Disclaimer - My name is found nowhere in conjunction with Highlander. I do not own any of the characters, or concepts used in this fan fiction. Please enjoy, and if so please leave reviews, I like to know what you think.

IMPORTANT- Author's note- This is not a journal entry, but a train of thought. Methos' mental ramblings after a traumatic event. As it is not being 'written' by Methos, but thought please excuse punctuation and such.

STARTS HERE

I… I… I, and he… NO!

I, he… yes…

He said yes, HE HAD SAID YES! He had been happy, so happy. And we…

We were going to be together, forever. FOREVER!

But, but, no… Nnnnnoooooooooo!

NO!

I'm numb.

I'm not sure I feel anything.

I was bleeding, my hands are red.

Oh, it's not my blood. Not my blood. Not my…

I helped Joe carry you home.

It's not my blood, but it came from my heart.

Did I get stabbed? It feels like someone ripped out my heart. It's not there anymore, or if it is I can't feel it.

The apartment is a mess. I think I did that. But why?

It looks like a demon swept…demon…

NO!

If I don't think then it won't be real. It can't be real. IT CAN'T BE!

Please don't be real, please no, no, no, oh gods please no…

Don't leave me alone.

Please, please no, I love you.

Please don't go!

Please!

I…I…I don't hate you.

You got used, we got used, used.

Playthings for amusement, see how long they take to break.

This time, this time not only the Champion broke.

It broke us all. Broken. Used up. Thrown away.

Away, out, gone, gone, oh gods gone.

I just want to sleep, because if I sleep I can dream. Will you let me dream?

Please Morpheus let me DREAM!

Let blind Ikelos guide me to Phantasos' realm, where Mania lies.

I'll keep her company, and she'll let me drift through Elysium to My Sun's side.

My ancient Gods, hear me please, don't leave me alone.

Hades, I beg you, please…

If you can't bring him back let me join him.

Nyx, you… You said there was hope.

But is there? Is there really?

Or were you already a madness sent from Mania.

A cruel nightmare.

Mother Nyx, please do not lie.

Please, all I want is my heart back.

Please don't let it be a lie.

Please My Heart, please.

I love you.

I won't let it take you from me, I won't let it win.

I'll be strong, I promise.

Only for you.

My Dearest Heart, I'll be strong, only for you.

Someday, she said someday, and soon.

I think I believe her, someday. Someday, please…

I love you.

Come back to me.