DISCLAIMER: I do not own any part of Beyblade nor do I own anything much at all…I'm pretty much broke…too much HECS!

Thank you to my reviewers. As always I always appreciate your continued interest in this little part of my limited imagination; Mikin Ishida, Ereshkigali, Sakura Blossom-Cilla-85, Rimnerel Ayasugi, Minako Mikoto, FireieGurl, Flamable-Devil, Evilmiko21, x-Shadow-x, serena429

Dedication: To Jen

xXx

REVELATIONS

I continued walking away at great pace. I wasn't watching where I was going – I was just walking. I needed to think. I needed to contemplate. I felt like crying but I was not going to let myself to do that.

When I finally became aware of my surroundings I gathered that I was at the causeway. I sat down on the embankment and looked out over the concrete landscape. It was so harsh. All grey and uniform. It was better that way. It didn't parade around as something else. It was exactly as it appeared. Cold, emotionless and consistent. There were no pretty flowers, green grass or towering trees.

It was easy.

Why couldn't everything else be exactly as it appeared to be? It would be ever so helpful to me. That way I could never mistake anything for something that it wasn't. I would know exactly what I was getting myself in to.

I sat there for who knows how long; just staring at the escape presented before me. My thoughts were running away with me. They were holding me captive. It should be illegal for one's thoughts to kidnap them in such a fashion.

Then a cloud passed across the sun and the shadows changed and my trance broke. I stood and ventured down the little hill coming closer and closer to the concrete playground that I found so interesting. It wasn't until I came to stand on the concrete did I notice how uneven it really was beneath my feet. I looked down and the path was littered with cracks and deep crevices from years of exposure to the elements and for constant wear.

My mouth fell open in shock.

How could I never have noticed this before? I have looked upon this same scene hundreds of times in the past and I only just now notice how flawed it is.

My mind makes the connection to what I was previously thinking about. This landscape wasn't cold or emotionless and it was far from being uniform. From a distance it seemed perfect but when you got close enough you could see the visible scars or over exposure.

This was just like what Kai was talking about the other day when he told me he was made of glass. He was smooth and glossy on the outside to anyone looking in but on the inside he was covered with cracks and lines and crevices that threatened to break his veneer and expose the real him.

When he said that to me I took it at face value – that he could be broken and not what he really meant by it. He was telling me that he was already breaking. That he was fragile. He trusted this to me, even if he said it under his breath as something that was not meant to reach human ears, the point was that he had said it. He had acknowledged it and some part of him wanted someone else to know and he had uttered it in my presence.

Did that mean that he wanted me to be the one to know? Or was I simply handy?

I was choosing to believe the former – that he wanted me to know.

Then I made the next connection. He had said that simple sentence of 'But I am' and i had only just come to understand that it held much more depth then the simplistic words seemed to imply.

I wonder how much more I have missed. I wonder what I didn't see because I wasn't looking hard enough. I cringe at the thought of him telling me something incredibly important and what his reaction would have been to me brushing him off simply because I did not realise the weight that his words carried.

God! How stupid am I!

I truly am a fool!

Along with this new understanding of all this Kai I began to doubt everything he has ever said to me. Not doubt as in not believe what he said but doubt as in did I read it right. Did I see all that there was to see? How many incidences where there that I had misread and misinterpreted?

What did that mean?

What about what he had told me this afternoon?

I was fairly…. and utterly sure that he was most definitely gay because he had told me so himself – not in so many words of course. But what about the rest of it?

I decided to go through what I knew for certain.

Kai was in love.

Kai was gay.

Hence Kai was in love with a man.

Kai was intensely private.

Kai was cold and aloof.

But recently he had lashed out at me, raised his hand against and told me his was vulnerable thus showing me that he has emotions which directly contradicts the previous statement.

In the end I came to the conclusion that I know jack squat about Kai apart from the blatantly obvious and the little tid bits that I had learned really recently. I didn't know his favourite kind of food. I don't know what his favourite movie, book or colour is. I don't know what he does when he isn't training. I don't know what his favourite subject in school was or what country he likes more than any other in the world.

That really was quite depressing and highly pathetic considering the amount of time I have spent with him over the years. I mean I made it my life's mission to get close to Kai. To get close enough to consider him a friend and I think that I succeeded to a degree. I made it my personal goal to annoy him as often as possible to get a reaction out of him.

And so I guess I do know him in the sense that I know exactly what buttons to push to set him off and I know exactly what to say to make him stiffen in anger or frustrations. I guess you could say I know how to ruffle his feathers.

And I had previously thought that I was the only one that could do that. I had been under the impression that I was special in that circumstance but I got totally shot down.

Apparently I hasn't special at all.

He had someone else that he had given that title to.

The person that he was in love with.

I just hope that that person returned Kai's love but from what he had told me last night that wasn't the case. If it truly has unrequited and not just unrealised then his beloved truly was a ninny.

Who could not love Kai.

Who could not want to spend the rest of their life, or at least as long as they are able, with him. Discovering him. All of him. All that makes him tick, that makes him smile and that makes him laugh.

How could anyone not what that.

Could not want to wake up beside him, look into his beautiful eyes and know that they are at least part of the reason that make him smile each morning.

I wanted so much to be that person.

To be with him. To hold him when he wants to be held; when he needs to be held. To kiss his lips at night and hold his hand in the sunshine. To repair the glass sheet that is his soul and surround it with love stronger than steel to protect for all eternity.

I wanted that.

But it wasn't mine.

He wasn't mine.

Not even close.

xXx

A/N: this is very short I know but I have said all that I wanted to. There are a lot of fragments and incomplete sentences – this was done on purpose to imitate thought patterns. They are modelled on my own since I am not privy to anybody else's. So please don't think that I have absolutely atrocious grammar.

I have am exam this Saturday and one on Thursday and then I am done with University – forever (well at least this degree anyways). I hope to do well, even though I haven't really started studying yet.

Anyways the point of sharing that tid bit was to say that although I will probably not update for the next two weeks after that I am free of all commitments university related and thus have a lot more free time.

Although I guess waiting 2 weeks shan't kill you all since some of you waited about a year for chapter 17…but I am sure that most of you had forgotten that his little fic existed in that time.

Have a great summer (or winter depending on the hemisphere)

Be safe

-BG