Chapter Four: The Investigation

BJ and Margaret met the next morning at the mess hall, earlier than everyone else so it was almost empty.

"We need to think of something, Margaret," Hawkeye's nightmare the night before, BJ thought would almost wake Charley, "this is only going to get worse until we do something,"

"What can we do? Talk to him, he will just laugh it off, you know that," Margaret was afraid she was just going to watch him slowly sink into depression without realizing. She noticed the symptoms, this happened to her best friend she knew what it was like to go through.

"There has to be a reason for the nightmares, something that caused it, we could talk to Sidney, I am sure he could help," Sidney was a mental doctor that was used to working with these kind of patients.

"I don't know, BJ, Sidney is a good doctor, but for some reason I don't think he could help with this kind of thing, he is a doctor trained to help people through problems in the army, I don't think this has anything to do with the army,"

BJ sighed, "His medical records, maybe he had some tragic accident that he dreams about and maybe something happened to make him think about it."

"Don't you think that's prying?"

"Well, if the nightmares get bad enough, maybe he will appreciate the prying,"

The two stood in front of Radar with a pleading expression on their face, "look Radar, we need those records is important," BJ said looked desperate.

Margaret went into an Officer position, "Radar, I command you to give me those records,"

"But, Major Houlighan," Margaret gave him a warning look, "fine, I don't agree, and I think this is wrong but….fine,"

Radar opened a file cabinet drawer and handed Margaret a large manila envelope with one final 'humph.'

"There ya go, but I want those back in a couple of hours, I can't lose those,"

The duo was already out the door.

"Here we go," BJ slipped the papers out and carefully set them on the table in a dimly lit corner of the bar, "Name: Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce," he read aloud, "Date of Birth?" BJ gave Margaret a questioningly look, "what does that mean,"

"You know, I don't remember ever celebrating Pierces birthday, we have celebrated everyone else's," Margaret and BJ shrugged that off for the time being and BJ continued to read, "Eye Color, Hair Color, Weight: wow he's light, Height: especially for being so tall,"

"Hospital Visits, that's what we need," Margaret took the papers, "listen to this, 1. Age: 15 Case: Severe broken bones (7 ribs, right shoulder, left wrist, right ankle), Fractured Knee, Severe bruising in Collar Bone, Jaw line, slight concussion… the list keeps going on and on," she looked up at BJ who was leaning over her staring at the papers, "he ever mention this many broken bones to you?"

BJ shook his head solemnly, "no, he told me once when we were talking about out families that his mother told him when he is in great pain, think about being unconscious or falling asleep for a long time and you will, but…..I don't know,"

"Here's another," Margaret said, pointing, "Age: 17 Case: Gash in right temple, above right eyebrow, broken right wrist, Cause: Car Accident, maybe….he's dreaming about a car accident,"

"No….I think….I think it has to do with that first one," BJ pointed to the list of injuries, "I don't know why, instinct I guess, but something pretty bad must have happened to have so many injuries,"

"Hey, B, looks like Radar gave us more than his medical records," behind the packet of medical records were what looked like his permanent record, "wanna see what kind of kid our lead surgeon is?"

"I dunno Margaret, that seems almost too much prying," but he couldn't help but grin, what kind of stuff did Hawkeye do when he was teenager?

"Look here, grades, straight A's all the way till high school, he graduated High School at 16, graduated Collage at 21 and was half way through the next 4 years of collage when he got drafted." Margaret rose an eyebrow at BJ, "he was a nerd, but nothing else, one car accident when he was 17, but that wasn't his fault, looks like the driver hit him on purpose as some sick dare," she made a soft 'hm' sound as if she thought that was funny.

BJ went wide-eyed, "let me see those," he grabbed them from her, "look, graduated eight grade at a 4.3 and High School at a 4.6, no wonder he's a doctor, went tested he was in the top 1 of his class,"

Margaret 'woed' and smiled, "look we have to get this back to Radar."

"Let's just hope, no one has missed them,"

Hawkeye sighed and fall backwards onto his cot, it was dark, surgeries for tonight were over, all his patients were in perfect condition and finally he could get, what he called rest.

Hawkeye stood like stone in the middle of the 4077MASH camp, everything was quiet and from an outside view, peaceful, but Hawkeye wasn't an outside viewer.

Something is wrong, he thought, did he say that out loud? He couldn't remember and at the moment didn't have time to question his sanity. He walked over towards the O.R, the patients were asleep, but something was wrong, he didn't hear the familiar hum of air tubes or the clattering of rats on the outside wall, something was very wrong.

Slowly and cautiously he stepped up next to the little 5 year old Korean girl who he worked on today, she was going to be fine, or was supposed to be fine, she wasn't breathing.

"Damn it," he cursed out loud and put two fingers on her throat and two fingers on her wrist, no pulse….she was dead. He choked and backed away and bumped into another bed, a young American soldier, no older than 16, not breathing, no pulse….dead.

His breathing was getting heavier as he rushed from bed to bed, everyone, children, soldiers, captains all not breathing…all of them, every single one dead.

Slowly he backed up into a corner, what had happened? How had he failed? He sank to the floor, trembling hard, tears threatening to over flow and trail down his cheeks, he blinked them away angrily. This was wrong, their not supposed to be dead. He saved them all, yesterday, they were saved, alive and breathing and….they're not supposed to be dead. His breathing was becoming harsh and air was refusing to fill his lungs, the walls were suffocating him.

He had to get out; he needed to escape; to get away from this hell whole.

Quickly he got up and ran out of the O.R, standing outside the doors was BJ, Charley, and Captain Potter, "Hawkeye?" they said all at once.

"You killed them, Hawk," Charley said softly, "how could you do that?"

"No," Hawkeye said backing up, "no I didn't mean to, please,"

"Hawk," BJ stared at him with a hurt expression, "they were innocent, Hawkeye, how could you do that to them? They were just children,"

Hawkeye backed up till he was pressed against the door, "no, I didn't,"

"Look at your hands, son, their covered in innocents," Colonel Potter said with an angry glare.

Hawkeye looked down they were, he was, covered in blood, his hands were splattered in it, "no," tears streamed down his cheeks and fell onto his bloodied hands leaving clear streaks of white…., "no, please I didn't mean to, I'm sorry…..NO!"

Margaret shook her head, she was good friends with Hawkeye to a point where she could loosen up a little when she was around the guys, but today she was worried. Charley, Radar, BJ, Father, and a couple of the nurses were all sitting in the bar with a drink in their hands laughing and joking as if Hawkeye never existed. But he did exist and he wasn't there.

Margaret got up and walked, they were all too drunk to notice her leave anyway. She was worried, after the surgeries Hawkeye cracked a joke and went straight to the SWAMP to sleep, she just nodded knowing he worked hard, but she expected him to come back, so when he didn't she began to worry.

She knocked softly on the door, but there was no response, she knocked again, but no response, very gently so not to disturb him she opened the door and let herself in. Hawkeye was asleep on his bed, half-curled in a ball, eyes closed tightly shut, trembling violently as if cold, but he was covered in a cotton blanket. He let out a soft gasp and thrashed in his sleep, with a soft whimper, "no, please, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry…..NO!" that last word was said loudly lathered in pain and anguish, it snapped her awake. She was at his side in an instant.

"Hawkeye, Hawk, wake up," she tentively reached a hand out to his trembling form and placed it on his shoulder. He tensed and flinched away violently, "no….I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…." His voice trailed into a whimper.

The group was slowly advancing on him, Charley was holding a gun, BJ a knife, and Colonel Potter reached out and grabbed his shoulder and began shaking him violently, "Hawkeye," he snapped and it sounded almost feminine for a minute…

"Hawkeye," she grabbed his shoulders and gently began to shake him, "Hawkeye wake up, please,"

"Hawkeye," that wasn't Colonel Potter's voice, "Hawkeye wake up," their faces seemed to meld into one, a feminine, pleading voice….

Hawkeye sat bolt upright with a strangled cry, Margaret holding his shoulders tightly, "Hawkeye," his breathing was heavy, eyes filled with silver tears, like he was crying away his eye color.

"Hawkeye," Margaret wrapped her arms around him tightly, protectively, as Hawkeye just sat their trembling violently, teeth chattering as if he was cold, eyes closed tight.

"Everything's gonna be alright, Hawk," she cooed lightly, "its okay, your okay,"

Everything's gonna be alright, he thought trying to convince himself, but was it really?