Ok I got really tired of trying to find Kei/Mawata fics, so I decided to write my own.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pretear. Capish?
Before the Light
Mawata sat, slumped, in the high-backed upholstered chair in her modestly, if not richly, decorated room.
The room was dark, the shadows deepening in corners, even though it was broad daylight. The reason lay in the tightly drawn curtains, shielding all possible outside influences almost as effectively as the locked door of the room.
Shutting out all the light. All the memories, all the truth. The painful truth.
Sasame was not hers. Was never hers, would never be.
It hurt, hurt more than anything. She thought she had felt all the pain she needed when her father died, but she was wrong. Dreadfully wrong. This pain, this intolerable agony...it never stops.
It only gets worse, Mawata thought bitterly, curling into herself as she hugged her knees to her body, making her seem all the smaller in that enormous chair.
She had not come out of her room in days, a throwback to the times leading up to her imprisonment in the great tree of evil. She had not found the will, nor the strength, to venture outside. She didn't now either.
Because then I would see them, Mawata buried her face in her knees.
Them, as in Sasame and Takako. Them, partly, as in Himeno and Hayate. Even though the latter could hardly qualify as 'loving couple' status, which Sasame and Takako so perfectly, disgustingly, epitomised.
It was there, even if Himeno and Hayate said and behaved otherwise, Mawata reflected with a twinge in her heart. They obviously cared deeply for each other, although Hayate was too much of a blockhead to say anything, and Himeno obviously unready to take the first step.
It hurt to see them together. Mawata found herself suddenly resentful of her half sister. Even though they weren't lovey-dovey, they were still together. And Mawata resented the fact. It was something that made her feel guilty, as she owed Himeno a great deal, her life, in fact.
"Sasame..." She was barely aware of the fact that she had whispered his name aloud. Sometimes, many times in fact, in the past few days, the line between mind and reality blurrred dangerously. She could no longer tell apart her thoughts and imagination from what was truly taking place around her.
It would have frightened her, but she was too wrapped up in her own personal agony to even be aware of the fact that her very sanity hovered on the brink.
Himeno may have saved her life, pulled her mind out of the bottomless pit of eternal darkness, yet she was still hovering in a grey area, coming almost dangerously close to falling back into the despair that nearly consumed her the last time.
They have forgotten. Forgotten all about me... Mawata's thoughts were hazed. Vaguely she recalled Himeno's characteristically loud and cheery voice calling out to her from behind the door, but how long ago was that? She could barely remember if it even took place, and her near-despairing mind immediately banished that thought (or was it memory?) from her consciousness.
The darkness seemed to envelop her, cloaking her, shielding her. The darkness was frightening, painful...and she was afraid. Her time in the absolute darkness had scarred her, and she hated the dark.
But still, she could barely summon enough energy to stand, much less to walk to the windows and throw open the curtains. To let the light in. Or even to leave the room, escape from the dark, the darkness that haunted her dreams. The darkness that had threatened to swallow her alive.
That threatened to drown her now.
She wanted to escape into the light, had wanted to leave the darkness. And then she remembered.
Remembered Sasame. Remembered Takako, leaning into Sasame's arms. Gazing into each others' eyes in absolute adoration. And suddenly the darkness seemed the lesser of two evils.
She hated the dark, wanted to be rid of it at all costs. But more than her fear of the dark, she wanted to hide from the light of Sasame and Takako's love. She didn't want to see them. It would hurt so much...so much...
Sasame... A single tear fell from her lidded eyes, landing with a splash on her calf, before winding its way slowly down to soak into the cushioned chair.
The chaos of her room reflected the chaos in her mind. Broken discs laid scattered on the carpeted floor, the bed unmade, everything in disorder. Mawata herself was in no better shape, her face haggard, her thin frame near skeletal, her clothes rumpled and creased. Her hair hung limply in uninspired strands to loosely frame her face. Her green eyes were dead, devoid of anything but pain and sorrow.
Voices. She raised her head slowly, her movements strained, as if every effort cost her valuable energy.
Was that someone knocking on the door? Her mind looped aimlessly as she tried to focus, but she failed. She wasn't even sure if anything was real and happening around her. Everything seemed like a dream, no, a nightmare.
Her vision was blurred and misty, everything she saw took on a surrealistic aspect. The door, in particular, looked contorted and was, shaking? She gave a confused little frown, her brows knitting together.
They can't get in...nobody can get in to hurt me... Mawata thought almost dreamily. The lock was jammed after she had shoved a pen into the keyhole, damaging the mechanism. She had done it after witnessing Sasame and Takako declaring their love for each other again when she had just recovered from her stint inside the darkness. Since then she had not emerged from the room. Was it so long ago...?
A voice. It grew a little louder, but the words were all blurred together to her senses. She couldn't distinguish black from white now even if you held the two in front of her.
Sinking into oblivion. Mawata almost smiled as she shrank further into her mind, retreating into the darkness. Nobody can reach me now...
The darkness was...overwhelming. Briefly, her mind gave a little struggle as she recalled the horror of her previous ordeal, but it subsided as she gave into the perversely seductive shadows that promised to hide her from all her pain.
No more pain... Sasame's face came briefly into her tortured mind, but the darkness brushed it away with ruthless efficiency.
Her eyelids...getting heavier. So tired...sleep...need sleep...
Sleep forever, no pain, no sorrow, no Sasame...
Her heart gave a painful jolt, which was quickly smothered by the shadows which had invaded her heart and mind.
Nothing mattered, nothing at all. Only the darkness, only in the darkness...
...can she be free...
Her eyes were closing, drooping. Only a thin sliver gave her a view of the outside world, which didn't matter anyway, since there was nothing for her to see. Nothing that she wanted to see.
A burst of sudden light. Mawata, barely aware of her surroundings, took no heed. Her eyelids fluttered, drooping just a little more.
Someone called out to her, it sounded like her name, but she wasn't sure about anything anymore.
She couldn't feel anything. She was going to sink into the darkness and escape forever.
Something warm wrapped around her. Urgent whispers floated into her ears, but nothing registered. Her eyes, beneath the nearly closed lids, were empty.
Then, a bright, white light.
It flooded into her, flowed into her every pore, into the very core of her being. It pierced through the veil of darkness that hovered over her mind and heart, illuminating everything.
She shied away from that intense glow, but found no way, since she was surrounded. Incredibly, in her mind's eye, she was floating, suspended, in that pure, holy light.
The light was blinding, so blindingly intense she could barely see. It pushed away the darkness, encircling her in a protective cocoon, as if to shield her from the dark.
It was warm, the light. It made her feel safe. It drove away the deadly chill of the dark, that bonedead cold that had deadened her senses.
Everything was so clear, so perfect, so good. It felt so peaceful, so safe, she clung to that light.
Suddenly Sasame was so far away, and it didn't matter. The light was everywhere, it drove all coherent thought away.
A hand came to her, a warm, welcoming hand. It came to a stop before her, not demanding, not distant. It simply waited, patient, for her to take it.
She didn't even think. She placed her own hand into that broad palm, and leaned forward.
Into a safe embrace. So warm...
Rest now... A gentle voice resonated within her mind, a voice to be trusted. She obliged, giving herself over without a thought.
It was safe to do so.
Her last coherent image, before she sank into a deep, dreamless sleep, was a pair of golden eyes.
-Fin-
Well that was it. So how do you like it? Read and review!
Edit: Was originally a one-shot, but decided to expand it slightly.