Disclaimer: Did I own LOTR last chapter? No. Do I own it now? (Checks) Nope.

It was morning. I was cold, wet and hungry. Cold because I had no blankets, wet because of the dew and hungry because SOMEONE gobbed all over my sandwidge that he didn't even eat. (Napoleon Dynamite style) GOSH.

"OKAY, THIS SUCKS!" I heard Saria yell. One of my fellow hobbits (ugh) let out this really girly yelp. I had a feeling it was Pippin. "I'M ALL WET AND COLD AND STUFF!"

"SHUDDUP, SARIA!" yelled Amelia. "SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"Not anymore," groaned Antony.

"I've been up, heheheheheh," said Rodney, and he laughed in this really demented way. He laughs when he's tired, and it's quite scary.

"No one mind if I take a catnap, man?" asked Molly tiredly. Without waiting for an answer, she walked into Saria's backpack and curled up. Stimpy wasn't present. Hunting for some poor little mouseys, I guessed.

"Come, we must begin our day," said Aragorn. Merry, Pippin and Sam all sat up (Pippin whined a little before doing so) and started getting ready to go. I heard a quiet four-way game of rock-paper-scissors going, and then some low cursing on Antony's part.

"Get up, Liana," he said, tentatively nudging me with a foot.

"No... sleepytime..."'

"Come on, Strider - name? Strider? Yeah, him. He's gonna be mad."

"Iduncare..."

"Liana, just get up!"

"I DON'T WANNA GET UP, YOU STINKY CARPET FACE! NOW KINDLY FUCK OFF BEFORE I DESTROY YOU FROM YOUR FEET, UP!"

Antony took several very large steps away from me. I almost friggin' killed him. Grumbling, I grabbed my messenger bag, which I had been using as a pillow, and looked through it for my brush. CD player... CD case... book... book... forty million pens and pencils... a deck of cards...four candles... a book of matches... empty notebook... English/French/Health binder... lots of other stuff... NO BRUSH!

"Ameliaaaaa," I whined. "Can I use your brush?"

"Sure," she said. I stood up and took a step towards her and fell flat on my face. My cuffs and sleeves had come unrolled during the night. The four teens from hell started laughing again.

"Shut up," I growled. No, I'm not a pretty person in the morning. Sue me. So I rolled up my cuffs and sleeves AGAIN and walked over to Amelia in as dignified a manner as a three-and-a-half-feet-tall girl with a sweater to her ankles can pull off.

I brushed my hair and threw the brush at Amelia (Yeah, I missed, but it hit Antony, so it was all good). Then I started whining.

"I'M HUNGRYYYYY BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE MY SANDWIDGE BECAUSE SOMEBODY GOBBED ALL OVER IT... WHEN DO WE EAT?"

"Liana, please calm yourself," said Aragorn... or, as we were supposed to call him, Strider. "We will eat when-"

"I WANNA EAT NOOOWWWW!"

"I ask that you calm down, Liana," said Stridermanpersonthing, "as we near Rivendell. in fact, we should be there by midday at most."

"WOOHOO!" I yelled, totally ignoring the weird stares I was getting. I tried to hug everyone, but I could only hug the elves (heh, Rodney and Amelia were ELVES...) and humans around their legs and my fellow hobbits normally. "SAMMY! WE'RE GOING TO RIVENDELLLLL!"

I started doing the Cotton-Eye Joe, and Saria and Amelia immediately joined in. We got six weird glances. Well, feh.

"...AND LEFT ONLY MEN CAUSE OF COTTON-EYE JOE! YEE-HAW!"

And of course, my cuffs unrolled and I tripped.

"DAMN! Striderman, can we - HEY, COOL! I'm'a call you Pete from now on."

Aragorn raised an eyebrow. "Pete?"

"Cause I just called you Striderman, which sounds like SPIDERMAN, and Spidey's real name is Peter. Hence, you are now PETE."

He shook his head.

"Anyways, Pete, can I get some clothes that FIT me when we get to Rivendell?

"I'm quite sure."

"Yay! No more - OOF - tripping..."

I had tripped. My four evil classmate people started laughing again.

"SCREW YOU GUYS!"

We finally got going after I dug through another pocket of my messenger bag and found ANOTHER SANDWIDGE! Actually, I dipped my hand in and found another yummy sandwidge. I didn't want to see what other foodstuffs I had. It would trigger a "MUST EAT NOW" craving. I ate the yummyness of the cheese-and-lettuce (WONDERFUL JUICY LETTUCENES) on wheat bread and hissed at anyone who came close to me while eating. Oh yeah, and Stimpy came back too. But that was besides the point.

"Come, fellow daughters of Bill Cosby or Magic Johnson!" said Saria, linking arms with me and Amelia.

"AND OHHHHHHH, THE PLACEs YOU'LL GOOOOOOOOOO! I GOT BRAINS IN MY HEAD AND FEET IN MY SHOES, SO STEER YOURSELF ANY DIRECTION YOU CHOOSE, AND OHHHH - AAAH!" I un-linked my arms and collapsed on the ground.

"What's your problem?" asked Amelia.

"I DON'T HAVE SHOES!"I "sobbed." Everyone rolled their eyes.

"All right, stop feeling sorry for yourself," said Rodney. I popped up good as new.

"Meany sandwidge gobber," I muttered.

Saria started singing My Heart Will Go on from Titanic (AMAZINGFULNESS), and when she was done, hummed the music from the steerage party and grabbed Sam, dancing with him. Poor Sammy.

Then, she said, "You're still my best girl, Cora," and we kept right on walking.

Nothing interesting AT ALL happened on the way to Rivendell, except that behind me, Molly made a really odd comment that I didn't even hear and Antony almost passed out from laughing too much. I was pissed that I missed out on the Jamaican humor, but whateeever.

"PRETTY!" I squealed as we came to the gates or whatever they were. "YAY! CRUNCHY CRUNCH!"

I started stomping on all the leaves, because I LOVE the sound the pretty orange leaves make when you crunch them with your feet.

"You're never this insane at lunch," mentioned Antony.

"It is a gift, Perpetual Speech Man."

Saria, Amelia and myself grabbed hands and chain danced into Rivendell. What a first impression, eh?

"Ladies, come," said Pete (FINE, ARAGORN) as he walked right ahead of us. Because I was dancing, my cuffs unrolled a bit, but I didn't notice. Yet.

"Where are we going, Mommy?" asked Amelia babyishly.

"Do not call me 'Mommy,'" growled Aragorn.

"Yeah, call him his real name - Pete!"

"HOW could I have forgotten?"

"So, Petey, where are we going?"

Aragorn sighed. "To see Elrond, so that you may get food, housing and proper clothing."

"Excuse me?" demanded Saria. "Proper clothing?"

"Lady Saria, you three are wearing men's britches and in such strange-"

"I HAPPEN TO LIKE THESE PANTS!"

Aragorn nearly shrank away from her.

"AND YOU CAN JUST TELL GHANDI TO LEND ME HIS RAIN COAT OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE I'M NOT GETTING RID OF THEM! THESE COST ME FIFTY BUCKS PLUS TAX AT HOT TOPIC! HOT TOPIC, DO YOU HEAR ME?"

"My Lady-"

"AND QUIT CALLING ME THAT! I'M SARIA, YOU NOT-FAN-OF-TITANIC!"

"Saria, calm yourself!"

"Fine."

I was doubled up in laughter by this time, as were Molly, Amelia, Rodney and Antony. Stimpy was just kind of looking disgusted.

"We get to see the Amazing Eyebrow Man!" I exclaimed, jumping up and down. "Weehee!"

"And Liana, guess who else we get to meet?"

"Who?"

"LEGOLAS!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I squealed, jumping up and down. Again. "THE LICKABLE BLOND ELF SEX GOD HOTNESS HIMSELF!"

"Remember, no going all Mary Sue on us," cautioned Amelia. Heh, Rodney and Antony were looking scared.

I deflated. "Yes, Mommy."

Well, we were at some big building castle thingybobber, (like an elf hotel or something... I don't know! It was the place where Frodo wakes up with funky lighting and goes all cliche on Gandalf, called the House of Elrond or whatever. Lindsay doesn't care) when it happened.

"Lord Elrond," said Aragorn formally, "three of these four hobbits-"

"HUMPH," I humphed.

"-are kith and kin of Frodo. The others..."

"We're from Long Island, New York!" said Saria importantly. "And these are Stimpy the fat circus cat and Molly the Jamaican baby girl!"

"Yo man."

"Greetings."

Introductions. Yawn. Soon, we all knew each other's names and blah blah blah...

And then I tripped onto Elrond's feet.

Yep.

ELROND.

I almost died. Especially when everyone (even Sourpuss Stimpy, Supreme Eyebrow Man and Mr. Serious Ranger) burst out laughing. My face burned.

"Come, young travelers, we shall get you some clothes," said Elrond. "Enelya! Telperien! Merenwen!"

Three elf maids appeared.

"Take the three young ladies to get into some proper clothes, and have a manservant see to the young men."

"Four," said Molly.

"Pardon?"

"Four young ladies." Saria indicated Molly's head, which was sticking out of her backpack.

"And me," said Stimpy from my messenger bag.

"Right. My apologies, young...cats..."

So the three - (gets clawed by Molly and Stimpy) FIVE - of us were towed down a few twisting halls by Enelya, Telperien and Merenwen. Enelya steered Stimpy and I into one room, Telperien pulled Amelia into the one on the right of mine, and Merenwen sheparded Saria and Molly into the one on the left of mine.

"Wow."

The room was gorgeous! The furniture was all silver and pretty. A bit too sunny for my taste, but it was still beautiful.

"My Lady, if I may recommend a dress?" Enelya went over to the intricate silvery wardrobe type thing and opened it. My jaw hit the floor. MILLIONS OF DRESSES.

"Ooooooooh..." I was practically drooling. Some of them were downright hideous, but some of them were GORGEOUS. And I usually hate dresses.

"Now might I recommend - this color will really set off your complexion, my Lady." Enelya pulled a pale pink dress out of the wardrobe.

"UGH!" I shuddered. "Um, no thanks. I don't really like pink."

"Oh." Enelya looked somewhat crestfallen and I felt bad, but not bad enough to wear the dress. Ugh. I chose a silver dress with (thankfully) a black skirt to it, these really cool silver slippers and a silver chain necklace thingy with black stones, but for my hair.

Then, Enelya gave Stimpy this ubercool collar-type-thingy that was black with pearls. It was really pretty.

Of course, they were about forty gazillion sizes too big for my new hobbity self, so Enelya had to hem it and I had to listen to her griping about how much better I would've looked in pink. She was lucky I wasn't (ahem) menstruating or she would've been DEAD. So when we were finally finished, Stimpy jumped out of my messenger bag and followed me out of the door. Molly and Saria were just emerging.

Saria had a wine-colored dress with black sleeves, black slippers, and her hair in a billion tiny braids, with this cool ruby headband thing right above her eyebrows. The band itself was black, and it dipped sharply between her eyebrows, creating a V. In the center of that V there was a ruby. And Molly had this teeny white tiara and a necklace of pearls.

Amelia came out of her room a few minutes later, wearing this pretty green dress and green slippers. Her hair was still hanging free, with one braid on either side of her face. There were silver strings with tiny emeralds woven into the braids.

We headed down to the courtyard (actually to whatever random place we could find - it just turned out to be the courtyard) and watched the pretty waterfall. Luck had it that Antony and Rodney bumped into us.

And we burst out laughing.

Rodney had this moss-green tunic that went down to a few inches above his knees, a black belt making it look like a minidress, and brown leggings with those nifty elfy boots I always loved on Legolas. Except that Rodney couldn't pull them off the way Legolas could. Drool... Ahem, and Antony was dressed the same, except that his tunic was brown. He couldn't pull off the boots any better than Rodney could.

"YOU GUYS LOOK SOOOOOO STUUUUUPIIIIIIIIID!" I cackled. Both of them scowled.

"You look like you're going to some fancy shrimp-and-cocktail party," snapped Antony.

"WE LOOK FIRST CLASS WORTHY!" shrieked Saria. "Come on, Ruth, first class seats are right up here. WOMEN AND CHILDREN ONLY! AND LOWER AWAY, LEFT AND RIGHT TOGETHER! FOR GOD'S SAKE, MAN, THERE ARE WOMEN AND CHILDREN DOWN HERE! LET US UP SO WE CAN HAVE A CHANCE!"

"Uuugh, Saria, I feel like I know da whole movie of Titanic by heart cuzza SOMEONE always watchin' it!" sighed Molly. "Every time I go in da room I hear 'I'm flying! Jack!'"

"MOLLY QUOTED TITANIC!" raved Saria, hugging the life out of the poor kitty.

"GIMME A BREAK!"

Amelia and I were laughing, and the three guys (Rodney, Antony, and Stimpy) were just giving us Looks. Amelia, Saria, and I started singing "My Heart Will Go On" as sung by Celine Dion (WHO SUCKS) and Molly groaned.

Once we were done, the five of us and our lovely kitty cats sought out something to do. Not that we found anything.

So during the time the Wimp Queen (Frodo, you fool!) was asleep, it was tres boring in the House of Elrond. We taught Merry and Pippin how to play Bullshit (the card game) and damn it, Merry was good. He beat us EVERY EFFIN' TIME!

"DAMN IT, MERRY, WHY CAN'T I TELL IF YOU'RE B.S.ING?" I demanded of him on October the 24th (yes, it was 9:30, Wimpy Man should be awake in a half hour). He, Saria, Amelia, myself, Pippin, Rodney, Antony AND Molly and Stimpy were playing. Sam was running errands for Gandalf, or something.

"It's a gift," Merry replied, grinning.

"TEACH ME."

"No."

"WHYYYYYYY?"

"Cuz I don't feel like it."

Drool. The hottest hobbit around.

When the game was over, everyone owed Merry either money or food, and we had one happy hobbit on our hands, one mildly disappointed one and one livid one whose (ahem) cycle was no doubt approaching.

"YEAH, WELL I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME ANYWAY! SCREW YOU PEOPLE!"

I stomped away. I was wearing the capris I had slept in (except now they were pants) and my Phantom of the Opera shirt (for some reason, I had like a million pairs of spare clothes in my messenger bag) only it was down to my friggin' ankles.

"Lady Liana, you must put some clothes on!" shrieked Enelya when I ran into her.

"YEAH, YOU THINK I'D RATHER WEAR YOUR PRISSY ELF CRAP WHEN I CAN WEAR PHANTOM OF THE OPERA? NO THANKS, SISTER!"

All in all, I wasn't making many friends that day.

"LIANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screeched Amelia after about forty-five minutes. She flung open the door to my quarters place. "GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE, NOW! FRODO'S AWAKE!"

"GOOD FOR FRODO!" I yelled. "I DON'T CARE!"

"YES YOU DO!"

Amelia POV

OH, GODDDDDDDD! FRODO WAS AWAKE!

And of course, the demon hobbit was PMS-ing quite badly. So what did I do?

What any self respecting elf would do.

I grabbed her arm and yanked her out of her room.

" I DON'T WANNA GO! DAMN IT, AMELIA, THAT'S ATTACHED, YOU KNOW! I ONLY HAVE TWO OF THOSE! I DON'T WANNA SEE THE WIMP QUEEN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FIEND FROM HELL! GOD ALMIGHTY! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Liana POV again

Ow, ow, OW! The PAIN!

"SARIAAAAAAAAA!" I screamed as the Elf From Hell dragged me towards the Wimp Queen's room. "DON'T LET HER GET ME! I DON'T WANNA GO!"

Saria, Molly, Stimpy, Rodney and Antony were bent over, laughing. Well, the cats couldn't bend, but you know.

"YOU FIENDS!" I scream as I was abducted down the hall. "YOU FIENDISH FIENDS! I DON'T WANNA GO!"

But, of course, I had very little say in the matter.

NOTES: Hey guys, I only have a few minutes to do this, but I figured I wanted to get it up so I could have a few lovely reviews when I come home from school. Do review, or no updates for you!