The Truth of a Lie

a/n: I do not own Labyrinth. To those of you waiting for an update for "Say Goodnight"…be patient. Please. I am not usually in the habit of waiting this long to update a story, but my muse has all but deserted me for Gundam Wing fics recently. I have written two and have another three or so on the burner. I am trying really hard. I do not own "Silent Worship" (the song which Sarah sings to herself). That was written by Handel. Beta-ed by AngelaScarlet (get well soon!)

Chapter Ten – Where Do We Go From Here?

Sarah sat on the edge of her bed, contemplating her feet. Up until these last couple of weeks she had never even really seen her feet. They were usually encased in her red leather boots. She had nice feet, she decided. They were slender, they were relatively smooth for someone who wore boots all day. She guessed that the regular pedicures from her maid Glynnis were partially to blame for the smoothness. Her toes were not too long, and they were evenly spaced. The nails were the color they were supposed to be, and they definitely did not smell in any way.

And this was currently her problem. She had grown to like having bare feet over the last couple of weeks. But today was the day she could finally get up and move around, and she needed shoes to do so. The floors of the castle were stone and too cold to walk on with just bare feet. Her red boots were out of the question. While she adored them, but they were a symbol of a life she had left behind very willingly. A life of killing, maiming, torture, and all other sorts of activities she would rather forget. She knew she had to reconcile herself to the fact that she had been an assassin, used for a purpose she had no control over. For some reason, it was hard admitting she had been so blind. She had taken to calling it a truth of a lie. She had always lived a lie, and the truth was that she had never known it. She felt blind, she felt stupid. Some days, she just felt downright sorry for herself.

But now, she had a chance to be happy. Toby was doing well with the tutors Jareth had provided. He especially liked anything to do with science. That was what he was currently doing. Every day he came to her in the afternoons and told her about what he had learned from Andras, his tutor. Andras was a very good tutor. Toby raved about him. And today, she could actually get up and move around. But something, or rather someone, else was responsible for her slight bit of happiness.

His Majesty, Jareth the King of Goblins, was a refreshing bit of light in an otherwise quite dreary day. Glynnis could open the drapes and throw open the windows, but Sarah did not even feel halfway better until the King came to see her. He brought her breakfast every morning, even after Sarah told him he was taking away from her maid's job. But he just laughed and told her that Glynnis was probably grateful for the time off. He would stay there while she ate, and he told her about things happening in the Underground. He would go away until after dinner, when he would come back and try to teach her more about the crystal magic. He also was teaching her more about the Underground, and a small bit about Underground etiquette. It did not differ much from Aboveground etiquette, which she knew by heart. He stayed as late as he could, usually until he was almost too tired to stand.

Sarah often wondered why he did this. It was not like he needed to. She supposed he did it because he felt a little indebted, or because kings were inherently lonely. Maybe he did it for some reason not even he was aware of. All Sarah knew was that she was grateful for the occasional company.

Sarah looked at what she was wearing, then looked again at the selection of shoes. It was warm outside, so Sarah had put on a pair of loose black pants a seamstress had made for her, along with a soft burgundy sweater that Glynnis had knitted for her. Sarah had been surprised at the gesture, but Glynnis had only smiled and patted her hand. Sarah had on a plain white shirt under the sweater. She knew that once this whole thing was over she would have to give into the Underground costuming customs, which included dresses and undergarments. It had been a long time since Sarah had bothered to wear undergarments. They only hindered her before. She resolved that if she had to dress like some fairy princess, she was going to be a damned sexy one. It was just not in her nature to be prim and proper. A lot of red. She would be wearing a lot of red. Jareth had laughed when she told him that.

"Loafers it is," Sarah sighed, and picked up a black pair of shoes that were the closest looking thing to loafers the goblin cobblers had made. She slipped on the loafers without benefit of socks, and laughed at the sight. But she had no socks yet, and so she resigned herself to being sockless. She got up off the bed and walked around the room. She opened the windows herself for once, since Glynnis had not come in yet this morning. As a matter of fact, neither had Jareth. Sarah decided to brush her hair before either of them came in. She took down her braid and walked over to her vanity. She grabbed the big brush there and walked back to the window. She could see the whole south side of the Labyrinth from here. The sun was just rising, and she found the sight to be refreshing. Usually she was just sitting in the bed, waiting for someone to open the windows.

Sarah drew the brush through her hair and hummed a tune, then started to sing quietly.

"Did you not hear my lady,

Go down the garden singing.

Blackbird and thrush lie silent,

To hear the alleys ringing.

Oh saw you not my lady,

Out in the garden there.

Shaming the rose and lilies,

For she is twice as fair

Though I am nothing to her,

Though she must rarely look at me.

And though I could never woo her,

I love her 'til I die.

Surely you heard my lady,

Go down the garden singing.

Silencing all the songbirds,

And setting the alleys ringing.

But surely you see my lady,

Out in the garden there.

Rivaling the glittering sunshine,

With her glory of golden hair"

Sarah had needed to know a lot of songs for her duties as a courtesan, and that was one of them. For those more aristocratic clients that needed to hear something feminine and enchanting. The tune was haunting, and the words romantic. One wanted to lose themselves in the melody. This was why she rarely sang. She cared not to have someone that enthralled with her. But one male, who always had one eye on her even as he was doing something else was already enthralled with her. He always had been.

Sarah heard her door open, and looked over her shoulder at Jareth. She gave him a curtsy, hating the fact that she had to do it, but grateful she could. Jareth cocked his head in curiosity when he saw that her hair was down, but said nothing.

"Good morning, Your Majesty," Sarah said in her rich voice.

"Good morning, Sarah. I brought you breakfast," Jareth sat the tray down at a small table near the window, then came to her side, "What's troubling you?"

"Shoes," Sarah sighed.

"Shoes?" Jareth asked, perplexed.

"I do not want to wear them. I also do not want to wear dresses or skirts or undergarments. But I know I have to," Sarah ran the brush through her hair again and then walked over to the vanity, "Can you braid hair, Jareth?"

"I can," Jareth told her. Was she actually going to let him touch her hair?

"Can you?" Sarah held out her brush and an elastic tie she had on her. Jareth stood behind her and took the offered tools. He brushed her hair carefully at first, then increased the pressure of the strokes.

"Jareth? It is brushed," Sarah told him with a slight smile. Jareth divided the hair into three equal parts, and started to braid. It was so long! He finished in no time flat and secured the braid with the elastic tie.

"Good?" Jareth asked.

"Yeah, thanks. Do you have to be going now?" Sarah asked.

"Today I am yours. Well, for the most part. I thought we could do some magic tutoring," Jareth suggested.

"That is very accommodating of you, Your Majesty. You don't have to, you know?" Sarah got up from her seat and walked over to her breakfast.

"In a way, I do have to. I thought that since you are on your feet now, we could try teleportation," Jareth told her.

"Why are you doing this?" Sarah asked as she took a bite of toast.

"When you are able to leave, I plan to grant you a small duchy at the edge of my kingdom. You will be under my rule, but you will rule that area of my kingdom. You will be Sarah, Duchess of Llyn Coeden. It is an area with a lake and woods. There is not much else there. Maybe a couple of cottages with other people, but not much to take care of otherwise. You deserve some time off. Toby will go with you, and Andras will take care of his tutoring there. But my point is that, when you go, I will not be able to see you or help you all the time. You need to know everything you can learn about your magic while you are here. I will be downstairs in the audience room while you are finishing up here," Jareth shut the door behind him, leaving Sarah alone with her thoughts.

&&&

A month later, Sarah was seated on the balcony outside the library when Jareth came to see her.

"How are you this fine evening, Sarah?" he asked.

"I'm fine Jareth," Sarah smiled at him, lying behind it all.

Sarah was not fine. She wanted to be fine, but the world would not let her be. She had been sitting in this castle for a month and a half, and she still had no clue what she was doing. She did her katas every morning, trying hard not to strain herself even though memories of her training almost demanded she push herself as far as she could go. Every day she ran through the gardens, keeping up her stamina and the strength in her legs. Every evening she meditated, and tried to master her magic. But that was all just the problem. What the hell was she doing all this for? What good was she now? She was being shipped off to be some Countess for some small estate in the woods. She felt like a horse being put out to pasture. She was born special. She was born to fight, and born to bear extremely heavy physical burdens. She was combat-ready, and she was willing. Only, there was no one left to fight. There were no more battles to be won, and only she was left. She could not even use her sexual expertise due to her injuries and that fact that Jareth had made it clear during their travels that he not only did not want her, but he found her kind to be revolting. Trained courtesans. Trained from adolescence to please men and women alike. A trained assassin, trained to kill without a sound and without a clue left behind. She could poison one man in a dinner of 300 people, but she could not ride horse. It was anticlimactic, to say the least.

Alis and Alun had gotten married not too long after she came to live here. They had definitely remembered everything, and decided to pick up where they had left off. They had been married for two weeks now, and Sarah rarely saw them. The only person that would pleasure her with a duel was Toby, and she could not put her heart into a battle with a half-trained warrior.

Sarah had barely heard that Jareth was talking. She looked at him blankly, "I'm sorry, Your Majesty, my mind wandered. Could you please repeat what you just said?"

"Nothing, nothing at all, except for wanting to know if you wanted me to have dinner with you tonight!" Jareth threw his gloved hands in the air and looked exasperated and a little angry.

Give him what he wants Sarah. Just give them what they want and they will leave you alone.

"Of course, Your Majesty," Sarah curtsied her agreement.

"When we are away from court you may always call me Jareth, and you do not need to curtsy to me when we are not around the others either. We have known each other for too long for that," Jareth insisted.

How long though, really? Does it feel like that long to you? You did not know it was a lie until you met me again. You lived your life thinking Sarah Williams was a reality, some ice princess that beat your Labyrinth fair and square, but took your heart too. Well, Sarah Williams was a lie. All that is left of her is me, a warrior without a war. What do you think of me now? Does the memory of me look the same? Have I tainted it all for you? No longer than thirteen hours, and I became a legend. No longer than thirteen hours, and I developed feelings for you. Then they took it all away. Without them, would I have ever been happy? Would I have had a mom and dad? Would I be married? Would I have kids?

Jareth noticed Sarah had drifted away again, "Sarah? Are you in there?"

"I'm sorry, Jareth. I just have a lot on my mind, is all. When are we dining?" Sarah asked.

"I can come get you in a couple of hours. We will be dining on my balcony," Jareth told her. Sarah just nodded. Jareth left Sarah to her thoughts, while gathering thoughts of his own.

Sarah thought that maybe she would get in a nap before dinner. She had been having trouble sleeping at night. Soon after the fight and the destruction of the stone, she had started to have nightmares. In one, she was running down endless corridors, with fearsome beasts that she could never see chasing her down. In another, women whom she did not know piled their babies together and left them exposed to the elements while Sarah could do nothing to help them. A particularly fierce one had her teenage self being flogged, while she watched on. The steel tips of the scourge caressed the skin, breaking it over and over again. The blood spilled out of the shallow wounds and onto the stone floor. She never could see the assailant, but she knew the look on her teen self's face. The despair, the alienation. It was like someone had opened her soul with that deadly weapon. It was like she could not live until she had seen what she had become.

Back in her own room, she curled up in a ball and stared out the window at the sky. Glynnis came in shortly to set out a red dress made of silk for dinner, and then she left Sarah to her thoughts. She never wanted to know what went on behind those haunted eyes. Wasn't her business anyway.