The United States of Azumanga Daioh
Chapter 5
Viva Las Vegas!
Negación: No poseo Azumanga Daioh, o cualquiera de sus caracteres, o de los Estados Unidos de América if you don't understand that you don't need to know what it says.
Mr. Kimura showed a picture of Ms. Yukari in a bikini on the beach and asked, "Have you seen her?" "Yeah," replied the man in Virginia Beach, "She went to……………." A plane flew overhead. "What?" Mr. Kimura asked. The man replied, "…………" once again another plane. "Ah, forget it." Mr. Kimura replied walking away. The man yelled, "Hey, come back here ……………!"
Ms. Yukari, Sakaki, Kagura, Tomo, Osaka, Chiyo, and Yomi were all in the car in the blazing hot sun. "Couldn't we have taken a car with air conditioning?" Kagura asked. "Don't complain," Ms. Yukari replied, "We only paid a dollar for it!" "But, Ms. Yukari," Chiyo replied, "Even Tomo can't be hyper in this heat." All their attention went to Tomo who had by now passed out from heat stroke. "Darn it," Yomi exclaimed putting away her machine gun, "It's no fun if she's asleep!"
"Come to think of it," Sakaki said, "There's been nothing but desert for a long time." "Yeah," Chiyo replied, "And I haven't seen a road for miles." "Well," Ms. Yukari replied, "According to my map there's…nothing here. I wonder why." Just then a huge cloud of nuclear debris engulfed the van. Everyone yelled except for Osaka who was still fast asleep.
Osaka woke up and saw the smoke and yelled, "Oh no! It's the white house all over again!" "What are you talking about?" Yomi asked. Osaka replied, "Uh…Look over there!" this was the absolute stupidest thing she could've said (aside from calling her fat) but sure enough, there was a sign that said "Welcome to Las Vegas!" "Whoa!" Tomo said, "I've always wanted to be able to walk from Saudi Arabia to Italy. Let's go!" "We don't really have a choice," Ms. Yukari replied, "I think that now we all need nuclear showers too." "And we get to bathe?" Tomo yelled, "This is getting better and better!"
Meanwhile with Mr. Kimura. Mr. Kimura walked through the door of the trailer only to be face to face with Jeff Foxworthy. "Hello," Mr. Kimura said, "Could you tell me if you've seen this girl." The picture he showed him was so horrible it must be censored for me to retain the T rating. Jeff Foxworthy pulled out his shotgun and held it to Mr. Kimura's head. "No!" he yelled, "Jihad! Allah! Whatever! Don't kill me Osama!"
Chiyo and Sakaki stood at the entrance of a large bookstore with so many books you couldn't even see the walls. "Wow," Chiyo said, "Where do we start?" "How about the international book section?" Sakaki said, "I've had about as much English as I can stand." They walked back to the international books section. They only found really bad Spanish books about people leaving Panama. Until Chiyo pulled a big, heavy book and said, "Hmmm Mein Comph? I could always learn German." Just then a man with dark hair, dark eyes, a small mustache and a swastika armband said, "That is a very good book!" "There he is!" a police officer yelled, "It's Hitler! Get him!" Adolph Hitler ran away yelling, "Berger Schnitzel!" "That was really weird." Sakaki replied.
Meanwhile with Mr. Kimura. Mr. Kimura stood in the middle of Memphis, looking around at all the Elvis's. "I'm not even going to ask." Mr. Kimura sighed. Everyone pointed to him and said, "Thank you, thank you very much!"
Tomo, Yomi, and Ms. Yukari just went to the nearest casino they could find. Before they could even have any fun they saw a sign that read, "Wanted, Chiyo Mihama, Tomo Takino, Koyomi 'Yomi' Mizuhara, Sakaki ($#, Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga, Kagura &, and Yukari Tanizaki. Wanted for trespassing on government property, drug possession in form of baked goods, Possession of almost stolen car and all around stupidity."
"Wow," Tomo said. Some people have our exact same names and look exactly like us. "Never mind." Yomi said. "I need a drink." Ms. Yukari said starting to walk away. "Me too!" Tomo cheered following her until Ms. Yukari put her hand in front of her face. "Where'd the light go?" Tomo said. Ms. Yukari handed a quarter to both Yomi and Tomo and said, "See how long you can make that last." "Yay!" Tomo cheered.
Tomo ran over to the closest slot machine and said, "Hmm, this game looks fun." Tomo put in the quarter and pulled the lever. All of a sudden huge amounts of quarters came pouring out of the machine and Tomo yelled, "We're all rich!" Then, out of nowhere hordes of people made a ruckus taking all the quarters. Tomo lay there beaten and bruised. Then, Tomo found a single quarter and held it up to light as cheers of halleluiah sounded. Yomi then grabbed the quarter from her hand and walked towards the soda machine. "No!" Tomo yelled as the super diet, 1 calorie, caffeine free, sodium free, taste free soda.
Meanwhile with Mr. Kimura. Mr. Kimura dragged his exhausted body to the front porch of a man's house in the middle of a small town. "Water." He managed to say. The man rushed up and gave him some water. "You saved my life." Mr. Kimura said. "It was nothing," the man replied, "Hey, you want to come down here tonight? We're having a big party for the students at the private girl's school up the road. We drink a lot and have free food." "This all sounds too good to be true," Mr. Kimura replied, "What's the catch?" "No catch," the man replied, "Just a good old country party with good old country drinking and good old country music." (Do I really need to explain what happens?)
Osaka was with Kagura looking all around the city until they saw something that didn't fit into the Las Vegas strip. "Welcome to the make a wish foundation headquarters." The woman at the front said. They followed her into a small room with people spread around in a circle of chairs. "I'll start," a young girl said, "I'm Sally, and I wish I could have a house for me and daddy." Everyone awwwed and the woman said, "Let's build her a house!" "Yay!" everyone cheered. Then, Jake Gyllenhall stood up and said, "I'm Jake, and I wish I Knew how to quit being a queer bag!" The woman pointed to the door and said, "Gay ranchers Anonymous is in the next room." Osaka stood up and said, "I'm Osaka and I wish I could go home to Japan!" "Oh," the woman said sympathetically, "You want to be with your family and friends 'til the end. Let's send her home!" "Yay!" everyone cheered. "That was easy." Kagura said. "So what life-threatening illness do you have?" the woman asked. "Disease?" Osaka said, "You silly people, I'm not dying." Kagura and Osaka were lying face down on the sidewalk in front of the building. "Couldn't you have just lied?" Kagura asked.
Everyone walked slowly back to the van. "I hate this place!" Ms. Yukari yelled, "May it burn in its own desert sun!" "I don't know," Chiyo said, "I got this really cool book." The over-packed, un-air conditioned van drove away in the desert heat.
A fancy, black car pulled up to the Grand Canyon and Mr. Kimura got out and said, "Thanks so much for the ride." Two people from the car then grabbed him and pulled him to the canyon edge. "Cool," Mr. Kimura said, "Skydiving. Hey shouldn't I have a para…" his words were drowned out as he joined M. C. Hammer.
A/N: I like all the stuff I make fun of in this except Hitler and Brokeback Mountain. Hay un fiesta en mis panalones!