Authors Note: So….it's been awhile I know, but to stop the writers block that has been going on for some time I started working on another story called the Boy Before the Smile, it's pretty much a story about what happened to Hawkeye before, during, and after Africa….so if anyone thinks they would be interested in reading it I will post it when this one is finished. I know some people wanted to learn what happened in Africa….but I wasn't sure so just drop me a review and let me know.

………

It will be a little bit longer waits for the next week or so, I have final exams ALL week and I've been studying like mad and I can't take the time to do this without interrupting my schedule. My next chapter is written, but I haven't gotten around to typing it. I'll see what I can do tomorrow after exams are over for the day and see if I have time.

THANKS!

Chapter 26

Dreams

"Hello Ben," the words were nervously spoken, as he closed the door behind him.

"Hello, dad," they didn't say anything for a moment. Hawkeye looked up and down as if sizing him up.

Daniel was aware of the scrutiny, but just glanced around the room casually, "What have you been doing?" Hawkeye smiled at the question. He was talking in a normal tone and didn't ask THAT question.

"Reading," he waved the book for Daniel to see. "Is this I was named after?"

"Yes," Daniel sat down in the chair next to the bed. So far so good. "How many times have you read it so far?"

"This is my fourth; can I ask you a question?"

"I can't stop you."

Hawkeye smiled again. There was something about this man that he liked. He wondered what he'd been like before he'd lost his memories and he silently hoped he was like his father. He wondered what he was like before…this and he silently hoped he was like his father. Daniel had this honest way about him. He wasn't going to 'beat around the bush.' "Do you hate me?"

"No." His response was instant, "Why would I hate you?" That was not the question he was expecting.

Hawkeye looked down, shame-faced, "Everyone else does," he muttered.

Daniel smiled sadly and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He noticed his son tense instantly, and said "No one hates you, Hawkeye,"

Hawkeye stared at him. He'd never called him by his nickname before. To hear him say it now made him feel very….vulnerable, like he was a kid again, and he didn't like it.

"They're just worried,"

Hawkeye stood and walked to what was becoming his favorite spot, the window. "That's what they've all been saying."

"It's true."

Hawkeye just humphed softly and continued to stare out onto the rugged landscape. Daniel remained quiet.

………

Daniel wasn't sure how long they were silent, but when Hawkeye finally spoke it was a question that surprised him greatly and he was almost afraid to answer it. "Who is Donny Jackson?"

Panic almost over took him when he heard that simply-uttered inquiry. He was not a psychiatrist and was no where close to impersonating one. He wasn't sure how to answer. "He was my medical partner." He was hoping to leave it at that, but Hawkeye wasn't going to let him off easy. Hawkeye wasn't easy.

"Was?"

Daniel sighed, "Yes….was…." and it all came spilling out, every detail about his mother, the kidnap, the worry and pain. He couldn't stop himself once he started. He so badly wanted to talk to someone who could understand and he hoped his son was it, but he was wrong.

As he spoke Hawkeye kept that same blank expression and when he was finished, the stare was still there.

At first he didn't respond then there was a shaky question: "can you please leave?"

So he did.

………

"Sidney, can I talk to you?" Daniel was beginning to seriously question whether he should have told him or not.

"Of course, Daniel," they began walking the outskirts of the camp, neither speaking, each waiting for the other to start the conversation.

"I think I've done something terrible,"

Sidney smiled at the proper language, "I am really beginning to see the personality similarities between you and your son…you always think you've done something wrong, an odd trait for a job that requires so much confidence."

"This time I'm not so sure I'm over analyzing,"

Sidney stopped for a moment. "What do you mean?"

So as they walked Daniel confessed to telling Ben everything. By the time he was finished Sidney was smiling again, "He asked you to leave, eh?" By now they had reached the mess tent again and were both sitting comfortably at a table, nursing a cold cup of coffee.

Daniel nodded.

"Though it might have been a little early to tell him everything, I was planning to anyway. The fact that he asked you to leave not tell you, is good."

Daniel still wasn't convinced.

"Daniel, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I know…."

Sidney stood and smiled sadly, "Come on….I'll by you a drink."

………

Hawkeye didn't move after his father left because now he wasn't sure what to believe. Everything seemed so familiar, but he didn't know why. What he was told brought so much pain and this feeling of…hatred….and he knew why. He just kept pushing the reason away. He knew why…his mind just wasn't going to admit it.

………

Hawkeye barely slept that night. He kept remembering….something, and then he would have dreams….or nightmares.

He was in chains somewhere….a stone building somewhere. She was there…Margaret, she seemed to really worry about the fact that he was in chains, but she couldn't do anything.

And then the walls changed, but the chains didn't. He was younger…in another hut.

It was a strange perspective that he dreamt. It was as if he was looking at himself from a camera angle or something. He looked like he was 13, he was beaten. Margaret wasn't there anymore, instead it was a young African girl….was he in Africa? She was crouching down next to him, watching him peculiarly.

She smiled softly and asked him something in another language, reached out to stroke his cheek, she said something else.

Dreaming Hawkeye watched himself flinch away from the touch, and even now regretted it when she jerked her hand away.

The scene changed again and he was in a library, and the chains were gone…thankfully. A man was there…he recognized him from the picture that was randomly sent him (he did suspect that is was his father but never mentioned it).

The man didn't do anything, just his presence struck fear in his heart and mind.

………

He woke up breathing heavily, in a cold sweat. He couldn't sleep again; he couldn't remember what he dreamt…..he wouldn't.

………

"Hello, Hawkeye," Sidney could tell he hadn't slept much the night before. His ankles were crossed and he hugged his knees to his chest, his eyes barely open. It wasn't the fact that he hadn't slept that scared him, but the dead look in his eyes. The empty look he'd seen before, being a psychiatrist, and the look was never good.

"You look tired,"

He shrugged. He turned his head so it faced the other direction.

"Did you sleep?"

"A little," his voice was a quite monotone.

"Why only a little?"

Another shrug was his only response.

"I need more than movements if you want me to help you,"

Hawkeye raised his eyes and turned his head to stare at him angrily, "Who said I want help? I seem to be asking that question, but never getting the answer."

"You wanted help earlier."

"Aren't I allowed to change my mind?"

The question hung in the air.

"Who's listening outside?" Hawkeye stared at the door over Sidney's shoulder.

Sidney sighed, "Your father," he found it pointless to lie.

Hawkeye made no response to that except turning his head away and resting it on his knees again.

"You upset, Hawkeye?"

Another shrug, then: "I had a dream…."

"What?"

"I had a dream about it," he rested his chin on his knee, "I was back in…Africa….there was a girl there…..then I was in some metal room….Margaret was with me….what was I dreaming?"

"Hawkeye…" he looked up at Sidney's request.

He was about to continue….

"CHOPPERS! sir, a big load," Radar burst in…., "they need to scrub up," Sidney looked up and nodded. He smiled encouragingly at Hawkeye.

"We'll finish later,"

Hawkeye smiled slightly and nodded as Sidney rushed out.

………

Daniel watched Hawkeye curiously when Radar opened the door. He was staring at them blankly, eyes dead. He heard him talk about the dream, but he couldn't help. Hawkeye never spoke about what happened in Africa and he was beginning to think he never would.

End Chapter 26

Dreams

A little short and I know I promised longer, but that is when the writers block set in.

The next chapter soon….

What will happen to our loveable Hawkeye….?

Will he remember and things turn back to normal?

Or

Will he refuse his past and live a life of mystery…..?

Until next time…..

SAYONARA!