The United States of Azumanga Daioh

Chapter 2

Washington D.C.

Disclaimer: I don't own Azumanga Daioh, any of its characters, Washington D.C., the Oval Office, Poppy-seed muffins, or Ryan Seacrest…that's better.

Miss Yukari was driving way over the speed limit in their one quarter car with Chiyo crying in the backseat, Kagura and Sakaki trying to help but failing miserably, Osaka was sleeping her mouth wide open, while Yomi was having a hard enough time refraining from killing Tomo when the sign appeared "Welcome to Washington D.C."

"Wow," Tomo said, "So this is Washington?" "Amazing," Yomi said, "You actually know SOME English." "Yeah," Tomo said taking a bite out of a muffin, "Hey if they're poppy-seed muffins then does that mean you can sell them as opium?" "No," Yomi replied, "But you can fail a drug test eating one." "Cool," Tomo said shoving the rest of the muffin in her mouth, "I'm bored, there's nothing to do, I'm still hungry, hey Yomi I'll race you to the Pentagon, Yomi, you're not even listening!"

Yomi then threw Tomo out of the car but Tomo dragged the still sleeping Osaka with her. "Yeah, real nice of you," Tomo yelled at the car speeding away, "Osaka, wake up!" "Whoa," Osaka exclaimed getting up, "I had the weirdest dream, Mr. T was there and he…" "Yeah, that's great," Tomo said, "Hey look over there." "What?" asked Osaka. "That," Tomo said pointing at the White House, "I think I've seen that somewhere before." "Really," Osaka said, "Let's go to that white…uh…building…thing."

Osaka and Tomo got in line for the White House tours, and after a few hours in line they got in. "Now," the tour guide said, "First built during the Adams administration there is a long list of boring pointless things that have happened and I will go over each one with boring detail after boring detail."

"This is stupid," Tomo said, "What's in there?" Tomo pointed to a sign that said, "Restricted" on it. "Hmmm," Osaka pondered when an angel appeared on her shoulder and said, "Don't go in there, last time Tomo said she had a good idea you wound up in jail." "Who cares," a devil that appeared on her other shoulder said, "Go ahead it'll be fun." Osaka glanced at both her shoulder then knocked them of her saying, "Stupid flies, let's go."

As they walked through the empty hallway Tomo and Osaka glanced through a crack in a doorway only to see President George W. Bush yelling at his assistant, "What do you mean there aren't any more sandwiches? If I don't eat I can't concentrate. If I can't concentrate there's no way I'll be able to think up more half-baked excuses to tell congress why we should go to war!" "But, sir," the assistant said, "I'm just an intern, and you haven't even paid me yet." "Such disrespect," Bush said, "We're working hard to put food on your sandwich…put food on your family…just get me a sandwich!" "This is even stupider," Tomo said, "I wonder what's next door."

Tomo and Osaka walked through the door to see the oval office. "Wow, the oval office," Osaka said, "So this is where the president does his…um…officing." Osaka then looked under the desk and said, "Hey, what's this white stuff?" Tomo took it from her and said, "I dunno." Tomo smelled it and was suddenly more wound up than usual. "Weird." Osaka replied.

Then Tomo's attention was fixed on a big red button in the center of the desk with a label under it. "What does this do?" Tomo asked, then a devil appeared on her shoulder saying, "Go ahead, it won't hurt." Tomo then looked to her other shoulder looking for an angel but instead saw a sign saying "On strike!". Tomo shrugged and pushed the button. Suddenly an alarm sounded and Tomo said, "We better leave, sorry…um…(hard to read)…uh…Iraq…" Then they ran away in a hurry.

Chiyo cheered and started kissing the ground when they finally stopped. "I thought we were going west," Sakaki said, "Washington is south of New York." "I don't understand," Miss Yukari said pulling out a Playgirl Magazine, "I followed the directions perfectly." "Miss Yukari," Chiyo said, "That's a magazine." "Oh, yeah," Sakaki said, "Well then, let's go."

"No," Kagura said, "While we're here let's at least see one thing." "Well…" Miss Yukari said, "Okay, how about the Smithsonian?" "Yay," Kagura cheered. "But, what about Tomo and Osaka?" Chiyo asked. Yomi giggled a little and said evilly, "We are never to speak of them again, Chiyo-chan!" "Okay…" Chiyo said scared.

They all were looking at the hope diamond when the tour guide said, "Alright, three simple rules, no food/drink, no animals, and no Ryan Seacrestes." "Ryan Seacrest isn't allowed in here?" Chiyo asked confused. "He's not?" Ryan Seacrest (wearing fake glasses and nose with mustache) said, "He's a great radio personality though." "There he is!" a man yelled from across the room, "He's the one who spat on the Declaration of Independence!" "Uh…" Ryan Seacrest said taking off the disguise, "Seacrest out!" Smoke filled the room, but when it cleared Ryan Seacrest was still there. "I probably should've run." Ryan Seacrest said before a bunch of security guards jumped him.

They all left as soon as the mob cleared and somehow found their way to the Lincoln Monument. "Why are we here?" Sakaki asked. "Because of her." Kagura explained pointing at Miss Yukari who was sitting on Lincoln's lap. "And, I want a pony, and a racecar and a spaceship." "We should go." Sakaki said. "Naw," Kagura replied, "Let her have her fun."

Sakaki, Chiyo, Yomi, Kagura and Miss Yukari were finishing packing up the car when they heard screams and saw Osaka and Tomo running towards them. "No," Yomi yelled, "We were so close! Why? Why does God hate me so?" "Aw, I love you too Yomi," Tomo said, "But, we've got to leave like right now!" "Why?" Chiyo asked. Just then a huge mob of people were coming after them and the now running Ryan Seacrest.

"Advice taken." Miss Yukari said starting the car. They drove away far too quickly for Chiyo to be comfortable. They all breathed a sigh of relief when they were finally out of town. Everyone was happy now except for Yomi, who was forced again to sit next to Tomo, and Ryan Seacrest, who was holding onto the bumper being dragged along the road and saying, "Ow…ow…Seacrest…ow...out...ow!"

A/N: Could it get any funnier? You tell me. Where to next? You must read to find out…Mwahahahahahahahahaha….