---
Shinji laid down flat on his back, his stomach growling. Asuka was hungry too, despite the fact the two of them didn't technically need food anymore, due to some complex plot device that made them human yet immortal.Shinji looked around for something to eat. He looked down at his feet. His shoes could be devoured, due to shoe leather being treated cow hide...but he couldn't afford to sacrafice anything which might become a fashion statement eventually. Cannibalistic thoughts crossed his mind as he looked over at Asuka, but she would probably rip him to shreds and eat him just for thinking about using her as nourishment.
Shinji: I'm hungry.
Asuka: Me too.
Shinji: There's nothing to eat though...
Asuka looked around the landscape for something that could be used for food. The only things that stood out were two Stone Series EVAs supsended in the air, twisted iron poles, the Giant Rei head, abandoned cars...
Asuka: Hello there...
Asuka's gaze drifted back towards a certain giant object.
Shinji:...How are we supposed to eat a giant iron pole?
Asuka promptly smacked Shinji and adjusted his head towards her object of sustanence. He promptly proceded to whimper.
-
Twenty
minutes later, Shinji and Asuka were sitting back to back for support.
Shinji rubbed his stomach and let out a small sigh and shut his eyes.
Asuka let out a belch.
Shinji: I feel like a monster..
Asuka: I can't believe I ate the WHOLE thing!
Shinji: But you only had a few bites...
Asuka: Shut up.
Asuka looked around the starry sky and at the landscape around them. A thought had crossed her mind a few times, but she hasn't really bothered to talk about it much, since she didn't expect an adequate answer from Shinji. Asuka figured she could pass the time by asking anyways, but she wasn't exactly sure what good passing the time would do.
Asuka: I've been wondering...where the heck is everyone? I haven't seen anyone else aside from you since you blew the Human Instrumentality Project.
Shinji: That was just the one time!
Asuka: It was only ever activated once!
Shinji: Oh yeah...but that is a good question. Where is everybody...
Asuka: Wait, I thought we had already established you had killed everyone.
Shinji: Can't I just pretend to escape this miserable reality!
Asuka: No. No you can't.
Shinji: ...Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep.
Asuka: Yes...sleep well Mr. Ikari. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shinji:...on second thought, I'll be over there, hiding from you.
Asuka: How can you be hiding if you just told me where you're going to be?
Shinji:...Shut up!
Asuka: Touche'.
Asuka
rolled her eyes and wandered off to explore the warped landscape.
Meanwhile, everyone who had been involved in the Third Impact was
indeed alright, though they weren't exactly...in a comfortable
situation.
-
Misato opened her eyes to find herself lodged
between what felt like multiple people and a slimy cold surface. The
slime on it irritated her skin, and it smelled faintly of paint chips.
Misato: Hello?
To her surprise, she heard a familiar voice.
Toji: Where the hell am I! Did I die, is this hell! IS THIS EURODISNEY? DEAR GOD NOOOOOOO!
A man wedged just below Toji promptly elbowed him in the stomach before attempting to wriggle out of the cramped positioning. Soon more and more people began to awaken, finding themselves in the cold dark recesses of this mystery location.
Misato: Does it smell like paint chips to anyone else?
Toji: That's not paint chips, that's sulfur hydroxide. It's commonly found in the human digestive tract when certain bacteria are present.
Misato: Where in the world did you learn that?
Toji: Discovery Channel.
Suddenly a random cab driver from Bangledesh reached behind him, as he felt a pair of glasses stabbing him in the back. He reached around and grabbed them, only to feel a gloved hand stop him.
Gendo: No one touches the glasses.
Cab Driver: Sorry Mr. "I love my sunglasses so much I want to marry them and have a family...and have a nice house to raise my sunglass children in and.."
The cab driver ranted on for awhile as Gendo wrestled himself into a more comfortable position.
Misato: GENDO!
Gendo: Yes Misato?
Misato: This is all your fault, you know that! And where the hell are we! It's dark and cramped in here, and I feel like I'm going to be sick!
Gendo: Seeing as the target for all the human populace on Earth was the Lilith Egg the giant Rei had in her hands, I figure we're either inside that or...
Misato:...you can't be serious...
Gendo: Indeed I am. I believe we are inside the stomach of the giant Rei.
Misato: We?
Gendo: The entire human population of the planet Earth.
Upon hearing this, an angry man from Switzerland punched Gendo in the head. Gendo wriggled around to see who had attacked him, only to be elbowed in the side by the cab driver from earlier. Suddenly someone began shouting.
Person: GET HIM!
The next few hours were spent with the entire population of Earth showing how much they appreciated Gendo's idea of Human Instrumentality, even though the SEELE group was just as much to blame. Since no one would reveal who was in it, they foucused on Gendo.
Gendo: W-wait! OW! I can explain! AAAAAAAARGH! Will you stop pummeling me! The longer we're in here, the less oxygen we'll hav-OHGODMYSPINE! IT'S ALL REI'S FAULT! SHE CHOSE SHINJI, NOT ME!
Everyone went silent for a moment.
Misato:...But you're Shinji's dad!
Dr. Phil: Yeah, and your bad parenting probably lead to his lack of confidence and indecisiveness! And unlike on the show, I reccomend here a thorough ass kicking!
Toji: Uh, what he said!-
After a
significant amount of time had passed, and Gendo had been rendered
unconcious from repeated spinal chord injuries and maximum "pwnage",
the populace of Earth now was faced with the problem of getting out of
Giant Rei's stomach. Suddenly a growl was heard as someone began
screaming. Somehow a tyranosaurus had managed to find it's way into
Rei's stomach along with Earth's population. There was, however,
something strange with this particular dinosaur. It had hair for one,
and in a style similar to that of one Gendo, as well as a strange pair
of orange glasses.
Asuka: Shinji! Where are you?
Shinji had managed to hide from Asuka as to avoid being reminded of their horrible deed earlier, and also so he wouldn't get smacked in the back of the head again. He looked at the world around him and sighed, before a thought crossed his mind.
Shinji: (Where the heck is EVA 01?...)
Shinji looked at the stars, only to be met by a bizarre gaze as he saw what appeared to be a large object hurtling towards his current location.