Disclaimer: Oh, I wish that I owned Lord of the Rings! That is what I'd truly like to be! For if I owned Lord of the Rings... everyone would be in love with me! But, I don't...so they're not. Nor do I own the Oscar Mayer Weiner song, from which this disclaimer was lovingly ripped off. I don't own Whose Line is it Anyway EITHER. Yeash. And no, Liana hates Frodo because he's melodramatic and ordering-people-around-y. Don't flame be because of this, at the end of the trilogy, I'll make it up to you Frodo fans! And I kind of think Amelia's burning crush on Frodo balances out Liana's hate for him, no?

Elf from hell. Elf. From. HELL. Sadistic friggin' LUNATIC!

So I was standing there in the doorway of my doom, having been mercilessly abducted from the confines of my own bedroom and dragged, kicking and screaming, to the fiery eternity of–

Oh, who am I kidding? Amelia was forcing me to see Frodo.

"Err, hello," I said uncomfortably. To be honest, I was more excited about seeing Gandalf, who is cool.

"Frodo, this is the girl we were talking about," said Merry, who for some reason was in the room, along with Pippin. They hadn't been here in the movie... or the book, now that I thought about it. I shot a questioning look at my friends, and Saria answered it.

"He and Pippin heard Amelia screaming 'FRODO IS AWAKE' and followed us," she said, shrugging.

"...and they're all kind of insane, but they're nice... I think."

"Fear not, Oh Pointy-Eared Short One!" exclaimed Saria.

"A-HEM."

"Sorry, Liana. Oh Pointy-Eared MALE Short One!"

"Ugh..."

"For we are the nicest of the nice!"

"On ice!" chimed in Rodney. Heh, people were staring at us.

"Named Bryce!" I added.

"With dice!" put in Amelia.

"Who say things thrice!" finished Antony. Okay, now people were REALLY staring, including Stimpy. Molly was just laughing. Heh, this was fun.

Merry was shaking his head. "I told you they were insane."

To prove his point (again) I did my famous Nutcase Giggle. Merry actually edged away from me this time.

"Okay, yeah, we're kind of insane," said Amelia brightly. "But we're awesome."

"Hell yeah!" I agreed.

"I beg to differ," mumbled Stimpy.

Frodo was freaked out, and I decided more for my sake than his not to make fun of him yet. If I did, Amelia would surely murder me. Using some form of painful torture, I was certain. So I kept my mouth shut.

So when poor wittwe Fwodo could finawwy get his wittwe self out of bed, he was reunited with Bilbo and saw the book and blah blah blah, I didn't care. But what was cool was when the council started. By that time, my PMS was gone. And for some reason, Elrond had Saria, Amelia, Stimpy, Molly, Rodney, Antony and myself attend. I even tied a pretty black and gray bandana around Stimpy's neck for the occasion. He looked so cute!

Antony was the only one who was REALLY paying attention out of the five - (gets clawed by the cats) SEVEN - of us, since the rest of us knew what was going to happen. I was staring at Legolas, scaring everybody, I was sure.. Saria was sitting with Molly on her lap, and Stimpy on mine.

"Bring forth the Ring, Frodo," said Elrond. I tapped Amelia and mimed retching onto Stimpy. She stuck out her tongue.

"The doom of man," said Gimli and Rodney at the same time. I broke into hysterical giggles at the Look Gimli gave him, then at the goofy "Who, me?" face Rodney retorted with.

"Oh no, here we go," muttered Saria as I buried my face in my hands, trying to stop giggling to no avail. "It's like chorus class all over again."

One time we had been in chorus, and I had puffed her hair from the back. Our friend Nicole is famous for doing that, and she sits behind us, so Saria turned around and Glared at her. Of course, being the idiot I am, that was funny, and I spent the rest of class giggling insanely. The memory only made me giggled harder.

By now, everyone was staring at me. Stimpy shook his head and leapt off my lap, settling on Amelia's, and by now I was past the point where I could stop laughing for my life.

"I'm sorry," I said around hysterical laughter. "Stupid things make me laugh! I'm trying to stop."

Amelia got fed up and took the bandana off Stimpy's neck and shoved it in my mouth. At LONG LAST, I was able to stop laughing. I pulled it out.

"Thanks. I needed that." Everyone was staring. "Heh... heh... oh jeez..."

Elrond gave me this funny look. "Let us continue with the council."

Boromir had this hungry glint in his eyes that had NOT been there in the movie as he looked at the Ring. By now I had concluded we were going by the movie.

"It is a gift! A gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this ring?"

"Get a clue," muttered Amelia.

"Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept evil at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy...let us use it against him!" He pointed around at us and I lay back in my chair, giving him my famous You Are An IDIOT Glare.

"You cannot wield it!" said Aragorn. "None of us can. The Ring--"

"The stupid thing only listens to Sauron, dude," I couldn't keep from saying.

"She is right," agreed Aragorn. Then he got this dumbfounded look. "She... is?"

I grinned sweetly. The grin turned sour as Boromir started talking again. God, he was annoying.

"And what do a Ranger and a hobbit girl know of these matters?" he sneered at us. I definitely did NOT like him.

"This is no mere Ranger," said Legolas, standing up. OH, GODDDDDDDD! I let out a tiny squeak. "He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance. I do not know how this hobbit lass knows of it..."

"I...er..." I didn't know what to say. But what I DID know was that a certain elf was going to be bothered to no end until the Fellowship left. Then we'd say goodbye.

"I told her of it," said Aragorn.

"Yeah, what he said!"

"Aragorn?" said Boromir quietly. "This is Isildur's heir?"

"And heir to the throne of Gondor," said Amelia and Legolas at the same time. Legolas gave her a weird look.

"Havo dad, Legolas," said Aragorn.

"OOOOOOOOH!" I said. "LEGO'S IN TROUBLE! LEGO'S IN TROUBLE!"

"Liana, shut up!" said Antony. "This is important."

I stuck out my tongue at him. Boromir looked at us.

"Gondor needs no king," he said.

"Dude, have you been living under a ROCK for the past - MMMMFT!" Amelia shoved Stimpy's neckerchief back in my mouth. I pulled it out, glaring at her.

"Aragorn is right...we cannot use it." Hey, Gandalf DOES have a voice.

"You have only one choice," said Elrond. "The ring must be destroyed."

"Caught on, have you?" I muttered so only Antony could hear me, and he waved a hand at me to be quiet.

"Then what are we waiting for?" said Gimli. Ooh, axe is gonna break soon. "AAAAAAARGH!"

CLANG!

Antony visibly flinched as Gimli fell backwards. I looked at Amelia, intending to point this out to Amelia, but she was looking at Frodo, who was slumped in his chair, clutching his forehead.

"Aww, does wittwe Fwodo have a migwaine?" I said to Antony, because I did NOT want people to hate me. And if I poked cruel fun at Frodo, people would hate me.

"Is he okay?" asked Antony.

"Yeah, he's fine. He's just being mentally assaulted by the most powerful bad dude in Middle Earth. No, DON'T stand up. He'll be fine."

Idiot.

"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin," said Elrond, looking grim, "by any craft that we here possess. The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom... only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor, and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came."

"Hey, 'chasm' is a cool word..."

"Shut up, Liana."

"...One of you must do this."

Antony smothered a gasp and I almost started giggling again.

Then, Bigmouth of Gondor started up again. " One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust...the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!"

I thought Antony was going to faint.

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond just said?" demanded Legolas. "The Ring must be destroyed!"

"Yeah, what he said!" I agreed.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it!" snapped Gimli at Legolas, ignoring me.

"And if we fail, what then? What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?"

"You just contradicted yourself, dumb ass!"

"Liana, shut up!"

"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an elf!"

"Talk about RACIST," said Rodney, standing up angrily.

People started arguing. Loudly.

"Never trust an elf!"

"I resent that!" snapped Amelia.

"Yeah, midget, you're only in RIVENDELL! Why not insult the entire Elvish race while you're at it!" added Rodney.

"Hello? Unusually short hobbit right next to you! What does that make me?"

"Too bad Bill Cosby isn't here! He'd know what to do!" said Saria.

"Do you not understand?" roared Gandalf. "While we bicker among ourselves, Sauron's power grows! No one will escape it! You will all be destroyed, your homes burnt and your families put to the sword!"

"Way to make everyone want to LIVE, Gandalf!"

"Liana, shut UP!"

"Make me!"

"I will take it!" said Frodo, except no one heard him. "I will take it!" People quieted down. "I will take the Ring to Mordor... Though... I do not know the way."

"Don't say anything, Liana."

"Aww man!"

"I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, so long as it is yours to bear," said Gandalf. Aragorn was up next.

"If, by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword."

"And you have my bow."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"And my axe."

Boromir started his little bit. "You carry the fate of us all, little one."

"HREH-EEERRMMMM!" I cleared my throat loudly.

Everyone ignored me. Hello? Dude, Frodo was like, six inches taller than me!

"If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done."

"Good for Gondor," muttered Saria.

"HERE!" yelled Sam, scaring the bejesus out of Elrond and Antony. He ran over to us. Heheheh, fat hobbit... okay shut up. "Mr. Frodo's not gong anywhere without me!" Sorry, Sam, Frodo belongs to Amelia.

"No, indeed," said Elrond with something like a smile. "It is hardly possible to separate you two, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."

"Oi! We're coming too!" Merry and Pippin ran out from behind another bush.

"Yay! The council's not boring anymore!"

"Shut up, Liana!"

"You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!" continued Merry.

"Anyway," said Pippin, "you'll need people on intelligence on this sort of mission... quest... thing."

Merry looked at him. "Well, that rules you out, Pip."

"Bye, Liana!"

"Shut up, Stimpy, we're not even going!"

"Actually," said Elrond, "the seven of you youngsters will also accompany the Fellowship of the Ring to Mordor."

"SAY WHAT?" screamed Saria, Amelia, Rodney, Molly, Stimpy and myself.

"I don't get it - is that bad?"

"Antony, don't say anything."

"WHY?" I asked Elrond.

"Because, young Liana, you must be along to make sure nothing happens." He gave me a knowing sorta-smile.

Holy blackberries! He knew that he was in a movie! And that the fact we were here could screw everything up, so we had to make sure the Fellowship did what it was supposed to do.

I shot a Look around at Amelia, Saria, Molly, Rodney and Stimpy, all of whom nodded in return, and made a mental note to explain this all to Antony.

"So, sixteen companions... so be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"

"Great!" said Pippin. "Where are we going?"

This had been funny in the movie, but it was funnier in person. Take my word for it.

I was packing over the course of the rest of the afternoon, because I had a couple of things strewn about my room. It didn't take long, so I spent the rest of the day goofing around Rivendell with Saria, Amelia, the cats, Rodney and Antony. Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo ran into us, so it was five hobbits, two elves, two humans and two cats running around being idiotic. Well, four of those five hobbits weren't.

"Hi, welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are just like shoes to a hobbit1 Today, introducing Liana the hobbit! Watch out for her, she's pissy... Antony the human, shut him up before your ear starts to bleed! Saria the human, she's probably going to win, she's random, and FRODO the hobbit, the Ringbearer and not that bad-looking, either... and I'm Amelia the elf! Okay, our first game is called Scenes From the Minds of Rodney, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Stimpy and Molly!"

"What YOU think goes on between Dominic Monaghan and Evangeline Lilly off the set of Lost!" suggested Stimpy, smirking. Well, if he could have smirked.

I grabbed Antony's arm and pulled him with me to the front of the "audience" of elf, cats and hobbits.

"I HATE YOU, DOMINIC!"

"I HATE YOU TOO, EVANGELINE!" he yelled back, catching on faster than I'd actually thought he would. Amelia made a buzzing noise and we walked back. I was laughing and he was raising his eyebrows.

"What would happen if Jack had been firs' class!" yelled Molly.

Saria came on this time. "No, you're a mindless drone like the rest of them! Go away, you're distracting me!" She fell forwards. I laughed.

"This is boring," I said after about four hours of this. "And anyway, it's time for bed. Liana's tired."

We all said goodnight, and headed back to our respective rooms. I changed into my red plaid pajama pants and my black cami. I made the cami's straps shorter, so it stayed on, and rolled up the cuffs of my pants and tied the drawstrings tightly around my waist, finally rolling down the waistband until it looked normal. I climbed into bed and Stimpy curled up on my pillow, letting me scratch behind his ears. Aww, see? He DOES love me!

"Lady Liana? I seek permission to enter. Are you decent?"

It was Legolas.

"Yeah, sure, come in," I said, kind of bewildered. Why did Legolas want to come in my room? I mean, sure he was hot, but a wee bit older than me.

He entered and took one look at me, and turned around.

"My lady, you said you were decent!"

"I'm not THAT ugly! Oh, you mean the cami? Damn elves... give me a minute."

Sighing, I pulled on the jacket that went with the pants, of the same red plaid pattern, and buttoned it.

"Okay, you can look now."

He turned back around, and I noticed he was holding a mini sword in its sheath, complete with a belt. The belt was white, and intertwined with the different strands, with several rubies imbedded in there. The sheath of the sword was white as well, along with the hilt, which had a very big ruby on the pommel.

"This is for you," he said. "Its name is Bloodsnow."

I gaped.

"PRETTY!" I squealed. "THANK YOU!"

He chuckled. "Do not thank me - it is from Lord Elrond."

"I'll thank him tomorrow - YAY! SWORD!"

As soon as he left, I took off the jacket of my pajamas and lay back down.

"Stimpy?" I asked sleepily.

"What?"

"Was I a bitch at the council?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Just checking."