The Truth of a Lie

a/n: I do not own Labyrinth. There is a slight time jump between the last chapter and this one, just so you know. About a period of a month and a half passes during this chapter. Betaed by AngelaScarlet.

Chapter Eleven – Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Sarah held the skirt of her burgundy gown up slightly as she entered the lovely carriage. She and Toby were leaving for their new home today, at the lake in the woods. Sarah had been invested with the title of Duchess only yesterday, and now she had this lovely little crown to go with her lovely little title and her lovely little estate. Everything was just lovely, from the outside. After all, we must maintain proper royal decorum, correct?

Jareth watched as Sarah entered the coach, and he pulled Toby aside to speak with him quickly before they left.

"Toby, I want you to keep an eye on Sarah," Jareth told the boy.

"You've noticed it too, then?" Toby asked, his voice sounding a little tired.

"She has grown very quiet. Her skin is looking a little sallow, and she is not eating enough," Jareth told the boy.

"She has circles under her eyes," Toby added.

"I do not know if it is a temporary depression, or if she is just overwhelmed by everything, but keep me updated, and feel free to send a message via messenger bird whenever it is needed. I would ask the two of you to stay here until I am sure she is better, but Sarah is a very independent person, and I think she will appreciate her space," Jareth told Toby and then walked him to the door of the carriage. Toby nodded and got into the carriage with Sarah.

"Your Grace, I hope your trip is pleasant," Jareth offered.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," Sarah said evenly, and then she looked away again. Jareth sighed. Why the girl was not happy, he did not know.

Jareth watched the carriage leave his kingdom, and then he walked back towards the castle. The heels of his boots sounded loudly on the stone, a sound he did not hear as he was lost in his thoughts. A goblin opened the door, and Jareth walked right through, not even seeing him. He collapsed on his throne, and stared straight ahead, seeing nothing.

He had been sure that Sarah would warm up to him and the others after she had begun to heal. Instead, she had drawn inward. She shared her meals with Jareth, but she did not eat more than a bird. She spent time with him, but rarely engaged him in the sort of conversation they had enjoyed while traveling together. It was like a part of her had been spirited away, taken away from her. And Jareth missed it. Jareth had thought, when she had rescued him, that he would miss the Sarah he had known from those years ago. Now, he found himself missing the newer Sarah: the Sarah who would fight fiercely and debate heatedly; the Sarah who could wield both the pen and the sword. The intelligent, brave, warrior Sarah.

And now she had gone, taking her beauty from this place.

&&&

Sarah was quiet the majority of the trip. This was not unusual in of itself. She was trained to observe first and discuss later. She was keeping her eyes open for enemies, and ears open for unwarranted sounds. She looked relaxed, but could pounce at a moment's notice if needed. The problem was, she did not need to.

It feels too quiet. It feels too good. It is plenty, and not enough at the same time.

Sarah felt like hammering her head with her fists. She had been over and over it a million times: she was no longer needed, but she knew that. That was why she was being sent away; that, and the fact that she had let those men use her. No one could even stand to look at her anymore. Used up Sarah. Worthless Sarah.

It was like she was drowning, and she could not get any air. She felt like she was suffocating. She could not get away from this. She could not kill people to alleviate this oppressiveness, and she could not continue to live like this. It was like she was not even Sarah anymore. It was like she was not even there.

Am I even human? Do I even exist? Is this all a dream? A nightmare maybe? Who are you when everything you have ever been fades away?

Sarah sighed and looked out the window while Toby napped lightly next to her. She no longer knew why life appealed to her anymore. Cast out from the only people she knew in this place, and relegated to a corner of a vast kingdom. A life in exile, when she had fought so hard to save this place.

And she did love the Underground. It was beautiful to look at, even in her depressed state. The trees were greener, the air was sweeter, the water was colder and fresher. It was truly enchanted, and she longed for the ability to appreciate it fully. But she felt so empty inside, so dead to it all.

So dead to it all.

&&&

Your Majesty,

We are now settled in here. The place is beautiful, and we are very grateful for this opportunity. Do not worry about us, we will be fine now.

Sarah

"Come come now Sarah, can't you say anything personal?" Jareth muttered and opened the next letter, with a similar seal.

Your Majesty,

Sarah does not know I am sending this. I know she wrote to you saying everything is fine and dandy. I tend to differ on that opinion. She is not eating very well, and she is sleeping a lot. Or she says she is. She spends a lot of time in her rooms. I think she may be depressed. I do not ask for your assistance just yet, but I will keep a close eye on her.

Toby

"Interesting," Jareth tapped the folded letter against his chin and then set it down. He called Alun into his office using a crystal.

"Your Majesty?" Alun asked.

"Do you know if I have any pressing engagements in about a month's time?" Jareth asked.

"No, Your Majesty, I believe you are free at that time. May I ask why?" Alun asked curiously.

"It seems Her Grace is having a touch of depression. I am thinking a visit will cheer her up," Jareth explained.

"I see. I will make arrangements," Alun bowed and left the room.

&&&

Sarah sat in the bathtub, soaking in extremely warm water. The oil in the water was sandalwood, and it smelled rich and earthy. And it would have been an idyllic scene, were it not for the slight pink tinge the water had taken on.

Sarah studied the crimson droplet that clung to the razor sharp crystal. That was the great thing about crystal magic. She never needed to find anything sharp, she could just create it.

The first night in this place she had been a wreck. She felt so empty, and so dead! She laid on her bed, and she felt like she was in such pain that it could never be met physically. Such pain that she could never escape it. She felt that she could only drown it out, vent it, release it. She had conjured the crystal blade before she had even realized it, and she had drawn it down her forearm in a slow, agonizing line. Not enough to slit the veins or arteries, but enough to break the skin, allowing a line of beautiful blood to well up and draw into beads. Blood she had only spilt from the bodies of others, now escaping her body of its own accord. She had done it, she had caused this pain. This pain she could deal with. This pain she could control, she could manipulate. The soul within her burned fiercely with pride even as the physical pain drowned out the madness that had threatened her psyche. It worked, it had actually worked. Physical pain would be the relief. She could atone for every death she had ever caused, she could atone for making a shambles out of her life, she would be absolved through her own blood and her own pain. She remembered laughing fiercely.

Sarah had ordered many long sleeved gowns after that, always in a blood red or burgundy shade. Even black sometimes. She would never wear another color.

And so she came in here, to her rooms. Naps, breaks, 'me time': it all became an excuse to alleviate it all. When she ate she could come in here and vomit it all up. Pain once again; the pain of hunger and of regurgitation, all to absolve. She could control that. When she felt like crying, the blade shut her mouth. When she felt like dying, the blade made her feel like living a little longer.

Sarah liked to swim, and she went out to the lake often. She would sink down to the bottom and will herself to take a breath, to feel the burn of her lungs as she took in water. Sarah liked to sit by the fire, and she would bring her hand close enough to turn red but not to scar.

And Sarah never slept, not if she could help it. The nightmares, my god the nightmares! She would drink cup after cup of coffee and she would pinch herself until she bled. But the night time was no time to sleep. You never knew what lurked in the dark. She had been one of things that had lurked in the dark, so she knew. And she trusted herself and her control.

She trusted no one else.

&&&

"Sarah?" Toby knocked on her door.

"Yes, Toby? Come in," Sarah said from behind the door. Toby opened the door and walked into Sarah's rooms. She had not even bothered to try to make the place feel like home. Toby had a feeling there was only one place that ever felt like home to her, and they had left it behind.

"I have received a letter from Jareth," Toby offered it to her. Sarah took it and perused it.

God, she looked like shit. Even Toby knew that word. Her dress was hanging on her. Her hair was no longer shiny, and her skin was pale. Her lips looked cracked. Her eyes were cold, calculating, and otherwise empty. Toby knew that she had not been feeling well. Even a little kid who had seen too much like him knew that she looked like hell was chasing her and she could not get away.

To Their Graces Toby and Sarah of Llyn Coeden,

His Royal Majesty Jareth, the King of Goblins, will be paying a visit to your estate in one day's time. His Majesty regrets the late notification, but the trip was unduly delayed and he wishes to pay you a visit with the utmost haste.

Alun

"Well, Toby, will you tell the staff to prepare the house and a room for His Majesty and his retinue?" Sarah asked her only friend. Toby nodded and left the room.

Well now, this puts a pinch in things. He has done so much for us…

Sarah looked in the mirror, and wished she hadn't. She had bags under her bloodshot eyes. She had no color, no life. She was gone. When had that happened?

When you decided to let the ugliness in your soul come to the surface.

Jareth deserved better. Toby deserved better. She did not know why she avoided it when it had been so obvious. She did not know why she delayed the inevitable. She had been asking for it since the day Jareth came back into her life. Death. Sweet blissful oblivion. Now that Jareth was coming here could take care of Toby. Everyone could forget she had ever existed, and she would be free of this nightmare.

To not exist would be bliss indeed.

&&&

Under the dark of night she carried out her plan. The lake was her one refuge, where she felt at peace sometimes. She went there daily, and she was always there when the sun came up. They would know where to find her, so that they could get rid of her. She hoped they would not leave her there to rot.

Sarah strapped on her knife, her katana, and her wazikashi. She wore a black dress made of velvet, with long sleeves and a drop waist. She wore her warmest black cloak over it, and she wore black riding gloves on her hands. She had washed her hair and had left it unbound for once, letting the breeze tangle it and do with it what it pleased. She was dressed for her funeral.

Sarah walked in the dark, relying on her training to show her the way in the forgiving blackness of night. And when she came to the moonlit lake, she sat down at its banks, drinking in the last night of her short life.

Sarah meditated like she had done in the days before she came here. She cleared her mind, and made peace with everything around her. By the time dawn snuck over the horizon everything was crystal clear to her.

A bird made a mating call as Sarah stood. She drew her knife and brought it to her throat.

Everything was still as she drew it across her skin.

No one saw the savior of the Underground fall. No one saw her as her blood darkened the ground around her.

But a wild-haired Fae, still over thirteen hours away, felt his heart skip a beat, and he knew something had gone terribly wrong.