoulders in exasperated confusion. Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around the shaking pup and cradled him close, rubbing his back soothingly. "What's wrong, Inu? Was it a bad dream, what was it about?"

"It was awful, Nii-san! I don't know why but you were mad at me…really mad! You…you said you hated me and…and that you wanted to…k—kill me!" Inuyasha snuggled closer and the shocked demon could feel his shirt growing damp.

"Kill you…hate you…why would I…I don't…Inuyasha, listen to me. I would never hurt you, okay? You're my little brother why would I want to do that?" Sesshomaru wiped Inuyasha's cheek, who stared up at him with such innocence and want for reassurance.

"Do you promise, Nii-san? Do you promise to always be my big brother? No matter what?"

"Yes, Inu, no matter what. I can't get rid of you, we're brothers forever." Sesshomaru smiled but Inuyasha still looked worried.

"Do you promise? Say you promise…pinky swear," he stuck out his little finger.

"I pinky swear…I promise we'll always be brothers." Sesshomaru did the pinky shake and Inuyasha broke out into a grin and hugged him close, as if he would disappear.

"Can you stay here with me, Nii-san? Can you keep the bad dreams away?"

Sesshomaru stood up with the pup in his arms and walked to his bed, Izayaoi smiled and nodded, standing up to walk out of the room. "Sure, Yasha. I'll be right here, I'll always be."

Inuyasha yawned and settled his head against Sesshomaru's shoulder, closing his eyes. "You're the best brother in the whole world. I love you, Nii-san." Sesshomaru smiled and sat down on the soft mattress, leaning his back against the wall.

"I…I love you too…"

What had gone wrong? Why couldn't he remember how it went so awful and twisted? How could such a loving relationship, even though he didn't like to admit it, turn into the murderous hating relationship of today? Why did these stupid feelings keep making themselves known? Why did he feel….what was it…guilty…shame….regret? Why couldn't he feel…satisfied that his weak little brother was finally killed….why did he instead keep thinking about the times he had had with him? What the hell was wrong with him?

It was jumbled and confused. He did remember blood…lots of death…and talking. Someone was saying that….his parents are dead….his father was killed….it was…it was the hanyou's fault….they killed because of the hanyou….Inuyasha.

Anger, hatred, cold seeping into his stomach.

"Yay, Nii-san is here!" bright amber eyes, still glassy with tears, running to him, arms outstretched.

"Get away from me, I hate you! It's all your fault, you killed him, you destroyed everything! You stupid…stupid hanyou! I'll kill you!" red eyes, anger, hatred, kill, kill…but there was sadness…the look on his little brother's face…all his fault…more anger…more cold…

"But…But you promised….you pinky swore…"

"I don't care…I…I lied! I hate you, I wish you were never my brother! You're just my stupid, pathetic…hanyou half brother!"

Tears turning to hurt and anger, all that anger pointed to him...his fault…you failed him... "You…you promised…you promised we would always be brothers! You broke it! I hate you! I HATE YOU!"

Cold…nothing else mattered anymore…he was alone…a brother's bond is very important…treasure it…he broke it….his feelings were killing him, destroying him…the guilt, the hatred…get rid of them…it was his fault…kill him….don't share your feelings…lock them away…kill the hanyou…he's not your brother anymore…I love you, Nii-san…I HATE YOU! Kill…cold….

Sesshomaru grimaced and shut his eyes tight. No, they were getting too powerful…like before…get rid of them…like before….he willed himself to relax and build all those damn churning emotions together and pushed them away…there, cold…

But he could still feel one…and it wouldn't go away. It wasn't powerful but it ate at him slowly, trying to grow power. He couldn't let it….why did it feel like his chest was bruised and broken…why did his heart beat so hard and loud…why did his throat hurt….why did he feel lazy and had no urge to ever stand up…ever…what was this called? What did humans call this emotion?

Sesshomaru's eyes widened very slightly. He knew….he knew now…but it couldn't be. He is…was just a hanyou…he's a full demon…he couldn't be feeling….his younger brother…his kin….why? How? But it…was true and the feeling wouldn't go away.

I'm…grieving…Sesshomaru's eyelids drooped and he slumped against the tree's trunk. Grieving…a full demon…grieving even slightly for a stupid hanyou, pathetic…but he was your younger brother…I love you Nii-san…grieving…

Rin was astonished by the random emotions that flashed in the demon's amber eyes as he looked up at the sky. So many that she couldn't keep track…but now it was just sadness as he relaxed against the tree. A deep hurt, hardly protected against the usual cold. It was like he wasn't even trying to keep it hidden…or he couldn't.

"Sessho-sama….?" She asked in a soft voice.

He blinked…Rin…I had almost forgotten she was there. "Rin, shouldn't you be inside? You'll get sick…"

Rin winced by the deep emotionless commanding voice, but she could detect the tightness underlining it. "Rin knows, Sessho-sama but Rin…"

"What Rin? What would you like to say?" Sesshomaru didn't look at her.

The little girl sighed, "Sesshomaru-sama, can Rin sit on your lap?"

He didn't expect that. Sesshomaru blinked and turned to her. Her eyes were big and bright….did all little kids' eyes look alike? He nodded slowly. Rin smiled happily and scuffled onto his outstretched knees, sitting in front of him.

Then she grew serious and curious as she looked into his eyes, he started to feel strangely self-conscious. "What Rin?"

She blinked and cocked her head like a little puppy, "Why are you sad, Sessho-sama? Does something hurt?" Rin frowned concernedly and placed a tiny hand on his chest.

How did…she know…is it that obvious? "Can you see it clearly, Rin?"

She nodded but smiled reassuringly, "Yeah, but Rin is the only one who can." Her smile grew proud, "Rin is very good at seeing them."

She looked a bit cocky and Sesshomaru had the weirdest urge to smile. "That's good to know Rin, I'm glad that only you can."

She giggled and blushed cutely but then grew serious and worried once again, "Will Sessho-sama tell Rin what is wrong? Rin will keep it a secret, if Sessho-sama wants me too."

A secret, she would keep it a secret? Sesshomaru was curious as to why he suddenly wanted to spill everything, all the pain, guilt, and regret…all on the shoulders of a small little girl. He couldn't do that…that would be so wrong and cruel. "Thank you, Rin. But no, I am fine."

"No you're not, Sessho-sama. You're hurt and sad. It is making Rin sad too. Please will Sessho-sama tell Rin? Rin wants to make it all better. Rin wants to make Sessho-sama happy again." She laid her head on his chest and gave him a short loving hug. "Rin doesn't like to see Sessho-sama so sad."

I make her sad…she wants to make it all better…"I don't think you can make it go away, Rin."

She looked up at him in eagerness, "Rin knows, but Rin has felt sad too. Talking helps, it makes it not so big."

He really did want to talk…he wanted someone to listen and to care. But why to a human, why to Rin, why didn't he feel like she was the only one he wanted to? "Will you keep it a secret, Rin? Do you…promise?"

She bobbed her head enthusiastically, "Oh, yes, Rin pinky swears." Sesshomaru's chest tightened as she put out her cute little finger. Pinky swear…his finger looked so big and dangerous looking as they shook. Rin laughed and sat straight and attentive. "Okay, Rin's ready."

Sesshomaru tilted his head and a small twist turned his mouth….but it quickly fell. "Someone…I know….has died, Rin."

She gasped and her little hands covered her mouth in shock and dismay, "Oh, no…Rin is so sorry." Tears filled her beautiful eyes; Sesshomaru felt a trickle of panic.

"Why…why are you crying, Rin?" he felt…bad about making her cry…

She sniffed, "It's so sad….was the person very important to you, Sessho-sama?"

Important to me…would he be… "You're the best, Nii-san!" Sesshomaru sighed. "I think so, Rin…but I am not sure…"

"Who is it….can Rin ask who died?" her voice was tiny, like if she raised it any higher he would break.

He thought about it, did he really want her to know? If she did…could the feeling go away? Would she care, should he? What was with all these questions?

"He was…my younger brother…" his voice was low and quiet. He did not want anyone…besides her to know.

She gasped again, heartfelt and sad, as more tears fell down her rosy cheeks. "Oh, Sessho-sama! I'm so sorry!" She lunged at him and hugged him tight. "Oh, poor Sessho-sama, poor Fluffy…I'll make it all better…" She stood on his legs and wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling him lovingly.

He was stunned. Salt stained his clothes, his shoulder began to grow damp, his nose stinging and his throat began to grow tight. He didn't expect her to care…this much. Why did his chest feel warm…it almost felt like that one time….Inuyasha….Rin...

"Fluffy-sama….does it hurt?" she looked up at him with glistening brown eyes and put a fist atop his heart, "does this hurt?"

His throat felt dry and scratchy so he just nodded very slowly. Rin's lip trembled and she kissed his cheek, "Oh, Fluffy. Rin knows how that feels…it hurt there for Rin too when Rin's family died. Poor Fluffy…my poor Fluffy-sama…"

It hurt there for her too…of course her family died…she has no one….no one was there…I never asked her, comforted her… "Does…does it still hurt, Rin?" I failed her too…

But Rin shook her head and smiled dazzling up at him with warm eyes. "No, not anymore, Rin doesn't hurt there anymore. Rin still misses her family…but it doesn't hurt anymore…"

"How…did it go away…?"

"Rin found Sessho and Jakken –sama. Rin found a new family….and Rin became happy again."

Why did his chest and throat hurt so badly? Why was he hanging onto every one of her words like a stupid little pup? Why did he want to hold her?

"We…I made it go away, Rin?" Why did he want to be reassured?

She nodded and kissed him gently on the cheek once more, "Yes…and Rin will make Sessho's pain go away too. Rin will make Sessho happy again."

She laid her head on his shoulder and kept hugging him. Her gentle scent of spring flowers filled his chest and the tightness slowly eased. Rin…the hurt was still there, the cold was still there….but it wasn't so bad anymore. She was melting it away.

Timidly he raised his own arm….and wrapped it around her tiny form. He squeezed her gently to his chest and buried his forehead on her shoulder.

Oh, Rin……

Amber eyes flashed in his head.

I'm…sorry…little brother

The night air was cold but the two didn't feel it. So wrapped in each other's warmth and…love. An unlikely pair but love knows no difference in skin color or race. Love can overcome anger, love can overcome pain, and love could melt anyone's heart. No matter how cold.

A.N Guess what, that made me teary eyed too. :sniff: I hope you didn't mind the little OOCness but like I said death….and love can really mess you up. Oh, and I haven't seen the Inuyasha movie with Inu's parents and all those flash backs, I made up. So don't be mad and say I got this wrong blah blah…'cause I don't care. Ah, God I love Rin, she's so Kawaii.